Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

A nation at risk

"Dear America, I hate you." Or so should read the latest opinion by those judicial activists who'd rather legislate from the bench than uphold Our Nation's laws in the manner proscribed by the Constitution. While even liberals like Joe Lieberman and Mickey Kaus have conceded that the events of 9/11 have changed Everything, the same is not true for these naive judges who refuse to recognize that there exists a radical and violent group of extremists whose sole objective is the complete destruction of America. I am referring, of course, to the Supreme Court -- of Arkansas!
The Arkansas Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that gays can qualify as foster parents and that barring them from parenting foster children was based on one group's view of morality.

In a unanimous ruling upholding a lower court decision that a state ban was unconstitutional, the high court said that no connection exists between a foster child's well-being and the sexual orientation of that child's foster parents.

Justices agreed with Pulaski County Circuit Judge Tim Fox's ruling that the ban seeks to regulate "public morality" — something the board was not given the authority to do. The high court also said that in adopting the ban, the state Child Welfare Agency Review Board violated the separation of powers doctrine.

"There is no correlation between the health, welfare and safety of foster children and the blanket exclusion of any individual who is a homosexual or who resides in a household with a homosexual," Associate Justice Donald Corbin wrote in the opinion.
Is the ability to read not a requirement for judges in our Southern states? Despite mountains of scientific evidence showing that children who grow up within a 5-mile radius of a homosexual can be turned into feces-devouring child molesters by even the briefest exposure to musical theater, these terrorists in black still insist on feeding America's children to the nancies. And what will become of Our Great Nation? Will there be a Pottery Barn on every corner, instead of a Starbucks? Can Bazaar readers someday look forward to a naked & pregnant Paula Poundstone on its cover, instead of a primarily heterosexual Britney Spears? Saddling homos with the kids straight people are too irresponsible to raise comes right out of Satan's playbook, and I can hear the Demonic cackles of Hillary and Janet Reno all the way from their sapphic love nest in Eureka Springs as I write this. America, I weep for you. Praise Him!

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Freedom's split ends

This is an absolute disgrace. Iraq's terrorists have been so emboldened by the seditious ravings of Murtha, Kennedy, Kerry, et al. that they're even using their countrymen's hairstyles as a basis of targeting their victims:
In a country where people are killed because their names mark them as Shi'ites or Sunnis, having the wrong haircut can be lethal, too. So for barber Abu Saif, staying in business requires keeping up with the latest religious edicts.

"Being completely clean-shaven is not right," Mr. Saif explains as he draws his razor down a customer's cheek, then sweeps it back up toward his upper lip. He takes time over the cut -- a perfect upside-down question mark shave around the cheek that is most popular with Baghdad's religious Shi'ites.

"The 'Marine' cut, or shaven head, is forbidden. It is considered to be something of the foreigners," said Mr. Saif, 52, who has been cutting hair and shaving beards in his small Mansour barber shop since he was a boy of 12.
I've endured my share of taunts from what were undoubtedly liberals on account of my faith-based coiffure, but when you spike it with the toxic rhetoric of defeatism, it turns deadly. I hope The Left is proud of the hell they've unleashed on the people of Iraq. Praise Him!

[Update: twilight tinkering.]

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Silk Wrapture

I don't know about you, but the recent coronation of Markos "Daily Kos" Moulitsas as arbiter of whether or not the New York Times can disclose top-secret national security programs has me so angry I can barely see straight. What did America ever do to him to make him hate it so much? I know that when I have this sort of Outrage welling up within me, there's only one way to diffuse it and keep from wasting my beautiful mind: updating the Rapture Index with stories about cosmetology (prior updates here, here, here, here, & here). If these recent items are any indication, Jesus will be officially kicking off End Times down here sooner than we expect.

Cosmetics in the Holy Land: Can there be any uncertainty that John of Patmos looked deep inside the entrails of his disemboweled chickens and saw this Heavenly development as he penned the Book of Revelation?

International cosmetics chain L’Oreal Paris is opening its first flagship store in Israel. The company plans to open ten stores within three years. The first store will be opened under the store-in-store concept at New Hamashbir Lazarchan Ltd. in the Kiryon Mall in Kiryat Bialik. The idea is to create an international self-service cosmetic shopping experience.
Granted, there's always the chance some wayward IDF artillery shell could take it out before Doomsday, but I'm pretty sure what we're looking at is the Third Temple. Increase Rapture Index by 3.

Makeup used to uphold Traditional Values: Sister Nancy Beth believes that children are the future -- "Beat them well and let them bleed," as that lovely hymn goes. So it delighted my spirit like nothing else to read what an important role cosmetics played in maintaining discipline in this Christian household:

A registered nurse and her live-in boyfriend are being held in the Marion County Jail.

He is accused of beating her 5-year-old son so badly that the next morning the mom used makeup to cover the bruises, WESH 2 News reported.

Detectives said the mother told the boy the makeup she was applying to hide the bruises would actually make him feel better.
It made me feel better just reading about it. Discipline mixed with love and a little concealer to cover the bruises has always been the best recipe for raising children, I recall hearing somewhere... I think it may have been James Dobson. Anyway, this is a resounding victory for Our Nation's families everywhere. Increase Rapture Index by 1.

Advancing Secularism: I've written about the threat that so-called "natural beauty" products pose before, but their sinister aims bear repeating: The sole purpose of "all-natural" beauty aids is to turn our young girls into pro-abortionist Lesbians who want to permanently raise the Death Tax and expose America to Islamofascist attacks through vigorous enforcement of Title IX. Let's see what they've got in store for us this time:
Bess Cosmetics is made from minerals that have healing capabilities, provide sun protection, and have anti-inflammatory properties and long-lasting coverage. The full line of products ranges from foundation and concealer to lipstick and eyeshadow and are non-comedogenic and have no talc, fragrance or dyes.

Bess Cosmetics is designed to be an extension of a woman's skincare regime, Turner said, and are great for acne prone, sensitive, post-surgical, rosacea, and laser resurfaced skin.
I don't know where this hippie got all this hearts & flowers shit about applying makeup, but the three hours I spend each morning toiling before the mirror is hardly like dancing the maypole at the Renaissance Faire. Glamour is hard work, but Salvation doesn't come easily.

So who would even be behind this reheated slice of 70's Maoism? (emphasis added)
But it was a big investment and a big commitment for the woman who now juggles three careers. Besides being an entrepreneur, [owner Bess] Turner is a third-grade teacher at Northfield Elementary School and does sales and marketing for her husband singer/songwriter Bryan Turner. She has no plans to drop any of commitments anytime in the near future.
"Naturally." This whole thing is another crazy experiment that escaped from the NEA laboratory. Increase Rapture Index by 2, and Praise Him!

[Wednesday a.m. update - crazy link problem fixed... wtf?]

Monday, June 26, 2006

The Devil steals Prada

I always knew this day would come. Proponents of "gay marriage" are so fanatical about advancing their radical agenda that they routinely dismiss the dire consequences it presents to Our Nation. Well, moonbats, these Unholy unions have borne their first fruits:
... They survived Hurricane Katrina’s Category 3 winds and the ensuing looters. They reopened despite the long odds of doing business in a devastated city. The last thing the Magazine Street shop owners expected to threaten their survival was a crime ring of transvestites.

They’re fearless,” said Ogle. “Once they see something they like they won’t stop until they have it. They don’t care, they’ll go to jail. It’s really gotten bad. You know it’s ridiculous when everyone on the block knows who they are.”

Expensive tastes

The transvestites first appeared in March when they raided Magazine Street like a marauding army of kleptomaniacal showgirls, said Davis, using clockwork precision and brute force to satisfy high-end boutique needs.

They first hit Vegas March 31 while Ogle was working.

“They come in groups of three or four. One tries to distract you while the others get the stuff and run out the door. It’s very simple,” Ogle said.

Next door at Winky’s, Bonga heard people screaming inside Vegas, then saw a blur of cheap wigs and masculine legs in designer shoes streak past her door.
I hope you're proud of yourselves, liberals. America's sequined red, white & blue Glory is forever tarnished by these wanton acts of lawlessness, and you have no one to blame but yourselves. Praise Him! (h/t: WND)

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Baubles of mass destruction

This Saturday Jesus & I met my dad & stepmother at the Museum of the American West to protest their current exhibit, Totems to Turquoise: Native North American Jewelry Arts of the Northwest and Southwest. It was, as you would expect, an Unhinged orgy of America-bashing tarted up as "culture," served with the usual bromides from the godless creed of Multiculturalism and its bastard progeny, "Diversity."

The SCUD used to deliver this toxic payload was an exhibit of the decorative artifacts of Native American tribes. The underlying theme was that the tribes' relationships with the "natural" & "spiritual" worlds were embodied within the very materials these Satanic artisans used to construct their blasphemous trinkets. This opened the door for all sorts of assaults on Christianity, which usually took the form of denying its importance to these ingrates: What looked like the beloved Cross to these eyes was actually a syncretic adaptation of some barbaric fairy tale about dragonflies.

The most predictable means of attacking Our Nation's Heritage came in the shape of another liberal whitewash. The program notes make several references to the uneasy relationship between these red-skinned squatters and the Christians who came to claim the land that God had promised them, but not once do they use the I-word. That's right, according to the guardians of elitist cultural institutions, radical Islam had absolutely nothing to do with the Jihad the Indians waged against the settlers. Can we really entrust Our Children's education to these people when their allegiance to the dreaded Political Correctness prevents them from stating the obvious? I dare say not. Los Angeles area Christians, please protest this abomination as your schedule allows. Praise Him!

Friday, June 23, 2006

Look away, Hadjiland

What Frank Sinatra Jr. is to Old Blue Eyes, we can proudly say Michael Reagan is to The Gipper. While Our Nation's greatest president is presently reading from that great big teleprompter in the sky, his son continues his Moral legacy with this Inspirational piece for Human Events Online:
That story makes my blood boil -- and it should make yours reach boiling point too. More than anything else in the recent events in Iraq, this horrific outrage demonstrates with awful clarity the kind of depraved monsters we are facing in the war on terrorism.

It also shows why they must be eliminated from the face of the earth. They are a species with which civilized mankind cannot co-exist. During the Civil War when Gen. T.J. (Stonewall) Jackson was asked how to deal with the enemy, he had a simple answer: "Kill 'em; kill 'em all."

The hideous torture and killing of Kristian Menchaca and Thomas Tucker should tell us that it’s time to adopt Jackson's strategy as our own. Their deaths are proof that we face an enemy that will never cut and run, but will lurk in the shadows and strike out against us at every opportunity until they have been wiped off the face of the earth. Nothing else can guarantee the safety of the American people.
Who better to align America's troops with spiritually and tactically than with the Confederacy, and who better to compare the Iraq insurgency to than the Union? Why, it makes perfect sense! As a loyal reader of La Shawn Barber, I can say with the utmost certainty that if the South had won the Civil War, America's negroid population would be enjoying boundless freedoms, and the racism they purportedly suffer from (at the hands of white liberals, no less) would be a thing of the past. With any luck, History will correct itself, and the forces of Good will prevail this time so that the Iraqi people can enjoy the Blessings of Liberty this nation was robbed of. They appear to be off to an amazing start. Praise Him!

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Slow train coming

Awaiting The Rapture is serious business for any Christian woman, who needs her hair and nails to be absolutely perfect for her date with Kingdom Come. While I myself try to dress as though each day will be my last, it isn't always possible, particularly for those of us whose bosses monitor our timecards, mark them up with highlighters, and leave hateful little post-its with anti-Christian messages such as "This is your third tardy this week" or "Your pay is being docked 30 min" affixed to them. Some days it feels like a race against the clock to see what will happen first: Judgment Day or my getting the axe here at the Beauty Palace. Personally, I envision myself flipping Conchita the bird as I ascend Heavenwards for all the grief she's given me on account of my Faith.

The cosmetology/rapture beat has been awfully quiet lately, so until there's any breaking news on that front, this LA Times story will have to suffice. I applaud everyone (except the Muslims) for doing their part to hasten the arrival of this Glorious day, but I'd like to see a little more hustle from the Jews:
By contrast, Bill McCartney, a former University of Colorado football coach and co-founder of the evangelical Promise Keepers movement for men, which became huge in the 1990s, has had a devil of a time getting his own apocalyptic campaign off the ground.

It's called The Road to Jerusalem, and its mission is to convert Jews to Christianity — while there is still time.

"Our whole purpose is to hasten the end times," he said. "The Bible says Jews will be brought to jealousy when they see Christians and Jewish believers together as one — they'll want to be a part of that. That's going to signal Jesus' return."

Jews and others who don't accept Jesus, he added matter-of-factly, "are toast."

McCartney, who only a decade ago sermonized to stadium-size crowds of Promise Keepers, said finding people to back his sputtering cause has been "like plowing cement."

Given end-times scenarios saying that non-believers will die before Jesus returns — and that the antichrist will rule from Jerusalem's rebuilt Holy Temple — Jews have mixed feelings about the outpouring of support Israel has been getting from evangelical organizations.
Maybe if The Passion of the Christ had featured anal sex, they'd be more willing to convert. In the sequel, perhaps? We're counting on you, Mel. Praise Him!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

More leftist lunacy

I spent all day scouring the internets for something to ignite my sense of Christian Fury, but nothing quite did the trick. How silly it was of me to forget that Outrage, much like the proverbial bluebird of happiness, can always be found in my own backyard:
On Monday, the Westside town [West Hollywood] famous for its novel municipal lawmaking took a stab at legalizing the recreational use of small amounts of marijuana.

But achieving that goal might prove difficult.

The City Council approved a resolution that urges the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department to make marijuana-related offenses a "low priority" that deputies should largely ignore.

In doing so, it became the first city in Southern California to request that its law enforcement agency look the other way at recreational pot use and target only the sale of marijuana.
Here is a textbook example of the Moral hollowness of The Left: Harrass Big Business to impress the degenerates into voting for you by making it look like you're totally sticking it to the squares, man. It's the same thing with their immigration policy: Coddle the filthy illegals while trying your best to run America's corporations out of business. The answer to West Hollywood's pot problem is remarkably similar to the one necessary for safeguarding our own Nation's southern border: build an enormous wall around it and have a bunch of middle-aged honkeys keep anyone from getting in or out. Praise Him!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Still here... still fighting the good fight

Hello, Christians. Sorry for not posting sooner, but I've got Big News regarding the Praisemobile. It so happens that once again it was the target of Al Qaeda's cunning saboteurs. The yellow "check engine" light went off on the dashboard Friday morning (they must have made their move while I was inside protesting the gym), which was unsettling, though not an immediate indication that I was coasting along in a powderkeg of annihilation. The coup de grace was delivered this morning, when the low coolant alarm went off in a manner reminescent of The China Syndrome. So, off to the dealer it went, and I'm $250 poorer, but I have sought reimbursement from the Department of Homeland Security, especially now what there's more fat in the budget from eliminating those low-level of terrorist interest places like New York. Since I know how much you conservative blog readers love dishing in the comments section about the technical specifications of these sorts of things, I got the coolant flange and one -- possibly even two -- secondary air injection vacuum pipes changed. Should the mechanic have used an Allen wrench? If so, what size? Kern away!

It was hard to regain my equilibrium after staring down death like that, but I did manage to get Outraged today at the latest affront by those radical homosexual activists. Anyone with even the most basic understanding of America's true history knows that Klan members wore white hoods not to disguise their identities as they corrected the oversights of activist judges, but rather to enjoy the luxuriant suppleness of pure cotton against their cheeks. Sadly, one Florida "church" is robbing Americans of this same downy softness, figuratively speaking:
The chairman of a group that is gathering signatures to put a marriage amendment on Florida's ballot is accusing a pro-homosexual church of engaging in scare tactics to keep people from signing the petition in support of protecting traditional marriage.

The organization known as "Florida4Marriage.org" has been working hard to gather enough signatures to put the marriage amendment on a state ballot in 2008. Meanwhile, a Jacksonville congregation, Christ Church of Peace, has launched a website of its own, on which it is posting the names of the ballot signers in order to, as the site claims, encourage an "open conversation." ...

"Upwards of 70 to 80 percent believe that marriage is between one man and one woman," [John] Stemberger asserts. "So what you're seeing is really an attempt to intimidate people, which is typical of those that oppose us on same-sex marriage," he says. "Their agenda, in part, has to do with trying to just silence people that disagree with you."
What we are witnessing, Christians, is yet another act of terrorism being perpetrated against Americans by The Left. If Floridians are going to be held accountable for acting out of their God-sanctioned ignorance, are any of us truly Free? How soon until roving gangs of interior decorators come up from South Beach and hiss, "Those window treatments are a-TRO-cious!" at traumatized Christians cowering behind their lacy JC Penney priscillas? What unsuspecting family will wake up to a Felch-In being staged on their front lawn, or worse still, a tribe of lesbians singing Holly Near songs? Christians, the only Hope America has of withstanding these attacks is by banning gay marriage, passing the flag-burning amendment, privatizing Social Security, eliminating the death tax, and invading Iran. Praise Him!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Paging Karl Rove

Meet the freshest new face of The Anti-War Left -- child molesters!
In Internet and phone chats with someone he thought was a 14-year-old girl, a Department of Homeland Security press aide talked about underage sex, boasted about his job and called President Bush a "liar," according to transcripts released by prosecutors. ...

The transcripts also quote Doyle as saying he met Bush, adding, "nice guy but not a good president ... he is not very bright and it is evident ... bush is a liar ... there were NO weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. total lie to go to war."
Sound familiar? Sounds to me like, oh, EVERY DAILY KOS POST EVER WRITTEN!!! With this in mind, can we rightly assume that most of Our President's critics spend their free time trolling the internets for barely pubescent teens to violate? Without question! I may have dozed my way through the Philosophy of Beauty class back in cosmetology school, but I can cobble together a wicked syllogism when I need to: If all child molesters are liberals, then all liberals are child molesters. Res ipso loquitor, e pluribus unum, etc. I can't think of a better way to refute the usual moonbat talking points. In fact, I've even started putting it into practice here at the Beauty Palace:
Conchita: [Referring to the resumption of Michael Moore & al-Zarqawi's terrorist campaign against Iraqi civilians] "That was brief."

Me: That's a fairly common reaction among child molesters.

Conchita: [walks away, muttering]
See? It works like a charm.

In other news, 53% of Americans are child molesters, or maybe MSM just keeps legions of perverts on speed dial for these polls. Either way, fight the child-molesting agenda of The Left and stay the course in Iraq. 3000 or bust! Praise Him!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Devil wears Danskin

Christians, sound the alarm, for your local yoga studio is little more than the nearest portal to Hell. From Prayer Warriors Agape Press, naturally:
Christian author Dave Hunt, co-founder of the Oregon-based ministry, The Berean Call, has written a new book called Yoga and the Body of Christ. In it, he contends that yoga is a spiritually dangerous practice designed to expose people to demonic influences.

While conducting research for the book, Hunt says he studied the roots of yoga and interviewed many people who have practiced it. As a result of his investigation, he says he has concluded that the techniques employed in yoga are not designed primarily to promote health but to put participants in a mental state similar to that of hypnosis.

And it is not those critical or skeptical of yoga who are confirming these conclusions, the author points out. "These are the yogis, now. These are the people who developed it," he insists. "These are the people who practiced it, and they warned [that] you must always have your guru present when you get into this state of consciousness, because you could be taken over by some evil entity."
Surprised you haven't heard about demonic possession at the yoga studio? Another MSM cover-up!
The elements of yoga are sometimes adapted to meet the needs of non-religious practitioners and those of other faiths, including Christians. But Hunt insists there is no way to modify this inherently spiritual practice to make it acceptable for Christians.

"If you want to benefit yourself physically," the author says, "then do exercises that were designed for that. Do not get into things that were designed for self-realization and to 'realize that you are God.'" He also urges Christians, "If you want to do some exercises, please don't call it yoga, because as soon as you do, you've put a certain connotation on it."
Better yet, why not just stay home in front of the tv? Every time I protest my gym, I am shocked at the immodest lows to which the clientele sinks. Lycra is truly Satan's textile of choice.
The North American studio alliance estimates that as many as 30 million people are practicing yoga in the United States alone.
A nation at risk... how soon until the Gates of Hell are flung open and these 30 million people begin doing the bidding of their Dark Masters? Judging by my bus ride this morning, it's already happening. Praise Him!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Because he recognizes that the presidential wang's invasion of the mouth of a chubby intern is a far greater threat to Liberty than the invasion of a foreign country under questionable circumstances and without clear objectives, I salute Senator Joe Lieberman. While he may swing a bit too heavily on the Judeo- side of America's Judeo-Christian Values, if you know what I mean, he certainly understands what counts when it comes to advancing Democracy in present day America -- saving his own ass:
With his Democratic primary challenger advancing in the polls, Connecticut U.S. Sen. Joe Lieberman must soon decide whether to begin gathering signatures for a possible independent run this November.

His campaign staffers contend they're focusing only on winning on the Aug. 8 primary. But Lieberman himself has not ruled out petitioning his way onto the November ballot as part of his backup plan to garner a fourth term in the U.S. Senate.

"I am not going to close out any options," he recently told reporters.
Way to go, Joe! It's your devotion to Principle like this that demonstrates why you are the Moral anchor of the Democratic Party.... for however much longer. Praise Him!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The few, the proud, the nancies

Hello, Christians! My computer has been afflicted with an alarming number of plagues lately, all of which have led me to believe that the Hard Drive Rapture as foretold in Prophesy was nearly at hand. What else was I to make of a such an Unholy confluence of events (pages that won't load, java buttons that won't execute, interminably long waits while it boots up, and the dreaded McAfee renewal and its daily "updates" they never seem to take) happening so close to 06/06/06? Now that I'm back at the Beauty Palace and catching up with my Prayer Warriors, I see that it wasn't quite the epidemic I had assumed it was, which leaves only one other explanation: I have been the Victim of a cyber-terrorist's virtual jihad. Well, moonbats, you can try to keep me from blogging all you'd like, but United We Stand, and These Colors Don't Run, and God Bless America!!! Let's Roll!!!

Yesterday I promised a report of the abominations I got to witness first-hand during West Hollywood's annual "gay" "pride" "parade." Back in my days of selfish hedonism, I found the parade itself stupefyingly dull, and was perfectly content to skip it, since I was usually hung over from whoring around the night before anyways. However, after a nearly decade-long absence from the parade route, I felt a sense of duty to my Christian brethren to attend, so as to Witenss the immorality on your behalf, as well as to be the lone voice of Righteousness in this moral wilderness. I can say without the faintest trace of hyperbole that this abhorrent pageant was, as you can imagine, a slap in the face of every Christian man, woman, and child on the face of God's earth, and it is only through God's Infinite Mercy that we as a nation haven't been pummeled into extinction by a swarm of deadly asteroids. As we've come to expect from The Left, perversion was exalted, Christianity was debased, sexuality was unbridled (despite the terrible consequences to Freedom), and places that were normally free to go into were charging a cover. Outrageous!

All this nasty business meant only one thing: duking it out with The Left at the cover-free Gold Coast. Jesus & I invited some church ladies to aid us in our protests, and we fortified ourselves with ceremonial frankincense before heading down to fight the Good Fight. Perhaps it was because the powers of my theological dialectics were at their peak, so dissecting the bar patrons' talking points (cribbed from the pages of the LA Times & Muscle and Fitness magazine) kept me too busy kicking ass & taking names, or maybe it was all the ceremonial frankincense, but as I compose this, I see that most of the parade managed to pass me and my digital camera by. But fret not, gentle Christians, for this is totally representative of what I saw:

That's right, S&M, the abc's of contemporary nancyhood, and the building blocks of any recent homosexual recruit's new life. Ladies, if you want to play dress up, save up and buy a gown, rather than running down to the livestock store every time you've got $5 in your wallet. How tacky!

Also on display (aside from an uncomfortably high volume of male nipplage) was The Left's hypocrisy. When James Dobson encourages parents to beat their children, it's child abuse and a source of moral outrage; however, when it's done by Hollywood celebrities with humongous wardrobe budgets, it's great art. Despite its strong pro-Family message, Mommie Dearest (repackaged for dvd as the "Hollywood Royalty" edition) has inexplicably become a favorite of "gay" "life," an act of cultural thievery so larcenous I was constantly checking to make sure that I, too, hadn't been a Victim of these pick-pockets. I say we reclaim Mommie Dearest from The Left, much like we recently did for rock music.

One thing I forgot about the nancies (especially the "males") is what attention-seeking whores they truly are. The AIDS Ride guys were not content with mild applause, but gestured for standing ovations -- evidently the closing ceremony at the end of the ride wasn't enough for them. Gay Men's Chorus also demanded proper tribute, and seemed a little miffed that their lip-synching wasn't greeted with an abundance of fragrant floral bouquets and calls for "encore!" There were also a host of awards named in honor people I have never heard of that were given to people who struck me as equally obscure -- e.g. Garret Stanley III, the recipient of the Melody Thistlethwaite Award, etc. It seems the only requirement for getting such an award is having a friend who can drive you along the parade route in a convertible. Did these have a point, other than to bore us Christians there to protest the Issues of the day?

Tragically, the other Messengers of Christendom at this Moral holocaust were kept off the parade route, but here's a sampling of their Glorious work:

In true defiance of the Homosexual agenda of taut abdomens and rippling musculature, my fellow Prayer Warriors gained 50 pounds just for this day. Way to go, guys!

After the parade, we were ready to have our sensibilities shocked even further. Here's an example of the moral cancer being served up as "tolerance" at the festival:

That's right, hula-hoops. Some may see the arc of a wrecking ball taking out Our Country's spiritual foundation in every lascivious gyration of a post-menopausal lesbian's hips, but I see the unequivocal declaration of solidarity with Hawaii's America-hating movement. No matter how you slice it, though, it's Bad News for Our Country, and acts of civil disobedience of these sorts warrant monitoring of their phone calls, at the very least.

And get a load of this:

My Prayer Warriors have had mixed success with boycotting Ford, Walgreen's, Kraft, et al, but just take a look at how Corporate America is clasping their ankles for these radical homosexual activists. I had no idea how widespread this problem is. Please protest accordingly, as I can only do so much.

The split between the single and the coupled members of our platoon became evident fairly quickly. Jesus & I were ready to throw in the towel after a couple of hours of wading through this cesspool, but our single friends still had a good 8 hours of protesting left in them. We came home and began strategizing how to best implement our "Pray for Jesus & Nancy Beth's Computer" campaign. Your blessings & devotions are greatly appreciated, and will go towards making next year's protests a reality. Praise Him!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Spare the blog, spoil The Left

Hello, Christians -- I spent the weekend protesting the Satanic "Gay Pride" sex rituals held down the street from me & Jesus. I plan to have a lengthy post documenting the numerous atrocities I Witnessed. I am seeking the indulgence of my loyal readers as I contend with Blogger's constant outages (who's running this place, Baghdad Power & Electric?) and mysterious javascript errors that seem to be hobbling my ability to load certain pages. Keep the Faith, and praise Him!

Friday, June 09, 2006

BREAKING -- Libs love terror, hate Freedom

My Prayer Warriors have been outdoing themselves monitoring The Left's tepid reaction to the Glorious news of the death of Abu Musab Zarqawi, most assuredly one of the masterminds of the 9/11 attacks, possibly the fabled 20th hijacker, and even spoken of in hushed and reverential tones in certain circles as Hillary's potential running mate. Their failure to drop to the ground in convulsions of religious ecstasy and writhe like eels at the latest Accomplishment of Our President's Blessed Mission doesn't show their "pragmatism," as they may like to call it, but rather their complete and utter hatred for America! Or as the Christians at Powerline put it:
PAUL adds: There's something seriously wrong with any non-terrorist anywhere in the world who isn't celebrating Zarqawi's death. The world has become a better place, and Americans are a bit safer too -- as we would have been safer if the Clinton administration had taken advantage of one of its opportunities to kill or nab a certain other master terrorist during the late 1990s.
Amen, Brother Paul! The true test of fidelity to Our Nation -- second only to the ability to muster suitable fervor over the death of an al Qaida franchisee -- is the ability to gin up Outrage over The Left's refusal to display enough enthusiasm for the death of an al Qaida franchisee.

Over at WorldNetDaily, David Limbaugh reaches a conclusion shockingly similar to Powerline's -- that a so-called "rational" approach to the news of Zarqawi's death is like emptying a clip into the back of every American soldier in Iraq:
Liberal bloggers are unnerved, realizing it will be difficult to spin Zarqawi's death to deny Bush and the American military credit. If they truly supported the troops, they wouldn't be investing one second strategizing over how to control damage to their miserable cause, but rejoicing in this American military triumph. But don't be too hard on these amateurs. They haven't been spinning as long as their mentors in the Old Media. Maybe they should take notes and learn some lessons.

As if to show the upstart bloggers how it's done, the Old Media were quick to issue disclaimers so that the great unwashed would not read too much into this event, as if we red-state, reality-challenged militarists might be operating under the misapprehension that Islamofascists are motivated to kill infidels solely because of their hero worship of a particular leader.
Also at WorldNetDaily, Melanie Morgan tips us off to an alarming new liberal tactic for losing the War on Terror: manipulating on-line political polls. Why not just spit on us?
At the Democratic Underground website, users attempted to manipulate MSNBC's online poll to suggest that the mission to kill Zarqawi would be meaningless in the war in Iraq. Whether or not the death of Zarqawi will have a major impact on the war effort is beside the point. The efforts by liberals to manipulate a poll so as to beat down the morale of the American people and make them believe we can't win is revolting. There is a sickness that has infected the anti-war movement.
Sadly, that sickness seems to be contagious. At WorldNetDaily's own poll, I see that less than half of the respondents have answered that Zarqawi's death is "great news." Some may attribute that to the ease with which online polls can be rigged. I contend, however, that Bush Derangement Syndrome is now a full-blown pandemic worthy of the finest duct tape and plastic sheeting your family's budget allows. What's even worse is that this terrible malady now appears to have afflicted Our President:
Zarqawi is dead, but the difficult and necessary mission in Iraq continues. We can expect the terrorists and insurgents to carry on without him. We can expect the sectarian violence to continue. Yet the ideology of terror has lost one of its most visible and aggressive leaders.
Sadly, Freedom has lost one of its most visible and aggressive leaders if President Bush is disparaging our troops like that. Try to keep the Faith, Christians. Praise Him!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

[Ca]Hairdo Cinema

A not-so recent post over at I Blame the Patriarchy solicited the brown rice & Birkenstock crowd who congregate there to name their favorite acts of cinematic sedition. While Hollywood kowtows to The Left with every new release, I thought it would be interesting for my readers to take a look at the craven depths of depravity that delight the moonbat psyche. One film that seemed well regarded was Saving Grace, which Jesus & I protested via Netflix last night.

The story revolves around the newly widowed Grace, whose late husband, she finds out, left her in tremendous amounts of debt. She and her pothead gardener resort to cultivating an enormous crop of marijuana in order to pay off her creditors. Subplots involve the gardener's pregnant girlfriend, Grace's confrontation of her late husband's mistress, and the townfolks' "it takes a village to support a drug dealer" laissez-faire approach to Grace's illegal venture.

I can certainly see its appeal to the moonbats, as all their favorite pastimes are represented: drugs, abortion, adultery, homosexuality, disrespect for law and order, pre-marital sex, male-bashing, & the evils of capitalism, which is what ultimately drives poor Grace into her desperate act of lawlessness. There are even some distinctly unpleasant allusions to sexual tension between the aged Grace and her much younger gardener, which all but screams, "If this Anglia's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'." What a potential waste of a Christian man's seed! In fact, the only taboo this movie omits is the obligatory interracial aspect (though, now that I think about it, the drug kingpin/love interest is French), which would have given the scenes of drug use some much needed authenticity. Marijuana, the filmmakers would have us believe, is "fun," whereas everyone knows that even one hit of the demonic Mary Jane can cause violent flashbacks that make you walk through plate glass windows in a violent fury, and you can't be killed until somebody literally cuts out your heart and shows it to you. Oh, and the hair and makeup really sucked, too, unless the actress who played Grace is really a Bahian negress who spent hours each day being converted into the pasty white English matron we saw before us, but somehow I doubt that.

So, on Sister Nancy Beth's grading scale of A to F, where A equals Abhorrent and F equals Filthy, I give this movie an F, for the above stated reasons, and for its failure to acknowledge the link between drug trafficking and the attacks of 9/11. Your time would be better spent watching edifying Christian fare like Red Dawn or Rocky IV. Praise Him!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

More crowd control, please

Clearly someone in the Secret Service is not doing his job, or is actively working with the terrorists to embarass Our President and His Administration. Once upon a time, you could count on cabinet officials being sheltered from the sort of unhinged Bush hatred that constitutes the daily bread of Freedom-haters like Daily Kos readers, Old Europe, etc. Sadly, though, The Left managed to infiltrate a recent gathering in Indonesia with one well-planted anarchist:

This nation's defense minister warned Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld on Tuesday that Asia's Muslims increasingly believed the U.S. was trying to use its economic and military power to dictate terms for carrying out the war on terrorism, a perception that risks alienating the very countries the Bush administration needs as allies.

In unusually blunt language after an hourlong meeting here with Rumsfeld, Juwono Sudarsono said some Muslim nations saw the U.S. as a threat to global stability, and he suggested the administration should allow national governments to come up with their own strategies to deal with Islamist extremism.

"The sun never sets on the back of an American GI," Sudarsono said, noting that the $12-trillion U.S. economy allows it to be ubiquitous around the globe. "It's best that you leave the main responsibility of anti-terrorist measures to the local government in question and not be overly insistent about immediate results arising from your perception about terrorists."

That's pretty brave talk coming from a country that God routinely smites, so I wouldn't put too much stock in it. It almost overshadows this troubling news:
Officials also responded cautiously to Rumsfeld's promise of spare parts for the country's hobbled cargo aircraft fleet and aging F-16 fighters. The U.S. did not sell parts to Indonesia during the decade-long ban on military trade.

The ban was lifted last year, and that status must be renewed annually by Congress, where some members remain concerned that Indonesians involved in military atrocities in East Timor have not been brought to justice. Rumsfeld acknowledged that Congress might yet reimpose the ban, and Sudarsono said Indonesia would continue to purchase Russian-made fighters as a hedge.
This is an Outrage! How many children of defense contractors must go hungry so that The Left can score these moral brownie points? After all, the Indonesians are just going to go turn around and buy weapons from the Reds, so in essence, the moonbats are hurting America while helping our former(?) enemies. Whe you get down to it, American munitions deliver Freedom with every payload, and the East Timorese should consider themselve fortunate to be liberated by such. Praise Him!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Bridging the gap

Like all Americans, I find our neighbors to the north utterly baffling. Culturally, Canadians seem to be just like us, but when you look at, say, their pop music charts, you'll see vestigial traces of misshapen national autonomy in the form of wtf? acts like "Melissa O'neill" or "Crazy Frog's Crazy Hits." These serve as loud & clear reminders that, despite whatever similarities we may share with them, these people truly warrant our suspicions. Fortunately, though, while protesting my gym & watching CNN on the close-captioned monitors this morning, I had an epiphany of sorts:
REP. PETER KING (R), NEW YORK: Americans should be very concerned because Canada is our northern neighbor and there is a large al Qaeda presence in Canada. I think there's a disproportionate number of al Qaeda in Canada because of their very liberal immigration laws, because of how political asylum is granted so easily and, also, the previous government, quite frankly, in Canada, I don't think was tough enough, as far as going after terrorism.
So this is what it feels like when doves cry! Here in America, blaming prior administrations has achieved a nearly Sacramental level of importance when it comes to absolving conservatives of guilt. I am delighted to see that it has the potential to cross over to other national markets, regardless of whether your president/prime minister has been fellated by a plump Jewess or not. Welcome to the big leagues, Canada -- I knew there wasn't a reason we hadn't nuked you yet! Praise Him!

Monday, June 05, 2006

The Maginot eyeliner

Is the Muslim conquest of France finally complete? How else are we to intepret this slap in the face of every Christian woman in America?
TYPICAL French chic or bare-faced cheek? The simmering diplomatic war between France and the United States has taken an ugly turn after French women accused their American counterparts of being "painted dolls".

French madames don't wear make-up, or at least pretend not to. Their new goal is to glow, with invisible pores and highly polished skin. Too much make-up, they claim, makes a woman seem older, or worse still, appear as if she makes a living walking the streets.

And they have singled out American women as the worst examples, while putting forward their own versions of perfection such as actresses Juliette Binoche and Audrey Tautou.

Led by French fashion experts, the attack will stoke tensions based on cultural differences that neither country pretends to understand. Laura Mercier, the French creator of a line of cosmetics, who lives in New York, said: "It really astonishes me the way American women wear so much make-up.

"In the US, even teenage girls are overly made up. And when you are overly made up, you send out the message that you are overly sexual, that you want to be visible to attract men."

By contrast, Mercier added: "French women are not flashy. They must be subtle. The message must not be: 'I'm spending hours on my face to look beautiful.'"
For a race of people who constantly pat themselves on the back for their intellectual superiority, they sure missed the boat with this one. Makeup, as the penitential connotations of its very name suggest, allows us Fallen Daughters of Eve to reclaim the Immaculate state we enjoyed prior to our expulsion from the Garden, however momentarily. Equating the deepest form of spiritual communion Christianity offers to ladykind with streetwalking, all the while exalting "natural beauty" (the beauty regimen of choice for lesbians, environmentalists, and America-haters everywhere) is an Outrage of the highest order. I haven't seen a word of this in any domestic publications, so Liberal Media is clearly covering up the misdeeds of their ideological allies. I'd say they have nothing to worry about, since we don't riot, but this is so beyond the pale I make no promises that a couple of Peugots won't get torched tonight. Praise Him!

Saturday, June 03, 2006

None dare call it treason...

... except for Concerned Woman for America Robert Knight, who has this shocking expose on the latest betrayal of America at the UN -- by America!
In a move applauded by homosexual activist groups, the United States reversed longstanding policy and voted in May to grant official United Nations consultative status to three homosexual groups.

Along with six other countries, the U.S. voted on a tactical proposal by Germany to accept the applications of the International Gay and Lesbian Association - Europe (ILGA-Europe) and Germany's Lesbian and Gay Federation (LSVD) for consultative status at the U.N. Economic and Social Council (ECSOC). The votes took place on May 16 and May 17.

The United States also backed a proposal to include the Coalition of Gays and Lesbians in Quebec (CGLQ), but that application was deferred until January 2007.
The rationale for us Christians' objecting to these groups is their patronage of NAMBLA, which none of these groups seem to have any actual affiliation with. However, if you've ever had to invade a foreign country unprovoked, you realize the fluid nature of these sorts of these justifications, so sometimes you need to throw everything at the wall and see what sticks:

A U.S. State Department spokesman told Concerned Women for America's Culture & Family Institute that the U.S. delegation dropped its objection to the three homosexual groups after determining that none was directly involved with groups promoting pedophilia.

According to Dr. Janice Shaw Crouse, Senior Fellow of CWA's Beverly LaHaye Institute, the deciding factor was being able to say that they were not "directly" promoting pedophilia. Crouse said, "Of course, these groups aren't directly involved; they are too savvy for that. They have discovered a way around the U.S. objections and we are letting them get away with making their connections indirect and hidden."

All three of the homosexual groups, however, openly support same-sex "marriage," adoption of children by homosexuals, special protections based on homosexuality, bisexuality and transgenderism, and oppose abstinence education.

Which are all just as bad as pedophilia, if not actually worse. Can you imagine the anarchy that would follow if any of these sorts of things were condoned?

The one glimmer of hope in this whole ordeal is that nine countries said "No!" to the circling sharks of nancyhood and said "Yes!" to Jesus:
Here's how the vote went, according to the ILGA Web site:
Votes to reject LSVD and ILGA-Europe's applications on a proposal of Iran went as follows:
- 9 in favor (Cameroon, China, Côte d'Ivoire, Iran, Pakistan, Russian Federation, Senegal, Sudan and Zimbabwe)
- 7 against (Chile, Colombia, France, Germany, Peru, Romania and the United States)
- 2 abstentions (India and Turkey)
- 1 member not present (Cuba).
While we may have our minor differences with Sudan, Iran, & China over the likes genocide, the merits of nuking Israel, the brutal squashing internal dissent, etc., it's good to know that when push comes to shove, the moral compass of the Righteous always points to sticking it to the homos. What a shame we can't take our place among them. Praise Him!

Friday, June 02, 2006

The Left is a horny hunter

The ladyparts of Christian America are under constant siege by The Left, and it's always anyone's guess what subterfuge they'll use to violate them next. The latest trojan horse is, I'm sorry to say, a comic book marketed to children:
DC Comics is resurrecting the classic comic book character as a lesbian, unveiling the new Batwoman in July as part of an ongoing weekly series that began this year. The 5-foot-10 superhero comes with flowing red hair, knee-high red boots with spiked heels, and a form-fitting black outfit.
Lesbianism per se isn't morally forbidden, so long as it involves serving as a functionary for the Republican Party and doesn't include any actual illicit stimulation of another's ladyparts. Unfortunately, what DC is attempting is a moral coup d'etat:
The "52" series is a collaboration of four acclaimed writers, with one episode per week for one year. The comics will introduce other diverse characters as the story plays out.

"This is not just about having a gay character," DiDio said. "We're trying for overall diversity in the DC universe. We have strong African-American, Hispanic and Asian characters. We're trying to get a better cross-section of our readership and the world."
This isn't just a cause for Outrage, it's a cause for outright Hysteria. What The Left is proposing with this pornography is nothing short of the mongrelization of the races and the destruction of America as we know it. Already, one real life comic book heroine (you know, her) has taken this message to heart by importing some Third World baby, dabbling in the black art of lesbianism, breaking up a tradtional family, and relocating to Mother Africa. Who knows how many impressionable youths will follow suit? Just because Michelle Malkin hasn't done a Townhall column on it doesn't mean it isn't already happening. Liberals may enjoy living in a nation full of Rae Dawn Chongs, but Our Nation is too special to me to let that happen. Not only do these colors not run, they don't even blend. Praise Him!

[Many thanks to the loyal Nancy-Cons at Rittenhouse Review for alerting us to this travesty.]

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Setbacks in the continuing crusade

Like all Christians, I enjoy reading about how Iraqi women are enjoying the sweetest fruits of American democracy: cosmetics. This, however, does not bode well for Our President's campaign:
This friend owns a small cosmetics shop where he sells everything from lipstick to head scarves. His apartment is located right over the shop so that when he looks down from the living room window, he can see whoever is standing at the shop door. G. inherited the shop from his father, who sold sewing materials instead of cosmetics. The shop has been in his family for nearly 20 years. Prior to the war, his wife and sister ran the shop, making the most persuasive sales duo in the history of cosmetics probably (the proof of this being a garishly colored neck scarf I bought 4 years ago and never took out of the closet since). After the war, and various threats in the form of letters and broken windows, G. began running the shop personally and in addition to cosmetics, he introduced an appropriately dark line of flowing abbayas and headscarves.
Call it a hunch, but I've got a feeling in my bones that somehow John Murtha is to blame for this one.

So it is written

Big Oil is on America's side:
ExxonMobil shareholders on Wednesday rejected a proposal to add “sexual orientation” to the company’s written anti-discrimination policy. Although this was the eighth year in a row that such a proposal has been voted down, homosexuality advocates see a ray of hope:

According to a report from the PlanetOut Network, a record 34.6 percent of shares were voted in favor of the policy this year, an increase from 29.4 percent in 2005.

Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign, said ExxonMobil “stands alone” among the top 50 U.S. companies in refusing to adopt a written policy prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation.
I bet they stand alone -- with their buttocks firmly against the wall, lest some radical homosexual activist try to "pierce the corporate veil," if you know what I mean. I, for one, am honored to have such a steadfast ally in the culture wars, and America should be proud to know its sons are fighting for such a noble cause. So fill 'er up -- FOR JESUS! Praise Him!