Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

An inconvenient truth

Perhaps second only to global warming, the myth of the female orgasm is one of the largest hoaxes The Left has ever played on the American public. The social engineering undertaken to advance this red herring (sex "education," equal "rights," dildo parties) has shattered billions of lives, leaving a holocaust of broken homes, homosexuality, and dead batteries in its wake.

Despite the stark evidence to the contrary the careers of Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, et al., present, MSM continues to take their talking points from The Radical Left. This past week, MSNBC (or as I like to call them, MSMBS) issued another barely disguised press release for the all-powerful female orgasm lobby in a Q&A format. Because I cannot stand to see their lies go unchallenged, I hereby rebut some of the more flagrant disinformation being passed off as impartial medical advice. Ladies and gentlemen, open up and say "Praise Him," because Dr. Nancy Beth, Medicine Woman, is in the house:
Q: I heard that vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral, is this true?
A: Are these the sorts of questions the "reality-based" community asks? Given that neither exist, a far more useful point to ponder would be, "Who can run faster, Superman or the Flash." Next patient, please:
Q: I am over 60 yet find that my orgasms are not at all affected by age. In fact, after getting off a long list of Prozac-type antidepressants, I have become multi-orgasmic with as many as five strong orgasms in 10 minutes of vibrator stimulation. My question is: What is the age limit for sexual satisfaction in women? I have found nothing in the research about this. Can these multiple orgasms give me a stroke or heart attack?
A: You are experiencing a phenomenon more commonly known as gas. Take a Rolaids and lie down with your head slightly elevated. It should go away in about twenty minutes to half an hour.
Q: My wife and I have sex about four to six times a week and I have at times felt that it’s more work than pleasure. Is it common for a woman to expect to have an orgasm every time we have sex?
A. Good lord, how many illegitimate children does Bill Clinton have? You, sir, need a job, or a television, or something. But if it's more work for her than pleasure, you're obviously doing something right. Keep up the good work and you'll soon be on the path to Traditional Marriage as intended in The Bible.
A: Do you mean to ask, “How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking an orgasm?”
A. It's easy. As that old punchline goes, her lips are moving. Praise Him!

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