Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The elements of treason

Not an honorable one in the batch

Sorry for the gap in blogging, Christians, but your dear Sister Nancy Beth has entered the belly of The Beast by enrolling in a chemistry course four nights a week at her local community college. It is, as you would expect, a perversion of everything good and Holy in Our Nation, an open invitation to God to smite us mightily once again. While I had previously thought that biology represented the nadir of Christian-bashing in academia, the past three days have truly opened my eyes. At least in biology you have opposing schools of thought, what with the Intelligent Design and Global Cooling movements and all, but in Chemistry they're all unabashed Stalinists, marching in lockstep to sharia-compliant World Communism.

The ivory tower elistists running this show have gone to every conceivable length to denigrate America's Judeo*-Christian Heritage, starting with the "periodic" table of the elements. Just its name is offensive, as it serves up the same sort of vulgar, in-your-face feminism embodied by the [Ladyparts] Monologues, and in many ways should be considered its spiritual lesbian foremother. The elements themselves reflect the liberal bias of higher education: One is named after France, another is named after an intimate part of the female anatomy, there's one named after a dead female Mexican singer as a sop to the open-borders/multiculturalism crowd, plus a whole bunch named after bisexual Greek deities. Not surprisingly, Code Pink was given the choice of selecting which places in America would be represented: Berkeley and California. Clearly there's no room in chemistry for God or Country, as only one is named after America (and it could be that dreadful Latin America, for all we know), and Our Lord and Savior Jesus doesn't even rate a single mention.

Despite being my sworn spiritual enemy, the instructor maintains at least a facade of civility in the classroom. That is not the case with the TA for the lab component, "Omar," from Cuba -- need I say more? When I questioned the wisdom of freely distributing potentially fissile chemical compounds like H20 and small aluminum cubes without first running NSA background checks on my fellow students, and told him that certain Middle Eastern countries had been invaded for less, he dismissed these concerns out of hand while launching into talking points he presumably cribbed from the ACLU's website about safety goggles and keeping our workspace clean. And they wonder why we question their patriotism?

My classmates are a fairly unremarkable lot, with two exceptions: An older woman whom I call "Hillary," who wants to argue over everything (attendance policy, the syllabus, the wording for test questions that haven't even been written yet), and the swarthy, hirsute, and presumably undocumented Jose, whose chest hair poking up from beneath the collar of his t-shirt is endlessly distracting and a Siren's call to illicit fornication. No wonder venereal disease is so rampant on today's campuses -- not everyone has the same capacity for abstinence and self-denial as Sister Nancy Beth. And with these tempting little cupcakes like Jose sauntering around in their cargo shorts and flip-flops, today's Christian student certainly has a hard road ahead of her. I pray that I can show how my sisters in Christ how to find the inner Light that temperance provides, probably by making an anonymous phone call to the INS.

I'm not quite sure how this will affect blogging over the next eight weeks, aside from taking away more time from it. I've asked Kevin over at American Street to see if he'd consider moving my slot from Tuesday to either Saturday or Sunday, since the only thing happening Monday through Thursday is a whole lotta Christian Persecution. In the meantime, I'm going to try to offer brief, koan-like moments of zen when studying eases up or I need to take a break from all that shemaleum sulfide reacting with oxygen to form lesbianic acid. So if you check back here and see nothing's been posted, think of me and say a Prayer, and hopefully something will show up soon. Praise Him!

* Go Israel!

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