Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, March 09, 2006

I stand corrected

Is nothing sacred to The Left? Not too long ago, I sang the praises of Wal-Mart as the paragon of corporate virtue. Their policies concerning health insurance, the proper roles of the sexes, and cheap foreign labor harkened back to a younger, and dare I say better, America -- the one that existed before FDR turned us into an ally of the Soviet Union, before Hillary and her feminazis emasculated Our Great Nation, and before slavery was considered a dirty word. In fact, as our friends at Agape Press tell it, Wal-Mart appealed to the finest trait in us Americans -- the unceasing desire for a deal at somebody else's expense:
[Wal-Mart] hired Edelman to try and smooth the rough seas created by unions and groups like WakeUpWalMart.com, who rankle over health care, poor wages, and the company's "Not Made in America" love for Chinese products.

To the typical Wal-Mart consumer, these issues are non-intrusive to our shopping habits. A decent product at a decent price is what draws our attention. And the clean stores, well-stocked shelves, and friendly associates are a far cry from the distracting noise being directed at the Bentonville corporate office.
Indeed. As long as I can get 89 cent tubes of lip gloss, their anti-union tactics and imprisonment of heathen Chinee workers in their overseas factories were just icing on the cake. However, enter The Left:
The business is now run by "educated elite" gurus of business who live in big houses and host dinner parties. These socialites now make decisions without taking time to "greet the folks" and learn what makes the working family want to come to their stores. They trust public relations companies to tell them what to do.
I certainly needn't tell you of the dangers of dinner parties. At their most innocuous, liberals merely work themselves into a lather about how much they hate George Bush, much in the way Shiite pilgrims flog themselves on their way to Karbala. At their worst, however, these dinner parties are the meetings of secret terrorist societies where they actively plot the violent overthrow of the American government. And it should surprise no one to learn of the pronounced homosexual influence on the contemporary dinner party. Before I settled down with Jesus way back in my days of selfish hedonism, I pored over Gay Love Signs (which, coincidentally, was never wrong), where a coupling was either deemed to be "astrologically tense," or else it was blessed with the potential for hosting fabulous dinner parties. Not surprisingly, one of the major objectives of the radical homosexual agenda is the frequent hosting of dinner parties. (For the record, Jesus & I have had one dinner party, where we made salmon.)

What damage have these dinner parties wrought? Again, our Agape Press corrsepondent fills us in:
Wal-Mart stocks music that sexually denigrates women, promotes violence, and blasphemes the name of God. Wal-Mart sells "entertainment" that rewards players for killing police and innocent bystanders. Wal-Mart advances an unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle, whose members fight for homosexual marriage. Wal-Mart profits from a product whose sole purpose is to stop the beating heart of an unborn child.
Unfortunately, not all the eyes of my fellow conservative bloggers are open to the threat Wal-Mart poses, and they seem more than eager to do their Dark Master's bidding. I can only warn them that if they continue to flirt with the Dark Side like this, it will only be a matter of time before they themselves are carved up as the main course at one of these Satanic cabals. Open your eyes, Christians. Praise Him!

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