Monumental treason

Oh yes, you know it's coming.

One of the greatest injustices America has had to suffer is that, despite the Glory the Creator has bestowed upon Our Nation, none of the purported seven "wonders" of the world were on American soil (though, I suppose, the Hanging Gardens of Babylon sort of are, by proxy). Revisionist historians will issue their usual mealy-mouthed apologies in defense of the America-haters along the lines of "But the list was tabulated thousands of years before the New World was even discovered," etc. That sort of defeatism may play in the rarefied walls of academia, but it doesn't cut it out here in the real world. All of which begs the question: How should a new list of the wonders of the world be determined? Well, certainly not like this:

What are the greatest architectural achievements in history? Rome's Colosseum? The Great Wall of China? The Pyramids of Giza?

That's what millions of people are asking themselves as they vote in the largest global poll ever conducted, an attempt to recast ancient history by ranking the top architectural marvels as the "new" seven wonders of the world. ...

About 200,000 people are voting online or firing off mobile phone text messages every day, organizers estimate -- and the final total of ballots cast before the result is announced on July 7 could top 100 million.

"This is the first ever global vote. It's never been done before. Culture is one of the few things that would be relevant to a global vote," said Tia Viering, spokeswoman for the Zurich-based New 7 Wonders campaign. ...

She said Europe was lagging in the voting, but there was lots of interest in the United States, China, India and Latin America.

Quite frankly, my suspicion is that this whole thing is being orchestrated by the UN as payback for all that diligent reporting on their oil-for-food scandal. Who else would willingly subject America to the hostility of the rest of the world? It's no secret that they hate us on account of our Freedom, and I'm sure they're not above compromising America's prestige by turning this into another opportunity to bash President Bush. I went to the website of the outfit running this hatchet job and was shocked by the deeply anti-American and anti-Christian bias evident in the nominees. Can you believe they have excluded the following National Treasures?

† Touchdown Jesus: Solid Rock Church's statue depicts the Majesty of Our Savior as only 16,000 lbs. of concrete, steel, styrofoam, and fiberglass can. That He seems to be bursting from the earth in a reenactment of the final scene of Carrie only adds to the solemnity of this beautiful work.

† Crystal Cathedral: Don't let the pyramid shape fool you -- ancient Egypt never saw the fanfare & pageantry that make up The Glories of Christmas and Easter, respectively. Actors with exquisitely Caucasian features reenact the stories behind Christianity's most cherished Holy Days while angels dart overhead with all the precision of the Blue Angels: In short, it is what True Art was meant to be. It goes without saying that since no middle-aged pop stars flash their nipples or get crucified, The Left can't stand it.

† Crawford Ranch: Not even the thought of Cindy Sheehan relieving herself in the bushes outside our Western Whitehouse can diminish the rustic splendour of this monument to Freedom, where some of America's greatest policies were hatched. Thoreau had Walden, George Bush has Prairie Chapel Ranch; I think we know who the deeper political philosopher is.

† Mount Rushmore: If anyone deserves a middle finger to be be chiseled smack dab in the middle of their "sacred" grounds, it's those ingrates, the native "Americans." We won, get over it. Best of all: Not a single Democrat made the cut for inclusion there -- what does that tell you?

It's not a total shut-out for America, however. While I would have thought Ayatollah Pelosi would have further abused the powers of her office and had the Golden Gate to Sodomy included, instead you can cast your vote for the Statue of Liberty. But beware: Its wholly inaccurate description was written by some latter day disciple of Ho Chi Minh (probably Susan Sarandon):

The Statue of Liberty was a gift of the French government to the United States to honor the ideals of freedom and independence. It was a very early gesture of national generosity. This huge statue became a symbol of hope and freedom for many hundreds of millions of people who immigrated to the United States during the 20th century to find a new life of peace and prosperity.

To which I say: Horseshit. Lady Liberty has been threatening to stick her blazing Torch of Freedom up the hindquarters of illegal immigrants for well over a century now, but the overly indulgent mommies in the Democratic Party have turned her into a pathetic symbol of multiculturalism at its most simpering, rather than the fierce protectress of strong borders she truly is. If this is the sort of politcally correct makeovers these landmarks are being subjected to, maybe it's best that my nominees were slighted. I realize I'm a few shy of seven, but maybe you can propose a few in the comments section. Praise Him!