Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The windmills of Osama's mind

I had the horror-stricken realization that the environmental movement was in cahoots with militant Islam when I read that the Great Plains were being approvingly referred to as the Saudi Arabia of wind energy. "Monstrous," I gasped. "Our soldiers are bravely fighting the terrorists in Iraq so we don't have to fight them here, and now The Left is trying to convert a wide swath of Our Nation into a breeding ground for Wahhabism? And they dare complain that we question their Patriotism? Outrageous!"

You may think that it can't happen here, but Christians, I am sorry to be the one to tell you that the Islezbofascist Anschluß of the Midwest has begun in earnest. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Dhimmisota:
Minnesota put its faith in a future fueled by renewable energy Thursday as the governor signed a law requiring utilities to generate a quarter of their power from renewable sources such as wind, water and sun by 2025. Considering where Minnesota stands now — about half the power produced in the state is from coal, and only 5 percent from renewable sources — the move is the most aggressive in the country, analysts say.
It's really no surprise that Minnesota was the first domino to fall. First came Humphrey, then Mondale, then Wellstone. And who doesn't think Keith Ellison lopped Tim Pawlenty's head off with a scimitar and sent the footage to CNN immediately after making him spout this bit of terrorist claptrap?
"We have to break our addiction to fossil fuels," Gov. Tim Pawlenty said in signing the legislation.
As any Patriot can tell you, fossil fuels are the precious lifeblood of Freedom, and The Left's campaign to curb their consumption is nothing less than their deeply fascist and authoritarian impulses expressing themselves -- unconvincingly -- as "concern" for the public "welfare." Well, I'm not buying it, and neither should you. The people of Minnesota better wake up and smell the hummus before they're forced to bow to St. Paul five times a day. Praise Him!


Tuesday, February 20, 2007


One of the benefits of reading my email more than once every few weeks is that, in the event someone is coming to LA, I can enlist their support in my various protests around town. I missed out when Alan at 39 & Holding was here, but I did get to meet up with Waremouse's John (presently doing business as Space Cadet). I recall from my own days of drunken whoring around that Faultline was a source of endless Outrage and would probably make a target-rich environment for protesting. Evidently somebody must have tipped them off, because it was hardly the homosexual bacchanalia I recall from the days of yore. Which is just as well, because it did allow us to swap tales of workplace persecution on account of our Faith & what it's like being a bride of Christ -- you know, the usual blogger stuff -- without hairy, drunken, shirtless men pressing themselves against our torsos. Thank you, sir, for coming down. It was a pleasure to meet you; I hope we can do this again.

While I'm going through the mailbag, I also extend a hearty thanks to loyal Nancy-Cons Rittenhouse Review for introducing me to uber-patriot Shelley the Republican, and thank Beancounter Pam for her not-so-recent flattery. So keep those cards & letters coming and I'll respond by decade's end. Praise Him!

Monumental treason

Oh yes, you know it's coming.

One of the greatest injustices America has had to suffer is that, despite the Glory the Creator has bestowed upon Our Nation, none of the purported seven "wonders" of the world were on American soil (though, I suppose, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon sort of are, by proxy). Revisionist historians will issue their usual mealy-mouthed apologies in defense of the America-haters along the lines of "But the list was tabulated thousands of years before the New World was even discovered," etc. That sort of defeatism may play in the rarefied walls of academia, but it doesn't cut it out here in the real world. All of which begs the question: How should a new list of the wonders of the world be determined? Well, certainly not like this:
What are the greatest architectural achievements in history? Rome's Colosseum? The Great Wall of China? The Pyramids of Giza?

That's what millions of people are asking themselves as they vote in the largest global poll ever conducted, an attempt to recast ancient history by ranking the top architectural marvels as the "new" seven wonders of the world. ...

About 200,000 people are voting online or firing off mobile phone text messages every day, organizers estimate -- and the final total of ballots cast before the result is announced on July 7 could top 100 million.

"This is the first ever global vote. It's never been done before. Culture is one of the few things that would be relevant to a global vote," said Tia Viering, spokeswoman for the Zurich-based New 7 Wonders campaign. ...

She said Europe was lagging in the voting, but there was lots of interest in the United States, China, India and Latin America.
Quite frankly, my suspicion is that this whole thing is being orchestrated by the UN as payback for all that diligent reporting on their oil-for-food scandal. Who else would willingly subject America to the hostility of the rest of the world? It's no secret that they hate us on account of our Freedom, and I'm sure they're not above compromising America's prestige by turning this into another opportunity to bash President Bush. I went to the website of the outfit running this hatchet job and was shocked by the deeply anti-American and anti-Christian bias evident in the nominees. Can you believe they have excluded the following National Treasures?

Touchdown Jesus: Solid Rock Church's statue depicts the Majesty of Our Savior as only 16,000 lbs. of concrete, steel, styrofoam, and fiberglass can. That He seems to be bursting from the earth in a reenactment of the final scene of Carrie only adds to the solemnity of this beautiful work.

Crystal Cathedral: Don't let the pyramid shape fool you -- ancient Egypt never saw the fanfare & pageantry that make up The Glories of Christmas and Easter, respectively. Actors with exquisitely Caucasian features reenact the stories behind Christianity's most cherished Holy Days while angels dart overhead with all the precision of the Blue Angels: In short, it is what True Art was meant to be. It goes without saying that since no middle-aged pop stars flash their nipples or get crucified, The Left can't stand it.

Crawford Ranch: Not even the thought of Cindy Sheehan relieving herself in the bushes outside our Western Whitehouse can diminish the rustic splendour of this monument to Freedom, where some of America's greatest policies were hatched. Thoreau had Walden, George Bush has Prairie Chapel Ranch; I think we know who the deeper political philosopher is.

Mount Rushmore: If anyone deserves a middle finger to be be chiseled smack dab in the middle of their "sacred" grounds, it's those ingrates, the native "Americans." We won, get over it. Best of all: Not a single Democrat made the cut for inclusion there -- what does that tell you?

It's not a total shut-out for America, however. While I would have thought Ayatollah Pelosi would have further abused the powers of her office and had the Golden Gate to Sodomy included, instead you can cast your vote for the Statue of Liberty. But beware: Its wholly inaccurate description was written by some latter day disciple of Ho Chi Minh (probably Susan Sarandon):
The Statue of Liberty was a gift of the French government to the United States to honor the ideals of freedom and independence. It was a very early gesture of national generosity. This huge statue became a symbol of hope and freedom for many hundreds of millions of people who immigrated to the United States during the 20th century to find a new life of peace and prosperity.
To which I say: Horseshit. Lady Liberty has been threatening to stick her blazing Torch of Freedom up the hindquarters of illegal immigrants for well over a century now, but the overly indulgent mommies in the Democratic Party have turned her into a pathetic symbol of multiculturalism at its most simpering, rather than the fierce protectress of strong borders she truly is. If this is the sort of politcally correct makeovers these landmarks are being subjected to, maybe it's best that my nominees were slighted. I realize I'm a few shy of seven, but maybe you can propose a few in the comments section. Praise Him!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

An inconvenient truth

Perhaps second only to global warming, the myth of the female orgasm is one of the largest hoaxes The Left has ever played on the American public. The social engineering undertaken to advance this red herring (sex "education," equal "rights," dildo parties) has shattered billions of lives, leaving a holocaust of broken homes, homosexuality, and dead batteries in its wake.

Despite the stark evidence to the contrary the careers of Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, et al., present, MSM continues to take their talking points from The Radical Left. This past week, MSNBC (or as I like to call them, MSMBS) issued another barely disguised press release for the all-powerful female orgasm lobby in a Q&A format. Because I cannot stand to see their lies go unchallenged, I hereby rebut some of the more flagrant disinformation being passed off as impartial medical advice. Ladies and gentlemen, open up and say "Praise Him," because Dr. Nancy Beth, Medicine Woman, is in the house:
Q: I heard that vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral, is this true?
A: Are these the sorts of questions the "reality-based" community asks? Given that neither exist, a far more useful point to ponder would be, "Who can run faster, Superman or the Flash." Next patient, please:
Q: I am over 60 yet find that my orgasms are not at all affected by age. In fact, after getting off a long list of Prozac-type antidepressants, I have become multi-orgasmic with as many as five strong orgasms in 10 minutes of vibrator stimulation. My question is: What is the age limit for sexual satisfaction in women? I have found nothing in the research about this. Can these multiple orgasms give me a stroke or heart attack?
A: You are experiencing a phenomenon more commonly known as gas. Take a Rolaids and lie down with your head slightly elevated. It should go away in about twenty minutes to half an hour.
Q: My wife and I have sex about four to six times a week and I have at times felt that it’s more work than pleasure. Is it common for a woman to expect to have an orgasm every time we have sex?
A. Good lord, how many illegitimate children does Bill Clinton have? You, sir, need a job, or a television, or something. But if it's more work for her than pleasure, you're obviously doing something right. Keep up the good work and you'll soon be on the path to Traditional Marriage as intended in The Bible.
A: Do you mean to ask, “How can I tell if my girlfriend is faking an orgasm?”
A. It's easy. As that old punchline goes, her lips are moving. Praise Him!

Labels: , ,

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Second Chance Ministries

Even though Our President started his life as an alcoholic cokehead, that didn't prevent him from fulfilling his God-given mission of killing thousands of ragheads. And it shouldn't stop you:
The Army and Marine Corps are letting in more recruits with criminal records, including some with felony convictions, reflecting the increased pressure of five years of war and its mounting casualties.

According to data compiled by the Defense Department, the number of Army and Marine recruits needing waivers for felonies and serious misdemeanors, including minor drug offenses, has grown since 2003. The Army granted more than double the number of waivers for felonies and misdemeanors in 2006 than it did in 2003. Some recruits may get more than one waiver.

The military routinely grants waivers to admit recruits who have criminal records, medical problems or low aptitude scores that would otherwise disqualify them from service. Overall the majority are moral waivers, which include some felonies, misdemeanors, and traffic and drug offenses.

The number of felony waivers granted by the Army grew from 411 in 2003 to 901 in 2006, according to the Pentagon, or about one in 10 of the moral waivers approved that year. Other misdemeanors, which could be petty theft, writing a bad check or some assaults, jumped from about 2,700 to more than 6,000 in 2006. The minor crimes represented more than three-quarters of the moral waivers granted by the Army in 2006, up from more than half in 2003.
Best of all: No fags! Experience the Redemptive powers of God's love at their most transcendent and join the military today. Praise Him!

(h/t: WeHateAmericablog)

Monday, February 12, 2007

Soldiers of misfortune

Another soldier the Clintons forced into prostitution?

The Clinton presidency's legacy of failure runs long and deep. In fact, only the most deeply partisan can look at the problems that have plagued the present administration (Iraq, Katrina, l'affaire Plame) and not see a snail trail going all the way back to Slick Willie. The latest casualty of his arrogance and disregard for the rule of law is The Left's former(?) brothers-in-arms, the Red Army, who have learned the hard way what Don't Ask Don't Tell really means:
A recruit serving in the Russian Interior Ministry’s signals corps in central St. Petersburg has sent a letter to the Soldiers’ Mothers human rights group claiming that he and dozens of his fellow soldiers are being forced into prostitution by older recruits.

“Instead of having a well-earned rest, young recruits are ordered up by phone and delivered nightly to their top-ranking clients — including army generals,” said Ella Polyakova, head of the St. Petersburg arm of Soldiers’ Mothers.
And this man's wife wants to be president? Outrageous! Who's to say that HillaryCare won't ultimately turn our clinics, hospitals, and nursing homes into a nationwide chain of upscale bordellos? After all, if The Left hates the troops enough to do this, they're willing to do anything. Praise Him!

Labels: ,

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Majoring in sodomy

Do you want to know why most Americans know the astrological signs of the Village People, but still don't have the faintest clue that the Constitution was based on the Ten Commandments? Because radical homosexual activists like those at University of Colorado want it so:
A self-proclaimed conservative group targeting college liberalism is assailing a University of Colorado course that examines gay and lesbian literature.

The Young America's Foundation, based outside Washington, DC, gives the CU course "Introduction to Lesbian, Bisexual and Gay Literature," a "dishonorable mention" in a study titled "The Dirty Dozen: America's Most Bizarre and Politically Correct College Courses." ...

Foundation spokesman Jason Mattera said the courses edge out traditional scholarship and waste money and time. A recent poll, he said, finds Americans are more likely to identify the characters on the television cartoon The Simpsons than rights included in the First Amendment.

"There are a lot of soft courses," Mattera said. "Classes in American history go by the wayside."
The Left, with their usual cynicism, will dismiss this story as cheaply manufactured Outrage pulled out of the freezer on a slow news weekend. But my hunch is that MSM, having tried to suppress this important story since December of last year, senses that public anger is ready to boil over on the topic, and is scrambling to make it look as if they've been on the side of Taste and Decency all along. Don't buy it for a second!

What's especially appalling is the rankness of the filth they're using to poison Our Children's minds:
The CU course on the Foundation's hit list includes poetry by Walt Whitman, who some say was gay, as well as works of novelist Virginia Woolf, who had an affair with a woman. The syllabus also includes films such as the gay cowboy tale "Brokeback Mountain."
Walt Whitman, you'll recall, is what Bill & Monica used to read between sessions of pleasuring one another in the manner Satan intended. Brokeback Mountain unleashed an influenza-like epidemic of gayness that's permanently hobbled the Republican Party. I'm not sure what perverted appeal Virginia Woolf has, but I imagine her books are filled with loads of women's tennis players whooping it up on the Western frontier.

Sadly, turning your son or daughter into into a militant homosexual who robotically votes Democratic is less about committing perverted acts than about demonstrating their political control:
On its Web site, the Foundation says, "The nation's campuses continue to be staffed and controlled by leftist radicals who seek a monopoly on what is said and thought."
This became quite clear to me as I was being unceremoniously drummed out of the lavender-covered walls of beauty school. Christians, so many lives have been ruined by these sorts of classes. I'm grateful that I made it out with my heterosexuality intact, but others may not be so lucky. Praise Him!

Labels: , ,

Friday, February 09, 2007


I've refrained from chiming in about Ayatollah Pelosi's magic carpet ride since MSM is finally doing its job [sort of -- am I the only one to have noticed that her reasons for needing a plane that can fly from DC to the spiritual center of radical Islam, San Francisco, is the same reason the 9/11 terrorists chose cross-country flights: to have enough fuel to take down a skyscraper?]. However, the ultimate dressing-down of Madame Speaker comes from noted statesman and game show host, Pat Sajak:
Take the case of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Since 9/11, the Speaker (whoever he or she might be) has been provided with a private jet for security reasons. I happen to think that’s right and proper and prudent. However, she's arguing for a larger jet which would accommodate family and others and would allow for non-stop travel to her California home. I think that's probably reasonable, too. But wait a minute! How can a believer in man-made global warming be so utterly unconcerned about accelerating the coming catastrophe? Is the convenience of a non-stop flight more important than helping to prevent the rising seas from destroying coastal cities? Shouldn't she be arguing against a private jet and perhaps closing down one of her homes or moving her family within a few blocks of her office? She, of course, is perfectly willing to champion regulation of others, but, again, I ask, what is she willing to do personally.
Pat's really onto something here. The idea that congress members should actually live in the states they represent is part of The Left's quaint allegiance to a way of life that ended when the first airliner hit the WTC. It's insights like this that make me wish Vanna White would start writing for Human Events, too. Praise Him!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Beauty 911, or Beauty 9/11?

Even though the California Cosmetology Board's anti-Christian bias keeps them from granting me my license, I still consider myself a beautician. So you can imagine how my heart swelled with pride when I read this ABC News item :
Two women in Cincinnati had better leave big tips the next time they get their hair done. They survived strokes thanks to fast action by their beauticians, who were taking part in a novel program to raise stroke awareness as they clipped, straightened and braided their customers' hair.

One stylist noticed that a woman's speech was slurred, and called for help. Another woman called her hairdresser weeks after having been in the shop, describing symptoms she was having.

"The beautician recognized it as signs of a stroke, called 911, walked to the woman's apartment and waited with her until an ambulance arrived," said Dr. Dawn Kleindorfer, a University of Cincinnati neurologist who led the project and reported results Wednesday at an American Stroke Association conference in San Francisco.

Beauticians and barbers increasingly are being used like churches to spread the word about stroke, cancer and other diseases. What they can do may be as important as any doctor, drug or diagnostic test.
I would add: if not more important. From my perch as receptionist at the Beauty Palace, I've long considered myself to be on the front lines of advancing public health, and I'll tell anyone who'll listen about how abortions cause breast cancer and tofu turns people gay. Finally I was getting the recognition I deserve... or so I thought.

I knew something was fishy when I hit this troubling passage:
"This is a great captive audience," she said. "African-American hairstyles can take a long time. They're there for a long time with someone they know and trust."
What is this, Mother Jones? It absolutely sickens me that that The Left has to turn an otherwise non-political story about the good work beauticians do into grist for the racial grievance industry, whose paranoia allows them to see racist conspiracies in everything. Enough with the reflexive white-people bashing!

Unfortunately, it's not just the race pimps calling the shots on this one. Evidently, the whole operation is being underwritten by the Hell's homecoming court, the Wiccans (my emphasis):
The Hazel K. Goddess Fund for Stroke Research in Women paid for the program.
Outrageous! This is nothing less than a full-fledged hit on Our Nation by its enemies within. Liberals howled with outrage when Our President tried to have America's churches undo the moral degeneracy caused by 8 years of Bill Clinton's tyrannical rule because it was supposedly "unconstitutional." But when the blacks and the Satanists try to take over our beauty parlors, it's some great exercise in minority empowerment, even though minority empowerment is a direct violation of the concept of States Rights as laid out in that precious Constitution. Yet again, The Left demonstrates that ideological consistency can easily go by the wayside if it gives them another shot at hurting America. Praise Him!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

I can't believe it's not fetus

The primary reason The Left is so taken with embryonic stem cell research is that it allows them to achieve two of their most pressing objectives simultaneously: the wholesale destruction of unborn Christians, and the advancement of their Godless religion called "Science." Well, thanks to my Prayer Warriors at Citizenlink, I see that adult stem cell research allows us Christians to engage in a little multi-tasking of our own, like eating our snackcakes by the gross and doing anything but worrying about the resulting obesity or heart disease:
For more than a decade, medical researchers have been turning to adult stem cells to provide therapies and miraculous cures. Now you can add heart failure to the list.

The Texas Heart Institute announced Monday that for the first time a heart-failure patient has been injected with adult stem cells taken from his own fat tissue.

The cells were removed by liposuction, then, after processing, injected directly into the heart. The treatment strengthened the heart muscle, which had deteriorated due to the disease.
Liberals, of course, like to point to hard-luck stories like Michael J. Fox, whom God has stricken with Parkinson's, despite his favorable depiction of a conservative on television. My response? He must not be that good of an actor, because God sure wasn't convinced enough to spare him. So instead of working themselves into a lather because they can't kill more unborn children, our moonbat friends should just call Domino's and partake in a bit of Our Nation's bounty. Praise Him!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

RoP Watch

Something The Left will never tell you about their beloved Religion of Peace is not only are all Muslims violent, but even portraying one on television is enough to turn an actor into a homicidal maniac (my emphasis):
An actor who played a prisoner on HBO's "Oz" series may well be on his way to the real slammer.

Granville Adams, 43, was arrested late Saturday on criminally negligent homicide charges after a dispute at a posh New York nightclub sent another man plummeting down an elevator shaft. ...

Adams played Zahir Arif, "Prisoner 97A622." He also portrayed a police officer in 11 episodes of NBC's "Homicide: Life on the Street."
As you can imagine, his career is on the skids, and future roles will probably be limited to minor speaking parts in beheading videos:
Celebrity-watchers say after Saturday's incident, his next role may be harder to come by.

"Once a celebrity is clearly actively involved in any type of assault, he or she can expect their career to suffer, unless of course they prove to have been acting in self defense," said Us Weekly style editor and ABC News contributor Katrina Szish.

"I can't imagine that Adams has a career left, as this clearly has not been described as an accident," Szish said. "Although the elevator doors opening was an unfortunate surprise, the fact remains that Adams was involved in a barroom brawl, which is never a boon to a celebrity's career."
The article goes on to compare Adams with the singer Brandy, who not only never played a Muslim (as far as I know), but recently killed one in an auto accident:
Another incident involving a celebrity and a fatality occurred just last week. Singer-actress Brandy Norwood was involved in a four-car freeway crash that killed a woman. The star of "Moesha" has been sued for $50 million by the family.

But unlike Adams, Szish says Brandy's career will not be hurt by the tragedy.

"This is far different," she said. "She was involved in a fatal car crash, but there was no report or evidence of malice. It was clearly a sad, unfortunate accident that should not reflect negatively on Brandy."
Who knows, it might even give her career a boost... or she may even become First Lady! Praise Him!

Wigs in space

It's been awfully quiet on the Christian Cosmetology beat for the past few months, but that changed as soon as I saw that The Left was trying to use hairpieces in the commission of a felony in order to derail Our President's space program:
DISGUISED in a dark wig, glasses and a trench coat, US space shuttle astronaut Lisa Nowak waited in hiding for a woman she considered a rival for another astronaut's affections and tried to kidnap her, police in Orlando, Florida, have said.

Ms Nowak, 43, was arrested on charges including battery and attempted kidnapping, according to an Orlando police affidavit.

She told police she drove from Houston to the Orlando International Airport to confront Colleen Shipman, who Ms Nowak considered a rival for the attentions of fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein, the affidavit said.
I've been trying to find out more about this wig, such as its color, length, style, and whether its real hair or made from synthetic fibers, but MSM obviously is trying to downplay the cosmetology angle in this story... as is their wont. Anyway, abusing a wig in this manner strikes me as the sorts of special circumstances that warrant especially severe punishment; the law is pretty clear on this matter.

What's unclear is what ultimately drove this woman to act on these Hillary-like impulses: Feminism, global warming hysteria, and the terrorist-emboldening initiatives of the new Democratic congress no doubt instigated her life of attempted crime. But as more details come to light, I think we will find her fate was sealed, and indeed, the entire space program is threatened, by that irresistible Siren of contemporary leftism: MySpace. Scoff if you will, but one of my Prayer Warriors, Peter La Barbera, recently pointed out that homosexuals frequently use these social networking sites to weaken America. Consider the downfall of one Lance Bass: The former space enthusiast and presumed heterosexual even attempted to snag a spot on a trip to the International Space Station -- true, it was for the Reds, but we know how confused celebrities are in their loyalties to America. But then he joined MySpace, and quickly began smoking human pipe. Christians, MySpace presents a bigger threat to the American militarization of space than all the satellite-zapping missiles the heathen Chinee can produce. If it is allowed to continue poisoning the minds of America, the break-ups of gay celebutard couples and shenanigans of deranged lady astronauts will be the least of Our Nation's troubles. Praise Him!

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Strictly ball gag

Do you want this to happen to your child? Of course not, unless you're a liberal.

To The Left, physical fitness is another means of advancing World Communism and turning children gay: Just witness the anti-corporate hit job Super Size Me and the lesbian recruitment drive better known as Title IX. Those who embark upon an exercise regimen do so at their own peril. Before you know it, you're on the business end of a Kalashnikov, harvesting organic arugula for our homosexual overlords on one of Chairman Hillary's many collective farms. If only the Fates were so kind to the children of West Virginia, who are being turned into an army of prancing homos:
West Virginia, which has the worst childhood obesity problem in the United States, is stepping up plans to use Konami Corp.’s “Dance Dance Revolution” to battle the bulge in its schools.

The state, which plans to put the popular dancing video game in every one of its public schools, said on Wednesday research suggested that it helped put a halt to weight gain. ...

Murphy said that, prior to the study, most of the children reported feeling awkward about participating in gym and physical activity at school.

Following the study, children from the group reported feeling more confident and willing to try other exercises, she said.
Given that Dance Dance Revolution is little more than a home study course for stripping and affiliated sex trades, the mind reels at what other exercises these "educators" have in store for our children. Quite frankly, I think Our Nation would be better served if they spent their afternoons learning about the Glory of the Resurrection through the Left Behind video games and drinking carbonated beverages. After all, The Bible promises that a fat, diabetic child shall lead them. Praise Him!