Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Prayers for Nancy Beth

Greetings from America's very own gulag archipelago, the community college system, where I can only imagine the world outside that is rapidly passing me by. As I predicted last week, this chemistry course I'm protesting has kept me too busy to blog. However, I was dead wrong when I also predicted that my instructor would be a sensible liberal (in the mold Joe Lieberman or Mickey Kaus) whom I could tolerate. She is hell-bent on pushing her radical activist agenda on all of us, and wouldn't recognize academic Freedom if it strapped electrodes on her ladyparts and made her stand on a box. From here forward, she will be known as Lucifer's Harlot.

Ms. Harlot has repeatedly said that chemistry is at its core a form of algebra, which, as you are probably aware, is nothing more than Islamic numerology (I predict Madonna will champion it next year, once she tires of changing that little Malawian kid's shitty diapers). I have made repeated attempts to get an exemption from having to do all these equations on religious grounds, as I find cross-multiplying detrimental to Our Nation's moral character and a leading factor in teen promiscuity and miscegenation. "Sure, it may start out with solving for the mass of an imaginary tungsten rod," I warned Ms. Harlot, "but how soon until you're raising a mocha-skinned grandchild named Barack Hussein?" I also pointed out that the use of variables is nothing more than The Left's moral relativism quantified, and that it's just a hop, skip, and a jump from calculating the pressures of a gas to widespread euthanasia. But, like all liberals, she rejects any information that doesn't support her sheltered view of the world.

In other course-related news, the swarthy Jose either dropped the class or has been deported, meaning that my lab sessions will be free of his menacing latin sexuality and I can unclutch my pearls long enough to record the temperature of cooling water, in Celsius no less. I'm deeply troubled at how the European-style metric system is being imposed on us, and wonder if its prevalence in the "sciences" isn't somehow responsible for the widespread acceptance of homosexuality we're witnessing. Obviously that's a blog post for another time (as is the homosexual nature of atomic bonding), so as we say on the internets: Stay tuned (but not too closely, I've got a test tomorrow). Praise Him!

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Thursday, June 19, 2008

The elements of treason

Not an honorable one in the batch

Sorry for the gap in blogging, Christians, but your dear Sister Nancy Beth has entered the belly of The Beast by enrolling in a chemistry course four nights a week at her local community college. It is, as you would expect, a perversion of everything good and Holy in Our Nation, an open invitation to God to smite us mightily once again. While I had previously thought that biology represented the nadir of Christian-bashing in academia, the past three days have truly opened my eyes. At least in biology you have opposing schools of thought, what with the Intelligent Design and Global Cooling movements and all, but in Chemistry they're all unabashed Stalinists, marching in lockstep to sharia-compliant World Communism.

The ivory tower elistists running this show have gone to every conceivable length to denigrate America's Judeo*-Christian Heritage, starting with the "periodic" table of the elements. Just its name is offensive, as it serves up the same sort of vulgar, in-your-face feminism embodied by the [Ladyparts] Monologues, and in many ways should be considered its spiritual lesbian foremother. The elements themselves reflect the liberal bias of higher education: One is named after France, another is named after an intimate part of the female anatomy, there's one named after a dead female Mexican singer as a sop to the open-borders/multiculturalism crowd, plus a whole bunch named after bisexual Greek deities. Not surprisingly, Code Pink was given the choice of selecting which places in America would be represented: Berkeley and California. Clearly there's no room in chemistry for God or Country, as only one is named after America (and it could be that dreadful Latin America, for all we know), and Our Lord and Savior Jesus doesn't even rate a single mention.

Despite being my sworn spiritual enemy, the instructor maintains at least a facade of civility in the classroom. That is not the case with the TA for the lab component, "Omar," from Cuba -- need I say more? When I questioned the wisdom of freely distributing potentially fissile chemical compounds like H20 and small aluminum cubes without first running NSA background checks on my fellow students, and told him that certain Middle Eastern countries had been invaded for less, he dismissed these concerns out of hand while launching into talking points he presumably cribbed from the ACLU's website about safety goggles and keeping our workspace clean. And they wonder why we question their patriotism?

My classmates are a fairly unremarkable lot, with two exceptions: An older woman whom I call "Hillary," who wants to argue over everything (attendance policy, the syllabus, the wording for test questions that haven't even been written yet), and the swarthy, hirsute, and presumably undocumented Jose, whose chest hair poking up from beneath the collar of his t-shirt is endlessly distracting and a Siren's call to illicit fornication. No wonder venereal disease is so rampant on today's campuses -- not everyone has the same capacity for abstinence and self-denial as Sister Nancy Beth. And with these tempting little cupcakes like Jose sauntering around in their cargo shorts and flip-flops, today's Christian student certainly has a hard road ahead of her. I pray that I can show how my sisters in Christ how to find the inner Light that temperance provides, probably by making an anonymous phone call to the INS.

I'm not quite sure how this will affect blogging over the next eight weeks, aside from taking away more time from it. I've asked Kevin over at American Street to see if he'd consider moving my slot from Tuesday to either Saturday or Sunday, since the only thing happening Monday through Thursday is a whole lotta Christian Persecution. In the meantime, I'm going to try to offer brief, koan-like moments of zen when studying eases up or I need to take a break from all that shemaleum sulfide reacting with oxygen to form lesbianic acid. So if you check back here and see nothing's been posted, think of me and say a Prayer, and hopefully something will show up soon. Praise Him!

* Go Israel!

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Saturday, June 14, 2008

Black widow

First off, I extend my condolences to the family of Tim Russert. His sudden death isn't something I would wish on any member of the liberal media except Katie Couric, and his passing is an urgent reminder to all Americans to get right with God before they meet their Maker, something they can do by voting a straight Republican ticket this November.

Secondly, does anyone else find it odd that less than two weeks after we learn about the Clintons' enemies list, one of the chief malefactors "passes away" under a cloud of mysterious circumstances? They certainly don't at Free Republic:

Many people always felt that Tim Russert was ready to take on the Clintons if he had too... He knew about the Juanita Broaddrick story (actually watched the 5 hour interview) and told people later that he felt like he was going to throw up. During debates he brought up the Clinton Library and questioned the bizarre pardons made by Bill Clinton in front of a national audience... Early in the election during a Clinton campaign conference call with several journalist on the call, a Clinton surrogate made sure to say that Russet should be shot... Basically, the Clintons always knew that Russert would be a problem for them.

"Things happen in June...," Hillary Rodham Clinton

Hillary’s revenge. She executed her payback for him asking that question about the (then) New York governor’s (what was his name again?) law for drivers licenses for illegals.

Was this Arkancide? Remember it was Russert who personally derailed Hillary’s Oval Office Express with his super-tough interrogation of Clinton about her position on the Spitzer drivers license policy. I saw a graph somewhere that showed a total collapse in her polls from that very date. HRC does have a lot of time on her hands now.

I applaud these intrepid Patriots for speaking out, and pray that their courage doesn't consign them to a similar fate as Mr. Russert. In a just world, their bold declarations will percolate through the blogosphere and ultimately surface as accusations of sinister alterations on his death certificate, or perhaps as an email chain letter. Only then will the cause of Justice be served. Praise Him!

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

White pearls, Black rage

While reputable journalists have spent the past week feverishly trying to avoid another 9/11 by deciphering the terrorist hand signals the Obamas flashed to the Muslim world, one aspect of their shameful displays of treason has been largely ignored: Michelle X Obama's questionable choice in jewelry. While there has been some discussion of her baubles of mass destruction, it's been largely relegated to the style section of the newspaper, further proof of MSM's complicity in abetting their Nubian Messiah's attempt to steal the White House. Rather than being a chic declaration of fashion independence, Ms. Obama's seditious necklace is further evidence of her deep hatred for white people and the latest gaffe that threatens to blow the cover off her hostility towards Our Nation, because those pearls are just as fake as her patriotism:
“Power pearls,” are what Jack Lynch, a wholesaler at Sea Hunt Pearls in San Francisco, Calif., calls the gobstopper-sized pearls that Michelle Obama favors. (The nickname comes from the big marble-sized candies also known as "jawbreakers.") Women who wear these mean business.

Gobstopper-sized pearls are favored by powerful women like Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and Senator Dianne Feinstein, says Betty Sue King, a wholesaler at King’s Ransom in Sausalito, Calif. The irony is that “power pearls” connote wealth and power, but the larger ones may actually be fakes! ...

Now we didn’t get up close and personal enough to bite the pearls to tell if they’re fake — if they’re fake they feel smooth, if they’re real they feel gritty — but fashion watchers are speculating that they are indeed of the faux variety. “They’re imitation!” says Alcindor. “I don’t think they’re real.” The Times and U.K.'s The Guardian agree. The Guardian theorizes that fake pearls let her evoke the Kennedy era “without detracting from the messages about her humble origins and feet-on-the-ground family life which play so well with voters.”
As a hard-working American, I find all this evocation of the Kennedy era (e.g. "Camelot with a tan") a bit hard to swallow, since the Kennedys were, at the very least, Christian, even if they didn't act like it. Also, they were born in America, or at least what used to be. Just what kind of bait-and-switch operation is The Left trying to pull here?

What's more troubling is that Ms. Obama's counterfeit pearls only amplify the sense of deception surrounding the Obama campaign, whether it's Barack Hussein's elusive birth certificate (finally revealed, here), or his trumpeting of anti-Semitism on his website. After all, it's only one small step from this: to this:
The Obamas and their supporters in the liberal media and blogosphere have been allowed to let this charade to go on long enough. It's time that we Christians take a more assertive roll and quit letting the Black Muslim Homosexual lobby walk all over us. I urge you to use the power of the internets to expose all the liberals' jewelry-based treacheries, whether it's missing flag lapel pins or these pearls practically strung by Mohammed himself. Only then can we hope to see Our Nation return to the Values and jewelry that made America great. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Anointing with the Holy oil

Head on over to American Street where I laud my personal heroine, Michelle Malkin, for her unceasing devotion to America's Persecuted oil companies. Praise Him!

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Saturday, June 07, 2008


Some stoo-pid moonbat sent me the usual hatemail calling me a fascist and hydrophobe, and signed off by saying that my pussy probably smelled. Well, jerk, it does nothing of the sort, because I bathe it regularly. Need proof?

Here's the Praisecat luxuriating in the rich, hydrating emollience of Magic Coat pet shampoo and otherwise enjoying a day of beauty, after which he tried to puncture one of my arteries. It leaves him softer than a chinchilla and, yes, delightfully fragrant. So keep those cards and letters coming, libtards. Praise Him!

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Friday, June 06, 2008

Beginning to see the Light

The Left has made comparing John McCain to President Bush a central point in their efforts to further ruin Our Nation, and I must say that the Senator doesn't come across well in this match-up. He clearly lacks Our President's oratorical skills, he hasn't publicly accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, and he couldn't figure out how to clear brush if you put a rake in his hand and told him there was $20K of lobbyist cash somewhere out in that field. While I do think a McCain presidency would be something of a disappointment, particularly after the past eight stellar years of presidenting (THANK YOU, MR. BUSH), there are glimmers of hope, of a distinctly non-negroidal persuasion:
A top adviser to Senator John McCain says Mr. McCain believes that President Bush’s program of wiretapping without warrants was lawful, a position that appears to bring him into closer alignment with the sweeping theories of executive authority pushed by the Bush administration legal team.

In a letter posted online by National Review this week, the adviser, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, said Mr. McCain believed that the Constitution gave Mr. Bush the power to authorize the National Security Agency to monitor Americans’ international phone calls and e-mail without warrants, despite a 1978 federal statute that required court oversight of surveillance.

Mr. McCain believes that “neither the administration nor the telecoms need apologize for actions that most people, except for the A.C.L.U. and trial lawyers, understand were constitutional and appropriate in the wake of the attacks on Sept. 11, 2001,” Mr. Holtz-Eakin wrote. ...

Although a spokesman for Mr. McCain, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, denied that the senator’s views on surveillance and executive power had shifted, legal specialists said the letter contrasted with statements Mr. McCain previously made about the limits of presidential power.

In an interview about his views on the limits of executive power with The Boston Globe six months ago, Mr. McCain strongly suggested that if he became the next commander in chief, he would consider himself obligated to obey a statute restricting what he did in national security matters.

Mr. McCain was asked whether he believed that the president had constitutional power to conduct surveillance on American soil for national security purposes without a warrant, regardless of federal statutes.

He replied: “There are some areas where the statutes don’t apply, such as in the surveillance of overseas communications. Where they do apply, however, I think that presidents have the obligation to obey and enforce laws that are passed by Congress and signed into law by the president, no matter what the situation is.”
Obviously some revisionist historians are going to come along and try to spin this as a "flip-flop." But aren't these the same type of terrorist sympathizers who would sneer at St. Dismas' conversion while being crucified alongside Jesus? They don't care about what's good and Holy, or that John McCain renounced his sinful ways. Their sole concern is scoring easy political points for their side: the terrorists. And speaking of "easy," the only time they're for immunity is when it involves slutty young girls and venereal disease. Those hardworking telecoms doing The Lord's business of protecting America from immigration lawyers and Saudi Arabian florists can take a hike. This, my friends, is the Democrat Party's true agenda: dhimmitude, homosexuality, and premarital sex. So as repugnant as it may seem now, be open to the idea of holding your nose and voting for John McCain. He's looking better and better the more he campaigns. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, June 03, 2008

In Praise of Carbon Belch Day

It's the next holiday The Left will declare war on. Read about it over at American Street. Praise Him!

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Sunday, June 01, 2008

Sister Nancy Beth's week that wasn't + HANDJOBs across America

My blogger's block has been particularly fierce lately -- I blame fluoridation -- manifesting itself in the form of having nothing to say but with no desire to say it, a distinction that separates me from about 99% of my conservative blogging peers. In the meantime, while I've been out of commission, a week's worth of events have gone by unmarked, a situation in immediate need of rectifying.

Over at Michelle Malkin's blog, I see that Billy Joel has taken a break from his busy schedule of wrecking small cars and dating barely pubescent girls long enough to enrage one of her co-bloggers, a feat that, upon reflection, probably isn't that hard. Since Billy seems to be making the rounds in conservative blogosphere (and let's face it, I couldn't afford a Toto reunion on my dismal Blogads revenue), let's have him summarize this past week or so of Memeorandum highpoints and bring us back up to speed. Take it away, Billy:

Obama's got another Wright, except this time the guy is white,
Clinton's staying in the game in case they lynch Barack Hussein,
Scott McClellan Judas-kissed our president, now Dole is pissed,
I'm afraid of Rachael's scarf, that Starbucks harlot makes me barf.

We didn't sta-
Thank you, Billy, that will be all. The check is in the mail.

Before I went off track with this blogging business, I was honoring those Honest Americans Neutralizing the Deceptions that the Jihadist Obama Broadcasts, or HANDJOBs for short. As any red-blooded American can tell you, the only thing keeping Barack Hussein Obama from achieving electoral victory and establishing the Islezbofascist caliphate are the numerous HANDJOBs you find across the conservative blogosphere. Perhaps the most startling revelation about his diabolical plans comes from my Prayer Warriors CNSNews, who reveal that Obama wants people to have interracial gay sex in church:

In an Apr. 10 interview with The Advocate magazine, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) said "homophobic" messages are coming from the pulpits of black churches because "most African-American churches are still fairly traditional in their interpretations of Scripture." In the same interview, Obama praised the controversial Rev. Jeremiah Wright, his former pastor and long-time spiritual adviser, for being on the right side of the homosexual debate. ...

"I mean, ironically, my biggest ... the biggest political news surrounding me over the last three weeks has been Reverend Wright, who offended a whole huge constituency with some of his statements but has been very good on gay and lesbian issues," Obama said. "I mean he's one of the leaders in the African-American community of embracing, speaking out against homophobia, and talking about the importance of AIDS."
I for one find it very telling that Obama's "spiritual" mentor hates America, loathes white people, yet loves homos. If I'm reading those signs correctly, that aligns him politically with the black homosexual supremacy movement. It does explain those tribal prints that make Rev. Wright look like Miriam Makeba, but it also invites a further, and more terrifying, question: Will President Obama mandate salt & pepper love between Americans of the same gender? Or will he sell us white people to Africa to serve as their homosexual sex slaves? MSM is so clearly in the pocket of the Obama campaign that they're going to pretend this issue doesn't exist, so it's up to us conservative bloggers to get the word out.

As a special treat to those of you sticking with me through this rough patch, I offer you this moment of Moral clarity from Varla Jean Merman: "Lesbians are sick. God says all gay people are, or why would he make anal so painful and smelly?" Praise Him!

Girls Will Be Girls: Girl Stalk from GWBG on Vimeo.

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