The elements of treason

Not an honorable one in the batch

Sorry for the gap in blogging, Christians, but your dear Sister Nancy Beth has entered the belly of The Beast by enrolling in a chemistry course four nights a week at her local community college. It is, as you would expect, a perversion of everything good and Holy in Our Nation, an open invitation to God to smite us mightily once again. While I had previously thought that biology represented the nadir of Christian-bashing in academia, the past three days have truly opened my eyes. At least in biology you have opposing schools of thought, what with the Intelligent Design and Global Cooling movements and all, but in Chemistry they're all unabashed Stalinists, marching in lockstep to sharia-compliant World Communism.

The ivory tower elistists running this show have gone to every conceivable length to denigrate America's Judeo*-Christian Heritage, starting with the "periodic" table of the elements. Just its name is offensive, as it serves up the same sort of vulgar, in-your-face feminism embodied by the [Ladyparts] Monologues, and in many ways should be considered its spiritual lesbian foremother. The elements themselves reflect the liberal bias of higher education: One is named after France, another is named after an intimate part of the female anatomy, there's one named after a dead female Mexican singer as a sop to the open-borders/multiculturalism crowd, plus a whole bunch named after bisexual Greek deities. Not surprisingly, Code Pink was given the choice of selecting which places in America would be represented: Berkeley and California. Clearly there's no room in chemistry for God or Country, as only one is named after America (and it could be that dreadful Latin America, for all we know), and Our Lord and Savior Jesus doesn't even rate a single mention.

Despite being my sworn spiritual enemy, the instructor maintains at least a facade of civility in the classroom. That is not the case with the TA for the lab component, "Omar," from Cuba -- need I say more? When I questioned the wisdom of freely distributing potentially fissile chemical compounds like H₂0 and small aluminum cubes without first running NSA background checks on my fellow students, and told him that certain Middle Eastern countries had been invaded for less, he dismissed these concerns out of hand while launching into talking points he presumably cribbed from the ACLU's website about safety goggles and keeping our workspace clean. And they wonder why we question their patriotism?

My classmates are a fairly unremarkable lot, with two exceptions: An older woman whom I call "Hillary," who wants to argue over everything (attendance policy, the syllabus, the wording for test questions that haven't even been written yet), and the swarthy, hirsute, and presumably undocumented Jose, whose chest hair poking up from beneath the collar of his t-shirt is endlessly distracting and a Siren's call to illicit fornication. No wonder venereal disease is so rampant on today's campuses -- not everyone has the same capacity for abstinence and self-denial as Sister Nancy Beth. And with these tempting little cupcakes like Jose sauntering around in their cargo shorts and flip-flops, today's Christian student certainly has a hard road ahead of her. I pray that I can show how my sisters in Christ how to find the inner Light that temperance provides, probably by making an anonymous phone call to the INS.

I'm not quite sure how this will affect blogging over the next eight weeks, aside from taking away more time from it. I've asked Kevin over at American Street to see if he'd consider moving my slot from Tuesday to either Saturday or Sunday, since the only thing happening Monday through Thursday is a whole lotta Christian Persecution. In the meantime, I'm going to try to offer brief, koan-like moments of zen when studying eases up or I need to take a break from all that shemaleum sulfide reacting with oxygen to form lesbianic acid. So if you check back here and see nothing's been posted, think of me and say a Prayer, and hopefully something will show up soon. Praise Him!

* Go Israel!

Streetwalkin cheaters

Check out my entry over at American Street, where I take the high road and advocate for a compassionate Conservative response to the Spitzer crisis. Praise Him!

Playerz bawl

Not too long ago, back when Ronald Reagan was inspiring Our Nation to loftier heights of greatness, people were barely interested in the dirty business of sex. Unfortunately, Al Gore -- aided and abetted by feminists like Naomi Wolf -- came along and invented the internets, thereby opening a virtual floodgate of pornography into every American household. As my Prayer Warriors Concerned Women For America tell us, Mr. Gore's dirty pictures have fiercely whetted America's appetite for prostitutes, turning every man, woman, and child into potential clients of their sordid craft. But they may have overlooked the one person most responsible for the exploding sex trade -- Hillary Clinton:

Hillary Clinton’s campaign is threatening to boycott future debates on MSNBC after one of its correspondents suggested the campaign had “pimped out” Chelsea Clinton by having her place phone calls to Democratic Party superdelegates on her mother’s behalf.

In a conference call with reporters Friday, Clinton spokesman Howard Wolfson excoriated MSNBC’s David Shuster for making the comment, which he called “beneath contempt” and disgusting.

“I, at this point, can’t envision a scenario where we would continue to engage in debates on that network given that comment,” he said.

Quite frankly, I think this calls Chairman Hillary's judgment into serious question more than her overly liberal voting record ever could. Why would the Clintons send a chick as butt ugly as Chelsea to do their bidding? Men, particularly foreign heads of state, don't want to boff that dog-faced pooch. They want to get down with hot Republican babes like Ann Coulter and Mary Cheney. If this is any indication of what she'd be offering up to us citizens during her presidency, then give me that colored guy... Alan Keyes! Praise Him!

Meta-blogging

I've just added a new tag: venereal disease. Look for it any time I write about Bill Clinton. Praise Him!

I smell Leadership

My Prayer Warriors have expressed their doubts about the fitness of Mike Huckabee to lead Our Christian Nation, and I can understand their uncertainty. His diabolical plot to impose World Communism could have put him on more t-shirts in Berkeley than Che Guevara, and had he been more on the ball, he could have bashed Valerie Plame for all that bad intelligence she put in the NIE in between games of computer solitaire at her desk. All those doubts can be cast aside, though, when you take into account the deeply Christian worldview that informs his dealings with those disgusting faggots:

GOP presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee said Sunday he won't run from his statement 15 years ago that AIDS patients should have been isolated.

Huckabee acknowledged the prevailing scientific view then, and since, that the virus that causes AIDS is not spread through casual contact, but said that was not certain. He cited revelations in 1991 that a dentist had infected a patient in an extraordinary case that highlighted the risk of infection through contact with blood or bodily fluids.

"I still believe this today," he said in a broadcast interview, that "we were acting more out of political correctness" in responding to the AIDS crisis. "I don't run from it, I don't recant it," he said of his position in 1992. Yet he said he would state his view differently in retrospect.

A very sensible stance. Not only is HIV spread through casual contact, but so is homosexuality. Had it not been permitted to spread like wildfire for the past 20 years, Rosie O'Donnell would be a happily married gym teacher and the late 90's boy-band resurgence would never have happened.

Obviously he's being mau-maued by radical homosexual activists with their usual cries of hydrophobia, so Mr. Huckabee has taken the high road and classily apologized to them for the fact that they have to be so gay and stupid:

In an interview on "Fox News Sunday," the former Arkansas governor denied those words were a call to quarantine the AIDS population, although he did not explain how else isolation would be achieved. "I didn't say we should quarantine," he said. The idea was not to "lock people up."

Huckabee stated his 1992 positions in an AP questionnaire in which he also called homosexuality "an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle."

And there you have it. I haven't decided which candidate I am going to endorse (I keep hoping they'll exhume Reagan's corpse & enter him in time for the California primary), but Mr. Huckabee is showing himself to be a worthy heir to the Republican throne. Praise Him!