Locks & the Social Contract

For centuries, Our Heavenly Father Blessed Our Nation for adhering to traditional Christians values in personal grooming with prosperity and military victories over the evil-doers, unlike the French, whose women's unshorn pits have resulted in countless military losses. This all changed when Bill & Hillary C. ushered in "The Sixties," in which the radical deviation from Judeo-Christian standards of hygiene led to our defeat at the cameltoes of Jane Fonda and her leotard-clad Viet Cong insurgents.

This malaise isn't limited to the battlefield. As liberals convince ladies to spend less time exalting Our Creator with hairstyles in keeping with Christian Womanhood, our businesses, except for brief periods under the Reagan and Bush II presidencies, have lost their competitive edge. The latest example of this is taking place at BP, where The Left is kneecapping this upstanding global citizen with politically correct hairdos:

A black woman says she was fired from British Petroleum (BP) for wearing a dashiki and for wearing her hair in braids.

Melphine Evans was a vice president and CFO for two BP ofshoots. Now, she is suing those companies and nine individuals, saying she was told that how she dressed was only appropriate “during ‘culture day,’ black history month or special diversity events/days,” and that it was making her colleagues “uncomfortable.” ...

Still, in her 24-page lawsuit filed with the Orange County Superior Court this week, Evans says that her supervisor told her, “‘You intimidate and make your colleagues uncomfortable by wearing ethnic clothing and ethnic hairstyles,” according to Courthouse News. Her so-called “ethnic hairstyles” were braids or twists, common ways for an African American woman to wear her hair.

“If you are going to wear ethnic clothing, you should alert people in advance that you will be wearing something ethnic,” Evans says she was told.

As someone who lives in constant fear of hoodies-clad hooligans wielding fun-packs of Skittles, I understand this supervisor's defensiveness. When will black people realize that they could have ended racism long ago if they quit insisting on making white folk uncomfortable?

Aside from the detrimental effects this woman's braids had on capitalism, I can't help but wonder how they may have led to the Deepwater Horizon oil spill of 2010. Who's to say that her coworkers weren't so threatened by her menacing weave and bold tribal prints that they couldn't adequately perform the functions of their job? Liberals love to blame the petroleum industry for these sorts of environmental catastrophes, but the truth of the matter is that their nihilistic denigration of the Canonical hairstyles of Nancy Reagan and Sarah Palin is what's causing the world's ecological woes. Only by returning to the Values reflected in the tresses of our foremothers can we hope to return Our Nation to its former Glory. Praise Him!

Thank You For Smoking

Despite their support for raising the minimum wage and providing social services for the needy, liberals have somehow managed to claim the mantle of caring about poor people. That's why I'm grateful to my Prayer Warrior P.J. O'Rourke for exposing the hypocrisy of this so-called compassion of The Left's punitive anti-smoking laws in public housing:

And poor people do have a lot of troubles. Sometimes, when you’ve got a crap job and are going to get laid off from it besides and your crack-head daughter has three kids by four fathers and your oldest son is on the front in Afghanistan and your youngest son can’t decide which drug crew to join and the cable company has cut off service and somebody’s jimmying the twelfth lock on the sheet-metal door, you’d like to sit down on your own damn chair in your own damn kitchen and have a smoke.

Well, forget it. The progressive elites are already charging you $7 for that pack of king-size filter tips, and pretty soon they’re going to add the price of eviction. Because they hate your guts.

While I think Brother P.J. may be a little off-message here about the taxes paid by the poor on their cigarettes -- can they ever truly be high enough to compensate for the drag they are on our job Creators? -- I fully agree with his underlying conceit: that liberals demonstrate their contempt for the poor by legislating away life's small pleasures.

That's but one example. What would be more edifying for our underclass than sitting on their toilets, taking a gentlemanly dump, and reading The National Review, The Weekly Standard, or perhaps even the liberal New Republic? Doing so would open their eyes to what parasites they are and inspire them to go out and so something productive, like maybe even getting a job at a conservative think tank! But unfortunately, thanks to the Democrats' incessant calls for stricter food safety regulation, they'll never experience the enlightenment (or the quick weight loss - did you hear that, Michelle Obama?) that a bout of chronic diarrhea from food poisoning can provide. Naturally, the lamestream media will paint the libtards as altruistic heroes and revile us conservatives as heartless villains, but that's just the sad facts of life until Obama is sent packing back to Kenya. Praise Him!

Rekers of Havoc

Nothing is more tragic than when one of God's children, bestowed with the beautiful and natural characteristics and cravings with which He Blessed him, is forced to live a lie in order to comply with the hateful agenda of a group of intolerant bigots. And yet that is exactly what is happening to repressed heterosexual George Rekers, who is being mau-maued by radical homosexual activists for not actively embracing their perverted "gay" lifestyle:

The delight could hardly be concealed in the coverage of Christian-right leader George Alan Rekers's 10-day European vacation with a "rent boy."

According to the Miami New Times, Rekers, a prominent antigay activist who cofounded the Family Research Council, arrived at Miami International Airport with a young male escort, and later insisted he had hired the man to help him with his baggage. "I had surgery. And I can't lift luggage," he told the New Times. A statement on his Web site read: "Dr. Rekers found his recent travel assistant by interviewing different people who might be able to help, and did not even find out about his travel assistant's Internet advertisements offering prostitution activity until after the trip was in progress. There was nothing inappropriate with this relationship." But the escort, who goes by the name Lucien, told the New Times today that Rekers is gay and paid him to provide daily body rubs, giving details on specific caresses favored by the Baptist minister.

The liberal, gay, and mainstream blogosphere lit up in delight these past two days, especially with efforts by Rekers to control the damage. ...

The hypocrisy of our liberal friends is absolutely galling, though frankly, par for course. Mr. Rekers would be toasted far and wide by the lamestream media if he were to "come" "out" as a homosexual, start dating Clay Aiken, etc., but since he's bucking the gay system and not buying into their destructive agenda, he's nothing but a target for their vicious and hateful mockery. What sort of message does this send to our endangered heterosexual youths, whose straight/straight alliance clubs are already under attack in public schools? Why must they once again be told that it's not ok for them to grow up straight? One day, The Left will have to answer for the damage they've done to so many of us, and this particular grievance should be on the top of that lengthy list. In the meantime, I thank Mr. Rekers for exposing these traitors as the phonies they are. Praise Him!

Miss Them Yet?

Don't be fooled by all The Left's eco-piety in wake of the recent Gulf oil spill. As usual, if something has libtards in high dudgeon, it's little more than a convenient opportunity to bash Christians for opposing their Radical Homosexual Agenda. So, millions of marine organisms are being coated in oil before dying an unconscionable death? Then don't tell them about Father Joe's Lenten Friday fish fries over at Our Lady of the Denunciation, lest Ayatollah Pelosi and her Code Pink mules be unfurling their elitist, grammatically-correct banners from the choir loft come Ash Wednesday. The wholesale slaughter of the creatures in His oceans has been a cherished institution of Christendom ever since Our Lord fed the masses with His loaves and fishes, and their shrill calls for banning off-shore drilling are thinly veiled attacks on us people of Faith.

What strikes me as most sad about this whole situation is that it presents yet another missed opportunity for reflection by The Left. Rather than engaging in the critical self-analysis it takes to understand why they hate Jesus so much and why they refuse to accept Him as their Lord and Savior, it will play into their cynical politics-as-usual, this time to retrospectively bash the Bush administration:

The oil well spewing crude into the Gulf of Mexico didn't have a remote-control shut-off switch used in two other major oil-producing nations as last-resort protection against underwater spills. ...

The U.S. considered requiring a remote-controlled shut-off mechanism several years ago, but drilling companies questioned its cost and effectiveness, according to the agency overseeing offshore drilling. The agency, the Interior Department's Minerals Management Service, says it decided the remote device wasn't needed because rigs had other back-up plans to cut off a well. ...

U.S. regulators have considered mandating the use of remote-control acoustic switches or other back-up equipment at least since 2000. After a drilling ship accidentally released oil, the Minerals Management Service issued a safety notice that said a back-up system is "an essential component of a deepwater drilling system."

The industry argued against the acoustic systems. A 2001 report from the International Association of Drilling Contractors said "significant doubts remain in regard to the ability of this type of system to provide a reliable emergency back-up control system during an actual well flowing incident."

By 2003, U.S. regulators decided remote-controlled safeguards needed more study. A report commissioned by the Minerals Management Service said "acoustic systems are not recommended because they tend to be very costly."

How cynical. If anyone's to blame for the unfurling disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, it's the Louisiana Democrats who were unable to mobilize their schoolbuses and get those animals out of harm's way in time. But then again, I'm used to the pathetic denial of The Left. So, Christians, prepare to endure more baseless lies about Conservatism, until they find their next hobby horse to ride. Praise Him!

Un-American Pie

If you're a Real American like me, you're probably sick of all this elitist hand-wringing over solving the so-called "problem" of epistemic closure (whatever, Frenchy!) among conservatives. The answer is quite simple, eggheads: put a spoon in their mouths so they don't swallow their tongues, and let them go back to watching Glenn Beck. Unfortunately, the weak sisters of the conservative movement who see "epistemic closure" as the shibboleth for gaining admittance to the Georgetown cocktail party circuit have no use for common-sense conservative solutions like this. Instead, The Left and their stooges on the right view it as the problematic circle jerk among the Fox News, the Republican Party, and the conservative blogosphere, which will ultimately render movement conservatism intellectually bankrupt... at least until Sarah Palin's next book. As far as I can tell, it is the only sexual act our pointy-headed intellectual superiors find objectionable, which speaks mountains about liberal hypocrisy in these matters.

What's truly unfortunate is that all this pointless chatter about intellectual honesty and standards and principles diverts attention away from the sort of blogging that really matters, like exposing the latest pastry-based Outrage the Obama thugocracy has unleashed on Our Nation:

Obama's senior adviser, David Axelrod, told Jay Leno Friday that the president was forced to "separate" from the White House pastry chef to break his bad eating habits.

"One of the things that happened when he came to the White House is they have a very great pastry chef. It became a big problem," Axelrod confided on "The Tonight Show."

The president, he said, "has a weakness for pie."

This is a bigger slap in the face than Curry-gate, Arugula-gate, Orange Juice-gate, and Waffle-gate combined. It is my understanding that where "President" Obama comes from, the native palate tends to favor things like grubworms and zebras over American dishes like pies and cakes, which begs the follow-up question, "What kind of pastries does Barack Hussein Obama like?"

The answer probably would have surpised us. Axelrod may have unconvincingly tried to weasel out of the trap he set for himself by referring to that most American of desserts, apple pie, but I suspect in the chummy world of lamestream media in which he travels, he would have shown his true colors and said that the "President" finishes each meal with a slice of Chairman Mao's red velvet cake before bowing five times toward Mecca, and sneaks down into the White House kitchen in the middle of the night for a slice of Black Power! forest cake. The ensuing clamour would see an investigation into the unsavory past of Obama's Chicago Machine-connected pastry chef and the many revolutionary cookbooks lining the walls of the pantry (e.g. Saul Alinsky's Recipes for Radicals: Fomenting Class-Based Revolution in Five Easy Courses). That Jay Leno would choose to ignore this obvious gaffe is neither surprising nor unusual. Once again, by their dereliction of duty, liberal media's talking heads have shown that it's up to the Fox News personalities to do the heavy lifting in journalism. Megyn, Bill O, take it away. Praise Him!

Environmental Raaacism

You'll be forgiven for thinking I took my rat tail combs and headed off to do hair in Galt's Gulch, given the quietness in these parts, Christians, but you all know how relentlessly oppressive life has become under the despotic reign of Barack Hussein Obama. I was terrified to wish you all so much as a "Merry Christmas" lest Ayatollah Pelosi's stormtroopers kick down my door and drag me off to their re-education camps. But if anything will force me to raise my voice in opposition, it's more of The Left's staggering hypocrisy.

If a conservative calls for the reinstitution of Jim Crow or the blanket deportation of all foreigners, that's somehow racist. But when the deportation of illegal aliens is done under the aegis of The One's EPA, we're supposed to believe it's the restoration of endangered habitats:

The Environmental Protection Agency on Sunday unveiled a five-year, $475-million plan to revitalize the Great Lakes, including cleaning up polluted water and beaches, restoring wetlands and fighting invasive species such as Asian carp.

Federal and state officials call the effort, dubbed the Great Lakes Restoration Initiative Action Plan, "historically unprecedented" in size, funding and coordination between various branches of government.

I want my country back! This is nothing short of Socialism! With a pinch of Nazism! Slow-cooked in Leon Trotsky's crockpot! Served over a steaming bed of Chairman Mao's white rice!

And pardon me for asking this, but where are the race pimps to pander on behalf of the Asian carp now? After all, they're only eating the algae American carp can't bother themselves to eat, their apologists would presumably say... and it's just a matter of time before they begin outperforming our native-born fish in standardized math & science tests. But we should know better than to expect the civil rights lobby to be ideologically consistent. God forbid they hold the Democrat Party accountable for their blatant racism, particularly when there's always some trumped-up opportunity to bash Republicans. I guess it's too much to expect those small minds perpetually consumed by hatred to recognize the many recent advances the Republican Party has made to the cause of civil rights, but maybe once we regain our legislative majorities (though I suppose we already have), we can resume passing the sort of bills that show our deep compassion for all God's children. Praise Him!

Beginning to see the Light

The Left has made comparing John McCain to President Bush a central point in their efforts to further ruin Our Nation, and I must say that the Senator doesn't come across well in this match-up. He clearly lacks Our President's oratorical skills, he hasn't publicly accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, and he couldn't figure out how to clear brush if you put a rake in his hand and told him there was $20K of lobbyist cash somewhere out in that field. While I do think a McCain presidency would be something of a disappointment, particularly after the past eight stellar years of presidenting (THANK YOU, MR. BUSH), there are glimmers of hope, of a distinctly non-negroidal persuasion:

A top adviser to Senator John McCain says Mr. McCain believes that President Bush’s program of wiretapping without warrants was lawful, a position that appears to bring him into closer alignment with the sweeping theories of executive authority pushed by the Bush administration legal team.

In a letter posted online by National Review this week, the adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, said Mr. McCain believed that the Constitution gave Mr. Bush the power to authorize the National Security Agency to monitor Americans’ international phone calls and e-mail without warrants, despite a 1978 federal statute that required court oversight of surveillance.

Mr. McCain believes that “neither the administration nor the telecoms need apologize for actions that most people, except for the A.C.L.U. and trial lawyers, understand were constitutional and appropriate in the wake of the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001,” Mr. Holtz-Eakin wrote. ...

Although a spokesman for Mr. McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, denied that the senator’s views on surveillance and executive power had shifted, legal specialists said the letter contrasted with statements Mr. McCain previously made about the limits of presidential power.

In an interview about his views on the limits of executive power with The Boston Globe six months ago, Mr. McCain strongly suggested that if he became the next commander in chief, he would consider himself obligated to obey a statute restricting what he did in national security matters.

Mr. McCain was asked whether he believed that the president had constitutional power to conduct surveillance on American soil for national security purposes without a warrant, regardless of federal statutes.

He replied: “There are some areas where the statutes don’t apply, such as in the surveillance of overseas communications. Where they do apply, however, I think that presidents have the obligation to obey and enforce laws that are passed by Congress and signed into law by the president, no matter what the situation is.”

Obviously some revisionist historians are going to come along and try to spin this as a "flip-flop." But aren't these the same type of terrorist sympathizers who would sneer at St. Dismas' conversion while being crucified alongside Jesus? They don't care about what's good and Holy, or that John McCain renounced his sinful ways. Their sole concern is scoring easy political points for their side: the terrorists. And speaking of "easy," the only time they're for immunity is when it involves slutty young girls and venereal disease. Those hardworking telecoms doing The Lord's business of protecting America from immigration lawyers and Saudi Arabian florists can take a hike. This, my friends, is the Democrat Party's true agenda: dhimmitude, homosexuality, and premarital sex. So as repugnant as it may seem now, be open to the idea of holding your nose and voting for John McCain. He's looking better and better the more he campaigns. Praise Him!

Praying chihuahuas, Obama's tax returns, & $400 weaves

It will all make sense if you go to this week's contribution at American Street. Praise Him!

Streetwalkin cheaters

Check out my entry over at American Street, where I take the high road and advocate for a compassionate Conservative response to the Spitzer crisis. Praise Him!

What dhimmitude looks like

This is appalling:

In a dramatic reversal Saturday, the United States rejected and then accepted a compromise to set the stage for intense negotiations in the next two years aimed at reducing carbon dioxide emissions worldwide.

Protesters gather outside the conference center in Bali as delegates discuss climate change.

The White House, however, said in a statement that it still has "serious concerns" about the agreement.

"The negotiations must proceed on the view that the problem of climate change cannot be adequately addressed through commitments for emissions cuts by developed countries alone. Major developing economies must likewise act," the White House said.

President Bush is setting a deadly precedent showing that he is willing to negotiate with terrorist organizations. Who's next, the Democrats? Probably not, but this is a clear sign of American weakness.

There are many reasons to be skeptical of this treaty. The science behind is inconclusive at best, and the intentions of its proponents, particularly those that live in low-lying coastal areas, are far from pure. It's pretty clear they want us U.S. taxpayers to save their hides, which is not only greedy, but also stupid: Katrina should be a pretty clear indication of how we plan to deal with those sorts of problems. But the real reason to oppose it is that it doesn't so much as acknowledge the primary causes of global warming: Al Gore and no-fault divorce. This thing isn't worth the paper it's printed on -- paper, I might remind you, that was made from TREES that would otherwise be sucking carbon dioxide out of the air. Boy these liberals sure are hypocrites. Praise Him!

Freedom's mighty wang

I've been reading the flurry of moonbat postings about that great American Hero, Cpl. Matt Sanchez, and bemusedly asking myself, "Why is this a story?" For The Left to try to turn the total non-event of a former gay porn star & escort being fêted by the luminaries of Conservative America shows either a willful ignorance of the importance of man-whoring to Conservatism, a deep-seated hatred of Freedom , or the most likely answer -- both.

Cpl. Sanchez was invited to CPAC to receive the Jeane Kirkpatrick Academic Freedom Award, the highest accolade given out to that one lucky former gay porn actor or escort who scores the most face time on right wing cable news shows. Mrs. Kirkpatrick was a tireless enthusiast of gay porn, and this award upholds the fine tradition with which we have come to associate with that remarkable lady. There is even widespread speculation that next year's honoree will be one of Mrs. Kirkpatrick's personal favorites, the late Joey Stefano, whose posthumous embrace of conservative ideals was induced, much like Cpl. Sanchez's, by the modern-day Cerberus of liberalism, pornography, and radical homosexual activism. To imply that Cpl. Sanchez would not have been the recipient of such a prestigious honor had CPAC been aware of his background shows how out of touch with reality The Left truly is.

Liberal bloggers are trying to make much hay out of the supposed disparity between the treatment Cpl. Sanchez received (and continues to receive) and the CPAC party line when it comes to dealing with those morally repulsive creatures, homos, to which I respond: There is no there there. Some of Red America's truest patriots have either been gay escorts or patrons of their services. Who's to say that Abe Lincoln, the one Republican liberals don't uniformly despise, didn't pose for a few erotically-themed daguerrotypes or do a little outcall to help make rent during those lean Log Cabin days himself? As this entire sham of a scandal shows, "Homophobia" is just a buzzword liberals like to throw out when when they see they've been trounced, and I for one refuse to buy into their propaganda. Praise Him!