The Maginot eyeliner

Is the Muslim conquest of France finally complete? How else are we to intepret this slap in the face of every Christian woman in America?

TYPICAL French chic or bare-faced cheek? The simmering diplomatic war between France and the United States has taken an ugly turn after French women accused their American counterparts of being "painted dolls".

French madames don't wear make-up, or at least pretend not to. Their new goal is to glow, with invisible pores and highly polished skin. Too much make-up, they claim, makes a woman seem older, or worse still, appear as if she makes a living walking the streets.

And they have singled out American women as the worst examples, while putting forward their own versions of perfection such as actresses Juliette Binoche and Audrey Tautou.

Led by French fashion experts, the attack will stoke tensions based on cultural differences that neither country pretends to understand. Laura Mercier, the French creator of a line of cosmetics, who lives in New York, said: "It really astonishes me the way American women wear so much make-up.

"In the US, even teenage girls are overly made up. And when you are overly made up, you send out the message that you are overly sexual, that you want to be visible to attract men."

By contrast, Mercier added: "French women are not flashy. They must be subtle. The message must not be: 'I'm spending hours on my face to look beautiful.'"

For a race of people who constantly pat themselves on the back for their intellectual superiority, they sure missed the boat with this one. Makeup, as the penitential connotations of its very name suggest, allows us Fallen Daughters of Eve to reclaim the Immaculate state we enjoyed prior to our expulsion from the Garden, however momentarily. Equating the deepest form of spiritual communion Christianity offers to ladykind with streetwalking, all the while exalting "natural beauty" (the beauty regimen of choice for lesbians, environmentalists, and America-haters everywhere) is an Outrage of the highest order. I haven't seen a word of this in any domestic publications, so Liberal Media is clearly covering up the misdeeds of their ideological allies. I'd say they have nothing to worry about, since we don't riot, but this is so beyond the pale I make no promises that a couple of Peugots won't get torched tonight. Praise Him!