Terror exposed

The Left likes to dismiss revulsion at the naked human form as some sort of antiquated notion of modesty. "Loosen up, baby," they implore us, deviously plotting how to get America in the back seat of their car so they can boast to all their friends about how they scored with the Greatest Nation on Earth. Sadly, disrespecting Our Nation's Virtue is only half of their twisted agenda. Thanks to Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily, we can now see nudity for what it really is -- a means of waging global jihad:

A wanted Palestinian terrorist showering at his parents home last week escaped an Israeli arrest raid by jumping out a window and running naked through a densely populated refugee camp.

The terrorist, a senior leader of the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades in the northern West Bank, recounted the story to WND under the condition his name and location be withheld, conceding he is "very embarrassed" by the incident. ...

It is true that while running I felt embarrassed but the stress in which I was in was more important than the embarrassment I felt. I know that some people will speak about this idiot who ran naked but this is better than to be now in the Israeli prison.

"That was the equation – running naked and being treated for some days by the people of the camp as impolite, crazy and insane, or sitting in front investigators from the Shabak (Israeli security services) insulting me, torturing me and knowing that all my life I will be in jail. I chose the first possibility."

In light of this information, can Janet Jackson's revealing of her northerly ladyparts be intepreted as anything but some sort of terrorist dry run, or perhaps a means of communicating with Osama himself? Rump if by land; nipples if by sea. The parallels are simply to uncanny to be ignored.

Those who would willingly expose their genitalia to harm Freedom pose a grave and gathering threat* to Our Nation. Our only hope for stemming the tide of Islezbofascism comes by promoting a healthy shame-based approach to the human body, and heavily censoring liberal media. Freedom requires nothing less. Praise Him!

*Unless they contribute to GOP candidates.

Beauty bath

Hating America is a full-time job for many on The Left, which puts Christians like me at a tactical disadvantage. While your average moonbat can spend the workday posting one entry after another lauding Ayatollah Pelosi while shredding the very fibers of Our Nation's Virtue, yours truly is subjected to unbearable cruelty and persecution here at the Beauty Palace, for no other reason than on account of my Christian Faith. How fortunate for America, then, that President Bush can take a break from his busy schedule of fundraising dinners and aggressive cardio workouts to do a little heavy lifting for America himself. Here's how a professional does it, ladies, so watch and learn:

President Bush said Friday the United States does not torture prisoners, commenting after Vice President Dick Cheney embraced the suggestion that a dunk in water might be useful to get terrorist suspects to talk.

Human rights groups complained that Cheney's words amounted to an endorsement of a torture technique known as "water boarding," in which the victim believes he is about to drown. The White House insisted Cheney was not talking about water boarding, but would not explain what he meant. ...

At his photo op, Bush said, "This country doesn't torture, we're not going to torture. We will interrogate people we pick up off the battlefield to determine whether or not they've got information that will be helpful to protect the country."

I find it utterly disingenous that liberals would try to depict a refreshing dip in the baptismal font of Freedom as torture. If nothing else, it demonstrates either their complete aversion or total unfamiliarity with personal hygiene. It also shows the very Christ-like nature of Our President: After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded. Christians, my mascara is streaming down my cheeks -- has there not been a better embodiment of Compassionate Conservatism during Our President's term of office than his campaign to bathe the jihadis?

Instead of excoriating them, we should be offering our deepest Praise to Our President and Vice President for turning the other cheek and trying to hydrate the skin of the terrorists. May the penetrating emollients of Liberty turn them all into Freedom-lovers. Praise Him!

Couture of Death

I've often agonized over what the best course of action to take is when my favorite retailers pull up stakes due to market forces. Thanks to National Review, I see that my impulses have been right all along: You accuse them of being cogs in the blood-spattered Abortionist machine! Today, Prayer Warrior C. R. Hardy explains how the transition of her local GapKids into a GapBody is yet another move by The Left to turn Our Nation into one big polymorphously perverse daisy chain:

Harvard students are more interested in sex — or in feeling sexy — than in kids. Feeling sexy, however, often leads to sex, and sex often leads to kids. Ahem. Or at least to pregnancies. Which is why blue America sweepingly (and coercively) supports choice. They want the sex, but not the kids. The kids are much too costly. To the pocketbook, yes, but most of all to a particular lifestyle more interested in today’s consumption than tomorrow’s production.

Enter defense of illegal immigration (workers need to come from somewhere), abortion and the Pill (for the sexiness without the kids), and support for gay marriage (because what does sex have to do with kids, anyway?). I'm reminded of Walker Percy’s 1971 summary of what the left stands for: LEFTPAPASANE —- Liberty, Equality, Fraternity, The Pill, Atheism, Pot, Anti-Pollution, Sex, Abortion Now, Euthanasia. Think much has changed?

So it is poignant that GapBody has replaced GapKids in one of the most highly charged centers of left-wing idea-production. Another generation of Harvard students will be weaned into adulthood on a steady dose of feeling sexy (even during the day) and covering up the consequences of all that sexiness by whatever means necessary.

This is nearly identical to the letters I sent Cinnabon when they closed their Beverly Center branch. "It may make fiscal sense to cut and run from West Hollywood's Sunni Triangle," I cautioned them, "but it is an enormous blow to Freedom nevertheless. When the book is finally written on how Our Nation succumbed to Islezbofascism, your refusal to serve carb-heavy snacks will be seen as the act of appeasement truly was. The domino effect your withdrawal will have practically guarantees that this city remains a bastion of homosexuality, and that abortion will remain legal. And if I have to go to the Glendale Galleria to buy one of your cinnamon rolls, the terrorists have finally won."

Sadly, my letters went unanswered, just as I'm sure Mrs. Hardy's entreaties on behalf of Taste and Decency will go similarly ignored. However, the important thing to remember is that we lobbied retailers on behalf of Civic Virtue, and they often send 15% off coupons to sooth Freedom's ruffled feathers... so be sure to check your mail. Praise Him!

Lessons in survival

I never thought the day would come when I would say that I wish Conchita would come back early from her vacation, but it is suddenly here. In her absence, the stylists here at the Beauty Palace have staged a coup. Imagine Lord of the Flies as directed by Mel Gibson and you've got a sense of the savagery I have had to contend with.

They are trying to boost business by cutting their rates 50% for appointments scheduled during the lunch rush, 11 to 2. They call this little campaign "Operation Cut & Run." Hee-larious, guys, and twice as seditious as its working title, "Operation Hey-I-Know-What-Would-Really-Piss-Off-Nancy-Beth." The result for me has been twice the appointments to book, twice the cancelations to note, and twice the walk-ins to accomodate. Another side effect of of this assault on Freedom is that it keeps me from blogging while at work, an affront to the memories of the victims of 9/11 if ever there was one.

It astounds me that the toxic legacy of the Clinton Presidency can even poison political discourse in the Beauty Palace in the year 2006, but this squid's tentacles (North Korea, Iraq, the Foley campaign) run very long. It makes me wonder where else The Left's incivility may come from, and Prayer Warriors Agape Press shed some light on one fertile breeding ground, Academia:

John Zmirak says he wrote All American Colleges, in part, to encourage students and parents to seek a traditional liberal arts education rather than specializing in many newer academic fields like "Women's Studies." He believes typical programs in this discipline and others like it are often characterized by vehement opposition to traditional beliefs and faith-based pro-family values.

Many times in such courses, "the norm of heterosexuality, of sacramental marriage, of parents raising children in an integral family -- that is held up as purely an institution of oppression," the college guide author notes. And what students are taught, he observes, is that "it's your duty as a scholar and an activist to help subvert the patriarchal family and to help subvert any religious traditions that reinforce the patriarchal family."

That fits my beauty school experience to a tee! When I asked on the first day of class in Intro to Frosting if we could deny our services to people we perceived as homosexuals, I got the old liberal dodge of "Please see me after class." T'Raycie decided that letting her rigid leftist doctrine go unchallenged was more important to our education than the Socratic method, so by the second week she had restricted my questions to points within the textbook. The result was one increasingly pro-Sodomy lecture after another, with me absolutely powerless to rebut the anti-Christian assertions that make up the bulk of today's contemporary hair coloring theory. That Traditional Values are so unwelcome in the Ivory Tower comes as no surprise now, but as a fresh-faced Christian, it was a painful realization to have. Rather than discouraging me, though, like The Left probably thinks, days like today only inspire me to blog against the Clintons more vociferously. Praise Him!

American Beauty

Today's scintillating bit of conservative cosmetology comes from Prayer Warrior Cathy Seipp, who explains how haircare products can provide an important moral bulwark against the campus radicalism of The Left:

One fall afternoon in the mid-'70s I was trudging up UCLA's Bruin Walk in my crotch-hugging Chemin de Fer jeans and Bernie-from-"Room 222" hairdo, thinking I looked maybe not bad and sidestepping as usual the Trotskyites and Hare Krishnas that clamored for attention from passers-by, when a grinning young man jumped into my path. "Man, am I glad to see someone like you still around!" he announced loudly, eyes darting back and forth at my vast expanse of extremely curly hair, which under the right barometric conditions in those days sometimes did approach a width of three feet. "You look like one of those great old freaks from the '60s!"

Since I was at the time a constantly mortified 16-year-old freshman, this made me feel even more mortified than usual for the whole rest of the week. But I knew what he meant: in those dark days before anti-frizz products, it was hard to keep my kind of hair from looking like something out of, uh, "Hair."

Just as The Lord has given us the blood of His only begotten Son to cleanse Our Nation of its Sinfulness, so too did He give us a plethora of styling aids and anti-frizz serums to ensure the moral rectitude of America's insurrectionary locks. Could David Horowitz have made the impressive inroads into academia that he has if hippies were still cultivating naturals of Angela Davis-like proportions to advance World Communism? Of course not. Remember, Christians: The only thing keeping your daughters from going lesbian-until-graduation and majoring in Chicano Studies is a flat iron and a bottle of Aussie Tizz, so provide for them accordingly. Praise Him!

Checking in...

I'm sorry to report that Conchita's aggressive campaign of Christian Persecution continues unabated, gentle readers. Perhaps the most brutal tactic she employs is keeping me hopping from the moment I get in until it's time for me to go, allowing for nary a moment of Freedom-Loving with my beloved Prayer Warriors. If the pro-terrorist Left had anything like principles or consistency, they'd stop mewling over waterboarding and recognize this for the torture that it truly is. I guess this is my roundabout way of saying to expect light posting to last here until Thursday. After that, Conchita and her slutty friend the legal secretary are going to Veracruz to chase the possibility of fornicating with low-rent cabana boys, assuming she's not on the no-fly list on account of what she does to me here.

What I really need in times like these is the sweet balm of Outrage, which comes to me in spades via Prayer Warriors RenewAmerica. Nathan Tabor blows the whistle on The Left's latest attempt to recruit the animal kingdom into the Homosexual Lifestyle, via a "science" exhibition in the formerly Christian nation of Norway:

In one exhibit, two stuffed female swans are depicted on a nest — a clear effort to promote the "Heather Has Two Mommies" school of thought. Meanwhile, a photograph shows a male giraffe mounting another giraffe — supposedly in expectation of sex.

How typical of The Left to turn something as wholesome as one male giraffe trying to penetrate another into something vile and tawdry like homosexuality. It reminds me of how they parlayed some innocent paternal advice about penis measuring into a scandal that may erase decades of Republican electoral advances. Do you really trust these people with Our Nation?

Nathan also demonstrates the finely meshed dialectics we've come to expect from those home-schooled in the sciences of Intelligent Design and Sex Respect:

But perhaps the real reason for the disinterest is because it doesn't pass the laugh test. If homosexuality were truly strong in the animal kingdom, there would be no animals left, since they would be unable and unwilling to reproduce. As the Reuters report points out, homosexuality would seem to be a genetic dead-end.

I've long suspected that America's endangered species are hardly the Victims of pollution and overdevelopment that The Left likes to portray them as. Rather, they are merely experiencing the destructive and entirely foreseeable results of their newly-adopted Sinful lifestyle. The Bible is pretty clear on this: When animals engage in the Black Art of homosexuality, the Laws of God demand that their habitat be razed for upscale tract housing. Praise Him!

Days of whine & roses

Christians, I am not one to blog about problems at work, but your Sister Nancy Beth has been wearing a methaphorical Crown of Thorns this entire week over at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace. Evidently The Left's string of recent victories like North Korea's nukes and declining GOP poll numbers has emboldened Conchita, because she has been riding me like a Horseman of the Apocalypse by giving me one pointless and degrading task after the next.

I'll spare you the full Stations of the Cross, but no sooner do I sit back down at my desk after three full days of sorting bobby pins & rollers, wiping down and straightening curling iron cords, and inventorying five years worth of unsold merchandise that will never be touched by human hands again, when Conchita walks over to my desk and asks me, "Did you check the expiration dates on the neutralizer?"

Well, maybe if you had *told* me to, you fat liberal bitch... "Of course."

"What did you do with the expired stuff?" So that was today. I barely had any time at work to catch up with my Prayer Warriors, let alone blog. It's days like this that remind me of how much Persecution we Christians have to endure on account of our Faith.

Anyways, on to today's Outrage. Like most Americans, I've been horrified at how the disastrous policies of the Clinton Administration have led to a rash of shootings in America's schools. Nothing, however, could prepare me for the shock I experienced when I read about this appalling act of hair-based terrorism deep in America's Heartland:

Two teenagers are accusing each other of assaulting each other by haircut. An 18-year-old Des Moines East High School student told police Wednesday that another teenager came up behind her with a pair of scissors and began cutting her hair.

The student claimed that when she tried to get the scissors away from her attacker she was cut on her hand and face.

Officers then interviewed the female suspect, also an 18-year-old. She claimed it was the other student who picked up the scissors and began furiously cutting her hair. The suspect was missing "a large quadrant of hair from the front of her head," according to a police report.

You make them learn about Evolution and homosexuality and geometry and something like this is bound to happen. If children were forced to study the Ten Commandments and personal grooming from a Christian point of view, this sort of thing would only happen in the sickened minds of perverts like Allen Ginsberg and William S. Burroughs, instead of the horrible reality it is today. Is this a sign of things to come? Can we look forward to a future filled with roving gangs of thug hairdressers? Because that's not too far a step, and quite frankly, I think they've been planning this all along. Praise Him!

Men are from Mars, she-males are from Saturn

Now that's what I call a pearl necklace!

Leave it to The Left to use National Coming Out Day, their highest of high holy days, to take the Culture War interplanetary. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Saturn, our first cross-dressing planet:

Space probe shows Saturn wearing 'string of pearls'

LOS ANGELES (AFP) - New images from the Cassini space probe show Saturn being adorned by a 60,000-kilometer (37,000-mile) "string of pearls", NASA scientists announced.

A statement from NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory at the California Institute of Technology in Pasadena said the "pearls" seen in a stunning infra-red image were actually clearings in Saturn's deep cloud system.

This is an act of political terrorism on par with the attacks of 9/11. It angers me beyond words that NASA and JPL now join such disreputable acronyms as NAMBLA, MSM, and ACLU, but Bush Derangement Syndrome isn't the least bit discriminating in its choice of victims -- in fact, I dare say it relishes big-game trophies like these. And quite frankly, the warning signs have been there for quite some time now. Hope for Saturn's rehabilitation rely on (1) either sending it to an ex-gay ministry, or (2) staging an intervention where all the planets tell Saturn to butch it up or they're kicking it out of the solar system, like Pluto. Praise Him!

Chile con carnality

Thanks to The Left, it looks as though America has a new top export: Perversion. Not content with turning America's virtuous soccer moms into a horde of Democratic-voting MILFs, they have now set their predatory sights on the defenseless women of the African [oops] Latin American nation Chile:

Her economics may be pretty conventional, but in the social sphere, Chile's agnostic, no-longer-married-mother President Michele Bachelet is revolutionizing this traditionally conservative Catholic country. The government is tackling the problem of teenage pregnancy by handing out morning-after pills to 14-year olds without their parents' permission. A bill to allow terminally ill patients to choose a "merciful death" was recently introduced to the legislature, and there is growing momentum behind calls for a civil-union law that would extend the legal benefits of marriage to gay and unwed heterosexual couples. ...

Dear God -- has anyone seen Hillary Clinton and this Bachelorette woman together in the same room? They're like peas in a pod. While I can only guess at the unspeakable practices she had to employ so she could come to power, I'm sure the nation of Chile can now lay claim to an unfortunate legacy of torture and political violence, thanks to her ruthlessness.

If nothing else, she spotlights the need for Chile to switch from whatever archaic balloting system they're using to a state of the art electronic one, as this sounds fishy:

Chilean society itself had become more liberal, [Eugenio Tironi] says. "What conservative society would dare elect as president a woman, a leftist, a victim of human rights violations, and an annulled mother?"

One that doesn't know how to run an election! By the sounds of it, this Chile place is newly flush with cash, so Diebold, name your price. Praise Him!

Power Poutage

So here I sit, looking for something to inflame my sense of Outrage, and off I go to a surefire winner: CBS News. Wouldn't you know it, but on the front page they're plugging their latest "opinion" poll:

An overwhelming majority of Americans think House Republican leaders put their own political interests ahead of the safety of congressional pages in their handling of the Mark Foley scandal, according to a CBS News/New York Times poll.

Seventy-nine percent of those polled — including 61 percent of Republicans — say GOP leaders were more concerned with politics than the well-being of the teenage pages.

Sixty-two percent think the Republican leadership was aware of the sexually explicit e-mails sent by former Rep. Foley before the public learned about them in late September — a charge many top Republicans deny. Two-thirds of Americans say GOP leaders did not take the matter seriously enough when they first learned about it.

Good Lord! What in the hell does public opinion have to do with anything when we're talking about the death throes of Democracy? This is just another desperate attempt by Liberal Media to wring out one more drop of anti-Republican propaganda from this total nonaffair. To do otherwise would force them to talk about the North Korean nukes and how they were brought to us by the many failings of the Clintons... and yes, I do mean Clintons plural: Bill, Hillary, *AND* Chelsea. It's just sad America has to pay the price on account of MSM's bizarre obsessions and prurient interests. Praise Him!

Say "Amen," somebody

Hello, Christians. Please accept my apologies for my silence of late, but I'm in utter disbelief that so many of our fellow Americans would even consider a Republican congressman asking teenage boys to measure their penises and the alleged "cover-up" to be newsworthy for so long. I've been looking high & low for non-penis related news items to blog about, but Foleypalooza and those 7.5 inches of teenage wang seem to be the only thing anyone wants to talk about.

Relief from all that adolescent tubesteak came in the form of the new documentary, Jesus Camp, which Jesus & I protested this afternoon. Jesus Camp's underlying message, I believe, is that the continued success of the Evangelical movement requires that our dogma not exceed the basic comprehension of 8 year olds, a theme I've also come to recognize through years of reading my Prayer Warriors. Additionally, it stresses the importance of making our children willing to kill for God and Country, much like Palestinian children are itching to blow themselves up for Islam and Fidel Castro. The young Muslims' willingness to do this for their Godless death cult is quite a source of alarm for Becky Fischer, the frost-tipped Valkyrie who runs the camp for our young warriors. And quite honestly, when you consider how much more hardship and persecution Christians in America are subjected to (like Harry Potter, a subject of one of Mrs. Fischer's spittle-flecked rants in the film) than those poor "beleaguered" Palestinians, the dearth of teenage Christian suicide bombers really makes me question the effect illegal immigration is having on Our Nation's work ethic. But that is a blog entry for another time...

I haven't cheered so loudly at a movie since The Passion of the Christ! And seeing how integral Christian Cosmetology is to delivering America to His Glory splashed on the silver screen was gratifying. beyond words... like being Instalaunched, but only by the Big Dude Himself. I am referring, of course, to young Rachael, this film's brightest star. In one scene, we see her savor girlhood's sweetest dream: becoming a manicurist so she can bring her clients to Christ while doing their nails. "Oh, Rachael," I wanted to cry out, "if only it were that simple!" Ever since The Left got God kicked off the curriculum at America's beauty colleges, the manicurist's chair has been as off limits to a Christian as the state of Vermont... or at least that's been my experience. Hopefully restoring America's beauty parlors to Christ once and for all tops their list of priorities.

Anyway, back to the movie. It was truly intended for audience participation, so bring your bullhorns and tambourines. I couldn't help but stand up in my seat and start speaking in tongues along with my on-screen brethren when they began offering prayers up to the cardboard President Bush, or when they Blessed the Power Point presentation and prayed for its successful overhead projection, or when little Rachael commanded Jesus to guide her bowling ball on a straight path down the lane. In a cruel twist of fate, the theater was full of Michelle Malkin's liberal email correspondents, who tried once again to rob me of my civil liberties by reciting the usual liberal talking points of "Sit the fuck down, lady" and "Shut your ass up, you crazy bitch." Can anyone else smell a lawsuit that Laemmle's allows that sort of anti-Christian harrassment on their premises?

Sadly, it wasn't all cinematic sweetness and light. The great villian figure here comes in the form of Air America nonpersonality Mike Papantonio, who recited the usual Marxist cant of separation of church and state with the dead-inside drone of a zombie. It was chilling to see these people so unquestioning to their Godless ideology, and then it hits you: My God! There's millions of them! I leave you with that sobering thought, Christians. Praise Him!

No skin off my ladyparts

It's been a week, and The Left's Foleybration is still going on strong. I hardly believe the revelation that Republican leaders looked the other way while one of their own tried luring boys into having sex with him can hold Our Nation's attention as long as it has, nor does it warrant the level of coverage they've given it. My hunch is that it's just another of MSM's diversionary tactics. It took a little digging, but I think I've found the real story Liberal Media doesn't want you to see -- yet another bogus "women are victims" sobfests that would be ripped to shreds by the watchers of Old Media if they weren't so busy defending the Honor of the Republican Party:

Women's skin ages faster than men's, suggests a study that used an experimental laser device to measure skin damage.

Researchers in Germany used the device to determine collagen and elastin levels beneath the skin's surface. Collagen and elastin are the proteins responsible for the elasticity, tone, and texture of skin, and levels typically decline with age. ...

Koehler and colleagues used the technique, called multiphoton laser imaging, on the inner forearms of seven women and 11 men between the ages of 21 and 84. The researchers used the information gathered from the imaging to develop an aging index of the dermis, an inner layer of the skin. Skin aging was more evident in women than in men of similar age. It was most marked in older women who had been through menopause.

The researchers wrote that menopause-related declines in the sex hormones estrogen and progesterone might explain this acceleration in skin aging.

Once again, we have "scientific" evidence being used to manipulate the sentiments of a gullible public into thinking that women are victims. The sad truth of the matter, however, is that men are the truly aggrieved parties in our society, and Feminists are the ruthless perpetrators. Who's to say that the premature aging of their skin isn't caused by all that topless cavorting and binge drinking they do at the behest of Hillary Clinton, et al, to prove that women can be just as raunchy as boys?

My fear is that this steaming pile of junk science is going to be used to garner more special rights for women, or perhaps used to shame the proud sons of Our Nation for their exceptionally soft & supple skin. Either way it's unacceptable, and despite the sideshow now dominating all of The Left's propaganda organs, I vow that I will be dutifully monitoring the artless chicanery of The Left. Praise Him!

Charleston Babylon

Perhaps the most onerous task I perform as a conservative blogger is monitoring The Left's frequent attempts to use makeup to debase Our Nation's Glory. Sadly, another instance of their inveterate depravity has shown up on my radar screen:

A state senator said he is evaluating whether to continue his bid for a second term after a Charleston television station aired revealing pictures of him last week.

"My family has urged me not to withdraw from the election and I will work with them to make a decision in the immediate future," State Sen. Randy White, a Webster County Democrat, said in a letter to newspapers in his district.

An apologetic White also wrote that he was "shocked" and "horribly embarrassed" after WCHS-TV aired photos depicting him and at least two other men wearing only body paint.

While body paint lacks the ceremonial imprimatur of Maybelline (and has been taken hostage by face-painting hippies and mimes), it does reflect humanity's primordial yearning to connect with the Divine through the application of cosmetics, a strain of theology that has reached its apotheosis in my ministry of Christian cosmetology. Covering a Democrat's naughty bits with it is an act of blasphemy on par with submerging a Crucifix in urine.

MSM, in their usual mendacity, is trying to portray this as some sort of blackmail attempt, but Christians, do not be fooled. This is a courageous act of resistance to expose the latest treacheries of The Left:

The pictures were taken approximately two years ago in private and were stolen from my personal computer," said White, 51, a married father of three. "I am not sure why they were given to the media, but I must assume for obvious political reasons."

WCHS said it received the photos anonymously on a compact disc. The various photos, censored by the station, were shown for about 80 seconds during a 5-minute news segment alleging White was the apparent victim of a blackmail plot. The station aired the segment during several newscasts last week.

White did not mention extortion during a brief Monday interview with The Associated Press or in Tuesday's letter. White wrote that he had been working with his family to overcome a "personal identification situation" and to overcome depression for which he has been treated through medication for over a year.

"I am a religious person and have been for some months praying to God to help my family and me through this tragic and troubling episode in my life," the letter said.

Senator White obviously recognizes the Sacramental importance of cosmetology, but his attempts at Redemption are bound to fail so long as that -D is appended to his name. I encourage him to immerse himself in the infinite love of Christ found only in the Republican Party, where even the gravest transgressions are met with forgiveness. Praise Him!

Sister Nancy Beth: Truthsayer

I don't know about the rest of you Christians, but the allegations that the Republican leadership of the House disregarded reports of Congressman Foley's attempts to sexually exploit minors had me in a state of moral Outrage all weekend long. As a member of the Party of Personal Responsibility, I feel I have a Sacred duty to Our Nation to ensure that the guilty receive their proper chastisement. Therefore, I hereby give a verbal flogging with Sister Nancy Beth's cat-o'-nine-tails to those parties who brought us this sordid affair:

† Democrats: Evidently Capitol Hill insiders have known about these allegations for nearly a year now, so why did the Demoncrats wait until five weeks before the mid-term elections before condemning Foley and the Republican leadership? The only reason I can think of is because they hate Democracy. The radical extremists on The Left have so defiled the concept of an opposition party that they're willing to exploit tawdry events like this for their own partisan gain, regardless of the cost that their Politics of Personal Destruction has on Our Nation's rightful Republican hegemony. They care as much about the effects of their cynical spinning and manipulation as the 9/11 hijackers cared about the World Trade Center workers; in fact, I dare say they may even care less. Disgraceful!

† The National Education Association: If there were ever a time for widespread cultural soul-searching about the decrepit state of public education, this is it. What are they teaching Our Nation's youth to turn them into such savory morsels of jailbait? Not even Republican congressmen are able to resist their siren's song, for Pete's sake. When Students Go Wild, Freedom pays the price, as Mr. Foley can attest. It's time to return to the days of the little red schoolhouse instead of the little red whorehouse. Let's start by mandating that Intelligent Design be added to the curriculum, along with generous helpings of privatization, Prayer, and segregation.

† Hollywood: Once upon a time, vulgarity of the sort seen in Congressman Foley's IM session was the exclusive province of adult bookstore patrons and public school teachers. Then Al Gore came along and invented the Internets, and before you knew it, Hollywood was ferociously waging its digital jihad against Our Nation's Virtue, degrading our morals to the point that even a skank like Elton John could have a career. Nowadays, everyone with a computer can log on and join the national debate on what constitutes a Dirty Sanchez -- everyone except Republican lawmakers, that is. Talk about your double standards and the boundless hypocrisy of The Left!

† The unnamed former page: While it is still unclear is whether this 16 year old jezebeau is really a Democratic operative groomed by the Pelosi-Jugend to throw the 2006 elections in favor of the Islezbofascists, one thing is certain: This little House-wrecker has a brilliant career ahead of him in the Democratic Party, where sexual depravity assures a 100% approval rating from the NARAL & MoveOn goons. Hell, they may have even found Hillary's future running mate. Congratulations, kid, you've finally made it.

Since the investigation into this matter has yet to begin in earnest, there are most assuredly more bad actors whose misdeeds are waiting be uncovered. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to see the following rogues gallery taking the Fifth before Congress: Jimmy Carter, Jack Murtha, Susan Sarandon, and Michael Moore (if only for being fat). Let's hope America rights Itself and abandons the present course of political thuggery the Democrats are leading us on so that Freedom can once again prevail. Praise Him!