White Woman's Burden

Ann Romney may not be a Christian, but at least she's white, which is a lot more than we can say for some of these uppity bitches we've had the misfortune to call "First" "Lady" recently. The other day she offered us a glimmer of hope (of the non-negroid persuasion, naturally) that the universe may finally be restored to its rightful order by once again bringing the Word --  previously brought by Divine Messenger George W. Bush -- that presidentin' is hard work:

Amid ongoing criticism over the management of her husband's presidential campaign, Ann Romney on Thursday responded to the critics in an interview on Radio Iowa: "Stop it. This is hard. You want to try it? Get in the ring," she said.

"This is hard and, you know, it's an important thing that we're doing right now and it's an important election and it is time for all Americans to realize how significant this election is and how lucky we are to have someone with Mitt's qualifications and experience and know-how to be able to have the opportunity to run this country," Romney said.

You people really should be more grateful that a man of Mitt Romney's caliber is willing to forego his executive salary for a few years in order to wean you off the government teat.  I personally can barely sleep at night knowing that Ann Romney is now so busy on the campaign trail that she probably needs to pay someone to pay someone to ride her disco therapy horse.

Christians (and reasonable facsimiles thereof), take succor in knowing that the Nobamas may soon be sent packing back to their Blue State hellhole and we'll be able to once again enjoy the Values that are part and parcel of a Republican administration: war in the Middle East, health care for those who deserve it, and the Freedom to tithe to our Job Creators. Praise Him!

Still Negroid After All These Years

Thus spake Mama Grizzly:

The half-term Alaska governor replied: “I thought so in 2008 and that’s why I went rogue, if you will, and disagreed with some of John McCain’s advisers when they said, no, a lot of these issues like past associations and Rev. Wright and Bill Ayers and those that helped shape Obama’s world view needed to be off the table and not discussed. I disagreed then, I disagree now.”

“Barack Obama in 2008 was an empty vessel,” she continued. “The public did not know who or what filled this vessel in order to create what has become a very confused and mission and visionless leader for our country. Well, now it’s not too late to change course and this next go around understand what has filled up that vessel. Who are these people? Who are the radicals, the Marxist professors that he said he would hang out with, some of his friends and associations.”

As you are well aware, lamestream media has subjected the secret relationship between Rev. Jeremiah Wright & the dark prince Barack Hussein to an unprecedented news blackout... with the exception of those two months of nonstop coverage between March and May 2008. In doing so, they are robbing Our Nation of the opportunity to fully understand the dangerously radical ideology that animates all "President" Obama's treasonous actions: he's black, by and large. Sadly, this is evident only to the keenest minds of our public conservative intellectuals, like Rush Limbaugh & Sarah Palin, but hopefully Mitt will follow the sage counsel of Governor Palin and subject this little understood phenomenon to some public scrutiny once and for all. Praise Him!

Whiter Shade of Pale

While the Republicans have my utmost Devotion for their tireless defense of Traditional Values, I am sometimes embarrassed by an apparent lack of basic scientific knowledge. Take, for instance, the recent comments by Rep. James Lankford (R-OK), who argues that homosexuality, unlike race, is a mutable trait:

Well, you’re now dealing with behavior and I’m trying to figure out exactly what you’re trying to mean by that. Because you’re dealing with — race and sexual preferences are two different things. One is a behavior-related and preference-related and one is something inherently — skin color, something obvious, that kind of stuff. You don’t walk up to someone on the street and look at them and say, “Gay or straight?”

What the good congressman is unaware of is that, thanks to important developments in the glamour technologies, being black is a choice as well. Skin bleaching ointments offer the promise of whiteness to anyone who is willing to do the hard work of repeated daily applications, whether they be African-"American" or heathen Chinee. America's racial tensions could be a thing of the past if those shiftless minorities would only get with the program.

Even more exciting is the promise that the skilled application of beauty products could have on reversing homosexuality, at least as it relates to the Evil practice of lesbianism (the gents are another story, as it seems to have the opposite effect). It's widely known that our Sapphic friends are to makeup as vampires are to sunlight, to get all PSAT on your asses. If only they were compelled to apply some lipstick and a little bit of blush, the boys might think they're pretty, and then they'd abandon their manly pursuits and have babies. It's outcomes like this that make me think that we should be teaching cosmetology in school, rather than liberal junk science like "biology" or "physics." But, given the liberal stranglehold on education, that's no more likely to happen than a Christian being elected president. Praise Him!

Whitney With an Upsilon

Because of their intense hatred for the stability of the conventional family, radical homosexual activists worship troubled divas with a history of drug and relationship problems. Homosexuals reacted to the death of Judy Garland by violently rioting for the past 43 years. And in Greece, the birthplace of homosexuality, we are seeing the same sort of lawlessness after the death of Whitney Houston:

Lawmakers in Greece voted early Monday to approve another round of austerity measures, sought in return for a new eurozone bailout of the debt-stricken country, while protests raged in the streets.

As lawmakers debated, police turned tear gas and stun grenades on demonstrators outside Greece's Parliament. Several buildings, including a bank, cafes and a movie theater, in Athens were set ablaze.

The complaints of the Greek homos, if you'll pardon the redundancy, assert that austerity measures harm the people least responsible for the financial crisis. This mirrors the Occupy Wall Street message, leaving me to wonder: Are the OWS protesters actually a giant group of dick-suckers? Is the social safety net they're so adamant about preserving actually a giant sling, like the ones found in their perverted sex clubs, by which they will violate Our Nation's hershey-hole? Obviously these are the ramifications that the liberal media won't tell you about, leaving it to us courageous conservative bloggers to tell you the harsh truths: If America is to have any chance of enjoying the robust economic growth of the Bush administration and preserve its Christian heritage, we need to start shrinking the economy, severely, through budget cuts to the sick and poor. It's what Our Lord Himself has decreed. Praise Him!

Insolent Shock

One of the most effective Alinskyite tactics used by liberals is to side with thugs and hooligans when our noble law enforcement officials give them a richly deserved ass-kicking. This shameless pandering allows The Left to posture as some sort of champion of civil rights and garner more votes from special interests; meanwhile, the rule of law and respect for Traditional Values is eroded further. This war against Our Nation was plainly visible yet again this week, and there's no surprise which tribe of vicious hoodlums they were defending. If I said Halle Berry, Della Reese, and Sugar Ray Robinson were members of this exalted caste, would there be any doubt about who I was referring to? Of course not; it's diabetics:

Adam Greene is on his stomach as a pack of police officers pile on him, driving their knees into his back and wrenching his arms and legs. One officer knees him in the ribs; another kicks him in the face.

"Stop resisting," officers on the video yell, but Greene, his face pushed into the pavement, hasn't resisted. He doesn't even move -- maybe can't move -- because he's gone into diabetic shock caused by low blood sugar. ...

Greene was released without a citation, and officers apologized to him for "beating him up," the lawsuit said.

He immediately went to a hospital, where he was treated for the broken ribs and the bruises to his hands, neck, face and scalp, the lawsuit said.

Despite the liberal media's attempts to paint Mr. Greene as some sort of "victim" of police "brutality," they're only giving you half the story. You wouldn't know it from the favorable coverage the lamestream media gives "Diabetic-Americans" (as they insist on being called), but there is a pervasive culture of nihilism in the diabetes community, with the constant glorification of senseless violence and wanton sexuality promoted by gangsta rappers like Wilford Brimley.

Sadly, this incident will only be used by The Left to further undermine the Moral authority of our police officers, and it will feed into the sense of victimization many diabetics falsely have. They'll wrongly conclude that police officers routinely abuse their authority in the most routine of circumstances, rather than learning the true lesson of this incident: that they should be grateful to live in a country where even the poorest among us can achieve a level of ill health formerly reserved for the upper classes. Praise Him!

Ancient Chinese Secret

Even though the malignant effects of "gay" marriage are widely known, Our Nation continues to struggle with this scourge. In a horrific updating of the domino theory, state after state continues to succumb to the Lavender Menace, with the good people of Washington State now joining the boys in the band (skin flute, first chair). So imagine my delight to learn via my Prayer Warriors at World Net Daily that one country had found a way to preserve the Sanctity of Marriage: by exerting crushing amounts of pressure on the cocksuckers to conform.

There may be as many as 16 million women on the Chinese mainland who are married to homosexual men, a leading expert has estimated.

Professor Zhang Bei-chuan at Qingdao University, an authority on AIDS and HIV, says that due to traditional family values in China, about 90 percent of homosexual men get married because of pressure to conform.

I'm typically hard-pressed to say anything favorable about our goldfish-tending friends from the Orient, but this willingness to do any job, no matter how personally distasteful they may find it, raises their standing in my eyes immeasurably. Maybe if The Left ever finds a few billion dollars for one of those high-speed railroads they're always threatening to sock us taxpayers with, we can import some Chinese homosexuals to build it! As a gesture of gratitude, we can let them marry some of our comely American daughters. If history is any guide, they will ascend the ranks of the Republican Party establishment and become our future mayors, senators, and God willing, maybe even president. This is exactly the sort of work ethic America needs. Praise Him!

Thank You For Smoking

Despite their support for raising the minimum wage and providing social services for the needy, liberals have somehow managed to claim the mantle of caring about poor people. That's why I'm grateful to my Prayer Warrior P.J. O'Rourke for exposing the hypocrisy of this so-called compassion of The Left's punitive anti-smoking laws in public housing:

And poor people do have a lot of troubles. Sometimes, when you’ve got a crap job and are going to get laid off from it besides and your crack-head daughter has three kids by four fathers and your oldest son is on the front in Afghanistan and your youngest son can’t decide which drug crew to join and the cable company has cut off service and somebody’s jimmying the twelfth lock on the sheet-metal door, you’d like to sit down on your own damn chair in your own damn kitchen and have a smoke.

Well, forget it. The progressive elites are already charging you $7 for that pack of king-size filter tips, and pretty soon they’re going to add the price of eviction. Because they hate your guts.

While I think Brother P.J. may be a little off-message here about the taxes paid by the poor on their cigarettes -- can they ever truly be high enough to compensate for the drag they are on our job Creators? -- I fully agree with his underlying conceit: that liberals demonstrate their contempt for the poor by legislating away life's small pleasures.

That's but one example. What would be more edifying for our underclass than sitting on their toilets, taking a gentlemanly dump, and reading The National Review, The Weekly Standard, or perhaps even the liberal New Republic? Doing so would open their eyes to what parasites they are and inspire them to go out and so something productive, like maybe even getting a job at a conservative think tank! But unfortunately, thanks to the Democrats' incessant calls for stricter food safety regulation, they'll never experience the enlightenment (or the quick weight loss - did you hear that, Michelle Obama?) that a bout of chronic diarrhea from food poisoning can provide. Naturally, the lamestream media will paint the libtards as altruistic heroes and revile us conservatives as heartless villains, but that's just the sad facts of life until Obama is sent packing back to Kenya. Praise Him!