Beauty bath

Hating America is a full-time job for many on The Left, which puts Christians like me at a tactical disadvantage. While your average moonbat can spend the workday posting one entry after another lauding Ayatollah Pelosi while shredding the very fibers of Our Nation's Virtue, yours truly is subjected to unbearable cruelty and persecution here at the Beauty Palace, for no other reason than on account of my Christian Faith. How fortunate for America, then, that President Bush can take a break from his busy schedule of fundraising dinners and aggressive cardio workouts to do a little heavy lifting for America himself. Here's how a professional does it, ladies, so watch and learn:

President Bush said Friday the United States does not torture prisoners, commenting after Vice President Dick Cheney embraced the suggestion that a dunk in water might be useful to get terrorist suspects to talk.

Human rights groups complained that Cheney's words amounted to an endorsement of a torture technique known as "water boarding," in which the victim believes he is about to drown. The White House insisted Cheney was not talking about water boarding, but would not explain what he meant. ...

At his photo op, Bush said, "This country doesn't torture, we're not going to torture. We will interrogate people we pick up off the battlefield to determine whether or not they've got information that will be helpful to protect the country."

I find it utterly disingenous that liberals would try to depict a refreshing dip in the baptismal font of Freedom as torture. If nothing else, it demonstrates either their complete aversion or total unfamiliarity with personal hygiene. It also shows the very Christ-like nature of Our President: After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded. Christians, my mascara is streaming down my cheeks -- has there not been a better embodiment of Compassionate Conservatism during Our President's term of office than his campaign to bathe the jihadis?

Instead of excoriating them, we should be offering our deepest Praise to Our President and Vice President for turning the other cheek and trying to hydrate the skin of the terrorists. May the penetrating emollients of Liberty turn them all into Freedom-lovers. Praise Him!