Double nipples on the dime

One of the ways liberals wage their war on Our Nation's Values is by claiming whatever sick fetish they're trying to gain public acceptance for is "natural." Their Alinskyite game plan reads as follows: Give your Blessing to unspeakable perversions like homosexuality, masturbation, and vegetarianism, or risk being forever labeled an intolerant bigot. Sadly, the shock troops of The Left are at it again, only this time trying to normalize breast feeding:

For hundreds of moms who gathered in some 250 Target stores across the US on Wednesday, their decision to collectively breastfeed their babies in public was an act of solidarity, a reaffirmation of a natural right.

One of the largest such nurse-ins ever, the protests produced a few dirty glares, protesters reported. But overall, the largely convivial nurse-ins raised few eyebrows, as many women used blankets to cover their bare breasts and their nursing babies' heads.

Forty-five states protect mothers' rights to breastfeed in public, but the practice still stirs enough discomfort to dramatically curb breastfeeding rates, research shows.

Appalling! This "debate" is nothing more than The Left's maneuvering us further down the slippery slope to their true objective: Sex in public. Allow them to show the newborn nursing, and before long you'll have to see it being conceived.

What's especially enraging is the moonbats' refusal to even engage in any sort of civilized discourse on the topic. I once tried to have a conversation about breast feeding with one of my beauty school classmates, who was a new mom. I was startled to learn she believed in nursing her daughter, despite her Christian upbringing. "Really? Even a girl?" I inquired innocently.

"What do you mean? Why wouldn't I?" she asked in feigned ignorance.

"Doesn't that strike you as kind of... you know...lezzy?" I asked. She stormed off in a huff and spent the rest of the semester poisoning the minds of my frosting & tinting classmates against me as some sort of "Puritan."

And that, my fellow Christians, is what this controversy is really about: The insane hatred these people have for the Traditional Values that have formed the Moral foundation of Our Nation since the time Jesus guided the Mayflower ashore at Plymouth Rock. Think about it: Have you ever seen a Nativity scene where Jesus is suckling at Mary't teat? No, because that's un-Christian. "There's a huge Puritanical streak in Americans," the article cited above rightfully notes, and as well there should be. The Left can pretend Our Nation was founded by the hirsute, slack-bosomed pie wagons they so admire and whose look they emulate, but all the historical revisionism in the world can't disguise the modestly-attired Truth, that America's Christian foremothers had perky breasts and never, ever entertained the idea of nursing their young, lest they be unable to appear in swimsuit competitions. Praise Him!

They're All Asking For It

While I generally hold the commentary at WorldNetDaily beyond reproach, I take exception to this passage by Prayer Warrior Dave Kupelian:

The spectacle of a far leftist president literally forcing socialized medicine down the throat of an unwilling center-right America is reminiscent, perhaps more than any other contemporary metaphor, of date rape.

A man determined to have his way with a woman may start off seducing her with lies, flattery and the usual pretense of caring about her. But at a critical moment, when she says, "Stop, I'm not comfortable with this and don't want to go any further," he has a choice: Either do the right thing and back off, or abandon all prior pretensions and take her by force.

As president, Barack Obama courted us with sweet talk, but America grew increasingly uncomfortable with his advances and firmly said, "Stop" – in fact, screamed bloody murder for months. Yet Obama remains obsessed with forcing himself on America.

Maybe center-right America was wearing too high a skirt, or too low-cut a blouse, or in the wrong part of town late at night, that let President Obama think that her protestations were just playing "hard to get." And how much did center-right America have to drink that night? After all, if the actions feminazi eunuchs like Mike Nifong have shown us anything, it's the men accused of these crimes really deserve the presumption of innocence in these matters. Praise Him!

New skin for the old ceremony

If there's anything The Left loves most, it's siccing their Liberal Media attack dogs on those of us who don't hew to their PC line. This was all too evident this past "election" when Joe the Plumber was mau-maued by noted Katie Couric impersonator Shepard Smith for asserting his God-given right to talk out his ass. Well, Joe the Plumber should meet Lois the Drunken Harlot, because she's being similarly pilloried by the MSM for having the audacity to be heterosexual in Barack Hussein Obama's America:

A Carroll woman who was caught having sex in the men's room at an Iowa Hawkeye football game in Minneapolis last weekend says she’d had so much wine before kickoff that she doesn’t remember walking into the restroom, the man she had sex with in a stall, or when the police opened the door.

What Lois Feldman, 38, will remember is the humiliation afterward.

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

Sister Nancy Beth shares Lois' tears, because clearly she's the latest victim of a liberal conspiracy that was conceived when Bill & Hillary Clinton took their first acid trip together. Not only does Mrs. Feldman's heterosexual vigor make her such a coveted trophy for The Left, but she was led into this perfect storm of binge drinking, carefree fornication, and sporting events by those most vengeful of harpies, feminists:

Feldman, who describes herself as a light drinker, drank wine at the home of family friends before the football game.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

Feldman said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

Feldman said her husband accompanied her to the game, but their friends stayed home.

Feminism offers two paths to "womynhood" for their recruits: the bitter, accusatory lesbianism practiced by the likes Rosie O'Donnell and Kathleen Parker, or total skankdom; Mrs. Feldman seems to have fallen prey to both.

First, if Hillary and her angry band of Amazons hadn't agitated for Title IX and girls' compulsory participation in sports, our hapless victim would have been content to stay home and clean like any good Christian homemaker. Second, America's liberal universities have made a night of black-out drinking and casual sex a requirement for graduation, even going so far as to require proof in the form of an abortion or an STD -- Ever wonder what those women's health clinics on campus were for? Now you know.

As long as the fake Americans are calling the shots for Our Nation, we will continue to see more human sacrifice of this sort to the false gods of multiculturalism. Hope for the restoration of Traditional Christian Values will come when conservatives again hold the reins of power. Only then will straight people regain the Freedom to screw in public restrooms with impunity. Praise Him!

Prayers for Nancy Beth, Week 6

Greetings once again from the Bataan Death March of Christian Persecution better known as Introductory College Chemistry. I have two weeks left until Our Lord releases me from this spiritual bondage, and I can only hope that I live through this ordeal so I can continue to spread The Word about these modern-day death camps, America's junior colleges, where just being a Christian marks you for punitive actions by the instructors and ostracism from your classmates.

As I have said in the past, my foray into the underbelly of contemporary higher education has been shocking, to say the least. Bias against people of Faith is overt and seemingly encouraged by the administration (response I received back from the chair of the Chemistry department: "Have you considered transferring?"), and Christian Values are routinely trampled on in the promotion of the God-less secularism of "science" and "objectivity." This past week, I again found myself in the middle of The Left's assault against Our Nation's Virtue, this time coming face to face with the dreaded "Hook-Up Culture."

For those of you who don't read Townhall, "hooking up" is Feminism's primary curriculum for today's female college student, in which she is encouraged to have as much casual sex with as many unsuspecting boys she can seduce before she graduates and becomes a lesbian. Christian Womanhood has paid dearly for this, naturally, as the rampant preying upon our formally honorable gentlemen scholars has turned these men into a generation of perverts who spend their days downloading internet porn and volunteering for the Obama campaign rather than marrying and getting us pregnant. I've been on the radar screen of one such lothario ever since class began, and on Wednesday he made his move: "Hey, can I borrow your calculator?"

"No, I will not perform oral sex on you," I responded.

"What?" he asked, perhaps unaccustomed to somebody actually rebuffing his lecherous advances.

"Don't play dumb with me, you heard perfectly well what I said. Just because I'm taking chemistry doesn't mean I'm one of those horny female scientists feminism is always championing." And with that, he sulked off. I'm tempted to report him to the administration for sexual harassment, but the dean's no longer taking my calls. Plus, from what I've read, I probably brought this on myself, and I need to dress more modestly or something.

In related news, I got my second midterm back this week, and I am pleased to say that I scored a major victory for women in the sciences by getting a C -- barely. Sure, I could have done better (ahem... maybe), but contrary to what those angry feminists will have you believe, the road to true equality for women will come by compromising our full potential and avoiding conflict until men are ready to cede to us what we want, not by doing better than them and challenging discriminatory policies. So, Christians, know that even though this blog is largely silent, I am still in the trenches, fighting for a better, brighter, whiter, and Holier America. Praise Him!

Deep red belles

When the dust finally settles on the 2008 presidential election, we'll look back upon it as the time when a ruthless, power-hungry bitch exploited every political asset her popular husband had in her craven quest for the White House, and permanently fractured her party in the process. I am speaking, of course, about Michelle Obama:

Michelle Vetoes Hillary
By Robert Novak

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Close-in supporters of Sen. Barack Obama's presidential campaign are convinced he never will offer the vice presidential nomination to Sen. Hillary Clinton for one overriding reason: Michelle Obama.

The Democratic front-runner's wife did not comment on other rival candidates for the party's nomination, but she has been sniping at Clinton since last summer. According to Obama sources, those public utterances do not reveal the extent of her hostility.

I'm getting the strongest sense of deja-vu. What is it with the Dems and their power-tripping wives? For the past 40+ years, they've been giving us nothing but rabid hyenas, rather than the sort of First Lady America would like to have a Xanax with. Talk about out of touch!

when I initiated my recognition of the finest HANDJOBs (Honest Americans Neutralizing the Deceptions that the Jihadist Obama Broadcasts) in the right blogosphere last week, it never crossed my mind that the Obama in question would be Michelle. However, diligent research on reliable websites has shown her to be a nasty piece of work who'd be more at home in some tyrannical country like France or Cuba than in a Freedom-loving democracy such as ours. Robert Novak's ace reportage only adds to that picture, so Mr. Novak, thank you for a HANDJOB well done. Praise Him!

And would it kill you to iron once in a while?

In their haste to destroy capitalism and move Our Nation to their green, carbon-neutral gynocracy, liberals have produced vast amounts of junk science linking global warming to fossil fuel consumption, even though reputable scientists have found the relationship between the two to be tenuous at best. All of this is an elaborate subterfuge to leave us poor and hungry and keep us from identifying the true cause of global warming: Feminism. If Hillary & her band of angry bra-burners hadn't goaded the women of America into divorcing their husbands, killing their children, and joining the workforce, these former housewives would have stayed at home, kept house, and kept at bay a significant factor in global warming, dust:

Scientists know that dust affects climate. Tiny particles create veils that reflect sunlight and cool the atmosphere. Dark particles absorb sunshine and warm things up. But as scientists look deeper into the dust-climate connection, they find that they have underestimated its importance.

Research published April 3 in Nature reveals the tight linkage between atmospheric dust flows and Antarctic temperatures during ice ages over the past 800,000 years. A research review published March 23 in Nature Geoscience online shows that black carbon particles in the atmosphere have a more powerful global-warming effect than any of the greenhouse gases except carbon dioxide. And these particles are 60 percent as effective as CO2 itself. That's far more powerful than the estimate in last year's report of the UN-sponsored Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).

I find it unconscionable that none of the treaties moonbats are so hep about us signing to solve the global warming "crisis" include any provisions that require women to return to their traditional Christian roles as homemakers. There are no shortage of policy tools our government could use -- tax cuts, eliminating overly restrictive regulations, corporate bailouts, tax cuts -- that could achieve this end. That the national conversation has been allowed to progress this far without any serious discussion of the matter shows just how uncommitted The Left is to solving the problem of global climate change. Let's hope a true conservative (or someone as close as we're going to get this election cycle) assumes control of the White House so we can deal with this problem once and for all. Praise Him!

The mother of all lies

Evidently liberals have outdone themselves with making the sexual act even more disgusting than it already is, so they've "moved on" to pornify a later stage in the reproductive cycle, childbirth. Prompting all this, naturally, is the pursuit of The Left's holy grail, the fabled "female orgasm." I have long contended female orgasms don't exist except in the fevered imaginations of angry feminists, and that they represent the emptiest promise the women's movement made to the ladies of Our Nation: "Vote for my radical agenda of infantcide, lesbianism, and child care, and you will finally get to experience what men do during sex."

The latest sexual "high" for liberals is carrying their children to term before they murder them so that they can finally experience "orgasm." Unsurprisingly, this has its roots in the same hippie commune underworld where Bill & Hillary took their first acid trip together:

Despite living on a commune in rural Tennessee, Ina May Gaskin has had the kind of career success [as a midwife] most people only dream about. ...

Gaskin began her practice as one of about 250 hippies who pooled their money in 1971 to buy rural land south of Nashville to form a commune. Soon she and a few other women on The Farm were delivering 25 to 30 babies each month. ...

Now, Gaskin has a film in the works that is in keeping with her anti-establishment, freewheeling nature.

“We’re doing a movie called ‘The Orgasmic Birth,’ ” she said.

That’s not a metaphor. Gaskin says that under the right circumstances women experience a sort of birth ecstasy.

“I mean, it’s not a guarantee,” she said, shrugging her shoulders and smiling, “but it’s a possibility.

“It’s the only way I can think to market it to (this) generation.”

This woman is clearly dangerous, as the sexualization of motherhood will sound the death knell for Western Civilization. Baby showers will become indistinguishable from the bachelorette parties where these children were conceived. Kindergartners will be taught in their age-sensitive sexual education courses that "orgasm" during birth is second only to auto-erotic asphyxiation. Martin Scorcese will direct a film in which Our Heavenly Queen experiences multiple ladytremors while popping out the baby Jesus.

Mary Cheney aside, motherhood remains the most sacred tradition the moonbats have yet to vandalize. Midwives and practitioners of other "natural" childbirth methods The Left is peddling are leading Our Nation into a life of unbridled harlotry, so it's high time we return to our Christian roots and try them like the witches they are. Praise Him!

Someone's in the kitchen with Nancy Beth

A pet grievance of feminism has long been that men don't contribute equally to doing housework. "Study" after "study" has been released confirming this, but seemingly of no interest to the liberal pointy-heads grinding out this agenda-driven "research" is the testicle-dissolving properties* this sort of menial labor has on the contemporary American male. Rather than encouraging them to be the rightful heads of the traditional family Our Father intended, America's menfolk are instead exhorted to cook, do laundry, and practically get sex-changes to appease those nagging feminists. And when men finally bow to the radical feminist agenda and get busy in the kitchen, the results are predictably horrifying:

A man killed his girlfriend, then filleted and cooked parts of her body before calling police to tell them what he was doing, authorities said Sunday.

Christopher Lee McCuin, 25, called 911 on Saturday and told an emergency dispatcher he had killed Jana Shearer, 21, and was boiling her body parts at his mother's home, said Smith County Sheriff J.B. Smith.

When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and a fork sticking out of some human flesh sitting on a plate on the kitchen table.

Defenders of Mr. McCuin's actions will conveniently try to change the subject by questioning his "mental" health, but that's just a convenient smokescreen to avoid answering hard questions that are at the root of this tragedy: Was he forced to cook and clean up after himself regularly? Did he take home ec in high school? And perhaps most importantly, was he a regular viewer of co-educational cooking shows like Top Chef or Hell's Kitchen? Given the popularity of these shows and the prevalence of feminist dogma, every dinner party risks turning into a Donner Party. Christians, help keep America free of tragedies like this in the future by putting a president who respects the God-given roles of man and woman in the White House. Praise Him!

*Many thanks go to loyal Nancy-Con LuluMaude who first alerted me to this phenomenon.

Golden years... for harlotry

Who needs Social Security...

Conservatives have been lamenting the pornification of culture ever since Bill Clinton blew his load of presidential DNA all over Monica Lewinsky's dress. At the time, feminists were more than willing accomplists to this debasement of Our Nation's Virtue, and time has only added to their depravity. Rather than instructing our young ladies in the fine art of keeping their legs firmly clenched until marriage, they promote the most deviant and reckless sexual activities known to humanity, like masturbation and "oral" sex... as if talking about it is any less dirty. Thanks to their efforts, public schools have been minting fresh crops of pre-teen jezebels, all of whom are instructed in the feminist technique of getting pregnant as soon as they can so they can make some poor man's life hell and never have to put out or work again.

Evidently setting schools of nine-year old barracudas on the Christian menfolk of America isn't enough for the Clintons and their mirthless band of Amazons, so they've enlisted the help of the "scientific" community to create an army of geriatric roboskanks who are coming to sexx you up:

A drug that could do for women what Viagra has done for men is being tested at the University of Virginia.

The drug is a testosterone-laden ointment called LibiGel and it's intended to boost the libido of women who have lost interest in sex. ...

The condition is believed to affect one-third of American women.

"It is the most common sexual problem that women have," said Dr. Anita Clayton, a psychiatrist with the UVa Health System and author of the 2007 book "Satisfaction: Women, Sex and the Quest for Intimacy." ...

If given the green light by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, Illinois-based BioSante Pharmaceuticals Inc. hopes to offer the drug to any woman complaining of a low sex drive.

The belief that women want -- or even enjoy -- sex is one of the most dangerous ideas to come out of the counterculture of the 1960's, and thanks to the help of "science," this lie continues to propagate. I also find it deeply troubling that the same radical subculture that advocates the legalization of "tuning in, turning on, and dropping out" is promoting yet another drug for their patchouli-scented minions to abuse -- turning on, indeed. LibiGel? I think that should be LiberalGel.

I shudder to think of the ravages that this drug will have on the American public once gangs start dealing it on city streets. Will some pusher get Liddy Dole hooked on it and force her to do thirty-second promotional spots where she waxes poetic about getting her freak on, all in order to support her growing habit? Will Bratz come out with a line of dolls for seniors whose accessories include walkers and vibrators? This is a nightmarish vision of the future, and the only way to provide a Moral bulwark against this unbridled carnality is to keep drugs for sexual dysfunction out of the hands of women and in the hands of men, where they belong. Praise Him!

I saw mommy fondling Santa Claus

Feminism, as anyone who's read conservative blogs can tell you, cleaves neatly into two camps: humorless, doctrinaire lezbos who want to castrate straight white men, and selfish bitches who ruthlessly exploit men's noble and chivalrous instincts to their financial and sexual advantage. Despite their opposing tactics, they share the same goal: the enslavement of our penised citizens in prison camps, with the occasional release for performing heavy labor, parallel parking, or regenerating the species. They are sworn enemies of Our Nation, and will stop at nothing to achieve a matriarchal society where young male virgins are sacrificed to their wide-hipped pagan earth goddess, Rosie O'Donnell.

Part and parcel of hating America is hating Christmas, primarily because it takes away from the pagan holiday they want to force us to observe, the winter solstice, when they all strum acoustic guitars and sing about their periods. They are fanatical participants in the War on Christmas, and as I have learned from Prayer Warriors Drudge Report, the man-hungry tramp division has shown up and is reporting for duty:

A 33-year-old woman was charged with fourth-degree sexual assault Saturday after allegedly groping a man playing Santa Claus at the Danbury Fair mall.

Sandrama Lamy, 33, of Danbury, is charged with fourth-degree sexual assault, according to Danbury Detective Lt. Thomas Michael. ...

The mall Santa told police that Lamy touched him inappropriately while sitting on his lap.

I find it appalling that feminism has so little regard for the Values of Our Nation that they'd even resort to this sort of behavior, but I am hardly surprised. Ceding to the demands of feminists has put this country on a collision course with disaster pretty much since they were given the right to vote. I fervently pray that Our Heavenly Father once again puts a strong leader in the White House who has the fortitude to stand up to these harpies. Praise Him!

Most Valuable Prayer

Go long!

The Left's insistence that women be free to fornicate and murder their unborn children with impunity has created an army of voracious succubi who've left behind them an endless trail of victims: their aborted fetuses, the men they seduced and then abandoned, the other men who must live in mortal terror of their sexual predations, the ruined Morals of Our Nation, and, of course, Our Heavenly Father Himself. But it wasn't until I read my Prayer Warriors at CitizenLink that I see who has suffered the most from this feminist crime wave -- college athletic programs:

If doctors had had their way, Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow wouldn't be here today.

Pam Tebow, mother of the Florida Gators quarterback, was given drugs to counter amoebic dysentery she had contracted as a missionary in the Philippines.

“They were telling her that these drugs were going to cause irreversible damage, that he was going to have devastating disabilities," said J.T. Finn, director of Pro Life America. "Because of her strong Christian faith, she chose life, and that makes her an incredible hero.”

How many potential star athletes have had lucrative endorsement deals snatched from their precious unborn fingers, just because some angry Hitlery KKKlinton clone planted a bug in his mother's ear about her "right" to be a tramp? How much merriment could their athletic prowess have brought to alumni tailgate parties? How many boys could they have lured away from feminizing pastimes like playing with dolls and doing homework, and onto the masculine battlefields of the baseball diamond or basketball court? When you ponder the staggering ramifications, it becomes clear that abortion is another tool, much like Title IX, that The Left uses to punish men for being men with the hopes of turning them gay. Until abortion and other forms of family "planning" are outlawed, men will remain second-class citizens who live at the mercy of our evil feminist overlords. Praise Him!

Would you support these troops?

Radical homosexual activists have long been using the Girl Scouts to flesh out their ranks [carpentry & bad back division], and every dollar the gullible American public spends on Thin Mints from these diminutive Feminazis-in-training goes towards instructing them in the black arts of lesbianism -- racial tolerance, macramé, and automotive repair, to name but a few. Evidently the fact that every mechanic's shop & craft store in the country will soon be under the tyrannical dominion of their protégés isn't enough for these would-be despots. In their all-consuming hatred of Freedom, they have embiggened their campaign against Our Nation and joined forces with Al Qaeda:

Scattered Muslim communities across the United States are forming Girl Scout troops as a sort of assimilation tool to help girls who often feel alienated from the mainstream culture, and to give Muslims a neighborly aura. Boy Scout troops are organized with the same inspiration, but often the leap for girls is greater because many come from conservative cultures that frown upon their participating in public physical activity.

By teaching girls to roast hot dogs or fix a flat bicycle tire, Farheen Hakeem, one troop leader here, strives to help them escape the perception of many non-Muslims that they are different.

Scouting is a way of celebrating being American without being any less Muslim, Ms. Hakeem said.

This is an Outrage of the highest order. How soon will it be before we see some Brownie's sash adorned with merit badges for blaming America, or beheading the infidels on YouTube? America has taken one enormous step closer to Islezbofascist sharia, and all that speculation about Hillary's attempts to establish the lesbian caliphate seems far more credible now. Praise Him!

Swift Boat Beauticians for Truth

Ask for us by name!

Chairman Hillary's crimes against Our Nation are legion: She killed her former trysting partners Vincent Foster, Ron Brown, and Paul Wellstone in cold blood, and so expertly disguised her handiwork that to this day there is no conclusive proof of her involvement. She parlayed a crooked deal from the backwaters of Arkansas into an attempted coup against America's insurance companies, the result of which would have been the reestablishment of World Communism. She turned formerly conservative heterosexual David Brock into a Marx-spouting florist hellbent on destroying America. She has sought to cheapen America's political discourse even further by flaunting her dirty pillows on CSPAN and campaigning as America's MILF candidate. But perhaps worst of all, she has calculatingly gone from hairdo to hairdo in a pathetic attempt to curry favor with the DemocRATS' special interest groups, a flagrant abuse of the sacred arts of Cosmetology that I simply will not countenance.

Unbelievably, this is only half the story. "But wait," you must be thinking, "how many crimes is one person capable of committing?" Sadly, when you're evil incarnate and abetted by the liberal media, the answer is: plenty.

Evoking the Vietnam Navy veterans who helped sink Sen. John Kerry's presidential bid in 2004, a newly formed foundation has launched a campaign to "Truth Boat" Sen. Hillary Clinton, claiming the mainstream media have protected her from incontrovertible evidence of illegal conduct.

Wall Street whistleblower Jim Nesfield's Equal Justice Foundation features Peter Franklin Paul's fraud suit against the Clintons and the accompanying allegations against the New York senator.

"It's the No. 1 civil case in the country exposing an unprecedented array of frauds and obstruction of justice by the Clintons that the media refuses to report," Nesfield told WND.

In a year-long effort coinciding with the presidential campaign, Nesfield will try to mobilize a consortium of bloggers to "crash through" what he calls "the information blockade" created by U.S. media. His aim, he says, is to "help educate the public about the facts of Hillary Clinton's misconduct as presented in Paul v. Clinton."

Judging by her record of clean getaways, there's really little doubt that Chairman Hillary and her jackals will snow the legal system into letting her off scot-free yet again. Already they've maligned the character of Mr. Paul, depicting him as an inveterate criminal, when what's closer to the truth is that the Clintons have probably been framing him since the late 1970s. Actually, the real question is whether we'll be hearing about this during the four (or -- God help us -- eight) years of an inevitable Hillary presidency. Clearly my Prayer Warriors will not be silenced. We can only hope MSM returns to its sense of responsibility and shows a similar sense of duty to Our Nation. Praise Him!

Diaper rash

The hypocrisy of The Left never ceases to amaze me. Ever since the phone number of Senator David Vitter appeared on the client records of the DC madam, moonbat bloggers have been making nonstop political hay out of the rumors that he may have donned a diaper and filled it with his homemade chocolat. In the twisted world of The Left, this somehow qualifies as "hypocrisy, " which is only a big deal if you're a white male Republican. You're not going to hear one word of judgment about it out of the mouths of our liberals friends, but America is just filled with people dying to shit their pants:

Sometimes, you can’t stop your weight-loss secrets from leaking out.

Dieters have been flocking to drugstores to pick up Alli, the first over-the-counter weight-loss pill to be approved by the Food and Drug Administration, despite the scary warning: Stray too far from your low-fat diet and you just might poop your pants.

The drug’s maker, GlaxoSmithKline, has been up front about the pill’s side effects, suggesting that first timers wear dark pants or bring a change of clothes to work until they get used to the diet pill’s potentially yucky consequences.

I'd like to point out that while this article goes to great lengths not to identify the gender of these incontinence enthusiasts (much in the same way MSM doesn't identify terrorists as Muslims), the two named Alli users are both women. That, plus the fact that more women go on diets than do men, leads me to believe that it is feminists(!!!) who are coordinating this attack on Senator Vitter, as well as orchestrating this campaign of silence about their own scatological predilections. The tragic consequences of this are twofold: Not only will another Christian white male be ritually sacrificed to the pagan gods of The Left, but the media hoopla will be unfairly focused on Mr. Vitter's alleged indiscretions, allowing feminists and their fellow conspirators to escape any scrutiny whatsoever and continue to brainwash our daughters into their pants-soiling ideology. These are dark days for us conservative bloggers, but rest assured I will continue to devote all my coffee breaks to fighting for the Righteous cause of Senator Vitter. Praise Him!

An inconvenient truth

Perhaps second only to global warming, the myth of the female orgasm is one of the largest hoaxes The Left has ever played on the American public. The social engineering undertaken to advance this red herring (sex "education," equal "rights," dildo parties) has shattered billions of lives, leaving a holocaust of broken homes, homosexuality, and dead batteries in its wake.

Despite the stark evidence to the contrary the careers of Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, et al., present, MSM continues to take their talking points from The Radical Left. This past week, MSNBC (or as I like to call them, MSMBS) issued another barely disguised press release for the all-powerful female orgasm lobby in a Q&A format. Because I cannot stand to see their lies go unchallenged, I hereby rebut some of the more flagrant disinformation being passed off as impartial medical advice. Ladies and gentlemen, open up and say "Praise Him," because Dr. Nancy Beth, Medicine Woman, is in the house:

Q: I heard that vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral, is this true?

A: Are these the sorts of questions the "reality-based" community asks? Given that neither exist, a far more useful point to ponder would be, "Who can run faster, Superman or the Flash." Next patient, please:

Q: I am over 60 yet find that my orgasms are not at all affected by age. In fact, after getting off a long list of Prozac-type antidepressants, I have become multi-orgasmic with as many as five strong orgasms in 10 minutes of vibrator stimulation. My question is: What is the age limit for sexual satisfaction in women? I have found nothing in the research about this. Can these multiple orgasms give me a stroke or heart attack?

A: You are experiencing a phenomenon more commonly known as gas. Take a Rolaids and lie down with your head slightly elevated. It should go away in about twenty minutes to half an hour.

Q: My wife and I have sex about four to six times a week and I have at times felt that it’s more work than pleasure. Is it common for a woman to expect to have an orgasm every time we have sex?

A. Good lord, how many illegitimate children does Bill Clinton have? You, sir, need a job, or a television, or something. But if it's more work for her than pleasure, you're obviously doing something right. Keep up the good work and you'll soon be on the path to Traditional Marriage as intended in The Bible.

A: Do you mean to ask, “How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking an orgasm?”

A. It's easy. As that old punchline goes, her lips are moving. Praise Him!