Hablamos terrorismo

"... It's a cookbook!"

Illegal immigrants are so hellbent on killing white people with their lowriders in the course of reclaiming their mythical homeland, Aztlan, they'll do anything to stay in this country -- even learn English:

A study released Thursday by the Pew Hispanic Center, a project of the Pew Research Center, reports that in families like the Peredas, for whom Spanish is the dominant language among immigrant parents, English fluency increases across generations. By the third generation, Spanish has essentially faded into the background.

Latinos recognize that learning English is key to economic success, according to the study, which was based on survey data collected between 2002 and 2007. ...

Though the findings echo the history of immigration waves in the U.S., experts said, they counter the widespread perception that Latino immigrants do not assimilate and that their large numbers are a threat to the English language.

What sort of snow job is MSM trying to pull here? Many bloggers on The Left speak the Queen's English flawlessly, but they'd still betray the cause of Freedom in a heartbeat if it furthered their perverted agenda: gay marriage, girls' athletic teams, habeus corpus, etc. As my Prayer Warriors at the Washington Times point out, barely half the naturalized immigrants are proficient in English, which by my math means they're twice as dangerous! As far as I'm concerned, there's only one way these people can show their loyalty to Our Nation: by going back to Mexico. Praise Him!

Would you support these troops?

Radical homosexual activists have long been using the Girl Scouts to flesh out their ranks [carpentry & bad back division], and every dollar the gullible American public spends on Thin Mints from these diminutive Feminazis-in-training goes towards instructing them in the black arts of lesbianism -- racial tolerance, macramé, and automotive repair, to name but a few. Evidently the fact that every mechanic's shop & craft store in the country will soon be under the tyrannical dominion of their protégés isn't enough for these would-be despots. In their all-consuming hatred of Freedom, they have embiggened their campaign against Our Nation and joined forces with Al Qaeda:

Scattered Muslim communities across the United States are forming Girl Scout troops as a sort of assimilation tool to help girls who often feel alienated from the mainstream culture, and to give Muslims a neighborly aura. Boy Scout troops are organized with the same inspiration, but often the leap for girls is greater because many come from conservative cultures that frown upon their participating in public physical activity.

By teaching girls to roast hot dogs or fix a flat bicycle tire, Farheen Hakeem, one troop leader here, strives to help them escape the perception of many non-Muslims that they are different.

Scouting is a way of celebrating being American without being any less Muslim, Ms. Hakeem said.

This is an Outrage of the highest order. How soon will it be before we see some Brownie's sash adorned with merit badges for blaming America, or beheading the infidels on YouTube? America has taken one enormous step closer to Islezbofascist sharia, and all that speculation about Hillary's attempts to establish the lesbian caliphate seems far more credible now. Praise Him!

Flushing our Freedom away

Perhaps even more than Al-Qaeda, international organizations pose the greatest threat to the security of Our Nation. The UN, when not selling bootleg Iraqi oil to our sworn enemies like China, France, or Switzerland, is trying to turn Christian Womanhood into an army of angry lesbians, or patrolling our streets with their black helicopters. The European Union spends it congresses arguing for the soonest date they can submit to sharia, and whether or not they can blame America in the process. Unicef has raised more money for the children of terrorists than a thousand Saudi Arabian telethons. But that's nothing compared to the one organization that threatens to collapse Freedom's very reign: the World Toilet Association.

The World Toilet Association kicked off its inaugural conference Thursday, hoping to spark a sanitation revolution that will save lives through better hygiene and break taboos about what happens behind closed bathroom doors. ...

Dr. Shigeru Omi, western Pacific director of the World Health Organization, said 1.8 million people die annually due to diseases related to inadequate sanitation, 90 percent of them children younger than 5.

Providing healthy bathroom facilities worldwide would cost some $10 billion a year — equal to 1 percent of world military spending or what Europeans annually spend on ice cream, he said.

The new association aims to provide toilet facilities to impoverished countries, provide for urgent sanitation needs after natural disasters and spread information and technology for improving toilets.

Where is the public outcry? The French had a word for this sort of thing: putsch. Can you imagine the calamity that will befall the Republican Party if this group carries out this fiendish plan? There's no way our leadership can stay intact with millions more public lavatories out there. It's like littering the tundra with a million bear traps. This is just a cynical manipulation of public policy by The Left, whose shamelessness never ceases to amaze me. Praise Him!

Wedding Belle Blues

I read on Protein Wisdom she was Lesbian-Until-Graduation and a total pothead.

The Walt Disney Corporation has turned so many of Our Nation's children into radical homosexual activists that it came as quite a shock to learn they've introduced a line of bridal gowns -- for women, no less! -- inspired by their princess characters. I don't know how large the market for traditional weddings can be in the present age, what with our headlong rush into canine polygamy and all, but I salute any capitalist enterprise that bolster Traditional Marriage in the Holiest way imaginable: by gnawing the last bits of carrion off its bones.

You've heard of a bridezilla. Meet a new breed: the princesszilla. She was created and nurtured in the Disney laboratory, and for the company she has become a dream come true. "Princess" is Disney-speak—a sort of noun-adjective you'd hear in a sentence such as"Your hair is, like, so princess today!"—for its plan to market Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Belle and the girls to world domination. They're almost there. Princess is a $4 billion business that's on its way to becoming the most successful marketing venture ever. (Mickey Mouse pulls in $6 billion annually, but he's been working it for decades.) When it was created in 2000, the Princess line was geared to kids and tweens, but in the past year Disney has begun going after middle-class women like Timberman. There's actually an entire line of Princess wedding dresses (in case you're more of a Cinderella) with matching jewelry and tiaras. Sleepwear and housewares are next.

I for one welcome the oncoming wave of merchandising, for it may succeed where others have failed. Prior attempts at selling the joys of heterosexuality or appealing to their sense of Virtue couldn't lure today's young women away from the homosexual lifestyle, but maybe consumerism can. Just the thought of spending my days surrounded by Little Mermaid toilet bowl brushes and salad spinners is enought to make we want to settle down and get pregnant. Praise Him!

Stop Her Now

No, not Hillary, but Loretta Nall. The woman who innovated that form of terrorism known as political cleavage has struck again. This time she is assaulting Family Values with a new form of IED, the improvised exploding dildo:

The Birmingham News is reporting that Attorney General Troy King might push for tougher anti-obscenity laws in the next legislative session because of a recent court's ruling that the current laws are too vague with regard to Love Stuff, an adult toy shop.

Now, I only have six words to say to AG King about his anti-dildo crusade..FROM MY COLD DEAD FINGERS TROY!!!

I think that Troy may not have any experience with devices used in sexual pleasure, so, I am starting a crusade to introduce Troy King to the fabulous world of ben-wa balls, rubber weiners and pocket tooties. I want to encourage all of my readers to purchase a sex toy of some sort and send it to Alabama Attorney General Troy King.

It's enough to make a girl drop to her knees and pray for Rapture. But then again, any time a woman and her set of cans enters the political sphere, the cost to Freedom is enormous. Praise Him!

(h/t)
[update - Friday a.m. tinkering]

China sin-drome

Maybe it's all the narcotics they gave me after my root canal today, but my Prayer Warriors are making more sense than usual. Take, for instance, a recent item from CNSnews. As any patriot can tell you, there's no greater threat to a nation's security than being invaded by foreigners who are deeply hostile to your Faith... except for when that nation is China, and the invaders are America's Christians. At that point, it's a matter of spreading the Gospel of Reagan:

Sen. Ken Salazar (D-Colo.) said Americans traveling to the 2008 Olympic games in Beijing next year should defy the Chinese government's rule that prohibits travelers from taking more than one Bible into the country.

Cybercast News Service asked Salazar Wednesday whether Americans traveling to China should defy this rule. "I think so," said Salazar. "It's a trampling on a freedom that we cherish in this country that's a universal freedom. I don't think that kind of constriction on something that is such an international global celebration is something that ought to be tolerated."

The official Chinese policy prohibits anyone from bringing into the country "manuscripts, printed matter, films, photographs, gramophone records, cinematographic films, loaded recording tapes and videotapes, etc., which are detrimental to China's politics, economy, culture and ethics." ...

The provisos Beijing officials have attached to the use and distribution of Bibles seem incompatible with unambiguous language included in China's own constitution, Jim Davids, an assistant dean of law and government at Regent University, who also serves as president of the Christian Legal Society, observed.

Davids specifically cites Article 36, which reads as follows: "The state protects normal religious activities. No one may make use of religion to engage in activities that disrupt public order, impair the health of citizens or interfere with the educational system of the state."

The Universal Freedom Mr. Salazar is referring to, of course, is the Freedom to be a Christian.

If the Spiritual bond I feel towards these formerly heathen Chinee seems particularly intense, it's because we're connecting on the deepest level imaginable: It's allowing us to fight the Cold War against the Godless communists all over again. Maybe we can get that last one for the Gipper. As long as they don't try to come to Our Nation and donate to Hillary, I consider them my brothers. Praise Him!

Move over, Lourdes

The last 50 years have shown that The Left will use the pettiest grievances imaginable if it helps further their America-hating agenda of "civil liberties," "human rights," and "environmental stewardship." To the untrained ear, these all sound pleasant enough, but just beneath the surface lurks their true intent: Turning our Christian, capitalist republic into a lesbian collective whose economy is based entirely on macramé handicrafts. Global warming is the latest non-story to be used as a truncheon against America, with MSM even going so far as to propose that Americans should eat less red meat(!) and walk(!!) as means of reducing greenhouse gas emissions and losing weight. Evidently that this course of action will turn us all into svelte, crudité-nibbling homosexuals isn't germane to the story.

I for one am tired of all this godless communism tarted up as "science," and so is Our Heavenly Father. In defiance of those liberal do-gooders who would have you believe that driving your SUV & enjoying a double-cheeseburger goes against God's Will, the Holy Spirit made a surprise appearance at the most hallowed of our contemporary institutions: a gas station!

A mysterious, blue cloud that appeared floating for half an hour at an Ohio gas station has some wondering if an angel may have appeared.

The ethereal image was captured on security cameras Sunday at a Marathon service station in Parma, Ohio. The image is seen flipping and then sitting in the same spot.

"I actually watched it for 30 minutes, and then actually I watched it move and that is when I got freaked out," said station owner Amed Abudaaria.

WKMG-TV has posted video and a gallery of still images on its website.

It reports groups of people have traveled to the gas station after word of the unexplained event spread.

Glory! I can only pray that I Witness such a Divine sight the next time I gas up the Praisemobile! What we have here is an unequivocal declaration of God's love for fossil fuels, and probably even snack foods. The only way the Holy Ghost could have been more explicit in its meaning is if It had gone into the mini-mart and got an order of Go-Go Taquitos, but maybe It will think to that on the next visit. Thank you, come again, and praise Him!

Bob & Carol & Ted & Sandra

Despite her reputation as a fair-minded jurist, Sandra Day O'Connor repeatedly used her position on the Supreme Court to betray the Christian Values of Our Nation. Had she not intervened, Colorado could have prevented its homosexuals from borrowing public library books once and for all. Taste and Decency prevent me from enumerating the many despicable consequences of her other acts of pro-sodomy judicial activism, but let it suffice to say that she is no friend to those of us who strive to protect America's families.

Instead of mellowing in her old age, she has only increased her hostility to the Holy Laws of God, as I now learn that the former Justice O'Connor has become an enthusiastic proponent of that great liberal pastime of wife-swapping:

Retired Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's husband, who suffers from Alzheimer's, has found a new romance, and his happiness is a relief to his wife, an Arizona TV report reveals.

The report, which quoted the couple's oldest son, Scott O'Connor, focused on Alzheimer's patients who forget their spouses and fall in love with someone else. Experts say the scenario is somewhat common.

Offering a glimpse into the private life of a woman who has remained on the public stage since her Supreme Court retirement in 2006 to care for her husband, the report spotlighted John O'Connor, 77. He and the woman, referred to only as "Kay," live at a Phoenix facility for people with Alzheimer's.

This is appalling. If she thinks straight people with Alzheimer's are entitled to spend their golden years swinging, then what on earth could she possibly think about homosexuals? I for one thank God that this woman is no longer on the bench. Had the Sanctity of Marriage been entrusted to her judgment, we'd all be living in common-law cabins and married to our pet goats. Praise Him!

Note to self

Listen to more Fennesz:







That is all.

Accountability

Bill Clinton gave me these Chiclets for teeth.

As a member of the Party of Personal Responsibility, I couldn't be happier than to see Pat Robertson give his Blessing to the candidate who practices the most precious of our Our Christian Values: Blaming Bill Clinton for everything. Slick Willie's toxic legacy to America was single digit unemployment, an appalling 75% approval rate in Muslim countries, epidemic teenage masturbation, and a run-away stock market. In short, this country was in the shambles, and I for one am grateful I lived through those dark days to witness Our President restore some of our tarnished Honor.

Seeing Mr. Clinton finally being called to account for the dilapidated state he's left our military in inspired the Citizen Journalist in me: What other misfortunes are the Clintons responsible for, but MSM is too lazy to report on and it would take away from their negative reporting on Iraq? I glanced over this past week's stories and the fingerprints of Bill & Hill (or their minions) are all over them:

† Al Gore,* fat-assed serial killer:

An 18-year-old student opened fire in a Finnish high school Wednesday, killing seven students and the principal before turning the gun on himself, police said. ...

Finnish media said the shooter revealed his plans in a YouTube posting before the attack.

The video, titled "Jokela High School Massacre," showed a picture of a building by a lake that appeared to be the high school, along with two photos of a young man holding a handgun. The person who posted the video was identified in the user profile as an 18-year-old man from Finland. The posting was later removed.

If Al Gore hadn't parked his fat ass down in front of his TI-99/4A with a bag of Doritos and invented the Internets, there would be no YouTube to post to, and those Finnish kids would be alive and pearl-diving or whatever it is they do down Finland.

† Hillary Clinton, Hell's file clerk:

The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library is unable to find or account for tens of thousands of valuable mementos of Reagan's White House years because a "near universal" security breakdown left the artifacts vulnerable to pilfering by insiders, an audit by the National Archives inspector general has concluded.

Inspector General Paul Brachfeld said that his office was investigating allegations that a former employee stole Reagan memorabilia but that the probe had been hampered by the facility's sloppy record-keeping. ...

The audit found that the Reagan library was unable to properly account for more than 80,000 artifacts out of its collection of some 100,000 such items, and "may have experienced loss or pilferage the scope of which will likely never be known."

What with all her illegal fundraising, pet-killing, and dining and dashing, I didn't think Chairman Hillary had the time to apply her shady record-keeping skills to another crime scene, but clearly I have understimated her. I'm only grateful The Gipper isn't alive to see what she's done to His memory.

† Jimmy Carter, child abuser: Your very own Sister Nancy Beth cracked a molar this week, resulting in an emergency protest to the dentist's and a temporary crown. I don't know exactly when this tooth got filled,** but most of my fillings date back to the early years of the Reagan administration, which means this cavity probably started forming some time during the Carter years. If Jimmy Carter had been more interested in oral hygiene than capitulating to our Muslim enemies, I wouldn't have had to go through this ordeal.*** I wonder if that makes it into Hollywood's latest fawning documentary about this traitor, but I seriously doubt it. Praise Him!


* Meaning, course, that Al Gore is fat-assed, though I suppose the fact he's a serial killer of the fat-assed hasn't entirely been disproven yet, either.

** According to my dentist, teeth with fillings are weaker than those without. But then again, what does he know?

*** Check your spam filter for Sister Nancy Beth's Dental Defense Fund fundraising pleas!

Stop her now

As "she" has repeatedly demonstrated, Chairman Hillary hates America, hates Freedom, and hates the troops. But what she especially hates are small domestic animals. Her disdain for household pets is so great it even moved her to send her goons to rub out the cat of one of her detractors:

[Melanie] Morgan then specified, "You know, come on, that stuff with Kathleen Willey was pretty outrageous. What was that?" she said, smiling. "You guys ran over her cat? What was that all about?"

Morgan was referring to one of many threatening incidents Willey says culminated just two days before her testimony in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case in an encounter with a "mysterious jogger." The man, according to Willey, threatened her and her children, by name, and referred to her damaged car and missing 13-year-old cat. The message, she said, was clear: Remain silent.

Can't you just hear her cackle "I'll get you, my pretty -- and your little cat, too!" before she disappears in a puff of sulfurous smoke? As much as MSM tries to ignore the fact, this woman is pure evil. Thank God there is a thriving cottage industry devoted to documenting her many crimes... and at rock-bottom prices, no less. Until Hillary, her husband, and their demon-spawn daughter are incarcerated, there's no telling what horrid fates await the animals of America. Praise Him!

What a friend we have in Nancy Beth

Loyal Nancy-Cons ThePoliticalCat & Ayn Clouter have found that out. Many thanks for the link, Christians.

Today Jesus & I are headed to San Diego, where we will enlist the support of His brother, who's temporarily stationed there as part of teh Global War on Terror, in our protests. I predict a fresh batch of Outrage tomorrow once I resume my normal Persecution at the Beauty Palace. Praise Him!

Educating Nancy Beth

More so than the ACLU or the Girl Scouts of America, if there were any organization that is singlehandedly responsible for turning our once proud country into a loose confederation of sex maniacs, it's the teachers' unions. The vacuum created by their relentless jihad against teaching Christian Values in public schools has instead been filled by the occult studies of Evolution, sex education, and geometry. While public schools may use the carrots of homosexuality and birth control to lure your children into their death camps, they also have one especially effective stick: forcing Christians to pay out of pocket to educate their children in the ways of Our Lord, rather than allowing them to use public funds. The children of Our Nation suffer terribly from The Left's penuriousness, to be sure, but they are hardly the only ones. As you can see, the financial hardship caused by denying vouchers to Christian schools has driven one poor educator into a shameful life of harlotry:

The principal at a Kentucky Catholic school is taking personal leave from his job after police in Louisville allegedly found him dressed as a woman and wearing bondage gear inside his car in a seedy part of town.

Paul A. Schum, 50, was cited for loitering for the purpose of prostitution late Tuesday by Louisville Metro police. Officers allege that they came across the educator inside his parked car when patrolling the neighborhood known for prostitution and narcotics.

Upon approaching the vehicle, police discovered Schum, principal at Bethlehem High School, in full costume, according to Officer Phil Russell, a spokesman for the Louisville Metro Police Department.

"He was wearing an all-black, leather, woman's outfit, fishnet stockings and women's black plastic breasts," Russell said, describing the part of town where Schum was found as "a problem area" for prostitution and drugs.

I point my finger in the face of every liberal and say, "You made this happen." Their intransigence over the imaginary line between Church and State is undoubtedly what drove this man over the edge and into netherworld of the sex trade. While the optimist in me prays that this is an isolated incident, the larger question remains: How many more Catholic school principals will be forced to walk the streets as transvestite hookers because The Left doesn't want your child to learn the Ten Commandments? This is a question we're ultimately going to have to answer in our national conversation about education, and avoiding it only prolongs the problem. If issuing vouchers for Christian schools increases access to Values-based instruction AND keeps tranny hookers off the street, then we are risking God's wrath not to try. Mr. President, tear down that imaginary wall, and Praise Him!