Gray tape for a red girl

Duct tape has had an exalted place in the heart of Patriots ever since the Department of Homeland Security informed us that it is the armor that repels terrorist attacks. The Left, naturally, howled with their usual indignation. "You can't seriously expect to use duct tape as the federal government's first line of defense in a national emergency," they wailed, but hopefully the response to Hurricane Katrina taught them otherwise. Because Freedom could be so easily (and cheaply!) defended without resorting to expensive unionization drives that would flesh out the ranks of the dying Democratic base, duct tape has been adhesio non grata in the MSM ever since.

This antipathy is in full view in the recent story about duct tape as a cure for warts. Duct tape's potential as a health & beauty aid had always struck me as questionable -- I used to see a homeless woman walking around West Hollywood who crafted into a silver beak she wore on her nose, so unless you're trying to evoke Jonny Sokko's flying robot or the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz, its cosmetic applications were best experimented with in the privacy of your own home. Or so I thought. If something so intrinsic to a strong national defense could be working Miracles on Our Nation's skin, I want to know about it -- and liberal media wants to sow seeds of doubt, in what is clearly a transparent and pathetic attempt to discredit President Bush:

Duct tape’s success at curing warts may have been overstated, according to a new study that raises doubts about the tape’s effectiveness as a cheap, painless treatment.

The tape supposedly works by irritating the skin and stimulating the body’s immune system to attack the virus that causes warts. It earned a place in the medicine cabinet in 2002, when a small study showed it to be effective on children and young adults.

This time, a study among older adults found duct tape helped only 21 percent of the time and was no more better than moleskin, a cotton-tape bandage used to protect the skin.

Does anyone doubt that Planned Parenthood doesn't have a hand in this hit job as well? For months we've been hearing that the only way to prevent genital warts is by giving girls their whore shots. Had this study been allowed to succeed, we'd have a pro-abstinence alternative that also strengthened national security: taping their ladyparts shut. I say this experiment should be reconducted, this time under the watchful eye of the Heritage Foundation. Praise Him!