Kiss of the spider woman

By now, you are probably aware that South Carolina's governor, Mark Sanford, has admitted to having an affair with a woman from Argentina. While the lion's share of the blame for this belongs to homosexuals for devaluing the Sacred Institution of Marriage, we shouldn't be afraid to point a finger at the two women at the center of this scandal, Mrs. Sanford and the Argentinean mistress. After all, that is how the healing begins.

Mrs. Sanford has released a heart-rending statement that shows exactly where she went wrong - by acting too much like a man (my emphasis):

I personally believe that the greatest legacy I will leave behind in this world is not the job I held on Wall Street, or the campaigns I managed for Mark, or the work I have done as First Lady or even the philanthropic activities in which I have been routinely engaged.

No wonder the man sought his comfort elsewhere. He probably thought he was going to bed each night with Karl Rove. It's a Miracle he didn't turn gay.

Even more at fault is Governor Sanford's mystery lover. What we know so far is that she is from Argentina, which Wikipedia tells me is in South America. Before Hollywood was taken over by Communists and began grinding out Jane Fonda movies, its accurate portrayals of life depicted what Latin women really are: fiery temptresses Hell-bent on bedding as many white men as their ladyparts could handle. Latin America, I understand, is also primarily Catholic. If "Maria" couldn't use the teachings of her Faith to resist her adulterous impulses, she is as much to blame for this tragedy as Mrs. Sanford.

This brings us to the elephant in the living room that we defenders of family need to bring up, for the good of Our Nation: Sonia Sotomayor

Who is to say that once she's seated on the Supreme Court, Señorita Sotomayor won't begin using her feminine wiles on her fellow justices and ruin their marriages, too? Given her membership in a radical lesbian separatist organization, she'd probably set her sights on Justice Ginsburg, just for the sport of it. I fervently hope one of our conscientious Republican senators asks her about this and gets to the bottom of this sordid affair.

Hopefully the menace Judge Sotomayor poses to Traditional Marriage will galvanize the flagging campaign against her and prevent her from being confirmed. If we hope to preserve Our Nation's Values, it is essential that the Supreme Court have only strong guardians of Morality, like Justices Scalia and Thomas. Praise Him!

WND oils my hinges

I guess I was a bit premature in declaring victory over my latest touch of anthrax -- two doctor's visits later and I'm still limping along. But just when I am getting discouraged that I'll never be able to take the good fight to the libtards again, my Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily bring me this olive branch: Our Heavenly Father has shown another sign of His abundant love for America, this time in the form of an infinite supply of petroleum:

A study published in Science Magazine today presents new evidence supporting the abiotic theory for the origin of oil, which asserts oil is a natural product the Earth generates constantly rather than a "fossil fuel" derived from decaying ancient forests and dead dinosaurs. ...

The abiotic theory of the origin of oil directly challenges the conventional scientific theory that hydrocarbons are organic in nature, created by the deterioration of biological material deposited millions of years ago in sedimentary rock and converted to hydrocarbons under intense heat and pressure.

While organic theorists have posited that the material required to produce hydrocarbons in sedimentary rock came from dinosaurs and ancient forests, more recent argument have suggested living organisms as small as plankton may have been the origin.

This is great news. If oil is being naturally produced around the globe, that opens the door to possibly invading hundreds of countries in our quest to spread Freedom. Praise Him!

Someone's in the kitchen with Nancy Beth

A pet grievance of feminism has long been that men don't contribute equally to doing housework. "Study" after "study" has been released confirming this, but seemingly of no interest to the liberal pointy-heads grinding out this agenda-driven "research" is the testicle-dissolving properties* this sort of menial labor has on the contemporary American male. Rather than encouraging them to be the rightful heads of the traditional family Our Father intended, America's menfolk are instead exhorted to cook, do laundry, and practically get sex-changes to appease those nagging feminists. And when men finally bow to the radical feminist agenda and get busy in the kitchen, the results are predictably horrifying:

A man killed his girlfriend, then filleted and cooked parts of her body before calling police to tell them what he was doing, authorities said Sunday.

Christopher Lee McCuin, 25, called 911 on Saturday and told an emergency dispatcher he had killed Jana Shearer, 21, and was boiling her body parts at his mother's home, said Smith County Sheriff J.B. Smith.

When authorities arrived at the home, they found Shearer's mutilated body, one ear boiling in a pot of water on the stove and a fork sticking out of some human flesh sitting on a plate on the kitchen table.

Defenders of Mr. McCuin's actions will conveniently try to change the subject by questioning his "mental" health, but that's just a convenient smokescreen to avoid answering hard questions that are at the root of this tragedy: Was he forced to cook and clean up after himself regularly? Did he take home ec in high school? And perhaps most importantly, was he a regular viewer of co-educational cooking shows like Top Chef or Hell's Kitchen? Given the popularity of these shows and the prevalence of feminist dogma, every dinner party risks turning into a Donner Party. Christians, help keep America free of tragedies like this in the future by putting a president who respects the God-given roles of man and woman in the White House. Praise Him!

*Many thanks go to loyal Nancy-Con LuluMaude who first alerted me to this phenomenon.

It feels so good to make a difference

Christians, I have wonderful news to pass along! Those of you looking to see Compassionate Conservatism in action are in for a real treat. It seems that America, under the brilliant leadership of Our President, has turned a favorite proverb about self-reliance into reality: Give a man a fish and he eats for a day; teach him to fish and he eats for a lifetime; give him worms and he doesn't even have to stop by the bait shop:

As many as 23 percent of inner city African Americans are infected with roundworm, according to a new article published in the journal PLoS Neglected Tropical Diseases.

Large numbers of the poorest Americans living in the United States are suffering from some of the same parasitic infections that affect the poor in Africa, Asia, and Latin America, according to the the editor-in-chief of the peer-reviewed journal.

Professor Peter Hotez of George Washington University and the Sabin Vaccine Institute said roundworms, threadworms and tapeworms are more common than believed and often under-reported because the tropical parasites infect poor children living in inner cities and rural America.

On behalf of those who advocated this tough-love approach to social services, all I can say is "You're welcome." Praise Him!

Beetlemania

Despite all the dire moonbat predictions, global warming has turned out to be the gift that keeps on giving. Not only have we been finally able to tell those lazy ingrates we've been feeding to grow their own damn corn, but we've also received a clean, renewable energy supply in nuclear power. And just when you thought it couldn't get any sweeter, along comes Mother Nature to throw plenty of cheap lumber into the deal:

As lodgepole pines by the millions topple in the West, a crop of entrepreneurs is sprouting to figure out what to do with their remains. The bark-beetle plague has injected new life into struggling sawmills and timber towns. People like Piper are selling the wood as a designer material. Others are transforming the downed trees into fuel pellets that can heat buildings.

"It brings a tear to your eye if you've grown up here or live here," Mark Mathis, chief executive officer of Confluence Energy in Kremmling, which is building a fuel-pellet mill, said of the beetles' destruction. "But at least we're trying to do something constructive."

Tiny bark beetles used to inhabit the few forests above 10,500 feet in elevation, but in recent years they have been venturing lower.

Although beetle-killed trees helped feed fires in Southern California over the last several years, the infestation is strongest in the interior West. In Colorado last year, 650,000 acres of national forest were infected, compared with 250,000 in 2005.

One reason the insects seem to be thriving is global warming. Many of the larvae that beetles deposit in trees used to die during the depths of winter, but milder temperatures have allowed them to stay in forests year-round.

Another benefit: After al-Qaida set the 2003 forest fires, my doctor put me on performance-enhancing inhalable steroids for a lung irritation for two weeks. If that happens to enough kids, we've got our next crop of professional athletes. Praise Him!

School daze

It'll be on the final.

In the past, radical homosexual activists had to resort to clandestine means of instructing their recruits in the basics of terrorism. If you're like me, you probably didn't give those community recreation schedules so much as a passing glance before throwing them in the trash. But it was in those seemingly innocuous "Intro to Ballroom Dancing" and "Floral Arranging for Everyone" classes that the nancies could network, exchange risotto recipes, and plot how to out Republican senators while destroying Western Civilization. Now, having been emboldened by the electoral success of the Democrats in 2006 and growing public sentiment against the war in Iraq, they have seized control of California's public schools and are turning them into homosexual assembly lines:

On the heels of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's signature on S.B. 777, which opponents describe as a homosexual indoctrination plan for education districts, a pro-homosexual lobbying organization in California has launched its campaign to infuse a "gay" influence into public school curricula.

The Gay Straight Alliance recently forwarded an e-mail to its California chapters with information on how to make sure homosexuality is taught in the state's schools and warned that having students and parents simply "tolerate" homosexuality is not enough.

"In many schools, learning about LGBTQ issues takes the form of very necessary tolerance education where students are educated about the importance of not discriminating against each other," according to GSA documents. "Tolerance education is an important first step, but we need to push further.

"Infuse LGBTQ curriculum into history, social science, and literature classes," is the organization's plan.

This is a disaster in the making for Our Nation. Impregnating the beautiful minds of our precious children with the perverted love deeds of radical homosexual activists like Leonardo Da Vinci & John Maynard Keynes will result in a measurable uptick in homosexual experimentation, like joining the drama club. And how soon before other parts of the curriculum are subjugated to the whims of our homosexual overlords? Your child could come home one day and tell you about the new gay food pyramid they learned about in school (canapés at the bottom, vodka-based cocktails in the middle, and quiche on top) and that he expects that to be in his newly acquired Cher lunchbox from here on out. The parental authority of Christian parents has been undermined enough, and it's time we draw the line. Parents, insist that your children be taught that homosexuals don't exist, or the terrorists will have won. Praise Him!

Our Lady of the Denunciations

The Left has given me anthrax (again -- this time manifesting itself as a hacking cough), but I couldn't use that for an excuse so liberals could deny Our Nation the spiritual guidance only I can provide. I am glad to see Congress is finally doing its job and issuing multiple condemnations of MoveOn.org for sending Iranian President Ahmadinejad to the Folsom Street leather fair... or was it Columbia University for placing a full page ad in the New York Times of Jesus & His Disciples surrounded by butt plugs? Regardless, in the spirit of this week of Outrage, I hereby condemn Congress for taking so long to issue their condemnations, and condemn anyone who would condemn me for it. There, that felt good.

In the world of multiple Outrages, though, nothing quite comes close to the Clintons. Oddly enough, America's leading crime family is at it again, this time threatening to extinguish American Capitalism with bogus lawsuits in their ruthless quest to return to the White House. From Fox News, naturally:

The owner of a New York City restaurant is “heartbroken” over a letter he received from former President Bill Clinton's lawyer asking that a photograph of daughter Chelsea be removed from his eatery — or face legal action.

The photo, taken of the former first daughter with Osso Buco owner Nino Selimaj, has been on display in the window of the Greenwich Village haunt for about five years, the restaurateur said. It was snapped when Chelsea, now 27, was having dinner there with a group of about 30 friends. ...

A lawyer who walked by the restaurant Wednesday said the Clintons might have a case, because the use of photographs of private citizens or celebrities for commercial purposes can sometimes be subject to lawsuits.

“She’s a public figure, so they could claim he’s exploiting her image,” said Paul Leavin, 61, of New York. He said the issue of whether or not the ex-president’s daughter is a private citizen, as well as whether the photo was being used for commercial gain, were both up for dispute.

One wonders what will happen when their allies in Hollywood follow suit, as is expected to happen, and sic their black helicopters on the businesses that display headshots of their showbiz clientele. It could mean the death of the drycleaning and car wash industries in all of Southern California, if not the western United States, resulting in even more illegal aliens congregating in Michelle Malkin's neighborhood waiting for work. This is an Outrage of the highest order, and while I sympathize with the restaurant owner's desire to post a picture of Chelsea Clinton, it should be one issued by the FBI where she's declared America' Most Wanted. Praise Him!

Catching up

Conchita's IT slug dropped something of a bombshell on me last week when he said our network server was moving to a "vault" and any of the 5,438 messages I presently have in my mailboxes older than 60 days would be moved there permanently and could never be erased once it was migrated. While I do believe the 300-400 messages I sent to my girlfriends saying "Conchita is such a bitch. I'm so glad she's going to Hell. See you Sunday," have their rightful place among The Ages, I can only imagine the Persecution I would endure once Chairman Hillary started subpoenaing them for her kangaroo court.

All of this, gentle reader, is my long-winded way of explaining to you why I spent the last 4 workdays frenetically deleting 6 years of email from my in and out boxes and not blogging on the pressing matters of the day. But fear not, for nothing escapes the watchful eye of Sister Nancy Beth. Here are the stories MSM would rather you ignore:

† Plan naan from outer space - Perhaps the most shameful legacy of feminism is the way it wrecked the space program. Once they let women in, they had to let everyone in (except maybe the homos, but you know that's a lawsuit waiting to happen) , and that's what we've got today -- Muslims who are not only trying to take over the planet, but also the whole damn solar system:

Malaysia's first astronaut will blast off into space next month armed with guidelines from Muslim authorities on how to pray, wash and even be "buried" in space.

Two Malaysian candidates, a doctor and an army dentist who are both Muslims, are undergoing training in Russia with the winner expected to be announced on Friday, ahead of the 11-day space mission which starts on October 10.

Other Muslims have ventured into space, but none during the fasting month of Ramadan which began last week, and Malaysia's Department of Islamic Development (JAKIM) is hopeful the astronaut will choose to fast during his voyage.

"Conditions at the International Space Station which are so different from those on earth are not a hindrance for the astronaut to fulfil his obligations as a Muslim," it said in a 20-page booklet.

This booklet sounds like one of those Al Qaeda training manuals we're always hearing so much about. Who's to say there isn't a chapter in there on how to best behead a fellow astronaut when Good Morning, America cuts to you for the effects of zero gravity on poppy seeds? And what if a high dosage of radiation turns him from a regular Muslim, which is bad enough, into some sort of mutant super-Muslim? I think it shows how badly we've fallen behind as a global leader that something like this is even allowed to happen.

† The wages of Sin - It's long been known that consumers of pornography are hyperviolent criminal predators, and it only stands to reason that the people who make it are criminals themselves. To wit:

An Iraq war veteran featured in dozens of hard-core sex films been charged with raping a woman as she slept at a Washington State University sorority house.

Christopher Jack Reid, 25, who uses the screen name Jack Venice, also is accused of burglarizing the Kappa Alpha Theta, Pi Beta Phi and Delta Gamma sorority houses and trying to break into the Alpha Gamma Rho fraternity in Pullman, according to police reports.

Let us hope Mr. Reid discover the one true path to Salvation and returns to polite society in the form of a conservative journalist.

† Satan's concubine - Hillary Clinton's demands for the blood of the unborn isn't just a convenient political stance to ride to electoral victory, it's part of the literal deal she made with the devil:

A new biography on Presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton reveals that during her time as First Lady, Clinton participated in strange moments of imaginary conversation with a deceased Eleanor Roosevelt from the solarium atop the White House. Grove City College professor Paul Kengor’s “God and Hillary Clinton” also notes the religious devotion with which Senator Clinton advocates abortion.

An overview of the book by Kengor’s Grove City colleague Dr. Warren Thockmorton notes that the book - with information from friends, colleagues and acquaintances - paints an accurate picture of Clinton’s version of faith.

The woman who arranged the séance-type sessions atop the White House, Jean Houston, became very close to the Senator. Houston who was known for delving into altered consciousness, the spirit world, and psychic experiences, according to a source quoted in the book, compared Clinton to Joan of Arc and believed her to be the most pivotal woman in all of human history.

Thockmorton also extracts from the book an analysis of Clinton’s devotion to abortion. “There is no issue closer to Mrs. Clinton’s heart than abortion rights—to which she holds a nearly religious devotion—so much so that it has become a kind of political theology to the senator, equipped with its own set of apologetics.”

I don't know when Hillary has time to conduct her Black Masses, what with all the burglaries she spends her day plotting, but there's no doubt that once she's in office, her daily briefing will including the disemboweling of a sacred chicken as a means of augury. Keep America Holy and send her back to Massachusetts, where she belongs. Praise Him!

Another great day for Freedom

Despite The Left's desperate attempts to portray Our President's Glorious Crusade to Bring Freedom to the Ragheads as nothing short of a complete and utter failure, incontrovertible evidence continues to mount showing that the surge is indeed working. Via Prayer Warrior Michelle Malkin, I learn that we finally have finally been able to quell that mighty stronghold of Islezbofascist foment: Madison, Wisconsin.

The eight Madison City Council members who abstained from voting to recommend that Congress impeach President Bush and Vice President Cheney outweighed the nine citizens who made personal pleas to the council and presented more than 8,300 signatures demanding that the council recommend impeachment.

Just before 4 a.m. this morning, after an hour of impassioned debate, the city council failed to muster the necessary 11 votes to recommend impeachment.

I must say that I share Michelle's exultation over this victory. What makes it particularly savory is that it is also a stinging (albeit retroactive) defeat of Jane Fonda and the Viet Cong!

However, the council members who spoke were equally passionate. The most emotional was Thuy Pham-Remmele, an immigrant from Vietnam, who said she would resign from the city council if it voted to recommend impeachment. ...

Looking directly at the spectator gallery, Pham-Remmele said, "It is easy to be like Jane Fonda and walk with the communists … and feel good about it. If you really want to save lives, think of something more concrete."

BURN!!! Yeah, like taking a First Aid class. Suck on that one, hippies.

Tragically, at last count there were 87 municipalities in Our Nation that had embraced Sharia and declared Osama Bin Laden their dictator for life. But as this story indicates, this war can be won: Today we retake Madison, and tomorrow maybe we liberate West Hollywood. It can never be said too often that the next few months are critical. If the surge is allowed to go as Our President has planned, America may finally taste sweet victory in Iraq, in Afghanistan, and Viet Nam, too. Praise Him!

A big fat pack of lies

Christians, although it will shock you to learn that I would even consider viewing pornography like this, I made it a point to protest a screening of Michael Moore's Sicko this weekend. Please don't judge me too harshly, I ask you, because I did it out of my sense of Devotion to the conservative movement. This shameless piece of trash will try to degrade political discourse even further by introducing many toxic ideas into the national conversation about health care, and in order to have an enlightened debate on the subject, we must know the talking points of the enemies of Freedom.

Among the arguments we can expect the moonbats to be making in the wake of this "film" are the likes of the following: That the mission of insurance companies has become to deliver exorbitant salaries to their CEOs and quarterly profits to their shareholders, rather than providing services that benefit their members; that countries like Canada, England, France, and Cuba have functioning nationalized health services that meet -- if not actually exceed -- the basic needs of their people; that the profit motive has so corrupted our system of care that hospitals are willing to throw out those who are unable to pay like so much human garbage.

There may be a kernel of truth buried somewhere deep within these arguments, possibly, but proponents of health care reform repeatedly insist on overlooking one quintessential fact: That Michael Moore is fat. Sure, maybe health insurance could follow the same paradigm for public ownership as the Postal Service, or public safety institutions like police and fire departments, but because Michael Moore's ass is so huge it has a seat on the UN Security Council, the hands of our policymakers are tied. And while it's heartbreaking that a catastrophic illness could force a family out of their home, compromising the American Dream, I'm not so sure that Michael Moore wants to insure every American so much as dip them in ranch dressing and devour them.

So until Michael Moore is ready to own up to his part in this mess he's helped create and drop at least fifty pounds, there's really no point in engaging in a dialog on the topic with these liberals,particularly when they're so unhinged on the topic. But I can't be the only one bringing the voice of reason to this debate. I strongly advise you all to bring a clothes pin for your nose and see this leftarded propaganda for yourself, just so you'll be better able to engage the enemy and show him the fallacy of his reasoning. Praise Him!