Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Friday, March 31, 2006

Friday Random Ten

The end of the month lends itself to Christian persecution, so I offer the following as a placeholder. It's a bit more rockin' than usual

Jamahiriya - Savage Republic
In Vivo - Wire
Doris - Dirty Three
Meet Her At The Love Parade - Da Hool
Vienna - Dump
Bob Dylan's 115th Dream - Bob Dylan
Striped White Jets - Guided By Voices
Train - Ellen Fullman & Konrad Sprenger
Beppo's Room - Mecca Normal
Pretty as Ever (pt. 3) - Loren Connors

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Stop trimming Satan's beard

Take a bold stand on the hot-button issue of pubic waxing with my heavenly new thong, available exclusively at my Christian Crafts Mart outlet store. Emblazoned with the catchy new slogan, "What Would Jesus Wax?" in chastity-enhancing Verdana, this undergarment will shield your delicate ladyparts from all sorts of airborne sinfulness. Christian doctrine teaches us that waxing leaves us morally vulnerable (though a judicious pruning of the tierra del fuego is permissible if the moonbats are trying to have you designated as an old growth habitat), so keep Satan at bay in the height of Christian fashion in my stunningly elegant thong. Praise Him!

UPDATE (from comments): Blue Gal approved -- sweet!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


One of the many traits I admire in President Bush is the responsibility he takes for assigning responsibility to others. To wit:

President Bush said Wednesday that Saddam Hussein, not continued U.S. involvement in Iraq, is responsible for ongoing sectarian violence that is threatening the formation of a democratic government.

In his third speech this month to bolster public support for the war, Bush worked to counter critics who say the U.S. presence in the wartorn nation is fueling the insurgency.

Bush said that Saddam was a tyrant and used violence to exacerbate sectarian divisions to keep himself in power, and that as a result, deep tensions persist to this day.

"The enemies of a free Iraq are employing the same tactics Saddam used, killing and terrorizing the Iraqi people in an effort to foment sectarian division," Bush said.

And I bet he said it authoritatively. Personally, I think Our President was too charitable when assigning blame for Saddam's ongoing treacheries. Afghanistan remains a mess, Mexicans are rioting in our cities' streets, George Clooney will be filming Ocean's 13, and Saddam's fingerprints are over every one of these.


It appears our friends in academia have been playing too much Grand Theft Auto:

The image of the crucifixion, one of the most powerful emblems of Christianity, may be quite erroneous, according to a study which says there is no evidence to prove Jesus was crucified in this manner. ...

Sometimes he was nailed to the cross by his genitals, sometimes the hands and feet were attached to the side of the cross and not the front, or affixed with cords rather than nails.

Why anyone would need to bring up Jesus' giblets in the course of a "scholarly" article is beyond me, but this sort of vulgarity has long been the calling card of liberalism. This is nothing more than another drive-by shooting by the assassins of The Left, with the intended victim being the credibility of The Church. Besides, everyone knows what the Crucifixion really looked like.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Glamourgeddon, here we come

The rain must be having a subduing effect, because I could barely get Outraged about anything today. On gloomy days like this, there's pretty much only one thing that will raise my spirits: predicting when the Rapture will hit, and using news about cosmetics as the tea leaves (methodology here).

France - It's hard to believe the criminal element who makes up the majority of the French population would try top their recent Intifadas, but they seem to have accomplished just that:

More than 10 000 jars of L'Oreal RevitaLift face cream were stolen from a factory in eastern France, police said on Tuesday.

The burglars pulled up a truck and stole the pinpointed merchandise in two separate locations of the factory in the Doubs region.

It's misdeeds like this make me wonder why the civilized world even allows France a place at the table. Increase Rapture Index by 1.

Auspicious Omens: I may not have gone to some fancy top-tier beauty school, so a lot of the financial mumbo-jumbo was lost on me, but this struck me as good news:
Southern Cosmetics announced its intent to become fully reporting with the SEC and to apply for OTC Bulletin Board listing. Once reporting status is achieved, Southern Cosmetics will seek to have its shares quoted on Nasdaq's Over-the-Counter Bulletin Board. The Company anticipates it will be able to meet exchange requirements and achieve reporting status within the next 6 months.

Despite my misfortune of being born in California, I am a Daughter of the Confederacy at heart, so I can only rejoice at the news of a ministry named Southern Cosmetics going legit with the SEC. Perhaps now the hegemonic death-grip that Blue State cosmetology presently has over the women of America will be loosened, and we Christians can adorn ourselves in a way that won't draw the usual sneers from coastal elites. And if this weren't a fortuitous enough sign, Southern Cosmetics produces Naomi Judd's suite of skin care products! (Remember -- it's Wynonna Judd you don't want to look like.) Something tells me that The Lord has a plan to keep things chuggin' down here on earth for the next few years, or at least for the duration of President Bush's reign, so reduce rapture index by 5.

Creeping Secularism - One of The Left's most effective tactics for luring lambs out of The Flock and into Satan's hungry jaws is making people "feel good about themselves," a message constantly being pumped through the Entertainment Industry. This anything-goes approach towards religion, sexuality, and patriotism has turned countless millions of Americans into fornicating homosexual witchcraft practitioners. How surprising, then, to read of yet another poison-tipped arrow in Hollywood's demonic quiver, this time a play. Please bear in mind that plays are especially profane, since the majority of what liberals consider "theatre" involves sticking yams up their asses while ranting about how much they hate God :
Hate your butt?

Don't let Donna Scott hear you say it.

The Charlotte actor, producer and self-described "accidental activist" behind the show "The Body Chronicles" will chide any woman she catches in a self-slamming moment -- in an exercise class, at a dinner party, even at the upscale cosmetics shop where she works part-time.

"I had a woman a few minutes ago who was asking about a lip-plumping product," Scott says. "She was going on about this scar she had by her lip, but I couldn't see it. I stared and stared and I finally saw what she was looking at. ... So I said, `You have great lips! You don't need that kind of product!' There," she adds, laughing, "I'm going to get fired now."

Scott's serious, though, about the message of "The Body Chronicles," a fringe hit from last year that comes to Spirit Square this week after getting a makeover of its own. The collection of dramatic and poetic pieces, by writers both famous and obscure, urges women to stop torturing themselves over how they look. Or think they look.
It looks as though this Bawdy Chronicles is trying to sell the great lie of "Natural Beauty" much in the same way The Ladyparts Monologues tried to sell the myth of the female orgasm. Well, ladies, you're welcome to delve into this moral cesspool, but with all due respect, I'd like to remind you of the following: If you're not freshening your makeup at least 10 times a day, the terrorists have won. Increase Rapture Index by 3 -- over & out...

Monday, March 27, 2006

Migrant headache

One of my church ladies pointed out that there's a recent documentary about a beauty school in Kabul and asked me, "Isn't that wonderful?" She was taken aback by my tentative response of well, maybe. I suppose I can see why she would assume that I would think that it's a good thing. After all, I've been soliciting donations of new & slightly used cosmetics and grooming aids for the women of Iraq for three years now in our church bulletin, and I'm certainly not the least bit hesitant when speaking about the transformative role Christianity and makeup will have in democratizing the Middle East. However, as is usually the case at the point where radical Islam and cosmetology intersect, things are rarely that simple.

The streets of downtown Los Angeles were filled with a half million potential felons all clamoring for the violent overthrow of the American political system yesterday. El Queda isn't content with merely inconveniencing us Christians with street closures: They're also trying to steal our jobs (thanks for the link, NewsMax!). If you think I'm going to sit idly by while some illegal Afghani skank who'd do my job for eight cents a day angles for the receptionist's chair at Conchita' Unisex Beauty Palace, then you don't know who you're dealing with.

And it's not like Conchita wouldn't entertain such thoughts. I've come to recognize the silent huddle of stylists gathered around somebody's work station, whispering and looking furtively in my direction. "Oh Christ, what now?" I thought when I came in this morning. Conchita hasn't spoken to me all day, but I got it out of one of the manicurists. Evidently, the mailing labels for the 100 or so postcards we sent out announcing our sale on a new line of hair care products all had the zip code of 90027. "I would have bought some, but by the time the Post Office finally delivered your announcement, the sale was over" was today's sickening refrain. Since I was supposedly the last person who accessed the customer address file (when I created a new field in everyone's record for their season), I'm being fingered as the culprit, naturally. What a sad day for America when demonstrating a little initiative gets you labeled as a trouble-maker rather than a trailblazer. Honestly, I may as well be in Cuba, or Massachusetts for that matter. Personally, I suspect that Al Qaeda (or their numerous sympathizers) are so threatened by my blogging that they hacked into our network and sabotaged us. Conchita is still living in a pre-9/11 world, though, because the last time I tried to warn her about their sinister activities on our computers, she told me, "Nancy Beth, I don't want to hear it."

That's her prerogative to live in denial, I suppose, but who's to say that one of these Afghani cosmetologists won't come to work wearing a dynamite undergarment that is so in vogue among Muslim women this season? It's exactly this type of nightmare scenario that has had me writing to my congressman to make the Board of Barbering & Cosmetology a part of the Department of Homeland Security, but to no avail. Will one of America's beauty salons be the next scene of a terrorist attack? It's highly likely, but don't say I didn't try to stop it. Praise Him!

Saturday, March 25, 2006

The RedState will rise again

The moonbats are having an obvious field day with the Crucifixion of St. Ben Domenech, and the spectacle has been as luridly grotesque as any of us can imagine. However, my take on all of this is that, instead of proving some spurious and typically unhinged point about the intellectual dishonesty of us conservative bloggers, it actually proves one of the central tenets of Christianity, and by extension, conservatism: that Eternal Truths do exist. How else could Ben and Cox News film critic Steve Murray come to identical points of view, other than through the Guiding Hand of Providence? The real surprise in all of this is that The Lord cares so deeply about the movie Final Fantasy that he would have two people Reveal its message. Let's add it to the Canon, alongside Red Dawn.

Happily, something tells me we haven't heard the last from Ben. As I watched the Daily Kossacks drag Ben's corpse through the streets of their virtual Fallujah, I was struck by the following passage:
Ben Domenech did not get his position at the Washington Post based on merit. He got his position because of connections. He was home-schooled in part because his family--unlike most American families--could maintain a comfortable living with only one parent working outside the home. He got in to William and Mary, but he did not come close to graduating. (And given his penchant for plagiarism, one would have to wonder if intellectual thievery prompted a forced departure from William and Mary.) Nevertheless, despite no degree or significant life accomplishments, he got some patronage jobs in the Bush administration, no doubt because his father is an upper level GOP apparatchik. He has gotten bylines over at that bastion of heartless blue bloods, the National Review Online. He was a founder of Redstate.com. (And can you believe those clowns have shut down comments from new members, banned anyone who criticizes Domenech, and are actively defending this thief?) And he parlayed all those connections in to getting the Washington Post gig while still in his mid-20's.
With qualifications like that, Ben should be our next president. It would be like the Second Coming of President Bush. Praise Him!

Friday, March 24, 2006

Friday Random Ten - harried Christian receptionist edition

Alas, there hasn't been that much time to tend to your spiritual/cosmetology needs today, Christians, so I humbly offer the following:

Change Is Now - The Byrds
Song For Dead Time - Swans
L53.717.00 (Still Listless & Rising) - Andrew Liles
Come Together - The Beatles
Bicycle Built for Two - John Fahey
It Happened In Monterey - Frank Sinatra
Medicine Man - Ikue Mori With Robert Quine And Marc Ribot
3 Films - Dissolve
She Sells - Roxy Music
I Ain't Movin' - Des'ree
While on the topic of music, I think I have a front-runner for my favorite album so far this year: Maryrose Crook's Ghosts of Our Vegas Lives. Mrs. Crook by all rights should be country music's reigning diva, but for one inconvenient fact: She lives in New Zealand. She's blessed with one of those emotive choking-back-tears voices and an unflinchingly unsentimental approach to songwriting, so I'd encourage you all to protest your local record store and pick this one up pronto. Or go protest online at Moops Music. Praise Him!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Looking for glamour in the Muslim world

Blogging's greatest benefit is that it allows us Christians to share our expertise in a forum that the MSM & ivory tower elites had previously denied us. Citizen journalism has allowed some of America's finest thinkers -- such as renowned historian Michelle Malkin and honorary Christian Jonah Goldberg -- to come to the fore and take their rightful place as leaders in Our Nation's political discourse. Well, Christians, consider me among their ranks, as I seem to have become the blogosphere's point person for theological matters concerning cosmetology... an honor I will soon commemorate with my "What Would Jesus Wax?" thong over at my merchandising emporium.

Few things warm my heart as much as knowing that I'm helping spread the Gospel of Glamour to my fellow Christian ladies, but I didn't realize that I had the possibility of reaching out to the women of the so-called Religion of Peace until I saw the following at Sitemeter:

I hadn't considered Islamic cosmetology my bailiwick, but if I've learned nothing else from my Prayer Warriors, it's that right-wing partisan bloggers know best when it comes to all things Islam. So in answer to the above query, "Are Muslims allowed to wear waterproof mascara and pray?" my answer is an emphatic yes. Or if not, they should be. My reasoning is as follows: Cosmetics allow Christian women to regain the state of Holy Grace we lost when we were expelled from the Garden of Eden, and Christendom's holiest women apply makeup the most heavily. In short: Cosmetics = Godliness. It only stands to reason that heavy applications of mascara remain the most viable means for Muslim women to leave their satanic death cult and enter the loving embrace of the One True Faith. Hopefully this advice won't trigger an international incident and you won't see your beloved Sister Nancy Beth getting her head sawed off on Al Jazeera. Praise Him!

Take that, strawfeminists!

There are moments in history when the imbecilic Left comes to their senses and rallies for what's best for America for a change... like the first 48 hours after the attacks of 9/11, or when the soft drink industry gave us New Coke. We appear to be at another such watershed moment, as even the most treasonous of my Whores of Heresy are presenting a united front in the Global War on Strawfeminism. I have to admit I am unfamiliar with this particular variant of ball-crushing, but judging by its description, it is undoubtedly the equivalent of one of those antibiotic-resistant strains of bacteria that have the medical establishment so on edge:
She's a confirmed man-hater who can't quit raving about all the dirty, freaky sex she's been having, sex she intends to force you to have, too.

She's a bloodthirsty baby-killer who routinely lures to her bed unsuspecting men, innocent victims who believe her when she says she cannot become pregnant--all so she can ruin them financially by demanding so-called "child support" payments from them, for the rest of their lives.

She's a foolish believer in something called "sisterhood," because naturally, she hates women.

The important thing to remember is that no position is too contradictory or insane for the Strawfeminist to assume.

How terrifying! No wonder The Left has been scared straight. Welcome to the world of common sense, moonbats. On behalf of all of America's Christians, I hope you enjoy your stay, however brief it may me. Praise Him!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

High crimes & misdemeanors

Sister Nancy Beth is certainly not one to bandy about the word "treason" lightly, but there is no starker instance of it than when Democrats use the electoral process to subvert the values of Our Christian Nation. I've noticed an ominous trend lately, as their plot to infiltrate our government seems to be getting quite a push from Liberal Media:

Crybaby Veteran Amputees for Osama are fielding another candidate, this time in the form of one Tammy Duckworth:
An Iraq war veteran who lost both legs in the conflict narrowly won her bid to run for the U.S. House of Representatives as a Democrat in a district held by Republicans for 32 years, returns showed on Wednesday.

Tammy Duckworth, 37, is among several Iraq veterans running for the U.S. Congress this year in a challenge to President George W. Bush's Iraq policy and the traditional perception that Democrats are weaker on national security issues. ...

Duckworth, a former officer in the Illinois Army National Guard, was wounded in 2004 when a rocket-propelled grenade hit the helicopter she was piloting. She is one of nine Iraq war veterans running for Congress this year. Eight are Democrats and the ninth is a Republican running in Texas who backs the Bush administration over the war.

Duckworth has argued that the decision to invade Iraq in 2003 was wrong and that the administration has mismanaged the war. She was backed by big name Democrats, including Illinois' two U.S. senators, Dick Durbin and Barack Obama.
MSM is typically "balanced" on the question of whether or not Ms. Duckworth amputated both of her legs herself. Why the reticence? These transparent attempts to enhance one's chances of victory by garnishing an unremarkable record of military service with undeserved Purple Hearts are certainly not without precedent.

Crybaby Codgers for Osama have got a pony in the race, too, and get this -- he's claiming to be a Republican! From DNC propaganda organ The Nation (password req'd):
Pete McCloskey earned a permanent place in American history when, in 1973, he became the first Republican member of Congress to call for Richard Nixon's impeachment and for US withdrawal from Vietnam. As a highly decorated veteran of the Korean War, McCloskey's criticisms of Washington's errors in Vietnam carried special weight; today, he sees those errors being repeated in Iraq. He recently met with young marines from his old company, Company C, which, according to McCloskey, has lost one-quarter of its men since the Iraq War began. "Every one of these guys told me the same thing," he says: "There's no way we're winning the hearts and minds of these people, when we're pulling them out of bed in the middle of the night and killing family members."

The Iraq War is one of the reasons McCloskey, now 78, has come out of retirement to run again for Congress. In a primary election this June, he will face Richard Pombo, a seven-term incumbent from California and close ally of former House majority leader Tom DeLay, who had to step down after being indicted for campaign finance violations. Although Iraq will surely figure in the race--McCloskey, like Pennsylvania Democrat John Murtha, favors pulling US troops out within a year--McCloskey says the main reason he decided to challenge Pombo is that Pombo personifies the pay-to-play corruption, ideological fanaticism and anti-environmentalism that have taken over the Republican Party. "Tom DeLay wouldn't deal with any lobbying firm that didn't employ Republicans and contribute to Republican candidates," says McCloskey, "and Pombo was one of his top lieutenants."

McCloskey points out that Pombo voted to change House ethics rules to shield DeLay from investigation. He further charges that Pombo received $54,500 in contributions from Jack Abramoff, the Republican lobbyist who pleaded guilty to bribery in January, and his law firm, and says Pombo sponsored a bill giving Congress the power to overrule the Supreme Court on matters of constitutional law. Finally, Pombo, chair of the House Resources Committee, sponsored a revision of the Endangered Species Act that McCloskey, who helped write the law in the 1970s, says would "gut the act." Pombo's revision, which passed the House last fall and awaits Senate action this spring, has enraged environmental groups. Defenders of Wildlife calls Pombo a "villain" on Capitol Hill and, with the Sierra Club, has pledged to unseat him this year. "To get the full flavor of this sombitch," McCloskey says, "look at how his bill puts a five-year moratorium on [the Endangered Species Act's] regulation of pesticides. The bald eagle nearly disappeared because of DDT. Now it's recovering because we regulated DDT. Who makes pesticides? Monsanto." McCloskey claims that a foundation financed by Monsanto and the Japanese Whaling Association illegally gave Pombo $23,000 of travel money to attend the International Whaling Conference.
I see that McCloskey's district includes Lodi, which is the same place where Ayman Al-Zawahiri solicited funding for his terrorist operations. It's too bad Zawahiri is on the run, because a joint fundraiser for Al Qaeda & McCloskey would have really raked in the riyals. What a sad day for The Party that someone like this is even on the ballot. Disgraceful!

Monday, March 20, 2006

Mission accomplished... yet again.

I've noticed that the cut 'n' runners' dismissals of Our President's Glorious Crusade to convert the headhunter societies of the Middle East into thriving democracies have become deafeningly shrill of late. Well, moonbats, Afghanistan has clearly matured into a state you can be proud of: They've even surpassed the United States and have begun executing Christians. Once again, President Bush's resolute leadership has allowed Afghanistan's young democracy to mature so quickly they've reached a point America's judicial system is only predicted to reach in about 18 months. Honestly, doesn't The Left ever tire of being wrong?

Sunday, March 19, 2006

BDS in full bloom

I know nothing delights the senses of my readers more than grainy pictures from my cellphone, so I figured I'd treat you to a riotous feast for the eyes in the form of The Left in the tertiary stages of Bush Derangement Syndrome. It also allows you the opportunity to Witness the Majesty that is Jesus' radiant blue halo, which I've been meaning to show you for a while now. So how fortunate it is for all of you that Jesus & I decided to protest an herbologist in Chinatown yesterday.

This is the visual slap in the face we were greeted with outside the metro station in Hollywood... but a few scant steps away from where the Jews and their homosexual houseboys hold the Oscars.

That's right: moonbats. Unfortunately for us, we had just walked into the middle of an agitated hive of patchouli-huffing lovechildren, all bitching and moaning about the usual peas under their mattresses.

Hollywood's establishment showed up to watch their spoiled brats ride their little hobbie-horses in droves, which should come as no surprise. Here's Condi's Indonesian gigolo playmate mingling with the vermin:

A live-action Spongebob was also on hand to whip the liberals into a homoerotic frenzy, but sadly went unphotographed. But believe me, this was no Bigfoot sighting: He was there.

On our way back, our cherished fellow "Americans" had stagnated into a lichenous puddle listening to some dusky-hued man waving a Mexican flag and ranting and carrying on in his native Spanish. If there were anything our Founding Fathers could agree upon, it's that this hardly qualifies as the type of speech the First Amendment was meant to protect. Let me get at it and we'll call it Amendment 1.01. I hope your Saturday was better than mine. Praise Him!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Friday Random Ten

Independent Women Part I - Destiny's Child
Big Sky - The Kinks
Mona Lisa, Mother Earth - Swans
Wined Up - Peter Jefferies
Fuku - Kawabata Makoto
Touch - Seal
Ezertep-Le Bereyin Be - Huun-Huur-Tu
Claremont Raga - Amps For Christ
I Dont Blame You - Cat Power
Spirit In The Dark - Aretha Franklin

I suspect Jesus' fondness for female r&b divas has become apparent by now (the feeling is more than mutual, btw). In tangentially related news, we're upgrading to high-speed internet today, so I'll no longer be bitching about how long it took to download a song via my crappy dial-up connection. Instead, I'll be bitching about how I can't get my DSL to work properly. I hope you enjoy the change. Praise Him!

And many more...

My Prayer Warriors at Powerline link to a harrowing piece about what would have happened had President Bush followed the wishes of the Dixie Chicks and acquiesced to the evil Saddam. As we near the third year anniversary of the liberation of Iraq, I can only say how grateful I am to Our President for relieving us of the terrifying spectre of Saddam's balsa-wood drones raining their deadly payload down upon us Christians of America. The nightmare of Saddam turning his not-quite nuclear grade aluminum tubes into the world's longest blowgun stills wakes me up in a feverish night sweat, as does the possibility of Our Nation's skies being filled with unsightly Iraqi artillery balloons. Had President Bush not had the courage and resolve to stand up to Barbra Streisand, Abu Ghraib would still be the site of unspeakable crimes, rather than home to the boisterous high jinks it's come to represent. Domestically, it's nice to see America's ethnic minorities making themselves useful for a change, by serving in the armed forces, rather than indulging in their usual super-predatory criminal behavior (and mad props go to the College Republicans, who've successfully rallied the folks at home). Most importantly, had Our President blinked, Iraq would never have become the Land of Opportunity it is today, where everyone, regardless of clan, ethnicity, or religious affiliation, is equally free to be killed by car bombs or death squads. Despite what the critics of Our Glorious Venture may say, civil war is merely the final stage of the death throes that Saddam's loyalists must go through, after which the country will be Born Again as a thriving democracy. Thank you, President Bush, for the resolve in ushering us into the glorious new era for America. Praise Him!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Saving face

One of the most challenging aspects of my devotion to The Word is navigating the Path of Righteousness in a world where moral absolutes are constantly denigrated. The Left points to every discrepancy between a Christian's words and his actions as conclusive proof of the supremacy of their pet theological cause, Moral Relativism, a variant of Secular Humanism wherein siblings are encouraged to intermarry and then abort their unborn children. What these moonbats haven't figured out, though, is that moral absolutes, much like the earth's magnetic field, undergo dramatic and nearly instantaneous reversals, and then switch back just as quickly.

Take, for instance, plastic surgery. Some of Our Nation's finest Christians have resorted to plastic surgery to absolve themselves of the sins that makeup alone cannot, and the results have truly been Miraculous -- praise Him!

Yesterday, however, I noticed that my Prayer Warrior Tammy Bruce had linked round-aboutly to an LA Times article which casts plastic surgery in a most unflattering light. "Uh-oh," I can hear you say, "Liberal Media versus Christianity." Well, your fears are not unfounded. In an act so sacrilegious that flag burning seems downright wholesome in comparison, women are using plastic surgery to "rejuvenate" their ladyparts, rather than letting them serve as the source of constant Shame that The Lord intended them to be.

Would anyone be the least bit surprised that MSM uses this as an opportunity to cast the credibility of Christian women in a suspect light? I'm sure our friends at LA Times especially savored writing this bit:
But Dr. V. Leroy Young, who chairs the Emerging Trends Task Force of the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, says the true gauge of these procedures' popularity may lie precisely in the fact that, far from either coast, conservative heartland women are paying doctors like him to perform them.

Young performs about two to three vulvar procedures a month on women who "would never dare ask the question at a church social," but who can now learn about such procedures on the Internet and on TV. "It's right here in middle America," says Young, whose practice is based in Creve Coeur, Mo., a suburb of St. Louis.
Sadly, plastic surgery is no longer the redemptive Sacrament it once was just two days ago. If it has become a means by which Satan dips his fingers into our ladyparts, then Jessica Simpson has done Christianity and the Republican Party a tremendous favor by not showing up at that RNC fundraiser and touting her godless little charity. How could the RNC even know that plastic surgery had fallen from Grace with God? It probably happened while their invitation was in the mail. I will do my part to warn the fallen daughters of Eve of the perils of this wicked practice... until, of course, it no longer is one. Praise Him!

Condiments of mass destruction

Call me skeptical, but I find it a complete dereliction of their entrusted duties that law enforcement officials would so cavalierly dismiss a suspicious package at San Diego State University, especially so shortly after similar incidents of Islamic terrorism on campuses in Oklahoma and North Carolina. However, according to my Prayer Warriors at CNSNews, they've done exactly that:
A suspicious package near a hot dog stand at San Diego State University's Cox Arena turned out to be a condiment box, the FBI said Thursday. The arena was evacuated Thursday afternoon after a bomb-sniffing dog noticed the package. Players for Marquette University and the University of Alabama, who were scheduled to play at 2:30 pm EST had not arrived when the incident occurred. Fans were allowed to return back inside the arena for the game to begin. Four games are scheduled for the arena on Thursday.
What if they've been tainted with ricin? Did they even check? Once again, the FBI is slacking on its duties, or MSM has bowed down to their Islamic overlords (curiously absent from any of these reports is the word "Muslim" -- are you surprised?). Could this be the massive hit on America that Rakan Ben Williams has been talking about? I've been a devoted pupil of Michelle Malkin long enough to know when The Feds are hiding the truth from us, supposedly for our own good, and this is clearly one of those times. Praise Him!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

A day which shall live in infamy

I hope you don't think I deserted you, but today was an especially ruthless day of Christian persecution over at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace. It all started with a call from that nosy bitch bank manager who wanted to know why we had so many unreconciled checks, which was news to Conchita. Despite both of our better judgment, Conchita put me in charge of filing our vendor paperwork last August, so out everything came from the cabinet underneath my desk. If you remember that scene in Mommie Dearest when Joan Crawford goes looking for every wire hanger in Christina Darling's closet, you know what I'm talking about.

Judging by her hateful rant, I suspect Conchita is a frequent commenter at Daily Kos, as she questioned my competence, or conscientiousness, or something, in some high-toned lecture about accounting statements and invoices and duplicate payments that was so complicated you evidently need a cosmetology certificate to understand it. The rest of the day absolutely dragged on, as will, I suspect, tomorrow and Friday. But please know what succor it will give me to read my Prayer Warriors at my desk, the site of my Persecution. Praise Him!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Hot, steaming outrage, coming right up

Hello, Christians! I've been looking over my blog, and I've noticed it's been ages since I've been Outraged about anything. Maybe The Left has finally beaten me into a state of submission through their constant assaults on Taste & Decency; maybe Michelle Malkin has been too busy with her cable tv appearances to stoke the fires of Christian Wrath over at her blog. Whatever the reason, I can safely say I am long overdue for some Outrage. Fortunately for us, Hollywood has been up to its usual tricks, so let's get incensed!

I think it's an Outrage that Hollywood's crown prince, George Clooney, feels the need to further coarsen the political discourse in this country by dropping an f-bomb over at the Huffington Post. Does being a liberal in Hollywood go hand in hand with cursing like an Academy Award-winning gangsta rapper? This sort of infantile posturing on the part of The Left only estranges coastal elites from Heartland America even further... if that's even possible at this point. I know what my liberal detractors will say: "But what about Dick Cheney? Didn't he tell Patrick Leahy to go f--- himself?" Well, moonbats, there's a world of difference between Dick Cheney's exercising his Vice Presidential authority in the confines of the Senate, especially so closely after 9/11, as opposed to being a potty-mouth on a limousine liberal vanity blog. Clooney's just lucky President Cheney hasn't shot him in the face yet, so get over it already.

I am also Outraged to see that Hollywood has got Mitt Romney in the crosshairs and is pulling the trigger via their new pornographic fantasia comedy series Big Love. Why else would they air the series now, other than to derail his prospects for '08 by tarnishing his Mormon faith with insinuations of ritualistic group sex? But what's even more Outrageous is that it seems to have worked: Romney has capitulated to Hollywood's onslaught and has given his rubber stamp to homosexual recruitment via adoption. Shame on you, Mitt Romney. If you can't stand up to radical gay activists in your own backyard, how can we expect you to stand up to Al Qaeda when you're president? Go back to Utah with the rest of your band of demonic sex cultists, you pervert.

Speaking of the nancies, it's an outright disgrace that CBS devoted an entire segment to the "causes" of homosexuality and didn't once mention Pottery Barn or Satan. And I'm disappointed that my Prayer Warriors at LGF have given them a pass on this disinformation. Well, I'm not going to. So long as nancyhood is regarded as some "genetic" trait rather than the natural response to upscale home furnishings and risque sitcom plots, America will never be free from this terrible scourge. That this sort of blather even passes for balanced reportage shows you just how tightly The Left holds the reins of MSM.

Old gray mare

Sorry to abandon you, Christians, but I finally went in for my follow-up appointment for my bum knee yesterday (unfortunately, those poultices made out of false eyelashes and eyebrow pencil shavings just weren't cutting it any more). According to the doc, I've got arthritis behind my kneecap, deterioration of the cartilage, and something called chondromalacia... all at the ripe old age of 34. All I could do is thank my lucky stars that I'm in a country whose health care system places a premium on human life, because in Europe I'm sure my condition would have been grounds for euthanasia. I also get to wear a fetching garter-like knee strap in black matte. I asked, and these aren't available in "I ♥ Jesus," at least not at the bastion of secularism that I went to. OK, so back to blogging. Praise Him!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Sandra Day O'Connor: America-hating whore

Few things rankle good Christians more than watching someone undeserving of their good fortune coast through life. However, once that person begins bad-mouthing Our Country, it is incumbent upon us as Christians and Americans to shine a light on their dubious achievements, so that anyone who would be unnecessarily swayed by their treasonous words gives their acts of sedition their due accord.

Sandra Day O'Connor came to prominence as this country's first female Supreme Court Justice, a position in which she distinguished herself by her politically moderate approach to jurisprudence. However, her recent screed against America puts her to the left of Ethel & Julius Rosenberg, and necessitates a reappraisal of her record: Was she really a moderate, was she really a judge, and is she even a woman?

Recent evidence has come to light that casts all of these claims in questions. Through my network of hairdressing acquaintances in the DC area, I will examine all the hype surrounding Ms. O'Connor and her purported achievements and let you determine how much credence you put in her latest America-bashing diatribe.

Much of Ms. O'Connor's anger towards America stems from the citizenry's renewed interest in holding judge's accountable to the Laws of God as well as the Constitution. In a country where judges routinely masturbate in their courtrooms, it's perhaps understandable why someone like O'Connor would feel threatened by the public's need to defend Our Nation's Virtue from these perverts in black. Would it come as a surprise anyone to learn that this sort of degenerate behavior would happen in the highest court of the land? Perhaps even Ms. Connor herself had taken to pleasuring her ladyparts with an electronic apparatus during especially tiresome oral arguments while on the bench.

Given America's judges' penchant for debasing God's Glory, let's reassess her claims to finding the policital middle ground. Despite this reputation as a "moderate," O'Connor has been the Court's most ardent supporter of sexual perversion, particularly the radical homosexual agenda. She gave the nancies enthusiastic high-fives with her votes in Romer v. Evans & Lawrence v. Texas, thus clearing the way for the gay shock troops to begin the wholesale recruitment of pre-teens and toddlers into the homosexual lifestyle and their obliteration of the American Family as we know it. The only good thing I can say about these opinions is that she didn't author them herself, as they surely would have read like the filthy entries from a "best of gay erotica" compilation. She is also an ardent proponent of foetal genocide, as she ably demonstrated in Planned Parenthood v. Casey. Moderate? You decide.

Was O'Connor really a jurist, or was she really there to do chick work for the benefit of her male colleagues? One of my correspondents, a former stylist at K Street Koiffure who once worked with someone who worked with someone who did O'Connor's nails, said that O'Connor's most important job functions were making coffee and bringing an assortment of sandwiches to the Justices' lounge. She was also assigned with keeping track of her fellow judges' birthdays and selecting a tasteful yet inexpensive group gift and humorous card, as well as opening Rehnquist's mail. Sandra Day O'Connor was, if these reports are to be believed, little more than a Gal Friday who did menial tasks to keep the Court running smoothly, and not the great legal thinker her proponents claim her to be.

Another of my beauty shop contacts leads me to question whether or not Sandra Day O'Connor is in fact female. Anyone who's seen a picture of her knows that this line of speculation is fair game, but evidence uncovered at the Tress For Success salon gives this question a renewed sense of urgency. According to my source, whose former beauty school classmate worked at a DC-area Aveda store, O'Connor was once spotted actively inquiring about buying a suite of skin care products -- for a man! I'll entertain the possibility that this was for a gift, but my same source reports that O'Connor was also spotted ducking into a men's room, and once she realized she had been spotted, immediately left it, red-faced and flustered. If she can fool millions of people with something as simple as her gender, would you believe her sophistries hiding as a judicial philosophy?

I never thought the day would come when I would have to declare that Sandra Day O'Connor is an Enemy of Freedom, but the evidence is insurmountable. Christians, please disregard her hate-filled rants and keep your eyes on the prize: An America so holy that Jesus will be tempted to use us as the kick-off spot for the Rapture, rather than Israel. It's within our grasp, so keep The Faith. Praise Him!

Friday, March 10, 2006

Friday random ten

Work's got me hopping today, Christians, so take a look at what my computer thinks Jesus & I should be listening to:

Joskus - Pan Sonic
Let Me Die In My Footsteps - Bob Dylan
In Finite Self - Ambient Temple Of Imagination
Thunderbolt Or Fire - Brian Crook
Neuschnee - Neu!
Momamma Scuba - John Cale
Lonesome Pine - Bill Fox
It Ain't Fair - Aretha Franklin
Coast Road - Alastair Galbraith
Winters Love - Animal Collective

Thursday, March 09, 2006

I stand corrected

Is nothing sacred to The Left? Not too long ago, I sang the praises of Wal-Mart as the paragon of corporate virtue. Their policies concerning health insurance, the proper roles of the sexes, and cheap foreign labor harkened back to a younger, and dare I say better, America -- the one that existed before FDR turned us into an ally of the Soviet Union, before Hillary and her feminazis emasculated Our Great Nation, and before slavery was considered a dirty word. In fact, as our friends at Agape Press tell it, Wal-Mart appealed to the finest trait in us Americans -- the unceasing desire for a deal at somebody else's expense:
[Wal-Mart] hired Edelman to try and smooth the rough seas created by unions and groups like WakeUpWalMart.com, who rankle over health care, poor wages, and the company's "Not Made in America" love for Chinese products.

To the typical Wal-Mart consumer, these issues are non-intrusive to our shopping habits. A decent product at a decent price is what draws our attention. And the clean stores, well-stocked shelves, and friendly associates are a far cry from the distracting noise being directed at the Bentonville corporate office.
Indeed. As long as I can get 89 cent tubes of lip gloss, their anti-union tactics and imprisonment of heathen Chinee workers in their overseas factories were just icing on the cake. However, enter The Left:
The business is now run by "educated elite" gurus of business who live in big houses and host dinner parties. These socialites now make decisions without taking time to "greet the folks" and learn what makes the working family want to come to their stores. They trust public relations companies to tell them what to do.
I certainly needn't tell you of the dangers of dinner parties. At their most innocuous, liberals merely work themselves into a lather about how much they hate George Bush, much in the way Shiite pilgrims flog themselves on their way to Karbala. At their worst, however, these dinner parties are the meetings of secret terrorist societies where they actively plot the violent overthrow of the American government. And it should surprise no one to learn of the pronounced homosexual influence on the contemporary dinner party. Before I settled down with Jesus way back in my days of selfish hedonism, I pored over Gay Love Signs (which, coincidentally, was never wrong), where a coupling was either deemed to be "astrologically tense," or else it was blessed with the potential for hosting fabulous dinner parties. Not surprisingly, one of the major objectives of the radical homosexual agenda is the frequent hosting of dinner parties. (For the record, Jesus & I have had one dinner party, where we made salmon.)

What damage have these dinner parties wrought? Again, our Agape Press corrsepondent fills us in:
Wal-Mart stocks music that sexually denigrates women, promotes violence, and blasphemes the name of God. Wal-Mart sells "entertainment" that rewards players for killing police and innocent bystanders. Wal-Mart advances an unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle, whose members fight for homosexual marriage. Wal-Mart profits from a product whose sole purpose is to stop the beating heart of an unborn child.
Unfortunately, not all the eyes of my fellow conservative bloggers are open to the threat Wal-Mart poses, and they seem more than eager to do their Dark Master's bidding. I can only warn them that if they continue to flirt with the Dark Side like this, it will only be a matter of time before they themselves are carved up as the main course at one of these Satanic cabals. Open your eyes, Christians. Praise Him!

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Mystery solved

Concerned Women For America cuts through the thicket of futile partisan sniping over a heinous crime and fingers the one who is truly responsible for this tragedy: Angelina Jolie.

Nail bomb

YES!!! It's so encouraging to see my conservative peers have finally begun to recognize this blog's efforts to spread the Gospel of Glamour. Clinton Taylor at Townhall shows how the Christian symbolism of health & beauty aids can defeat Islamofascism and homosexuality:
If you’d like to show your outrage at Yale’s decision to admit the Taliban’s spokeman, join us in "giving Yale the finger." It would be disgusting– not to mention really painful — to mail your own fingernails, but you can buy glamorous, decadent, shameless-hussy-scarlet press-on nails (ask for "nail tips") from any drug store or beauty shop. They’re cheap; a box costs about $5.00.
I'd take exception to his characterization of nail extensions as the province of decadent & shameless hussies (they're not if you class them up with some rhinestones), but even Prayer Warrior Michelle Malkin is on board with this one!
Join this protest. I'm sending a box of these today.
That's a good start, but if we Christians truly want to reclaim Our Country, we need to embark on a more ambitious campaign of cosmetics-inspired civil disobedience. In another post, Michelle has a round-up of accusations claiming liberal media has whitewashed the recent UNC terrorist strike by refusing to antagonize Muslims. Do these "journalists" inhabit a parallel universe where 9/11 never happened? Outrages like this make me feel like sending Helen Thomas and her haggard minions a bottle of this, with a note saying "Next time, it will probably be a burqa." And I see that MSM is similarly taciturn about naming the homosexual jihad in Alabama as such. Perhaps sending a few of these their way will shame them into taking off their liberal blinders. In your face, MSM. Praise Him!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Love the sinner, hate the skin

One of The Left's favorite pastimes is undermining God's Word. Already, liberals have used judicial activism to nullify the Bible's authority on homosexuality, the role of women, and slavery. Evidently that wasn't enough for them, so now the moonbats and their trial attorney allies are going after the sweetest plum, The Lord's sacred teachings on skin care:
A woman allegedly fired as a shoe store manager because of severe skin flaking from chronic psoriasis filed an employment discrimination and wrongful termination suit Friday against The Finish Line footwear company.

Catherine Noiboonsook, 25, was working at a Finish Line store in Lakewood, a suburb 20 miles south of Los Angeles, last April when a corporate official told her customers were concerned that the psoriasis, visible on her face and arms, was contagious.
One of the topics covered in my Biblical Roots of Cosmetology correspondence course was God's wrath as dermatological affliction. Diagnosis of a particular ailment wasn't as precise as it was now, thus leprosy became a catch-all term for a number of skin ailments, including psoriasis and eczema (which, by the way, is the name I chose for myself as an act of abjection to better serve The Lord... much like how Agnes Bojaxhiu chose "Mother Theresa of Calcutta" to help her in her own ministry... but I digress).

As my Prayer Warriors can attest, it is always best to err on the side of caution where our civilization's moral foundation is at risk. Even if this woman doesn't have leprosy, she has somehow displeased God and was rightfully denied employment by her Christian employers. What is she hiding? Why isn't she on trial? Instead of using litigation to suck the vitality out of America's economy, we should use it to find out what sins she's committed to cause The Lord to show His displeasure with her -- sounds like a suit for Liberty Counsel, if you ask me. Praise Him!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Compassionate conservatism

Ladies of South Dakota, sometimes necessity serves as the midwife of invention. It looks as though the NRA is in the position to assist you with all your family planning needs.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

An army of nancies

[UPDATE 03/08: Welcome, Needlenose Christians! While you're here, please consider purchasing a lovely Edicts of Nancy thong.]

"Every time a liberal blogger is threatened with a lawsuit, an angel gets his wings,' or so the expression goes. Hey kids -- my inner selfish hedonist is fielding this one, but I know you'll cut me some slack on a Sunday. Blierwatch has a post about Liberty Counsel's attempts to strong-arm a blogger into removing his parody of an Exodus International billboard. Liberty Counsel claims:

You appear to believe that the stolen image is exempt from federal intellectual property laws as a “parody” due to “fair use.” Unfortunately, the intricacies of federal law cannot adequately be covered on “Wikipedia” due to the variety of facts addressed by courts in numerous cases.

which I assume is legalese for "If we blow enough officious sounding smoke, we'll get you to do what we want." Besides, everyone knows that all but the most activist of judges would find the controversial claims of a politically active organization based on junk science to be exempt from the First Amendment, right?

I found this claim to be particularly amusing:
Furthermore, your altered image substantially diminishes the potential value of the original image as utilized by Exodus on billboards across America and online.
Is Exodus International really so ineffectual an organization that one wise-ass crack is enough to seriously diminish their ability to re-instill homos with self-loathing? And by a blogger I had never heard of before? Sadly, yes!

So this got me thinking: One of my Prayer Warriors recently published a scholarly tome called An Army of Davids. What would happen if every homo or homo-friendly blogger photoshopped his or her own parody of this? How many bogus lawsuits does Liberty Counsel want to pursue? In that spirit, I offer the following to any of our confused sisters out there, because I consider abusing crystal meth slightly less harmful to gay people than the "therapy" Exodus is offering:

OK, girls -- Arise, go forth, and photoshop. Praise Him!

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The scene of the crime

Luckily for citizen journalism, the spot where I switch from bus to subway for my daily commute is where Hollywood holds the Academy Awards. I thought it would of interest to the Christians who read this to see where Our Nation's Virtue will be gang-raped by Hollywood's equivalent of the Hell's Angels: homosexuals, transvestites, Islamofascists, anti-war activists, feminists, blacks, and the Jews.

Here's regal Kodak Theatre:

Who knew it could be the such of site debauchery? (Well, Jesus and I did, after witnessing the abomination that was Val Kilmer in The Ten Commandments... funny how terrorist-on-Christian torture doesn't inflame the passions of The Left like like the other way around.)

Something I should have tried to capture in my photographs is how security barriers have been erected, presumably to protect "them" from "us." But given the vigor with which Hollywood attacks Our Nation's Moral Fiber, I think the police should be protecting Us from Them. Al Qaeda won't be trying to attack this gathering, they'll be inside accepting an award for Munich.

Further Al Qaeda connection -- note the tent:

Any similarity to an Arabian harem tent or the orgies that went on therein is purely coincidental.

Here's some sort of skybridge that I imagine has been engineered so the Lords and Ladies of Hollywood Royalty don't have to mingle with us common folk. Perhaps they'll use the occasion to tinkle downwards upon us.

Hollywood can't ruin America by swag bags alone. Sometimes it takes some heavy equipment:

Note to Baja Fresh: Two thirds of your sign is burned out.

Part of my vehement refusal to countenance this spectacle is that traffic has been rerouted for a week to accomodate this freakshow. This time it's personal: I've been later than usual for the past five days, and "traffic was bad" begins to lose its potency on day three. Consider me on Conchita's shit-list until somebody else fucks up just as bad. Anyway, below is an example of the nuisances Hollywood expects the locals to accomodate with apparent glee:

Hollywood: Enemy of God, His Values, His Families, and of the working man. Jesus and I will be protesting down at a friend's house in Long Beach, but if you can make it there to protest in person, I'd strongly encourage you to do so. Praise Him!

Friday, March 03, 2006

Friday random ten

Requiem For Dying Mothers, Part 1 - Stars Of The Lid
Everybody Dance - RuPaul
The Whole Of The Law - Yo La Tengo
The Weight - Aretha Franklin
Old Flames Can't Hold A Candle To You - Dolly Parton
Just The Motion - Richard & Linda Thompson
Sounds Of The Sacred Forest - Various Artists
Spark Plug - Stereolab
Feedback Song - Flying Saucer Attack
Rara Avis - Organum

Jesus will be pleased to see that four of His tracks made it in this week, while I'm reminded of how much I love Organum's bowed cymbal & shakuhachi dronefests.

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Where the pyramid meets the eye

I am delighted to see the sawbuck has been given a glamorous new makeover. In that spirit, I'd like to propose a modest upgrade to the one dollar bill, much in keeping with its humble nature. [Click to enlarge]

4,000 years of defying God's law

It's not as though we Christians need any additional evidence for our case against feminists or illegal immigrants (saying they're from "Latin" America while not speaking a word of that Holiest of languages is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the treacheries of these people). However, further confirmation of their morally corrosive effects has come to light -- and what's more outrageous, it's being given the red carpet treatment as a museum exhibit!
Archaeological finds from Mexico and Peru show that, long before Europeans arrived, women served as warriors, governors and priestesses.

An exhibit at the Smithsonian Institution's Arthur M. Sackler Gallery includes little pottery jugs and massive stone images portraying women in a variety of roles in addition to traditional homemakers and care givers.

"Women were not only daughters, wives, mothers and grandmothers, but also healers, midwives, scribes, artists, poets, priestesses, warriors, governors and even goddesses in pre-Columbian society," said Judy L. Larson, director of the National Museum of Women in the Arts, in announcing the exhibit.
Do we want to welcome that sort of thing into our country, even on a temporary basis? Here we have startling proof of the threat these people present to the Values that Our Christian Nation was founded upon, yet even my beloved Catholic Church is welcoming them with open arms. It's no understatement to say that if we keep importing this willful disregard for gender roles, we'll end up with a female pope or President Hillary (or worse yet: Pope Hillary!) before we know it. Christians, don't let this happen. Praise Him!

The slippery slope

The Left is forever slapping labels on those things they consider detrimental to the health of our bodies, yet they resist this very same practice when it comes to the well-being of our souls. Case in point: Harry Potter books.

The Vatican's chief exorcist, Rev. Gabriele Amorth, is reported to have repeated his condemnations of the Harry Potter novels yesterday. According to press reports, Fr. Amorth, said of the books, "You start off with Harry Potter, who comes across as a likeable wizard, but you end up with the Devil. There is no doubt that the signature of the Prince of Darkness is clearly within these books."

"By reading Harry Potter a young child will be drawn into magic and from there it is a simple step to Satanism and the Devil," he said.

And homosexuality. While Pottery Barn bears the most responsibility for luring me into my former life of selfish hedonism, my parents were derelict in their duties, as well. They allowed such corrupting influences as The Smurfs and Lucky, The Lucky Charms leprechaun, into our family's home. It is the nature of the Secularists to scoff at these things, but when you come home to see that your child has rearranged his bedroom and would like to order custom window treatments, Satan has already gotten a hold on your child.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Brash Wednesday

Happy Ash Wednesday, Christians! Today is when we adherents of the One True Faith dab a sacramental exfoliant (Father Joe assures me it's non-comedogenic) on our foreheads and go on a restrictive diet in order to look sensational! in our new Easter ensembles. What better way is there for a Christian lady to commemorate the Resurrection? And what better day for me to update my Rapture watch?

Cosmetics manufacturers bow to racial grievance industry: I thought this sort of pandering was made illegal in California by Prop 209, but the source for this alarming news is NorthJersey.com, so it may still fly there. Do I have any NJ readers willing to serve as lead plaintiff so we can put a stake through the heart of affirmative action once and for all?
Traditionally, African-American, Hispanic and Asian women have had trouble finding makeup that complements their natural skin tone, often resorting to choosing deeper shades from lines created for lighter skin tones.

"Makeup lines specially formulated for lighter skin usually don't have warmer hues to them, so women of color who wear them often look ashen," says Jeanine Downie, director of Image Dermatology in Montclair and co-author of "Beautiful Skin of Color" (ReganBooks of HarperCollins, 2004).

But times are changing.

Because more than one-third of the United States is composed of people of color, savvy cosmetic companies have "made a smart economic decision to invest in these women," says Susan C. Taylor, a Philadelphia dermatologist and creator of brownskin.net, an educational Web site for women of color.
While naturally I am gravely offended, I do think it speaks volumes about the tremendous strides Black Republicans like Martin Luther King Jr. have made in this country that Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Maxine Waters, et al have to target an institution as venerable as cosmetology in order to score their cheap political points. Increase Rapture Index by 1.

Ascendant One World Government: Why must America put the needs of Old Europe before her own when it comes to skincare? Does John Bolton know about this outrage?
I noticed that European Union regulations have a warning for sunscreens containing oxybenzone. I read a little about this ingredient on the Internet and I must say I am a bit worried now. Is it safe? Does oxybenzone interfere with your hormones?
If I weren't so enraged, I'd be blushing at their interest in my hormones. This is just so like those filthy Europeans, prying into our ladyparts like this. They could certainly use a healthy dose of Modesty Zone, and a cold shower. Increase Rapture Index by 1.

Promotion of lesbianism and other sinful lifestyles: Glamour can kill you, or at least that's the latest tack The Left is using in order to seduce our impressionable youths into homosexuality. Once again, "Scientists" and gay activists are tag-teaming our vulnerable children:
Like many of her image-conscious peers, 16-year-old Amanda Perry used to slap on makeup without much thought. Then, she learned that her mascara, cream and deodorant, among other beauty products, may contain toxic chemicals.

Now, she and other teens are spreading the word. ...

"The more science I learn, the more I'm convinced," said Elana Weil, 17, of Burlingame.

Asked if she would replace her usual lipstick or foundation with products deemed safer by summit organizers, Weil said she would, albeit gradually.

"I didn't realize that I could potentially harm my offspring or expose myself to carcinogens," said Katy Bremner, 17, a 12th-grader at Marin Academy, recalling her level of awareness before she joined the campaign. "I want people to learn what I know, to spread awareness so it becomes a national issue."
The tragic thing is that this young lady plans on having children. Little does she know the horrors that await her in the deviant lifestyle that her benefactors have chosen for her. America, I weep for you -- increase Rapture Index by 1, and praise Him!