Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Still here... still fighting the good fight

Hello, Christians. Sorry for not posting sooner, but I've got Big News regarding the Praisemobile. It so happens that once again it was the target of Al Qaeda's cunning saboteurs. The yellow "check engine" light went off on the dashboard Friday morning (they must have made their move while I was inside protesting the gym), which was unsettling, though not an immediate indication that I was coasting along in a powderkeg of annihilation. The coup de grace was delivered this morning, when the low coolant alarm went off in a manner reminescent of The China Syndrome. So, off to the dealer it went, and I'm $250 poorer, but I have sought reimbursement from the Department of Homeland Security, especially now what there's more fat in the budget from eliminating those low-level of terrorist interest places like New York. Since I know how much you conservative blog readers love dishing in the comments section about the technical specifications of these sorts of things, I got the coolant flange and one -- possibly even two -- secondary air injection vacuum pipes changed. Should the mechanic have used an Allen wrench? If so, what size? Kern away!

It was hard to regain my equilibrium after staring down death like that, but I did manage to get Outraged today at the latest affront by those radical homosexual activists. Anyone with even the most basic understanding of America's true history knows that Klan members wore white hoods not to disguise their identities as they corrected the oversights of activist judges, but rather to enjoy the luxuriant suppleness of pure cotton against their cheeks. Sadly, one Florida "church" is robbing Americans of this same downy softness, figuratively speaking:
The chairman of a group that is gathering signatures to put a marriage amendment on Florida's ballot is accusing a pro-homosexual church of engaging in scare tactics to keep people from signing the petition in support of protecting traditional marriage.

The organization known as "Florida4Marriage.org" has been working hard to gather enough signatures to put the marriage amendment on a state ballot in 2008. Meanwhile, a Jacksonville congregation, Christ Church of Peace, has launched a website of its own, on which it is posting the names of the ballot signers in order to, as the site claims, encourage an "open conversation." ...

"Upwards of 70 to 80 percent believe that marriage is between one man and one woman," [John] Stemberger asserts. "So what you're seeing is really an attempt to intimidate people, which is typical of those that oppose us on same-sex marriage," he says. "Their agenda, in part, has to do with trying to just silence people that disagree with you."
What we are witnessing, Christians, is yet another act of terrorism being perpetrated against Americans by The Left. If Floridians are going to be held accountable for acting out of their God-sanctioned ignorance, are any of us truly Free? How soon until roving gangs of interior decorators come up from South Beach and hiss, "Those window treatments are a-TRO-cious!" at traumatized Christians cowering behind their lacy JC Penney priscillas? What unsuspecting family will wake up to a Felch-In being staged on their front lawn, or worse still, a tribe of lesbians singing Holly Near songs? Christians, the only Hope America has of withstanding these attacks is by banning gay marriage, passing the flag-burning amendment, privatizing Social Security, eliminating the death tax, and invading Iran. Praise Him!


  • At June 20, 2006 8:00 AM, Blogger Carmen Sutra said…

    Felch-in. Was that the one with Ruth Buzzie and Lily Tomlin? I loved that!

    Thanks for the great link! I just ordered new priscillas to go with my neo-Laura Ashley decor I just put in the front parlor. The girls from my Battlin' Baptists Prayer Group are gonna plotz!

  • At June 20, 2006 10:22 AM, Blogger Mom of Three said…

    I think my sister has a group of lesbians on her lawn in the OC. However, far from being horrified, they're there to do the landscaping, as the Mexicans can no longer afford the rental on their Santa Ana apartments.

    No, wait, maybe those are just Hondurans with really short haircuts...

  • At June 20, 2006 10:33 AM, Blogger liquiddaddy said…


    Engine repair and interior decorating in the same post? Is there no set of balls you can't juggle?

    I think it is time for you and your legions to take your rightful place in the rarified Firmament of the MSM. Something like Oprah without the icky culty blasphemy thing.

    Dunked in the Sacred Blood of the Lamb,


  • At June 20, 2006 12:32 PM, Blogger Princess Sparkle Pony said…

    OMG, those Priscillas are lovely. I wish they came in Avocado, though.

  • At June 22, 2006 2:41 PM, Blogger Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Carmen: Penneys makes the perfect antidote for those tempted to dabble in the glamorous Homosexual lifestyle depicted in Pottery Barn catalogs. Whenever I feel those old temptations flare up, one glimpse of those priscillas is like a thousand volts to my ladyparts.

    Mom of 3: Please write your congressMAN to let him know that our weak border policy is causing the lesbofication of Orange County. That should get some results.

    LD: I've already got phone calls into the network brass, but my PTL Club/Martha Stewart fusion is a harder sell than you'd ever imagine.

    Princess: Avocado sounds ravishing! I bet your magic corral is decorated to the nines!

  • At June 22, 2006 9:49 PM, Blogger dusty said…

    holy shit this was good..I almost shat myself.

    Not in the literal sense of course..

    cars and decorating..what a mind you have darlin'.

  • At January 12, 2007 10:42 PM, Blogger Dharma said…

    I stumbled in here and thought this was for real. Lo, I was terrified.

    :D Good times.


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