Blogging against theocracy

We are in the dwindling hours of Blog Against Theocracy weekend, and if there were ever any time in Our Nation's history that we needed to be on guard against the menace of unbridled religious authority chipping away at the safeguards of the Constitution, it's now. This past week has shown that the Democrats' leading presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama, is in the thralls of a militant death cult, the Trinity United Church of Christ, and its charismatic leader, Rev. Jeremiah Wright. If -- Heaven help us -- he should he win, Ayatollah Obama would subject America to a negroid theocracy in which us poor white people become the sacrificial lambs offered up to their angry black deities. Our fair-minded jurists like Antonin Scalia, Samuel Alito, and Clarence Thomas would be cannibalized and replaced by tribal elders who rule in favor of whoever can provide them with the most livestock, and our airwaves would be filled with the strident rhetoric of America-haters like Malcolm X and Oprah Winfrey.

Mr. Obama's "church" not only advocates the violent extermination of the white race, but it also willfully misrepresents the Gospel of the Christian Church in its message of social uplift -- for black people! If that weren't alarming enough, liberal apologists try to explain away this grave menace to Freedom by saying that this is just the tip of the iceberg and most black churches hate America just as much, or even more so.

The Left may think that it can avoid the horrors an Obama caliphate would bring by voting for his opponent, Chairman Hillary. However, a recently unearthed photograph shows that even Bill Clinton has fallen under the spell of Reverend Jeremiah Wright, around the time he shot his DNA on Monica Lewinsky. Was it in fact the pernicious influence of Rev. Wright that led Bill Clinton to conduct himself in such a sinful manner? And can we safely assume that Mrs. Clinton herself has not been corrupted by this treacherous "preacher," even though she may have fallen under his penetrating negro gaze? It would certainly explain her endless string of murders and lesbian trysts.

This past week has forced me to reevaluate the role Faith should have in America. Our Nation was founded upon Christian Values, and church attendance should be compulsory, except for black people, whom we should actively try to keep out of our houses of Worship. Recent events have shown that rather than spreading the Word of Family Values, honoring Our Nation through deregulation, and making sure firearms are cheap and plentiful in their local communities, they'd rather hijack the message of the Gospel to their own Communistic ends. Let us hope common sense prevails and a Republican is returned to the White House, so that the nightmare of theocracy can be avoided. Praise Him!

Playerz bawl

Not too long ago, back when Ronald Reagan was inspiring Our Nation to loftier heights of greatness, people were barely interested in the dirty business of sex. Unfortunately, Al Gore -- aided and abetted by feminists like Naomi Wolf -- came along and invented the internets, thereby opening a virtual floodgate of pornography into every American household. As my Prayer Warriors Concerned Women For America tell us, Mr. Gore's dirty pictures have fiercely whetted America's appetite for prostitutes, turning every man, woman, and child into potential clients of their sordid craft. But they may have overlooked the one person most responsible for the exploding sex trade -- Hillary Clinton:

Hillary Clinton’s campaign is threatening to boycott future debates on MSNBC after one of its correspondents suggested the campaign had “pimped out” Chelsea Clinton by having her place phone calls to Democratic Party superdelegates on her mother’s behalf.

In a conference call with reporters Friday, Clinton spokesman Howard Wolfson excoriated MSNBC’s David Shuster for making the comment, which he called “beneath contempt” and disgusting.

“I, at this point, can’t envision a scenario where we would continue to engage in debates on that network given that comment,” he said.

Quite frankly, I think this calls Chairman Hillary's judgment into serious question more than her overly liberal voting record ever could. Why would the Clintons send a chick as butt ugly as Chelsea to do their bidding? Men, particularly foreign heads of state, don't want to boff that dog-faced pooch. They want to get down with hot Republican babes like Ann Coulter and Mary Cheney. If this is any indication of what she'd be offering up to us citizens during her presidency, then give me that colored guy... Alan Keyes! Praise Him!

Meta-blogging

I've just added a new tag: venereal disease. Look for it any time I write about Bill Clinton. Praise Him!

Accountability

Bill Clinton gave me these Chiclets for teeth.

As a member of the Party of Personal Responsibility, I couldn't be happier than to see Pat Robertson give his Blessing to the candidate who practices the most precious of our Our Christian Values: Blaming Bill Clinton for everything. Slick Willie's toxic legacy to America was single digit unemployment, an appalling 75% approval rate in Muslim countries, epidemic teenage masturbation, and a run-away stock market. In short, this country was in the shambles, and I for one am grateful I lived through those dark days to witness Our President restore some of our tarnished Honor.

Seeing Mr. Clinton finally being called to account for the dilapidated state he's left our military in inspired the Citizen Journalist in me: What other misfortunes are the Clintons responsible for, but MSM is too lazy to report on and it would take away from their negative reporting on Iraq? I glanced over this past week's stories and the fingerprints of Bill & Hill (or their minions) are all over them:

† Al Gore,* fat-assed serial killer:

An 18-year-old student opened fire in a Finnish high school Wednesday, killing seven students and the principal before turning the gun on himself, police said. ...

Finnish media said the shooter revealed his plans in a YouTube posting before the attack.

The video, titled "Jokela High School Massacre," showed a picture of a building by a lake that appeared to be the high school, along with two photos of a young man holding a handgun. The person who posted the video was identified in the user profile as an 18-year-old man from Finland. The posting was later removed.

If Al Gore hadn't parked his fat ass down in front of his TI-99/4A with a bag of Doritos and invented the Internets, there would be no YouTube to post to, and those Finnish kids would be alive and pearl-diving or whatever it is they do down Finland.

† Hillary Clinton, Hell's file clerk:

The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library is unable to find or account for tens of thousands of valuable mementos of Reagan's White House years because a "near universal" security breakdown left the artifacts vulnerable to pilfering by insiders, an audit by the National Archives inspector general has concluded.

Inspector General Paul Brachfeld said that his office was investigating allegations that a former employee stole Reagan memorabilia but that the probe had been hampered by the facility's sloppy record-keeping. ...

The audit found that the Reagan library was unable to properly account for more than 80,000 artifacts out of its collection of some 100,000 such items, and "may have experienced loss or pilferage the scope of which will likely never be known."

What with all her illegal fundraising, pet-killing, and dining and dashing, I didn't think Chairman Hillary had the time to apply her shady record-keeping skills to another crime scene, but clearly I have understimated her. I'm only grateful The Gipper isn't alive to see what she's done to His memory.

† Jimmy Carter, child abuser: Your very own Sister Nancy Beth cracked a molar this week, resulting in an emergency protest to the dentist's and a temporary crown. I don't know exactly when this tooth got filled,** but most of my fillings date back to the early years of the Reagan administration, which means this cavity probably started forming some time during the Carter years. If Jimmy Carter had been more interested in oral hygiene than capitulating to our Muslim enemies, I wouldn't have had to go through this ordeal.*** I wonder if that makes it into Hollywood's latest fawning documentary about this traitor, but I seriously doubt it. Praise Him!


* Meaning, course, that Al Gore is fat-assed, though I suppose the fact he's a serial killer of the fat-assed hasn't entirely been disproven yet, either.

** According to my dentist, teeth with fillings are weaker than those without. But then again, what does he know?

*** Check your spam filter for Sister Nancy Beth's Dental Defense Fund fundraising pleas!

Devilcrat watch

† The Democrat presidential primary is a beauty pageant in which the candidates try to demonstrate that they hate America more than their rivals, and since Osama Bin Laden probably couldn't sneak into the country to accept their nomination, they'll just name Hillary Clinton instead. But it looks as if dark horse Barack Hussein Obama may take the lead with his latest fatwa against Our Nation:

"You know, the truth is that right after 9/11, I had a [flag lapel] pin," Obama said. "Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we're talking about the Iraq War, that became a substitute for I think true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security, I decided I won't wear that pin on my chest.

"Instead," he said, "I'm going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testimony to my patriotism."

Or maybe he just hates America. The Democrats' war on empty gestures (c.f. John Edwards' bumper sticker gaffe) may play well with their nuance-loving, Volvo-driving, French-speaking constituents, but to those of us who love Freedom, he might as well burn an American flag... which he'll probably do while he proudly accepts their nomination, in Arabic. Alarming, to say the least.

† Clinton the unstoppable sex machine: God help us, it looks as if DC's drycleaners will be removing Bill Clinton's DNA from another generation of interns' dresses. Chairman Hillary's seductive wiles probably rank up their with Rosie O'Donell's in terms of effectiveness on the gentlemen of the species, but somehow (black magic? widespread ingestion of lead paint?), male Democrats are warming up to this castrating shrew:

An ABC/Washington Post poll released Oct. 3 shows that 48 percent of Democratic men — a rise from 29 percent at the beginning of September — support her presidential bid.

This is clearly another symptom of America's declining Morals, as the article goes on to speculate that part of her appeal may be a sense of nostalgia for Bill Clinton's police state:

"This country was rocking and rolling when the Clintons were in office," said Walter Cheadle, a 64-year-old independent. "I consider her a very intelligent woman. She was in the White House for eight years with her husband and she has all that experience."

The only upside: the possiblity of 4/8 years of endless congressional inquiries into her 1974 tax returns. Glory!

† Despite the missteps Our President has made dealing with illegal immigrants, he has a good heart, and of all the political figures I can think of, he's the one I'd most like to drink a beer and do a line of blow with. His agenda of Compassionate Convervatism was on full display this week when he spared future generations of children the horrors of dependence on the federal government for their health insurance (that's for when they're 65) and vetoed the expansion of the SCHIP bill. Instead of leading them down the slippery slope of welfare spongehood, he taught America's Youth a valuable and character-building lesson: If you want something bad enough, get a job and have your employer provide you with it. And how do the Democrats respond? Like total assholes:

The House of Representatives will wait two weeks before voting to overturn or uphold President Bush's veto of the proposed expansion of a children's health insurance program, even though they argued earlier that time was the critical issue in forcing the legislation through Congress. ...

Democrats have already started running ads in some Republican districts criticizing the Republican member's vote on the SCHIP bill. Democrats can use the next two weeks to try to convince enough Republicans to switch their votes so they can override the veto.

The bill Bush vetoed passed the House Sept. 25 by a vote of 265-159, short of the 290 votes needed to overturn a veto.

"The fact that they are delaying this for two weeks reflects that they're more interested in running radio and TV ads for two weeks than they are in expanding children's health insurance coverage as quickly as possible," Rep. Adam Putnam (R-Fla.) told reporters in a briefing Wednesday.

It's obvious the DemocRATS are more interested in instilling partisan loyalty in future generations of potential Democratic voters than tending to the health insurance needs of America' children. I only hope this cynical ploy blows up in their faces before they do more damage to America and the Republican Party. Praise Him!

Our Lady of the Denunciations

The Left has given me anthrax (again -- this time manifesting itself as a hacking cough), but I couldn't use that for an excuse so liberals could deny Our Nation the spiritual guidance only I can provide. I am glad to see Congress is finally doing its job and issuing multiple condemnations of MoveOn.org for sending Iranian President Ahmadinejad to the Folsom Street leather fair... or was it Columbia University for placing a full page ad in the New York Times of Jesus & His Disciples surrounded by butt plugs? Regardless, in the spirit of this week of Outrage, I hereby condemn Congress for taking so long to issue their condemnations, and condemn anyone who would condemn me for it. There, that felt good.

In the world of multiple Outrages, though, nothing quite comes close to the Clintons. Oddly enough, America's leading crime family is at it again, this time threatening to extinguish American Capitalism with bogus lawsuits in their ruthless quest to return to the White House. From Fox News, naturally:

The owner of a New York City restaurant is “heartbroken” over a letter he received from former President Bill Clinton's lawyer asking that a photograph of daughter Chelsea be removed from his eatery — or face legal action.

The photo, taken of the former first daughter with Osso Buco owner Nino Selimaj, has been on display in the window of the Greenwich Village haunt for about five years, the restaurateur said. It was snapped when Chelsea, now 27, was having dinner there with a group of about 30 friends. ...

A lawyer who walked by the restaurant Wednesday said the Clintons might have a case, because the use of photographs of private citizens or celebrities for commercial purposes can sometimes be subject to lawsuits.

“She’s a public figure, so they could claim he’s exploiting her image,” said Paul Leavin, 61, of New York. He said the issue of whether or not the ex-president’s daughter is a private citizen, as well as whether the photo was being used for commercial gain, were both up for dispute.

One wonders what will happen when their allies in Hollywood follow suit, as is expected to happen, and sic their black helicopters on the businesses that display headshots of their showbiz clientele. It could mean the death of the drycleaning and car wash industries in all of Southern California, if not the western United States, resulting in even more illegal aliens congregating in Michelle Malkin's neighborhood waiting for work. This is an Outrage of the highest order, and while I sympathize with the restaurant owner's desire to post a picture of Chelsea Clinton, it should be one issued by the FBI where she's declared America' Most Wanted. Praise Him!

Soldiers of misfortune

Another soldier the Clintons forced into prostitution?

The Clinton presidency's legacy of failure runs long and deep. In fact, only the most deeply partisan can look at the problems that have plagued the present administration (Iraq, Katrina, l'affaire Plame) and not see a snail trail going all the way back to Slick Willie. The latest casualty of his arrogance and disregard for the rule of law is The Left's former(?) brothers-in-arms, the Red Army, who have learned the hard way what Don't Ask Don't Tell really means:

A recruit serving in the Russian Interior Ministry’s signals corps in central St. Petersburg has sent a letter to the Soldiers’ Mothers human rights group claiming that he and dozens of his fellow soldiers are being forced into prostitution by older recruits.

“Instead of having a well-earned rest, young recruits are ordered up by phone and delivered nightly to their top-ranking clients — including army generals,” said Ella Polyakova, head of the St. Petersburg arm of Soldiers’ Mothers.

And this man's wife wants to be president? Outrageous! Who's to say that HillaryCare won't ultimately turn our clinics, hospitals, and nursing homes into a nationwide chain of upscale bordellos? After all, if The Left hates the troops enough to do this, they're willing to do anything. Praise Him!