Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Monday, November 19, 2007

Wedding Belle Blues


I read on Protein Wisdom she was Lesbian-Until-Graduation and a total pothead.

The Walt Disney Corporation has turned so many of Our Nation's children into radical homosexual activists that it came as quite a shock to learn they've introduced a line of bridal gowns -- for women, no less! -- inspired by their princess characters. I don't know how large the market for traditional weddings can be in the present age, what with our headlong rush into canine polygamy and all, but I salute any capitalist enterprise that bolster Traditional Marriage in the Holiest way imaginable: by gnawing the last bits of carrion off its bones.
You've heard of a bridezilla. Meet a new breed: the princesszilla. She was created and nurtured in the Disney laboratory, and for the company she has become a dream come true. "Princess" is Disney-speak—a sort of noun-adjective you'd hear in a sentence such as"Your hair is, like, so princess today!"—for its plan to market Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Belle and the girls to world domination. They're almost there. Princess is a $4 billion business that's on its way to becoming the most successful marketing venture ever. (Mickey Mouse pulls in $6 billion annually, but he's been working it for decades.) When it was created in 2000, the Princess line was geared to kids and tweens, but in the past year Disney has begun going after middle-class women like Timberman. There's actually an entire line of Princess wedding dresses (in case you're more of a Cinderella) with matching jewelry and tiaras. Sleepwear and housewares are next.
I for one welcome the oncoming wave of merchandising, for it may succeed where others have failed. Prior attempts at selling the joys of heterosexuality or appealing to their sense of Virtue couldn't lure today's young women away from the homosexual lifestyle, but maybe consumerism can. Just the thought of spending my days surrounded by Little Mermaid toilet bowl brushes and salad spinners is enought to make we want to settle down and get pregnant. Praise Him!

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3 Comments:

  • At November 22, 2007 11:09 AM, Blogger proudprogressive said…

    Praise Him ! At last our good Christian Capitalism has come up with something that cannot fail. A little mermaid toilet brush..I may need to place and ad for a good Christian Husband. Being a Nancy Con and all,its time to take the leap and leave my residual heathenery behind - and be a servant , a little flower to some man - to hell with my biology ! If Donnie McClurkin can do it - so can i -

    Hail Mary ! and happy Christian Civilization day ! aka Thanksgiving. PS i am locked and loaded for the War on Christmas , bring it on.

    Hope you and Jesus enjoy the time off from your endless crusade.

     
  • At November 23, 2007 11:17 AM, Blogger salvage said…

    Hmmm a Lion King line for the "Furries" nuptials?

    Troy McClure would certainly dig the Little Mermaid.

    And for the more risque wedding the groom can go as Donald Duck and wear no pants.

     
  • At November 24, 2007 2:12 PM, Blogger liquiddaddy said…

    SN,

    By way of the confession booth, psst!-keep this to yourself, but I got to get it off my chest...

    When my daughter was little, I used to look forward to watching The Little Mermaid waaaaaay too much. I found myself eventually looping the voice track of Snow White getting snuffed for, er, gratification.

    Help?

    LD

     

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