Brash Wednesday

Happy Ash Wednesday, Christians! Today is when we adherents of the One True Faith dab a sacramental exfoliant (Father Joe assures me it's non-comedogenic) on our foreheads and go on a restrictive diet in order to look sensational! in our new Easter ensembles. What better way is there for a Christian lady to commemorate the Resurrection? And what better day for me to update my Rapture watch?

† Cosmetics manufacturers bow to racial grievance industry: I thought this sort of pandering was made illegal in California by Prop 209, but the source for this alarming news is NorthJersey.com, so it may still fly there. Do I have any NJ readers willing to serve as lead plaintiff so we can put a stake through the heart of affirmative action once and for all?

Traditionally, African-American, Hispanic and Asian women have had trouble finding makeup that complements their natural skin tone, often resorting to choosing deeper shades from lines created for lighter skin tones.

"Makeup lines specially formulated for lighter skin usually don't have warmer hues to them, so women of color who wear them often look ashen," says Jeanine Downie, director of Image Dermatology in Montclair and co-author of "Beautiful Skin of Color" (ReganBooks of HarperCollins, 2004).

But times are changing.

Because more than one-third of the United States is composed of people of color, savvy cosmetic companies have "made a smart economic decision to invest in these women," says Susan C. Taylor, a Philadelphia dermatologist and creator of brownskin.net, an educational Web site for women of color.

While naturally I am gravely offended, I do think it speaks volumes about the tremendous strides Black Republicans like Martin Luther King Jr. have made in this country that Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Maxine Waters, et al have to target an institution as venerable as cosmetology in order to score their cheap political points. Increase Rapture Index by 1.

† Ascendant One World Government: Why must America put the needs of Old Europe before her own when it comes to skincare? Does John Bolton know about this outrage?

I noticed that European Union regulations have a warning for sunscreens containing oxybenzone. I read a little about this ingredient on the Internet and I must say I am a bit worried now. Is it safe? Does oxybenzone interfere with your hormones?

If I weren't so enraged, I'd be blushing at their interest in my hormones. This is just so like those filthy Europeans, prying into our ladyparts like this. They could certainly use a healthy dose of Modesty Zone, and a cold shower. Increase Rapture Index by 1.

† Promotion of lesbianism and other sinful lifestyles: Glamour can kill you, or at least that's the latest tack The Left is using in order to seduce our impressionable youths into homosexuality. Once again, "Scientists" and gay activists are tag-teaming our vulnerable children:

Like many of her image-conscious peers, 16-year-old Amanda Perry used to slap on makeup without much thought. Then, she learned that her mascara, cream and deodorant, among other beauty products, may contain toxic chemicals.

Now, she and other teens are spreading the word. ...

"The more science I learn, the more I'm convinced," said Elana Weil, 17, of Burlingame.

Asked if she would replace her usual lipstick or foundation with products deemed safer by summit organizers, Weil said she would, albeit gradually.

"I didn't realize that I could potentially harm my offspring or expose myself to carcinogens," said Katy Bremner, 17, a 12th-grader at Marin Academy, recalling her level of awareness before she joined the campaign. "I want people to learn what I know, to spread awareness so it becomes a national issue."

The tragic thing is that this young lady plans on having children. Little does she know the horrors that await her in the deviant lifestyle that her benefactors have chosen for her. America, I weep for you -- increase Rapture Index by 1, and praise Him!