Barack snake moan

President Bush's time in the Oval Office has offered Our Nation a tranquil respite from the Clintons' eight-year crime spree of rape and murder, but America either has a short memory or craves totalitarianism. How else are we to interpret the meteoric rise of Barack "Allahu Akbar" Obama, notorious stock swindler, jihadi, cokehead, serial parking meter scofflaw, black separatist -- and now, it turns out -- kidnapper? I extend my deepest thanks to Prayer Warriors Newsmax, who've undoubtedly endangered their own and their families' personal safety in bringing this alarming story to light:

If anyone else running for president locked his granny away and refused to allow her to be seen, would the media complain? You betcha.

But America's media have supinely allowed Barry Obama to pretend he has no white relatives. He has paraded his step-grandmother in Kenya, who never saw him until the 1980s, as his "granny," and locked the grandmother who actually raised him away in a closet.

Now, the Chicago Tribune reports "the Obama campaign declined to make [his white grandmother] available."

Is she sick? Not apparently. Bedridden? Hospitalized? Not apparently. She is the "Prisoner of Obama," and of Obama's racist myth that he is "Black" and not "Black and White."

This is Outrageous! Obama has been desperately trying to conceal his white roots for years in brazen attempt to curry favor with liberals, who hate us honkies even more than he does. That he would imprison his own grandmother to do so is unconscionable How does a crime of this magnitude go unnoticed?

You certainly shouldn't look to MSM for any sort of objectivity on this sordid affair. Those inveterate liars, the New York Times, explain his grandmother's absence from the campaign trail in the most implausible terms imaginable:

Mr. Obama still visits his maternal grandmother, Madelyn Dunham, who lives in the same high-rise apartment where Mr. Obama spent much of his childhood. “I’m not well,” she said on the telephone, explaining her refusal to meet for an interview.

And they took her at her word? I can practically hear the Black Panthers' Glocks knocking up against her forehead as I read that. If they can't tell when someone is making statements under such obvious duress, they deserve all the invective we citizen journalists can send their way. Fox News (God bless 'em!) gets closer to exposing the truth behind this travesty when they reveal that Mrs. Dunham is 84 years young, clearly in the full blush of youth, which makes the alibi Obama's enablers have cooked up about her being infirm all the more improbable.

If there's any justice in this situation, it's the knowledge that once black people realize how duplicitous Obama has been about his origins, they'll reject him en masse:

Ironically, locking Madelyn away is going to hurt Obama more with African-Americans than with whites. Whites delight in drinking Obama's Kool-Aid. Reason and reality will only gradually descend on them.

But blacks are a lot smarter than whites when it comes to slights, because they have experienced racial slights all their lives. Blacks know who Obama is, and they know how he is trying to "pass" and ignore his past.

And then they'll rise up and demand he free all the other white relatives he's sequestered in his maniacal bid for power! Barack Obama is a threat to America, and the more I learn about him, the more I dread his nightmarish vision for Our Nation. The only chance we have of preventing him from extinguishing Freedom's flame is more journalism of this caliber. Praise Him!

Million dollar bash

Radical homosexual activists are the puppetmasters who command a legion of nefarious agents. Cyndi Lauper, Hollywood, and Ford Motor Company are all eager footsoldiers in their diabolical war on Western Civilization, which so far has endured multiple sorties against its Moral foundation in the form of the mainstreaming of hardcore "gay" pornography and the corporate sponsorship homosexual rodeos. Their ultimate goal is to create a world where we Christians live in a state of eternal dhimmitude under their tyrannical dictates: Don't mix plaids and stripes! Don't serve cheese that doesn't require refrigeration at family gatherings! -- and that's just a taste of the horrors that await us once Our Nation succumbs to their violent onslaught. If you thought these monsters could be mollified with their own tv network and a patchwork of legal protections in a few coastal states, guess again: They'll stop at nothing short of the complete criminalization of heterosexuality. The first step towards that gruesome end is making it a crime to speak unfavorably about their perverted lifestyle. Sadly for America, another of their loyal henchmen, the Democratic Party, is working doubletime to do just that. Prayer Warriors OneNewsNow uncover all the lurid details:

The head of a Washington-based pro-family group is urging opposition to federal "hate crimes" legislation she fears will soon be approved by the Democrat-led Congress -- and that bill, she believes, threatens the free-speech rights of those who strongly oppose homosexuality.

Representatives John Conyers (D - Michigan) and Mark Kirk (R - Illinois) have reintroduced the Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act. The bill would include crimes against homosexuals, bisexuals, and transgenders in federal hate crimes statutes. Andrea Lafferty, executive director of the Traditional Values Coalition (TVC), contends the ultimate goal of the bill is to silence anyone who believes homosexuality is a sin. ...

According to Lafferty the bill would elevate homosexuals to a special protected status. "So if a pastor stands up in the pulpit and says homosexuality is a sin ... it will be considered hate speech," she says; "and if this law passes, the federal government will go after people who say those kinds of things."

So cunning is our adversary that the bill in question says absolutely nothing of the sort!

SEC. 7. PROHIBITION OF CERTAIN HATE CRIME ACTS.

(a) In General- Chapter 13 of title 18, United States Code, is amended by adding at the end the following:

`Sec. 249. Hate crime acts

`(a) In General-

`(1) OFFENSES INVOLVING ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED RACE, COLOR, RELIGION, OR NATIONAL ORIGIN- Whoever, whether or not acting under color of law, willfully causes bodily injury to any person or, through the use of fire, a firearm, or an explosive or incendiary device, attempts to cause bodily injury to any person, because of the actual or perceived race, color, religion, or national origin of any person--

`(A) shall be imprisoned not more than 10 years, fined in accordance with this title, or both; and

`(B) shall be imprisoned for any term of years or for life, fined in accordance with this title, or both, if--

`(i) death results from the offense; or

`(ii) the offense includes kidnaping or an attempt to kidnap, aggravated sexual abuse or an attempt to commit aggravated sexual abuse, or an attempt to kill.

`(2) OFFENSES INVOLVING ACTUAL OR PERCEIVED RELIGION, NATIONAL ORIGIN, GENDER, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, GENDER IDENTITY, OR DISABILITY-

`(A) IN GENERAL- Whoever, whether or not acting under color of law, in any circumstance described in subparagraph (B), willfully causes bodily injury to any person or, through the use of fire, a firearm, or an explosive or incendiary device, attempts to cause bodily injury to any person, because of the actual or perceived religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability of any person--

`(i) shall be imprisoned not more than 10 years, fined in accordance with this title, or both; and

`(ii) shall be imprisoned for any term of years or for life, fined in accordance with this title, or both, if--

`(I) death results from the offense; or

`(II) the offense includes kidnaping or an attempt to kidnap, aggravated sexual abuse or an attempt to commit aggravated sexual abuse, or an attempt to kill.

`(B) CIRCUMSTANCES DESCRIBED- For purposes of subparagraph (A), the circumstances described in this subparagraph are that--

`(i) the conduct described in subparagraph (A) occurs during the course of, or as the result of, the travel of the defendant or the victim--

`(I) across a State line or national border; or

`(II) using a channel, facility, or instrumentality of interstate or foreign commerce;

`(ii) the defendant uses a channel, facility, or instrumentality of interstate or foreign commerce in connection with the conduct described in subparagraph (A);

`(iii) in connection with the conduct described in subparagraph (A), the defendant employs a firearm, explosive or incendiary device, or other weapon that has traveled in interstate or foreign commerce; or

`(iv) the conduct described in subparagraph (A)--

`(I) interferes with commercial or other economic activity in which the victim is engaged at the time of the conduct; or

`(II) otherwise affects interstate or foreign commerce.

`(b) Certification Requirement- No prosecution of any offense described in this subsection may be undertaken by the United States, except under the certification in writing of the Attorney General, the Deputy Attorney General, the Associate Attorney General, or any Assistant Attorney General specially designated by the Attorney General that--

`(1) such certifying individual has reasonable cause to believe that the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability of any person was a motivating factor underlying the alleged conduct of the defendant; and

`(2) such certifying individual has consulted with State or local law enforcement officials regarding the prosecution and determined that--

`(A) the State does not have jurisdiction or does not intend to exercise jurisdiction;

`(B) the State has requested that the Federal Government assume jurisdiction;

`(C) the State does not object to the Federal Government assuming jurisdiction; or

`(D) the verdict or sentence obtained pursuant to State charges left demonstratively unvindicated the Federal interest in eradicating bias-motivated violence.

`(c) Definitions- In this section--

`(1) the term `explosive or incendiary device' has the meaning given such term in section 232 of this title;

`(2) the term `firearm' has the meaning given such term in section 921(a) of this title; and

`(3) the term `gender identity' for the purposes of this chapter means actual or perceived gender-related characteristics.

`(d) Rule of Evidence- In a prosecution for an offense under this section, evidence of expression or associations of the defendant may not be introduced as substantive evidence at trial, unless the evidence specifically relates to that offense. However, nothing in this section affects the rules of evidence governing impeachment of a witness.'.

(b) Technical and Conforming Amendment- The analysis for chapter 13 of title 18, United States Code, is amended by adding at the end the following:

`249. Hate crime acts.'.

The provisions about "hate speech" clearly were written in invisible ink and appear only in drafts distributed to Democrats by their hot little jailbait congressional pages. My hat goes off to these intrepid Prayer Warriors for exposing the Evil-doers' scheme.

This bill also brings up the larger issue of Persecution we Christians face in America. Splitting open some nancy's cranium in the practice of our Faith is one of the few remaining Freedoms we can still enjoy under the First Amendment. Sure, moonbats like to fudge the line of what's constitutionally protected and what's not, but only when it works to their favor. It would be a slap in the face of our Founding Fathers to let liberals take that precious right away from us as well. Praise Him!

Openly thespian

By my reckoning, Hollywood hasn't given Conservative America a film we could cheer since Michael Sarrazin popped a cap into the skull of that commie traitor bitch, Jane Fonda, at the end of They Shoot Horses, Don't They? Prayer Warrior Michael Medved seems to have come to a similar realization, because he's ditched the treasonous world of cinema and is focusing his penetrating gaze on legitimate theater. Perhaps he sees the possibilities for Spiritual renewal that a theater based on the Sacred arts of cosmetology offers to Our Nation:

The plot centers on a popular, all-female TV talk show called “Three Talking Heads” that bears more than a passing resemblance to “The View” on ABC, and features narcissistic hosts nearly as obnoxious as Rosie O’Donnell, Joy Behar and company. The prima donnas who host this vapid vehicle (Adina Schwartz, Aviva Ginzburg and Michal Schick) display arrogant and abusive behavior to the frightened, earnest make-up girl, Nattie (Sarah Medved), who silently suffers their contempt in time-honored Cinderella style, and wants only to present them in the best possible light. A fairy godmother arrives to precipitate a shocking and tragic backstage development that also serves to transform shy, hard-working Nattie from serving girl to media princess, with thousands of followers ready to proclaim her nothing less than The Messiah, despite her protests.

Hmmm... an aspiring beautician who is persecuted by her "superiors" and who comes to be heralded as the Messiah: I am so there. I can say without hesitation (or even seeing the play -- it only muddies my sense of editorial detachment) that this could quite possibly be the Greatest Play Ever.

Unfortunately, art that stakes such bold claims for God, Beauty & Country is bound to catch a lot of flak from The Left, and the Truthers have come out with both barrels blazing. I should note that the propaganda organ this "review" comes from is Yeshiva University, which, if I recall correctly, is the same school where a cross-dressing Barbra Streisand fornicated her way to the top of her class (or maybe that was this one). No matter -- take the following with a grain of salt :

"Made Up" Goes Nowhere

If one thing can be said for this show, it is that the set design was gorgeous. ... It leads one to wonder what the rest of the cast and crew were doing while the tech was practicing putting up and taking down the set. Perhaps the technicians were practicing set-changes on the stage too frequently to allow any rehearsal time for the cast.

Grapes don't get much more sour than that, particularly when you're introducing the freshest young break-out talent since Michael Reagan took the world by storm:

Meanwhile, by far the biggest asset for “Made Up” involves an altogether dazzling star turn by its luminous, 20-year-old lead actress, Sarah Medved. I’ve hesitated in writing this review because my relationship with this performer (yup, she’s my oldest daughter) brings unwelcome whiffs of nepotism to even the most richly deserved praise.

Nepotism is such an ugly word. I'd much rather think of it as selecting the finest candidates from Freedom's employment agency, only now they seem to have ventured into casting. There may be hope for Hollywood yet. Praise Him!

Gee, your hair looks satanic

Personal grooming products have been subjected to increasing levels of abuse ever since the Leftist takeover of America's schools of beauty instruction in the 1960's. There isn't any manner of shaving, waxing, or plucking that isn't off limits in classroom discussion, and my admonishments to my classmates that styling products be used in a way wholly consistent with Traditional Family Values left me no shortage of grief from students, teachers, and administrators alike. During one particularly traumatizing lecture in my Intro to Hair Care module, there was actual instruction on the proper laundering of Satan's beard down yonder. When I asked to be excused on religious grounds, D'Arleen said I would probably be asked such a question several times over the course of my career. I informed her that I had no intention of working in a whorehouse, although her lectures were quite clearly "grooming" me for such a position. I didn't think it was possible for shampoo to be subjected to more degradation than laundering those Sinful short & curlies (hope you enjoy your rash, Jezebel), but then I read the following:

A man landed in hot water after police say he hid a tiny camera in a shampoo bottle to watch two of his female roommates as they took showers.

A male roommate, curious why the shampoo wasn't moved for some time, found wires protruding from the back of the bottle, then called police, authorities said.

The camera recorded through a pinhole, and the images were sent to Steven Thibodeau's television, police said. Thibodeau, 25, had placed the camera to record the women showering and made video of one of them changing clothes, according to police. ...

Police said Thibodeau made a compilation video of one of the women, but they have no evidence he transferred the files to the Internet. It wasn't yet known how long the shampoo had been wired.

The dreaded Seventh Seal has finally been broken: The long-feared nexus of shampoo and internet pornography has been made, and it promises an era of unprecedented Tribulation rivaled only by the Clinton administration. Ladies, it's best to give yourselves an extra squirt of Aqua-Net, because you want to look your best for the troubles ahead. Praise Him!

Cornhole rebellion

Homosexuality is not only unspeakably wicked, it's also thoroughly disgusting. Prayer Warriors Lifesite.net give us a hearty helping of man-cooter revulsion, which also serves as a friendly reminder that the wages of Sin is death:

A study which appears in the February issue of the International Journal of STD & AIDS, has found that "HIV-positive men who have sex with men are up to 90 times more likely than the general population to develop anal cancer." ...

A Canadian doctor who spoke to LifeSiteNews.com (anonymously for fear of reprisal) about the dangers our homosexual sex acts in 2005 stated: "Anal intercourse causes abrasions of the relatively fragile rectal wall, especially in the receptive partner. The penetration of E.coli, always present in the stool, and other bacteria, viruses and parasites penetrate through such lesions into the deeper body tissues..."

Ewww, gross -- I haven't been this horrified since Clay Aiken put his diseased hands all over Kelly Ripa. Why are we wasting time fretting over global warming when male homosexuality presents such an immediate biohazard?

Radical homosexual activists begin indoctrinating your child at an early age that using the southern port of call in a manner for which it is not intended is an enjoyable experience. Well, take it from me, Christians: Nothing could be further from the truth. Prior to receiving Christ, when I was a pole-smoking Pottery Barn queen, I "researched" such matters after receiving one too many subliminal messages from popular culture (probably that "Roseanne" marathon back in '94). The only pleasure in the whole ordeal comes from knowing that you're violating God's Law. But for our Hell-bound friends, that's clearly enough. Praise Him!

Gray tape for a red girl

Duct tape has had an exalted place in the heart of Patriots ever since the Department of Homeland Security informed us that it is the armor that repels terrorist attacks. The Left, naturally, howled with their usual indignation. "You can't seriously expect to use duct tape as the federal government's first line of defense in a national emergency," they wailed, but hopefully the response to Hurricane Katrina taught them otherwise. Because Freedom could be so easily (and cheaply!) defended without resorting to expensive unionization drives that would flesh out the ranks of the dying Democratic base, duct tape has been adhesio non grata in the MSM ever since.

This antipathy is in full view in the recent story about duct tape as a cure for warts. Duct tape's potential as a health & beauty aid had always struck me as questionable -- I used to see a homeless woman walking around West Hollywood who crafted into a silver beak she wore on her nose, so unless you're trying to evoke Jonny Sokko's flying robot or the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, its cosmetic applications were best experimented with in the privacy of your own home. Or so I thought. If something so intrinsic to a strong national defense could be working Miracles on Our Nation's skin, I want to know about it -- and liberal media wants to sow seeds of doubt, in what is clearly a transparent and pathetic attempt to discredit President Bush:

Duct tape’s success at curing warts may have been overstated, according to a new study that raises doubts about the tape’s effectiveness as a cheap, painless treatment.

The tape supposedly works by irritating the skin and stimulating the body’s immune system to attack the virus that causes warts. It earned a place in the medicine cabinet in 2002, when a small study showed it to be effective on children and young adults.

This time, a study among older adults found duct tape helped only 21 percent of the time and was no more better than moleskin, a cotton-tape bandage used to protect the skin.

Does anyone doubt that Planned Parenthood doesn't have a hand in this hit job as well? For months we've been hearing that the only way to prevent genital warts is by giving girls their whore shots. Had this study been allowed to succeed, we'd have a pro-abstinence alternative that also strengthened national security: taping their ladyparts shut. I say this experiment should be reconducted, this time under the watchful eye of the Heritage Foundation. Praise Him!

With age comes treason

As Michael Savage so eloquently put it, liberalism is a mental disorder, and if you needed any proof of how deeply indistinguishable The Left's political views are from, say, senility, just check out CNN's latest "poll":

As the war in Iraq steadily plummets in popularity, opposition has grown mostly among Americans older than 50 and Democrats, survey results released Monday show.

When President Bush announced March 19, 2003, that U.S.-led forces had begun military attacks, 15 percent of Americans 50 and older strongly opposed the invasion, compared to 18 percent younger than 50.

Four years later, the fighting is opposed by 52 percent of Americans 50 and older, and by 42 percent younger than 50.

I've been desperately racking my brain, trying to unlock the mystery of why these codgers have so shamelessly turned their back on Freedom. Perhaps the Greatest Generation has embraced the teachings of Dinesh D'Souza, and they believe that with the triumph of Islam, America will be restored to a pre-1960's state of bliss in which they can once again enjoy the melodious strains of Glenn Miller and his orchestra (albeit now with a mild Arabic inflection) without having to yell at the neighbor kids to turn down that gawd-awful hippie racket and get a haircut. Temptation of that sort is certainly understandable, as any world without moonbats is a better one than the one we have presently.

A more likely scenario, however, is that America's seniors have figured out a way to use their Part D Medicare benefits on mind-altering street drugs like PCP and heroin... and are probably dealing with the Taliban directly! Quite frankly, their betrayal of America sickens me, and the only remaining way they can show that they shouldn't be shipped off to Manzanar to allow the privatization of their benefits programs. Praise Him!

Burning Airlines give you so much more

Among its many other shameful accomplishments, Scandinavia will be forever known as the birthplace of transexualism, the killing fields of Traditional Values, and the place where snowblindingly-white Virtue is under constant assault by Muslims. We can now add one more item to that disgraceful resume, as the regional airline SAS has decided to acquiesce to the demands of the eco-terrorists:

Scandinavian airline group SAS AB introduced a voluntary greenhouse charge on Wednesday for passengers who want to offset the carbon dioxide emissions generated by their flights.

The plan, which follows a similar initiative by British Airways in 2005, lets SAS passengers give money to environmental projects that have helped reduce the release of greenhouse gases, the company said. The money will be funneled through The CarbonNeutral Co., which specializes in helping companies offset carbon dioxide emissions. ...

SAS Chief Executive Mats Jansson said the program was “part of the SAS Group’s environmental strategy and is a suitable complement to the primary mechanisms in the Kyoto Protocol” on climate change.

The European Union decided in September that airlines that fly within the bloc will have to trade pollution allowances beginning in 2011.

First they gave us 9/11, now we're getting this... what does The Left have against the airline industry, anyways? This is wrong on so many levels that I hardly know where to begin. First of all, it doesn't even pretend to address the real cause of global warming, which is Al Gore. It's clearly another conspiracy hatched in the mind of One World Government, only in this one, jack-booted thugs goose-step down the center aisle while serving us peanuts and drinks. It also sends the troubling message that societal problems can be addressed by legislation, rather than being fixed by a self-correcting market. Well, I'm not having any. Carbon offsets are just another way to quantify the unpaid costs of fossil fuels, thereby upending Western Civilization. The sooner we realize that, the less likely we'll end up carpooling in a Prius with a Muslim and a transexual. Praise Him!

Black-enough power

There's always one flag The Left won't burn.

I myself had never understood MSM's endless dithering on about whether Barack Obama is black enough for the American voting public. From my perspective, he's plenty black, thank you very much -- end of story. But then the horrible realization dawned on me: The argument over Obama's shade of negritude is the smokescreen behind which MSM is hiding his deadly agenda of Cut-n-Run and Blaming America First. Thanks to the ace reportage of my Prayer Warriors at OneNewsNow, I now see that Obama's contempt for Uncle Sam comes from swearing his allegiances to Mother Africa.It so turns out that Barack Obama is your standard-issue Militant Black Nationalist!

Presidential candidate Barack Obama's home church in Chicago pushes a black separatist agenda, says columnist, author and speaker Erik Rush. According to the conservative Christian writer, Senator Obama's congregation -- Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago -- "is not simply Afrocentric, it's African-centric."

Rush says when visiting Trinity's website, he was disturbed to learn that Trinity United Church of Christ professes a commitment to the "Black Family," the "Black Community," and the "Black Work Ethic," and "pledge[s] allegiance to all Black leadership who espouse and embrace the Black Values System." ...

One could argue that Obama's church "worships things African to a far greater degree than they do Christ," Rush contends. Meanwhile, he says the writings and speech of Trinity United's pastor, Jeremiah Wright, appear to be more Marxist than Christian.

Just think of the horrible "reparations" that await Our Nation: a return to that negative image of slavery (whereby whites are exploited by blacks) better known as enforcement of the Voting Rights Act, swapping our cherished National Anthem with the angry gangsta rap of Harry Belafonte, and the first presidential portrait prominently featuring an afro pick. Oh, the horror. But what's worse is that this is actually preferable to the tyrannical reign of black militarism we can expect under his opponent, Hillary "Soul on Ice" Clinton.

Barack Obama was brainwashed into militant Islam at his childhood madrassa, uses his position as an elected official to enhance his stock portfolio, is a parking ticket scofflaw, and he smokes tobacco (among possible other substances). That's four more warnings than we received about Bill Clinton, and look how that turned out. I'm not sure what other horrible revelations about him await, but we Christians ignore them at our own peril. Praise Him!

Little red fotonovela

Illegal immigrants have managed to get their peanut butter on sex education's chocolate, and the result is predictably Outrageous -- a comic book glorifying the child sex trade:

It starts out like most fotonovelas, Latino comic books with themes often centered on love and betrayal: Teenage "Yaneth" is at a picnic when she spots handsome, raven-haired "David." ...

A few pages later, Yaneth is not smiling. She is in a car alone with David, who turns out to be a man in his late 20s. He is demanding sex and 14-year-old Yaneth is scared.

The Virginia Department of Health hopes readers will want to find out what happens next to Yaneth, and to many real life Latina teens like her.

The department spent two years developing the comic book to combat statutory rape -- the crime of an adult having sex with a minor -- among Hispanic girls.

Authorities believe Latinas are at higher risk of becoming victims because of their limited understanding of American laws and cultural mores condoning May-December relationships. ...

Most Latinos do not condone "viejos verdes," Spanish slang for older men who prey on girls.

But in the rural Latin-American towns where many immigrants originate, it's not uncommon for a man to date a girl, especially if he's a family friend, said Carmina Oaks, executive director of the Latino Resource Center, in Jackson, Wyoming. Police there have seen more than a dozen statutory rape cases in recent years, most involving Latina victims.

Mark my words: the result of this effort is going to be an even larger influx of horny illegal immigrants demanding pornographic comic books as part of their government entitlements package. That The Left would even dangle bait like this to lure these sorts of perverts shows how unseriously they take the problem of Our Nation's porous borders. Why, again, should we trust them on national security matters?

As a solution to the problem of statutory rape in immigrant communities, this Disneyfied porn is doing these girls a grave disservice. Studies have repeatedly shown that candid discussion of the situations teenage girls may encounter has the same aphrodisiac effect on them as two hits of Spanish fly followed by an Ecstasy chaser: Mothers, lock up your sons. The only Moral solution is to avoid any mention to this dirty business altogether and institute an abstinence-only education program, preferably one that draws heavily from The Bible. I've always found the Immaculate Conception to be an especially "teachable moment," so if we can instill the belief into these young women that not even maintaining their virginity can safeguard against unexpected pregnancy, we will have done these young ladies a tremendous favor. Before we ship them out of the country, that is. Praise Him!

Freedom's mighty wang

I've been reading the flurry of moonbat postings about that great American Hero, Cpl. Matt Sanchez, and bemusedly asking myself, "Why is this a story?" For The Left to try to turn the total non-event of a former gay porn star & escort being fêted by the luminaries of Conservative America shows either a willful ignorance of the importance of man-whoring to Conservatism, a deep-seated hatred of Freedom , or the most likely answer -- both.

Cpl. Sanchez was invited to CPAC to receive the Jeane Kirkpatrick Academic Freedom Award, the highest accolade given out to that one lucky former gay porn actor or escort who scores the most face time on right wing cable news shows. Mrs. Kirkpatrick was a tireless enthusiast of gay porn, and this award upholds the fine tradition with which we have come to associate with that remarkable lady. There is even widespread speculation that next year's honoree will be one of Mrs. Kirkpatrick's personal favorites, the late Joey Stefano, whose posthumous embrace of conservative ideals was induced, much like Cpl. Sanchez's, by the modern-day Cerberus of liberalism, pornography, and radical homosexual activism. To imply that Cpl. Sanchez would not have been the recipient of such a prestigious honor had CPAC been aware of his background shows how out of touch with reality The Left truly is.

Liberal bloggers are trying to make much hay out of the supposed disparity between the treatment Cpl. Sanchez received (and continues to receive) and the CPAC party line when it comes to dealing with those morally repulsive creatures, homos, to which I respond: There is no there there. Some of Red America's truest patriots have either been gay escorts or patrons of their services. Who's to say that Abe Lincoln, the one Republican liberals don't uniformly despise, didn't pose for a few erotically-themed daguerrotypes or do a little outcall to help make rent during those lean Log Cabin days himself? As this entire sham of a scandal shows, "Homophobia" is just a buzzword liberals like to throw out when when they see they've been trounced, and I for one refuse to buy into their propaganda. Praise Him!

You can't spell heinous without anus*

Since 9/11, America has weathered a number of terrorist plots, each one more audacious than the last. While I have stood firm in my Belief that America can withstand whatever The Left can dish out (Bring it on, in the steely words of Our President), that was when they were attacking America head-on. Now I learn that they are attacking us from behind:

While somebody might make a comment at a party, say, about oral sex, or some other aspect of their sex lives, few are yet willing to openly discuss anal sex. Certainly, there is almost no formal education on the topic. [Thank Heavens!] And yet the practice and interest in it appear to be growing.

“There has been a huge shift,” Taormino says.

Statistics bear this out. According to results of a federal study released two years ago, 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women surveyed in 2002 said they have had anal sex with an opposite-sex partner. An earlier study published in 1994 showed that among heterosexuals, 26 percent of men and 20 percent of women had ever engaged in anal sex. And if anecdotes by experts are to be believed, the numbers have boomed in the last few years.

I don't know what's more appalling -- the fact that MSM chose to keep Americans in the dark about the gathering storm by hiding this story in the rarely trafficked "Health" section, or this unspeakably wicked practice itself. Sadly, that's just the beginning of liberal media's treasonous conduct in this matter. When a good Catholic like Bill Donohue predicted that Hollywood & the Jews would deliver this calamity upon Our Nation, he was derided as some sort of crazy anti-Semite. But when Al Gore starts blathering on with that whole "global warming" trip, he's some great prophet. Well, MSM, Donohue has been proven right, much like Gore will be proven wrong. And believe me, if more people knew about this, they'd be clamoring to have martial law imposed and the threat level raised to red.

My first instinct was that the numbers of anal sex practitioners would line up pretty squarely with Democratic Party identification. While the data doesn't completely bear that out, we can attribute the ascendant popularity of entering via the tradesman's entrance to the two most popular hobbies of liberals, pornography & homosexuality:

The first and most obvious reason is the influence of porn, which is always trying to come up with new ways to titillate and to be naughtier. “Anal sex did not used to be de rigeur in porn and now it pretty much is even for mainstream porn,” explains Constance Penley, a film studies professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara. ...

In fact, Schoen and Taormino both believe that as gay culture has become more acceptable, especially among a younger generation, traditionally gay practices, like anal sex, are becoming more common in the rest of society.

For example, a Houston-based company called High Island Health began life 10 years ago as makers of a medical device to ease symptoms of prostatitis, or inflammation of the prostate gland. The device is inserted into a man's anus to put pressure on the prostate, offering relief.

I can't recall hearing anything about womenfolk having prostates in my virginity-reclamation class. I don't think I like where this is going...

Taormino hears the same type of comments. “The rise of men being vocal and open about fact that ‘I am straight and I enjoy anal on the receiving end,’ that is a huge trend. There are videos like ‘Bend Over Boyfriend.’ And I get dozens of letters per day from men asking questions like where can I find a woman” who will perform anal sex?

Not even the glass-grinding dentata of Chairman Hillary & Ayatollah Pelosi could compromise American masculinity half this much. Osama would like nothing more than for our fathers, brothers, and sons be turned into insatiable power-bottoms. In fact, I dare say it represents his ultimate victory. Only a full-scale invasion of another Middle Eastern country can reclaim the diminished American Manhood. How does Iran work for everyone? Praise Him!

*Spellchecker is clearly in league with the terrorists.

How to beat the high cost of sodomy

Homosexuality is not only morally hazardous to Our Nation, it is also economically ruinous:

The megachurch founded by the Rev. Ted Haggard, who was fired over drug and sex allegations, has laid off 44 people amid falling income following the scandal.

The cuts announced during services Sunday amount to about 12 percent of the church's work force, associate pastor Rob Brendle said.

Brendle estimated that church income has fallen 10 percent since the scandal last fall, forcing layoffs including pastoral staff, support staff and nursery workers.

Mind you, this man diddled only one other dude and his homosexuality was totally curable, and still 44 people lost their jobs. When you consider those figures at the macro level, that's millions of people losing their jobs on account of gay sex every day. Maybe if The Left were more concerned about solid economic theory instead of scoring cheap ideological points against Our President, they'd look into this phenomenon and ban homosexuality once and for all. Praise Him!

Hell's native tongue

My missionary work (i.e. this blog) is premised on the following Belief: The Christianizing effects of Beauty will, when advanced militarily, serve as the Winks that firmly seals the world's legs together while neutralizing security threats against Our Nation from the evildoing likes of Muslims, homos, and liberal bloggers. The universal language of Beauty will become the Language of Freedom, as millions of women throughout the Arab world will learn to exalt a Christian God by casting off their veils and heavily applying lip liner and rouge. But as one unfortunate woman found out, this language also happens to be English-only:

A bilingual Santa Ana hairstylist was fired after a dispute with her supervisor over rules requiring her to speak English at a retirement community salon.

Gloria Maldonado, 51, said she worked at the salon at Town and Country Manor for four years, cutting hair for senior citizens who lived at the complex. She also styled hair for a handful of outside customers, including a friend who spoke little English.

Maldonado, who came to Santa Ana 35 years ago from Mexico, said she argued with the salon manager in February after she was asked not to speak Spanish in front of Town and Country residents.

"I said to her, if someone comes in speaking Spanish, do I have to refuse them service? I'm here to make a living like everyone else," Maldonado said. "Right now, I feel like this is discrimination."

My money says the moonbats will dismiss this as nothing more thinly veiled racism against Mexicans, but it's more than that. What The Left is trying to gloss over is that this woman speaks Spanish. Spain's dirty little secret is that it was once ruled by Muslims, and while Spain has supposedly been caliphate-free for 500 years, the taint remains, as nearly 4000 Spanish words still betray their Arabic origins. To tolerate this in those tabernacles of Christianity, your local unisex beauty parlor, is to invite a thousand 9/11's upon ourselves. As the evidence clearly shows, the Reconquista of your salon is the first step towards dhimmitude, and only the deportation of all Spanish-speaking beauticians (including my slave-driving harridan of a boss, Conchita) will save America from ruin. Praise Him!

Cut & color & condom

Sex "education" has a long and ignoble history of turning its pupils against Christian Values and into thrill-seeking hosebeasts. These fresh recruits think they are entitled to fornicate without the risk of AIDS or pregnancy and quickly become homosexuals who join the Communist Party, congregate in elitist coastal enclaves, and persecute us Christians with their sexually outré sitcoms. That America's classrooms are forced to devote valuable classroom hours to this filth, yet don't have any room in the curricula to mention how Our Savior gave His life so that America could be a free country, is a national disgrace beyond measure. Liberals hold absolutely nothing save their own twisted ideology (which they jettison as soon as it becomes convenient) in regard, and view seemingly everything Holy with the basest of contempt.

So it came as little surpise to see that The Left has converted the most sacred of us Christian women's Devotional shrines, beauty parlors, into their perverted re-education camps, and in Tio Fidel's Cuba, no less:

Sex, cheating husbands, AIDS … That’s the talk at Havana’s Aphrodite Beauty Parlor and it’s enough to curl your hair.

The salon — located in Cerro, a dense urban district with the fourth-highest incidence of HIV infection on the island — is really a store-front health center in disguise. ...

She sold her idea to Cuba’s health ministry, convinced allies in the battle against AIDS to join her, and found $50,000 in funding from U.N. agencies. Even before they finished fixing up an abandoned beauty parlor, women began lining up at the door.

"The beauty parlor is really a pretext to educate women about dangers in their lives," said Santa Cruz. "Here, we are more interested in teaching women about safe sex than fixing their hair."

Where is the Outrage??? People, the UN is funding sex-ed courses in Cuba's beauty parlors in a transparent plot whose ultimate goal is the complete and utter vanquishment of America by her most determined foes: Reds, Muslims, illegal immigrants, feminists, homos, and non-observant Jews (Go Israel!).

You may think, "It can't happen here," but I had a chill of recognition as I wrote this tonight: The "information" the Cuban blasphemers are trying to impart is probably no different from the winking innuendo of some of our more promiscuous stylists here at the Beauty Palace torture me with every Monday morning: "Oh, Nancy Beth, I could have eaten him up with a spoon!" If these Cubans think they know oppression now, just wait until they're the last Christian standing in that beauty shop. Praise Him!

Satan's enormous endowment

Conservative students at UCLA are subjected to a rash of inequalities, perhaps the worst of which is the lack of any sort of cosmetology program in which a Christian can learn the spiritually correct way to practice her Faith. Despite my constant entreaties for the fairness and evenhandedness supposedly guaranteed by state and federal law, their academic affairs department continues to dismiss me with the blatantly anti-Christian rhetoric of The Academic Left: "Dear Potential Applicant: Thank you for your interest in UCLA. Please know that California's higher education system allows for the pursuit of many interests at the community, Cal State, and UC levels." Or as they say at Pandagon: "Suxx on it, Godbag. Hillary Rulezzz!!!!" Meanwhile, the brainwashing of Our Nation's children into hating America through academically questionable "disciplines" like English and Chemistry continues unimpeded. I thought UCLA's academic reputation couldn't sink any lower, but then I read the following over at my Prayer Warriors, OneNewsNow:

A conservative author and alumnus of the University of California in Los Angeles says he's not surprised his alma mater will soon be home to America's first endowed academic chair in sexual orientation law. UCLA's law school has accepted a donation of more than $1 million from a homosexual couple to help fund the research of an endowed professorship in a field of study probing the legal aspects and implications of sexual orientation.

Oh, the horror: UCLA will now be pumping out hundreds of radical homosexual trial lawyers, like a phalanx of John Edwards(es?), only with prettier hair. And by the sound of it, they're even more committed to creating an apartheid-like system in which the nancies obey whichever laws they feel like, while us Christians get the shaft. Two Americas indeed:

That is why "it's not a real shocker" that UCLA is looking to establish a chair in sexual orientation law, [the Virgin Ben] Shapiro continues. "The most shocking part of the story," he says, "is that it was sponsored by this gay couple who have explicitly said that what they're looking for is for a chair who will foster certain attitudes toward sexual orientation law."

Shapiro says the people who are pushing sexual orientation law as a separate branch of law believe homosexual "marriage" and adoption should be legal across the board and that homosexuality is not morally inferior to heterosexuality. He believes the sponsors of the new academic chair at the UCLA School of Law are hoping the endowment will help promote these and other pro-homosexual ideas in the realm of American law.

The fact that two florists could amass enough wealth to fund an Abomination of this sort shows how truly broken the system is. And by the sound of it, it's going to get a thousand times worse. Praise Him!