Workers of the world, disrobe

According to the lamestream media, the Occupy Wall Street movement is an organic reaction to the unprecedented levels of privilege enjoyed by Our Nation's Job Creators, despite the fact that the OWS wish list comes straight out of the Communist Manifesto. To hear the liberal apologists tell it, the socialist utopia envisioned by our aromatic hippie friends would hold corporate malfeasors accountable for their actions rather than rewarding them, make full employment of the workforce a policy goal, and reduce income inequality to levels beneath their Gilded Age levels... basically anything to avoid Personal Responsibility for their own pathetic lot in life. Recent actions, however, lead me to believe that their purported objectives are mere camouflage for their real agenda: a return to the clothing-optional lifestyles of the 1960s. According to my Prayer Warriors at FoxNation, a recent love-ins took a turn toward the lascivious when the pungent OWS flower children should have been Occupying a Brassiere:

A Eugene woman is speaking out after she and her family accidentally stumbled upon a topless protest outside City Councilor George Poling's house.

The woman says she was taking her six and eight year old boys out to look at Christmas lights when she saw a group of topless women, with bags over their heads and red paint on their bodies.

Reading this left me absolutely panic stricken. The Left has been tailoring the OWS class warfare message to capitalize on voter discontent. What happens if they let the mask slip away entirely and conduct this campaign totally in the nude? Barack Hussein Obama has already shown an unprecedented willingness to use the First Nipples to shore up support among his base of exhibitionists and homosexuals. Who's to say the presidential wang isn't soon to follow?

I wouldn't be so disheartened by this turn of events if I thought our presumptive nominee had the Character to resist this sort of pandering, but I have no Faith that Mitt Romney wouldn't show up shirtless at the next debate if he thought it would enhance his appeal to independent & RINO nudists. Hopefully, the good voters of Iowa will send Mitt & his opportunistic man-teats back to Taxachusetts and vote for the guy who always keeps a buffer of boiled lambswool between us & his dirty parts. Praise Him!

Un Chien And A Loser

Ever since The Left expelled Our Heavenly Father from our schools and began teaching the "theory" of "evolution," Our Nation's Values have descended to Nero-like levels of decadence. Rather than being taught the Glory of His Creation, children today are tube-fed an onslaught of filth like "adaptation" and "DNA," which is just highfalutin Libspeak for Satan's trickery and that dirty dirty mansauce, respectively. The result is a coarsened culture that seeks to downplay our Dominion over God's creatures and turn them into our equals. "A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy," a radical liberal elitist once notably quipped, presumably in reference to her choice of sexual partners, and the perverted fruit of this denuncation of God's law is becoming all too evident:

A Sacramento parolee convicted of sexually assaulting a chihuahua was sentenced this week to 10 years in prison and must now register as a sex offender.

A jury last month convicted Robert Edward De Shields of strangulation and sexual abuse of the 8-month-old chihuahua. He was high on meth at the time of the attack, prosecutors said. ...

A veterinarian later found severe injuries to the dog's rectum and internal organs.

What's especially tragic is that if The Left weren't so determined to advance their agenda of free and easy fornication, this dog could have had abstinence-only sex education at obedience school and defended itself. Instead, true to liberal form, we've got another bloodied anus and an additional member of the correctional system. If this isn't enough to convince our fellow Americans to get rid of Obama and his cabal of radical social engineers, then I weep for the future of Our Nation. Praise Him!

Un-American Pie

If you're a Real American like me, you're probably sick of all this elitist hand-wringing over solving the so-called "problem" of epistemic closure (whatever, Frenchy!) among conservatives. The answer is quite simple, eggheads: put a spoon in their mouths so they don't swallow their tongues, and let them go back to watching Glenn Beck. Unfortunately, the weak sisters of the conservative movement who see "epistemic closure" as the shibboleth for gaining admittance to the Georgetown cocktail party circuit have no use for common-sense conservative solutions like this. Instead, The Left and their stooges on the right view it as the problematic circle jerk among the Fox News, the Republican Party, and the conservative blogosphere, which will ultimately render movement conservatism intellectually bankrupt... at least until Sarah Palin's next book. As far as I can tell, it is the only sexual act our pointy-headed intellectual superiors find objectionable, which speaks mountains about liberal hypocrisy in these matters.

What's truly unfortunate is that all this pointless chatter about intellectual honesty and standards and principles diverts attention away from the sort of blogging that really matters, like exposing the latest pastry-based Outrage the Obama thugocracy has unleashed on Our Nation:

Obama's senior adviser, David Axelrod, told Jay Leno Friday that the president was forced to "separate" from the White House pastry chef to break his bad eating habits.

"One of the things that happened when he came to the White House is they have a very great pastry chef. It became a big problem," Axelrod confided on "The Tonight Show."

The president, he said, "has a weakness for pie."

This is a bigger slap in the face than Curry-gate, Arugula-gate, Orange Juice-gate, and Waffle-gate combined. It is my understanding that where "President" Obama comes from, the native palate tends to favor things like grubworms and zebras over American dishes like pies and cakes, which begs the follow-up question, "What kind of pastries does Barack Hussein Obama like?"

The answer probably would have surpised us. Axelrod may have unconvincingly tried to weasel out of the trap he set for himself by referring to that most American of desserts, apple pie, but I suspect in the chummy world of lamestream media in which he travels, he would have shown his true colors and said that the "President" finishes each meal with a slice of Chairman Mao's red velvet cake before bowing five times toward Mecca, and sneaks down into the White House kitchen in the middle of the night for a slice of Black Power! forest cake. The ensuing clamour would see an investigation into the unsavory past of Obama's Chicago Machine-connected pastry chef and the many revolutionary cookbooks lining the walls of the pantry (e.g. Saul Alinsky's Recipes for Radicals: Fomenting Class-Based Revolution in Five Easy Courses). That Jay Leno would choose to ignore this obvious gaffe is neither surprising nor unusual. Once again, by their dereliction of duty, liberal media's talking heads have shown that it's up to the Fox News personalities to do the heavy lifting in journalism. Megyn, Bill O, take it away. Praise Him!

Currying disfavor

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish those of you who happen across this blog while looking for porn a Happy Thanksgiving, only thanks to our "president," that's something of an impossibility. In the greatest assault to the sovereignty of Our Nation since Barack Hussein Obama put mustard on a hamburger, The One has ruined this most Sacred of American holidays and set back the cause of canned yams in marshmallow glaze at least a decade, by serving the Prime Minister of India an Indian-themed State dinner two days before Thanksgiving:

The dinner takes place in a huge tent on the South Lawn, and guest will dine on Indian influenced dishes with choices for vegetarians and vegans. The menu includes a salad of arugula grown in the White House garden, potato and eggplant salad, red lentil soup with fresh cheese, and potato dumplings with tomato chutney. Entrees are a choice of chick peas and okra or green curry prawns, served with caramelized salsify, smoke collard greens and coconut aged basmati.

Outrageous! First bowing to Tojo, and now this. Is it any wonder America's friends and enemies alike are snickering behind our backs?

Christians, if there were ever any reason to put Sarah Palin in the White House, this is it. We need someone who shares our Values as well as our American tastes. In a Palin administration, First Dude Todd would be cooking up hamburgers on the grill while Mama Grizzly whipped up a sumptuous batch of her world famous moose chili. If any dot-headed foreigners balked at eating meat on "religious" grounds, she could just set them straight: "If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?" Suck. On. That., you dirty hippies. Praise Him!

Friday Random Ten: Ayatollah Pelosi Edition

I haven't done one of these in a while, but after learning that Madame Speaker has once again shown her hatred for The Troops by replacing her patriotic Muzak with Jane Fonda singing The Internationale, I was moved to see what ditties the oracular iTunes would have me listen to. Hey, San Fran Nan, SUCK. ON. THIS.:

Thinking Fellers Union Local 282 - Hurricane
Joy Division - Atmosphere
Gram Parsons - How Much I've Lied
Bert Jansch - Katie Cruel
Monade - La Carotte De L'humanite
Lee Ranaldo - Scriptures Of The Golden Eternity #3
Sally Timms - Homburg
Dump - How Many Bells?
Gate - New York 1
Aidan Baker & Tim Hecker - Gallery Of The Invisible Woman

Praise Him!

Sister Nancy Beth's Health & Happiness Show

Actual liberal death panelist in action.

The Left loves to chortle about how conservatives are in disarray, but Barack Hussein Obama has unified Real Americans in opposition to his totalitarian power grab. Since The One announced his plans to force compulsory abortions on all heterosexual white women and euthanize elderly Republicans, many of Conservatism's keenest intellects -- Victoria Jackson, Sarah Palin, & Chuck Norris -- have weighed in. But we've yet to hear from the most important voice in this debate: mine. I am rectifying this horrible omission forthwith.

The Obama plan, in its un-Holy quest to cover as many Americans as possible, assaults Freedom in the most fiendish ways imaginable: by limiting copayments for preventive care and prohibiting rescissions and exclusions for pre-existing conditions -- JUST LIKE ADOLPH HITLER. I can only imagine that shredding the Constitution in this manner gives our "president" some perverse Islamic thrill. As an assistant adjunct member of the janitorial staff who often beat the chalk out of the erasers after constitutional law classes, surely he would know that the Freedom to go without health insurance is perhaps one of the most precious gifts the Founding Fathers gave to us. And Christians, this Freedom isn't free. Every year, approximately 101,000 Americans make the ultimate sacrifice of saying "Thanks, but no thanks" to the atheist commie homosexuals who want to force them into routine care. Don't let their patriotic efforts be in vain. Help keep Americans uninsured; otherwise, the terrorists will have won. Praise Him!

Running on empty

He wouldn't be so lonely if those lazy bus riders got off their fat asses and joined him...

Everytime I do my weekly protest at Trader Joe's, some patchouli-infused hippie with a clipboard accosts me about signing some retarded petition or other to expand public transportation. "I'm not gay," I tell them, but nothing can dislodge the idea from The Left's feeble minds that mass transit is the magic bullet for all their PC bogeypersons: Peak oil! Sprawl! Global warming! Air pollution! To hear the public transportation cultists tell it, expanded light-rail and bus service will do everything but cure cancer and venereal warts.

Obviously this represents only one side of the story, the side promoted by foul-mouthed liberal bloggers and the MSM in a shameless attempt to deny Our Nation's Christian heritage. Why, for example, is there no discussion of the Biblical disavowal of mass transit? After all, God took Elijah up to Heaven in a private chariot, not some crappy bus making stops every 75 feet. I extend a tip of the hat to prayer warriors WorldNetDaily for broadening the dialog and linking to an article demonstrating one of the many benefits of less public transportation: increased athletic ability

Jeffrey Lawal Balogun was just 19 when a scout from a top athletics club saw him racing after the No28.

Now, three years on, he is hoping to be part of Team GB for the 2012 London Games.

Jeffrey, currently ranked seventh in the UK at the 60m sprint, told yesterday how his lightning dash down the road in Bromley, Kent, changed his life. He said: "I always knew that I was fast, but I didn't really know how to get into running.

"Then one day I was on my way to college and had to run after the bus. I must have been quite fast because a girl came up to me afterwards and asked if I ran with a club."

If the liberals had had their way, this young athlete would have known that the nanny state would be sending another bus in five minutes, and he could have waddled over to the stop like the usual bus rider. Instead, he had to hustle, and in doing so, learned something valuable about himself. How many future champions has the coddling of public transportation advocates robbed this country of? Speaking as a Christian, I find it shameful that moonbats continue to try to increase funding for these initiative-sapping boondoggles, rather than help recruit the cream of the crop for our future Olympic teams. So let's go out there and cut bus service to underserved communities for the Gipper! Praise Him!

Peak Soil

One of the hallmarks of contemporary liberalism is the visceral hatred for America that The Left tries to pass off as some sort of imminent "problem": Global warming! AIDS! Health care! Recession! While I plan to be Raptured out of this shithole before any of these hit, for those of you keeping track, the libtards have uncovered yet another "crisis" that, amazingly enough, will be solved by their treasonous agenda of vegetarianism and homosexuality:

Agriculture has too often involved an insupportable abuse and waste of soil, ever since the first farmers took away the soil-saving cover and roots of perennial plants. Civilizations have destroyed themselves by destroying their farmland. This irremediable loss, never enough noticed, has been made worse by the huge monocultures and continuous soil-exposure of the agriculture we now practice. ...

Any restorations will require, above all else, a substantial increase in the acreages of perennial plants. The most immediately practicable way of doing this is to go back to crop rotations that include hay, pasture and grazing animals.

But a more radical response is necessary if we are to keep eating and preserve our land at the same time. In fact, research in Canada, Australia, China and the United States over the last 30 years suggests that perennialization of the major grain crops like wheat, rice, sorghum and sunflowers can be developed in the foreseeable future. By increasing the use of mixtures of grain-bearing perennials, we can better protect the soil and substantially reduce greenhouse gases, fossil-fuel use and toxic pollution.

That's socialism, plain and simple.

Sister Nancy Beth has a secret confession for you, dear readers. For the latter part of 2008, I was protesting a soil "science" course at a not-so-local junior college once a week, and found it to be filled with the usual Christian-bashing diatribes worthy of Ward Churchill himself. Erosion, rather than being seen as Our Heavenly Father's master plan for transporting fertile topsoil from those treasonous blue states down to His loyal red ones, is instead regarded as some sort of ecological "evil," even though the means to prevent it are dangerous to Our Nation's Values. Professor Moonbeam practically had me laughed out of class when he publicly ridiculed my final paper "Someone's in the Garden with Rosie: Stubble Mulches and the Radical Lesbian Agenda," which valiantly argued stubble mulch tillage was a way of normalizing the sapphic practice of not shaving unsightly body hair.

Unfortunately, this latest assault against Our Nation seems to be gaining some traction. National Geographic must have run out of Third-World women with sagging breasts to photograph, because they recently befouled their slick pages with an unhinged rant that would have been equally at home on some obscure DailyKos diary.

Rather than once again succumbing to The Left's politics of hatred and fear, I urge my fellow Freedom-lovers to reject these scare tactics as the ploy for World Communism that they truly are. America needs to stand up to Barack Hussein Obama's sinister agenda of public works, lower-class tax cuts, and soil conservation, or we're liable to wake up one morning and think we were in Stalinist Russia. Praise Him!

A HANDJOB well done

I've been struggling with blogging lately, which leads me to think that I might need to initiate some sort of regularly appearing feature to take the guesswork out of what I'm posting about. As it is, I depend on my Prayer Warriors to Inspire me with their tales of victimhood by The Left. While I've gotten plenty of mileage out of secondhand (and firsthand!) Persecution, I'm afraid I may be getting jaded about how hard our lot in life as America's Christians truly is and really haven't been moved enough to write about it... which is probably just what those liberal traitors want. But fret not, Christians, because there's no way those moonbats are going to shut me down.

One thing that has invigorated me is the gusto with which my Prayer Warriors are going after Barack Hussein Obama. It's positively infectious, and fortunately not in that horrible liberal way that requires you to go to the free clinic for a shot afterwards. So it is with great fanfare that I am pleased to unveil my newest blogging initiative, Honest Americans Neutralizing the Deceptions that the Jihadist Obama Broadcasts, or HANDJOB for short, to recognize the excellent work conservatives are doing to keep Our Nation from following this pied piper into a state of Islezbofascist tyranny.

The best HANDJOB given to the conservative blogosphere this week comes from WorldNetDaily, who introduces us to yet another red who inculcated young Barack Hussein into the ways of World Communism, through the black art of poetry:

The man who heavily influenced U.S. Sen. Barack Obama during his growing years wrote poetry praising the aggression of communism, criticizing "Sweet Jesus" and mocking the traditional hymn "Onward Christian Soldiers," according to an advocate for media accuracy.

WND reported earlier when Cliff Kincaid wrote at Accuracy in Media about the link between Frank Marshall Davis, a member of the old Moscow-controlled Communist Party USA, and Obama, who cited a mysterious "Frank" in his book. ...

Kincaid, in a statement on his USA Survival organization website, said a full report will be released May 22 on how communist and socialist forces have influenced Obama.

"Herbert Romerstein, a former investigator for the House Committee on Un-American Activities, will present a detailed report on Obama's years in Hawaii, when he came into contact with and under the influence of a member of the Communist Party, Frank Marshall Davis," Kincaid said.

I was able to locate some of Comrade Davis' "poetry" on the internets, and I am appalled at its outward hostility to Freedom. First of all, it doesn't even rhyme, and secondly, not a single one of the three poems I glanced at begins with "There once was a man from [Red State locale]." This blatant disregard for America's great literary traditions reminds of another America-hater who made his living spewing vile words of calumny against Our Nation, Robert Frost. Frost's work embodies the most egregious excesses of the radical environmental movement, often lauding the hostile forces of nature over the benevolent forces of patriotism, and naturally The Left reveres him for it, even going so far as to have him let loose with one of his filthy rants at a presidential inauguration. I shudder at what we can expect on Obama's inauguration day.

Being a conservative blogger requires me to wear many hats -- military strategist, campaign consultant, forensics expert, economist, and now literary scholar. While there are times when I find all this work to be wearying, the satisfaction I get from knowing that I am helping restore America to her former greatness by calling Democrats traitors and fags makes it all worthwhile. Praise Him!

Embalming Freedom's corpse

Go visit me over at American Street, where I expose The Left's treacherous plot to strip you of your constitutional right to Freedom's most precious preservative, formaldehyde. Praise Him!

I put a spell on you

The 2008 election presents Our Nation with one very important question: Who hates America more -- Barack Hussein Obama, or his radical associates? Already we've made the unfortunate acquaintanceship of one "Reverend" Jeremiah Wright, whose idea of an American utopia would be a tribal headhunter society, and William "Bill" Ayers, the one man who's come closest to killing off American Capitalism since Franklin "Delano" Roosevelt. Just when you thought this drum circle of homos, hippies, and negroes couldn't get any larger, Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily have unearthed the latest radical out to destroy God and Country hiding in the Obama camp:

In the same week the Obama campaign quietly removed from its official website a page managed by a fundraiser tied to the Islamic terrorist group Hamas, its official blogger has come under attack as a "hardcore Marxist" for hanging a Communist Party flag in his Harvard campus apartment and publishing in a self-professed 'revolutionary Marxist' journal.

Sam Graham-Felsen, a journalist-on-leave from The Nation, joined Obama for America in March 2007 where he works for the New Media department as the official blogger, daily presenting the campaign's public face. Now he's under fire for his reputed Marxist sympathies from bloggers at Common Ills on the left and Little Green Footballs on the right.

Graham-Felsen, according to a 2003 article in the Harvard Crimson, adorned one corner of his shared student apartment with "a Communist Party flag ... bought on their trip to Russia the summer after sophomore year."

This is a tremendously alarming development. Ronald Reagan, as we all know, drove a silver stake through the heart of the Evil Empire back in 1989, which means someone must have somehow reanimated it: Has Barack Hussein Obama brought World Communist back from the dead, possibly through some sort of negroid voodoo spell? He is, after all, black; furthermore, his past religious associations point towards some sort of Marxist Afro-Islamic occult practice. I only wish there were another debate on the horizon, so that a conscientious member of our media could ask him what other failed ideologies he will be bringing back from the dead by killing chickens. Praise Him!

fully vetted

I'm off to an undisclosed location for the next three days and blogging will be scarce (but you're used to that by now, right?). In the meantime, enjoy my latest over at American Street. Praise Him!

God Damn America

I never thought I'd have to ask this, but do do you think the Pope hates America as much as Reverend Wright? Normally I think of His Holiness as a military adviser (like the kind we send to Latin America) in Our Nation's Moral crusade to stick it to the ragheads and dick-suckers. However, it's abundantly clear that The Left has plied him with enough arugula and orange juice to seduce him into their elitist ranks of blaming America first [emphasis mine]:

Pope Benedict XVI presided over a Mass celebrated in 10 languages Thursday, calling the United States a land of opportunity and hope but decrying that the nation's promise has been left unfulfilled for some. ...

His homily was more somber. Benedict examined American society, saying he detected anger and alienation, increasing violence and a "growing forgetfulness of God."

Go ahead and say it, you effete liberal snob: We're bitter! Why not offer us some "hope" as a remedy?

"Americans have always been a people of hope," he said. "Your ancestors came to this country with the experience of finding new freedom and opportunity.

I knew it was coming, but I can't believe he left out "change." After all, what's hope without change? It's like God without Country, but I doubt this commie simp would understand that. I hope the paramedics were standing by in case he hoperdosed.

"To be sure, this promise was not experienced by all the inhabitants of this land; one thinks of the injustices endured by the native American peoples and by those brought here forcibly from Africa as slaves."

It was not the first time on the trip that the pontiff has delicately critiqued his host nation.

Speaking to his American bishops Wednesday, he said the U.S. must be welcoming to immigrants, helping them to flourish in their new homes.

Hey, asshole, in case you hadn't heard, "Reverend" Wright's replacement has already been selected, so you can cut the audition short. And when did Al Sharpton start writing speeches for the Vatican? Did you end this screed by clenching your fist above your head and shouting, "Up against the wall, mother fuckers?"

I find that the leader of my own church would to stoop to such blatant partisanship appalling and distasteful. I only hope that he will be denied Communion until he brings his views of America back in line with Christian doctrine. Praise Him!

Little red schoolhouse

Despite MSM's assertion that World Communism expelled its last breath in 1989, the Red Menace remains a constant threat to Our Nation. It lurks, much like Bill Clinton at a bat mitzvah, waiting to pounce on us when we least expect it. Fastidious scholarship by Ann Coulter and Jonah Goldberg has revealed the depths of The Left's unbridled love for Josef Stalin, and the only thing keeping people who love their country from being shipped off to Chairman Hillary's gulag archipelago has been the vigilance of Freedom-lovers like myself.

While I've managed, if you'll pardon the unpleasant imagery, to keep my fingers in the dike and prevent the reds from gaining a toehold here in California (with the minor exceptions of Berkeley, San Francisco, Santa Barbara, Long Beach, Santa Monica, and Los Angeles), the mighty levees of Freedom threaten to spring yet another leak. America's public schools, already lavishing the decadent fruits of socialism like free lunch programs and immunizations upon your child, will soon be forcing them to read Das Kapital in its original French. Prayer Warriors World Net Daily tell us how:

A new plan by a California lawmaker would allow schools to be used to promote the overthrow of the U.S. government, and let teachers in public district classrooms "inculcate in the mind of any pupil a preference for communism," according to a traditional values advocacy organization. ...

Now comes the plan, SB 1322, from state Sen. Alan Lowenthal, a Democrat ... [truncated, but what more needs to be said?]

"This bill would actually allow the promotion of communism in public schools," CRI said.

That's because the state's Civic Center Act already requires a school district to grant the use of school property, when an alternative isn't available, to nonprofit groups, clubs or associations set up for youth and school activities.

"But the law also states that the property may not be used by anyone intent on overthrowing the government," CRI said. Now, the group said, "SB 1322 would delete the requirement that an individual or organization wanting to use the school property is not a Communist action organization or Communist front organization.

"This bill would also strike the law that a public school or community college employee may be fired if he or she is a member of the Communist Party," the group said.

California's anti-Communist provisions have preserved the thin blue line keeping teachers from North Korea, Cuba, and Laos from descending upon our schools like a plague of locusts and changing part of the curriculum to standing in line for toilet paper. But now that this bill is on the table, all bets are off. Already the minds of our children are being poisoned with evil liberal dogma of evolution, homosexuality, and Spanish. If they are taught that America even has enough room for its communists, then truly the terrorists will have won. Praise Him!

Kiss of death

Daytime television is enemy territory for those of us who adhere to Traditional Values. Whether it's Oprah X. Winfrey's racist diatribes against America or Judge Judy's refusal to cede her authority to the men in her courtroom, Christianity is always on the receiving end of The Left's abuse. As if the airwaves weren't hostile enough to us people of Faith, liberals are now trying to ensure that daytime viewers are bombarded with the most graphic images of homosexuality conceivable:

The love affair between two young men on the venerable CBS soap opera "As the World Turns" has triggered a protest campaign by angry viewers.

It's just not the sort of protest you'd expect.

Fans of the fictional romance between Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer are baffled about why the two characters haven't kissed on-screen since September, wondering whether it's a sign of squeamishness by CBS or show sponsors Procter & Gamble Co.

That such an argument could even be advanced is nothing short of appalling. Two men kissing is not only deeply offensive on a moral level, it's also a well known hazard to public health. Man-on-man kissing is an amply documented route for transmitting MRSA, syphilis, bubonic plague, schizophrenia, dropsy, beriberi, and most forms of cancer. "Kissing" also serves as foreplay prior to engaging in even more deviant forms of sexual behavior, like sadomasochism, kleptophilia, and figure skating. Imagine if your impressionable son were to see two men going at it while watching his soap operas. How soon would it be before he starts frenching other boys in his scout troop or on his Little League team?

America's broadcasters are playing with fire, and I implore them to make the responsible choice by depicting homosexuality as the grim, miserable death sentence we know it to be. The only time it's not gay for one man to kiss another is when one of them is President Bush and the other is a visiting Arab dignitary, since he's puckering up for American military superiority. If Hollywood were more interested in presenting an even-handed portrait of American life rather than advancing the radical homosexual agenda, America's daytime dramas would be filled with conservative men slipping each other the tongue, all for the good of God and Country. Praise Him!

The mother of all lies

Evidently liberals have outdone themselves with making the sexual act even more disgusting than it already is, so they've "moved on" to pornify a later stage in the reproductive cycle, childbirth. Prompting all this, naturally, is the pursuit of The Left's holy grail, the fabled "female orgasm." I have long contended female orgasms don't exist except in the fevered imaginations of angry feminists, and that they represent the emptiest promise the women's movement made to the ladies of Our Nation: "Vote for my radical agenda of infantcide, lesbianism, and child care, and you will finally get to experience what men do during sex."

The latest sexual "high" for liberals is carrying their children to term before they murder them so that they can finally experience "orgasm." Unsurprisingly, this has its roots in the same hippie commune underworld where Bill & Hillary took their first acid trip together:

Despite living on a commune in rural Tennessee, Ina May Gaskin has had the kind of career success [as a midwife] most people only dream about. ...

Gaskin began her practice as one of about 250 hippies who pooled their money in 1971 to buy rural land south of Nashville to form a commune. Soon she and a few other women on The Farm were delivering 25 to 30 babies each month. ...

Now, Gaskin has a film in the works that is in keeping with her anti-establishment, freewheeling nature.

“We’re doing a movie called ‘The Orgasmic Birth,’ ” she said.

That’s not a metaphor. Gaskin says that under the right circumstances women experience a sort of birth ecstasy.

“I mean, it’s not a guarantee,” she said, shrugging her shoulders and smiling, “but it’s a possibility.

“It’s the only way I can think to market it to (this) generation.”

This woman is clearly dangerous, as the sexualization of motherhood will sound the death knell for Western Civilization. Baby showers will become indistinguishable from the bachelorette parties where these children were conceived. Kindergartners will be taught in their age-sensitive sexual education courses that "orgasm" during birth is second only to auto-erotic asphyxiation. Martin Scorcese will direct a film in which Our Heavenly Queen experiences multiple ladytremors while popping out the baby Jesus.

Mary Cheney aside, motherhood remains the most sacred tradition the moonbats have yet to vandalize. Midwives and practitioners of other "natural" childbirth methods The Left is peddling are leading Our Nation into a life of unbridled harlotry, so it's high time we return to our Christian roots and try them like the witches they are. Praise Him!

Move over, Lourdes

The last 50 years have shown that The Left will use the pettiest grievances imaginable if it helps further their America-hating agenda of "civil liberties," "human rights," and "environmental stewardship." To the untrained ear, these all sound pleasant enough, but just beneath the surface lurks their true intent: Turning our Christian, capitalist republic into a lesbian collective whose economy is based entirely on macramé handicrafts. Global warming is the latest non-story to be used as a truncheon against America, with MSM even going so far as to propose that Americans should eat less red meat(!) and walk(!!) as means of reducing greenhouse gas emissions and losing weight. Evidently that this course of action will turn us all into svelte, crudité-nibbling homosexuals isn't germane to the story.

I for one am tired of all this godless communism tarted up as "science," and so is Our Heavenly Father. In defiance of those liberal do-gooders who would have you believe that driving your SUV & enjoying a double-cheeseburger goes against God's Will, the Holy Spirit made a surprise appearance at the most hallowed of our contemporary institutions: a gas station!

A mysterious, blue cloud that appeared floating for half an hour at an Ohio gas station has some wondering if an angel may have appeared.

The ethereal image was captured on security cameras Sunday at a Marathon service station in Parma, Ohio. The image is seen flipping and then sitting in the same spot.

"I actually watched it for 30 minutes, and then actually I watched it move and that is when I got freaked out," said station owner Amed Abudaaria.

WKMG-TV has posted video and a gallery of still images on its website.

It reports groups of people have traveled to the gas station after word of the unexplained event spread.

Glory! I can only pray that I Witness such a Divine sight the next time I gas up the Praisemobile! What we have here is an unequivocal declaration of God's love for fossil fuels, and probably even snack foods. The only way the Holy Ghost could have been more explicit in its meaning is if It had gone into the mini-mart and got an order of Go-Go Taquitos, but maybe It will think to that on the next visit. Thank you, come again, and praise Him!

John Doe manifestations

I hope you'll forgive my recent lack of posts, Christians, but I've spent this past week watching the Graeme Frost story unfold across the internets and engaging in deep spiritual self-reflection about the role I want to play in the conservative blogosphere. I see my continued participation comes down to the following crux: Do I join the digital lynch mob calling for the scalps of the Frost family? Or do I anonymously post the names, pictures, and contact information of my pro-Democrat neighbors whom I suspect receive public assistance on FreeRepublic.com, with the hopes of diverting some of this rage towards them?


Obviously it's a hard call, with compelling arguments for both courses of action. The case against the Frosts is pretty much airtight. Citizen journalism at its finest has shown that the Frosts are a family of leeches who have yet to meet an institution, private or public, that they haven't been able to suck the blood out of. I've even received an email from a neighbor* implying that the injuries the Frost children suffered in the SUV accident were actually self-inflicted, with the intent of garnering the maximum amount of public sympathy and medical benefits possible.


Then again, my own neighbors are pretty nasty pieces of work themselves. The dad appears to have a job, but the mom stays at home with the newborn. Their car, a late model Toyota, has a "War is not the Answer" bumpersticker on it. I'm not quite sure what the dad does, as rummaging through their trash has been inconclusive, but it strikes me as quite an impossibility that he can afford this lavish lifestyle (an apartment in West Hollywood where monthly rent for 1-bedrooms starts around $1300, gas for the moonbatmobile, plus the occasional pizza delivery) and provide health insurance for his family without sucking on the public teat. Additionally, I should point out that many people who live in this neighborhood are Russian, so they could very well be communists, too.

With such a damning indictment against them, you're probably wondering why I haven't already rallied the troops to teach these parasites a lesson in personal accountability. Well, as Michelle Malkin has said, choices have consequences, and if some Freedom-loving patriot were to firebomb their apartment, it's conceivable that the flames could jump to my car, whose parking space is very close to their apartment. Also, some leftard blogger might even challenge me to a kickboxing duel, the thought of which leaves me trrrrembling... With. Laughter.

As you can see, I am still torn about which path to pursue, but I will continue to consult my Prayer Warriors for guidance in this matter. Praise Him!

*Not necessarily a neighbor of the Frosts.

Interstellar overthrow

When you wish upon a star...

Astronomers are frequent accomplices of the Darwinists. Their Big Bang theory sets the perfect timeframe for that scientific fairy tale better known as Evolution, obscuring what would otherwise be the well-known fact that the earth was actually created on October 23, 4004 B.C., some time shortly after lunch. The damage astronomers have done to Freedom is incalculable, and the fact that MSM willingly runs their daily horoscopes in their newspapers shows how tightly interwoven this conspiracy against Christianity truly is.

If those were the only enemies of Our Nation the astronomers were consorting with. Jesus & I were taken aback by a very bright star this morning as we headed out to protest the gym, and wouldn't you know it, it's another step towards sharia:

YOU'VE SIMPLY got to look out the window at 6 a.m. Sure you'd rather sleep, but this one's worth setting the alarm for. You'll see the best Morning Star of this young millennium, the best conjunction of the year, and it's simply not going to hang there forever.

Venus has now swung to the edge of its orbit while at the same time attaining greatest brilliancy. Translation: This dazzling UFO rises not near dawn, its usual M.O. At six, when twilight is still dim, it stands fully 30 degrees high, enough to clear trees and hills. For many people, a peek out the east-facing window is enough to do the trick.

This Sunday, October 7, Venus meets the crescent moon in a display so glorious, an earlier conjunction of this kind inspired the symbol of the religion of Islam. It therefore appears on the flags of a dozen nations. That same morning, two lesser stars hover like fireflies around the two big luminaries. The blue one is Regulus, the alpha star of Leo. The other, slightly yellowish, is Saturn. If you'd like the full treatment and want to see this fine four-way conjunction, set the alarm a bit earlier, to 5:30 a.m., so that the background sky is fully black.

Sweet Jesus, raise the threat level to red! How many more "Religions" "of" "Peace" will this little stunt inspire to murderous heights of 9/11? The fact that anyone would draw attention to this dangerous phenomenon and help recruit a million more jihadis shows that they are on the side of the terrorists. And they wonder why we question their Patriotism? It's high time the American public woke up to this dangerous ruse the liberal media, the astronomers, and the Muslims have going on, before it's too late. Praise Him!

Devilcrat watch

† The Democrat presidential primary is a beauty pageant in which the candidates try to demonstrate that they hate America more than their rivals, and since Osama Bin Laden probably couldn't sneak into the country to accept their nomination, they'll just name Hillary Clinton instead. But it looks as if dark horse Barack Hussein Obama may take the lead with his latest fatwa against Our Nation:

"You know, the truth is that right after 9/11, I had a [flag lapel] pin," Obama said. "Shortly after 9/11, particularly because as we're talking about the Iraq War, that became a substitute for I think true patriotism, which is speaking out on issues that are of importance to our national security, I decided I won't wear that pin on my chest.

"Instead," he said, "I'm going to try to tell the American people what I believe will make this country great, and hopefully that will be a testimony to my patriotism."

Or maybe he just hates America. The Democrats' war on empty gestures (c.f. John Edwards' bumper sticker gaffe) may play well with their nuance-loving, Volvo-driving, French-speaking constituents, but to those of us who love Freedom, he might as well burn an American flag... which he'll probably do while he proudly accepts their nomination, in Arabic. Alarming, to say the least.

† Clinton the unstoppable sex machine: God help us, it looks as if DC's drycleaners will be removing Bill Clinton's DNA from another generation of interns' dresses. Chairman Hillary's seductive wiles probably rank up their with Rosie O'Donell's in terms of effectiveness on the gentlemen of the species, but somehow (black magic? widespread ingestion of lead paint?), male Democrats are warming up to this castrating shrew:

An ABC/Washington Post poll released Oct. 3 shows that 48 percent of Democratic men — a rise from 29 percent at the beginning of September — support her presidential bid.

This is clearly another symptom of America's declining Morals, as the article goes on to speculate that part of her appeal may be a sense of nostalgia for Bill Clinton's police state:

"This country was rocking and rolling when the Clintons were in office," said Walter Cheadle, a 64-year-old independent. "I consider her a very intelligent woman. She was in the White House for eight years with her husband and she has all that experience."

The only upside: the possiblity of 4/8 years of endless congressional inquiries into her 1974 tax returns. Glory!

† Despite the missteps Our President has made dealing with illegal immigrants, he has a good heart, and of all the political figures I can think of, he's the one I'd most like to drink a beer and do a line of blow with. His agenda of Compassionate Convervatism was on full display this week when he spared future generations of children the horrors of dependence on the federal government for their health insurance (that's for when they're 65) and vetoed the expansion of the SCHIP bill. Instead of leading them down the slippery slope of welfare spongehood, he taught America's Youth a valuable and character-building lesson: If you want something bad enough, get a job and have your employer provide you with it. And how do the Democrats respond? Like total assholes:

The House of Representatives will wait two weeks before voting to overturn or uphold President Bush's veto of the proposed expansion of a children's health insurance program, even though they argued earlier that time was the critical issue in forcing the legislation through Congress. ...

Democrats have already started running ads in some Republican districts criticizing the Republican member's vote on the SCHIP bill. Democrats can use the next two weeks to try to convince enough Republicans to switch their votes so they can override the veto.

The bill Bush vetoed passed the House Sept. 25 by a vote of 265-159, short of the 290 votes needed to overturn a veto.

"The fact that they are delaying this for two weeks reflects that they're more interested in running radio and TV ads for two weeks than they are in expanding children's health insurance coverage as quickly as possible," Rep. Adam Putnam (R-Fla.) told reporters in a briefing Wednesday.

It's obvious the DemocRATS are more interested in instilling partisan loyalty in future generations of potential Democratic voters than tending to the health insurance needs of America' children. I only hope this cynical ploy blows up in their faces before they do more damage to America and the Republican Party. Praise Him!