Kiss of death

Daytime television is enemy territory for those of us who adhere to Traditional Values. Whether it's Oprah X. Winfrey's racist diatribes against America or Judge Judy's refusal to cede her authority to the men in her courtroom, Christianity is always on the receiving end of The Left's abuse. As if the airwaves weren't hostile enough to us people of Faith, liberals are now trying to ensure that daytime viewers are bombarded with the most graphic images of homosexuality conceivable:

The love affair between two young men on the venerable CBS soap opera "As the World Turns" has triggered a protest campaign by angry viewers.

It's just not the sort of protest you'd expect.

Fans of the fictional romance between Luke Snyder and Noah Mayer are baffled about why the two characters haven't kissed on-screen since September, wondering whether it's a sign of squeamishness by CBS or show sponsors Procter & Gamble Co.

That such an argument could even be advanced is nothing short of appalling. Two men kissing is not only deeply offensive on a moral level, it's also a well known hazard to public health. Man-on-man kissing is an amply documented route for transmitting MRSA, syphilis, bubonic plague, schizophrenia, dropsy, beriberi, and most forms of cancer. "Kissing" also serves as foreplay prior to engaging in even more deviant forms of sexual behavior, like sadomasochism, kleptophilia, and figure skating. Imagine if your impressionable son were to see two men going at it while watching his soap operas. How soon would it be before he starts frenching other boys in his scout troop or on his Little League team?

America's broadcasters are playing with fire, and I implore them to make the responsible choice by depicting homosexuality as the grim, miserable death sentence we know it to be. The only time it's not gay for one man to kiss another is when one of them is President Bush and the other is a visiting Arab dignitary, since he's puckering up for American military superiority. If Hollywood were more interested in presenting an even-handed portrait of American life rather than advancing the radical homosexual agenda, America's daytime dramas would be filled with conservative men slipping each other the tongue, all for the good of God and Country. Praise Him!