Sandra Day O'Connor: America-hating whore

Few things rankle good Christians more than watching someone undeserving of their good fortune coast through life. However, once that person begins bad-mouthing Our Country, it is incumbent upon us as Christians and Americans to shine a light on their dubious achievements, so that anyone who would be unnecessarily swayed by their treasonous words gives their acts of sedition their due accord.

Sandra Day O'Connor came to prominence as this country's first female Supreme Court Justice, a position in which she distinguished herself by her politically moderate approach to jurisprudence. However, her recent screed against America puts her to the left of Ethel & Julius Rosenberg, and necessitates a reappraisal of her record: Was she really a moderate, was she really a judge, and is she even a woman?

Recent evidence has come to light that casts all of these claims in questions. Through my network of hairdressing acquaintances in the DC area, I will examine all the hype surrounding Ms. O'Connor and her purported achievements and let you determine how much credence you put in her latest America-bashing diatribe.

Much of Ms. O'Connor's anger towards America stems from the citizenry's renewed interest in holding judge's accountable to the Laws of God as well as the Constitution. In a country where judges routinely masturbate in their courtrooms, it's perhaps understandable why someone like O'Connor would feel threatened by the public's need to defend Our Nation's Virtue from these perverts in black. Would it come as a surprise anyone to learn that this sort of degenerate behavior would happen in the highest court of the land? Perhaps even Ms. Connor herself had taken to pleasuring her ladyparts with an electronic apparatus during especially tiresome oral arguments while on the bench.

Given America's judges' penchant for debasing God's Glory, let's reassess her claims to finding the policital middle ground. Despite this reputation as a "moderate," O'Connor has been the Court's most ardent supporter of sexual perversion, particularly the radical homosexual agenda. She gave the nancies enthusiastic high-fives with her votes in Romer v. Evans & Lawrence v. Texas, thus clearing the way for the gay shock troops to begin the wholesale recruitment of pre-teens and toddlers into the homosexual lifestyle and their obliteration of the American Family as we know it. The only good thing I can say about these opinions is that she didn't author them herself, as they surely would have read like the filthy entries from a "best of gay erotica" compilation. She is also an ardent proponent of foetal genocide, as she ably demonstrated in Planned Parenthood v. Casey. Moderate? You decide.

Was O'Connor really a jurist, or was she really there to do chick work for the benefit of her male colleagues? One of my correspondents, a former stylist at K Street Koiffure who once worked with someone who worked with someone who did O'Connor's nails, said that O'Connor's most important job functions were making coffee and bringing an assortment of sandwiches to the Justices' lounge. She was also assigned with keeping track of her fellow judges' birthdays and selecting a tasteful yet inexpensive group gift and humorous card, as well as opening Rehnquist's mail. Sandra Day O'Connor was, if these reports are to be believed, little more than a Gal Friday who did menial tasks to keep the Court running smoothly, and not the great legal thinker her proponents claim her to be.

Another of my beauty shop contacts leads me to question whether or not Sandra Day O'Connor is in fact female. Anyone who's seen a picture of her knows that this line of speculation is fair game, but evidence uncovered at the Tress For Success salon gives this question a renewed sense of urgency. According to my source, whose former beauty school classmate worked at a DC-area Aveda store, O'Connor was once spotted actively inquiring about buying a suite of skin care products -- for a man! I'll entertain the possibility that this was for a gift, but my same source reports that O'Connor was also spotted ducking into a men's room, and once she realized she had been spotted, immediately left it, red-faced and flustered. If she can fool millions of people with something as simple as her gender, would you believe her sophistries hiding as a judicial philosophy?

I never thought the day would come when I would have to declare that Sandra Day O'Connor is an Enemy of Freedom, but the evidence is insurmountable. Christians, please disregard her hate-filled rants and keep your eyes on the prize: An America so holy that Jesus will be tempted to use us as the kick-off spot for the Rapture, rather than Israel. It's within our grasp, so keep The Faith. Praise Him!