Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Embalming Freedom's corpse

Go visit me over at American Street, where I expose The Left's treacherous plot to strip you of your constitutional right to Freedom's most precious preservative, formaldehyde. Praise Him!

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Sunday, April 27, 2008

I put a spell on you

The 2008 election presents Our Nation with one very important question: Who hates America more -- Barack Hussein Obama, or his radical associates? Already we've made the unfortunate acquaintanceship of one "Reverend" Jeremiah Wright, whose idea of an American utopia would be a tribal headhunter society, and William "Bill" Ayers, the one man who's come closest to killing off American Capitalism since Franklin "Delano" Roosevelt. Just when you thought this drum circle of homos, hippies, and negroes couldn't get any larger, Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily have unearthed the latest radical out to destroy God and Country hiding in the Obama camp:
In the same week the Obama campaign quietly removed from its official website a page managed by a fundraiser tied to the Islamic terrorist group Hamas, its official blogger has come under attack as a "hardcore Marxist" for hanging a Communist Party flag in his Harvard campus apartment and publishing in a self-professed 'revolutionary Marxist' journal.

Sam Graham-Felsen, a journalist-on-leave from The Nation, joined Obama for America in March 2007 where he works for the New Media department as the official blogger, daily presenting the campaign's public face. Now he's under fire for his reputed Marxist sympathies from bloggers at Common Ills on the left and Little Green Footballs on the right.

Graham-Felsen, according to a 2003 article in the Harvard Crimson, adorned one corner of his shared student apartment with "a Communist Party flag ... bought on their trip to Russia the summer after sophomore year."
This is a tremendously alarming development. Ronald Reagan, as we all know, drove a silver stake through the heart of the Evil Empire back in 1989, which means someone must have somehow reanimated it: Has Barack Hussein Obama brought World Communist back from the dead, possibly through some sort of negroid voodoo spell? He is, after all, black; furthermore, his past religious associations point towards some sort of Marxist Afro-Islamic occult practice. I only wish there were another debate on the horizon, so that a conscientious member of our media could ask him what other failed ideologies he will be bringing back from the dead by killing chickens. Praise Him!

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Monday, April 21, 2008

fully vetted

I'm off to an undisclosed location for the next three days and blogging will be scarce (but you're used to that by now, right?). In the meantime, enjoy my latest over at American Street. Praise Him!

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Thursday, April 17, 2008

God Damn America

I never thought I'd have to ask this, but do do you think the Pope hates America as much as Reverend Wright? Normally I think of His Holiness as a military adviser (like the kind we send to Latin America) in Our Nation's Moral crusade to stick it to the ragheads and dick-suckers. However, it's abundantly clear that The Left has plied him with enough arugula and orange juice to seduce him into their elitist ranks of blaming America first [emphasis mine]:
Pope Benedict XVI presided over a Mass celebrated in 10 languages Thursday, calling the United States a land of opportunity and hope but decrying that the nation's promise has been left unfulfilled for some. ...

His homily was more somber. Benedict examined American society, saying he detected anger and alienation, increasing violence and a "growing forgetfulness of God."
Go ahead and say it, you effete liberal snob: We're bitter! Why not offer us some "hope" as a remedy?
"Americans have always been a people of hope," he said. "Your ancestors came to this country with the experience of finding new freedom and opportunity.
I knew it was coming, but I can't believe he left out "change." After all, what's hope without change? It's like God without Country, but I doubt this commie simp would understand that. I hope the paramedics were standing by in case he hoperdosed.
"To be sure, this promise was not experienced by all the inhabitants of this land; one thinks of the injustices endured by the native American peoples and by those brought here forcibly from Africa as slaves."

It was not the first time on the trip that the pontiff has delicately critiqued his host nation.

Speaking to his American bishops Wednesday, he said the U.S. must be welcoming to immigrants, helping them to flourish in their new homes.
Hey, asshole, in case you hadn't heard, "Reverend" Wright's replacement has already been selected, so you can cut the audition short. And when did Al Sharpton start writing speeches for the Vatican? Did you end this screed by clenching your fist above your head and shouting, "Up against the wall, mother fuckers?"

I find that the leader of my own church would to stoop to such blatant partisanship appalling and distasteful. I only hope that he will be denied Communion until he brings his views of America back in line with Christian doctrine. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Flogging the log

The Log Cabin Republicans, that is, over at American Street. Praise Him!

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

Powder burns

This could be you.

When guns are criminalized, only criminals will have guns -- criminals, and Chairman Hillary's mercenary army of feminazi stormtroopers. In what was surely meant as a demonstration of strength against her opponents in the Shia/Sunni civil war presently convulsing the Democrat Party, Hillary has shown that she's packing heat and isn't afraid to use it:
Hillary Clinton appealed to Second Amendment supporters on Saturday by hinting that she has some experience of her own pulling triggers. ...

“You know, my dad took me out behind the cottage that my grandfather built on a little lake called Lake Winola outside of Scranton and taught me how to shoot when I was a little girl,” she said.
Hillary's expert marksmanship comes as no surprise to those of us who've examined the evidence in Vincent Foster "suicide," whereby she delivered a fatal, print-free shot to his head, penned a convincing suicide letter, and even had sex with his dead body, just for old time's sake, before the park rangers could find him. This is probably why she's so eager to change the subject:
After a weekend spent making direct appeals to gun owners and church goers, Hillary Clinton said Sunday a query about the last time she fired a gun or attended church services "is not a relevant question in this debate” over Barack Obama’s recent comments on small town Americans.

“We can answer that some other time,” Clinton said at a press conference held in a working class neighborhood here. “This is about what people feel is being said about them. I went to church on Easter. I mean, so?”
I assumed Hitlery's death squads would execute her opponents so she could go about signing her "mandates" for compulsory homosexuality for all Our Nation's citizens undisturbed, but these recent disclosures leave me to think she relishes each one of her kills. Barack Hussein Obama has clearly taken notice:
"She's running around talking about how this is an insult to sportsmen, how she values the Second Amendment," he said, his voice rising. "She's talking like she's Annie Oakley! Hillary Clinton's out there like she's on the duck blind every Sunday, [like] she's packin' a six shooter! C'mon! She knows better."
Translation: Tell that white bitch I'm coming with a scimitar to decapitate her on YouTube for showing her hair in public.

While at first glance the prolonged feud between these sects appears to be excellent news for Republicans, the long-term implications are indeed troubling: The battle-hardened victors, like a fierce band of Spartan homosexuals, their taut, muscled torsos glistening with olive oil, may ultimately overtake Freedom's defenders come November, installing their puppet government loyal to Tehran (via San Francisco). In preparation for this epic battle of civilizations, I'm watching the Collector's Edition of Red Dawn and memorizing the most patriotic bits of dialogue, and I urge you to do the same. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Absolut disgust

Please join me as I put the American over at American Street. My entry today is about Absolut Vodka's attempts to embiggen your child's pickle to a monstrous 8 inches before netting him in their harvest of shame. Praise Him!

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Saturday, April 05, 2008

Into the woods

Watch your step.

Pay no mind their drunk driving, gang warfare, or seditious vodka adverstising campaigns. Once assimilated, illegal immigrants will become productive, law-abiding members of society who just happen to vote Democratic, or so their liberal apologists claim. However, recent evidence has come to light showing that illegal immigrants, instead of being the model citizens The Left depicts them as, have been desecrating Our Nation for over 14,000 years:

DNA from fossilized human feces found in an Oregon cave is 14,300 years old, at least 1,200 years older than previous evidence for humans in North America, researchers said Thursday. ...

Archaeologists theorize that humans from Siberia and eastern Asia migrated to North America across the Bering land bridge when a global warming episode melted the glaciers that had blocked their progress and stranded them for thousands of years in the area known as Beringia. ...

The feces fossils, technically called coprolites, were discovered by Jenkins in the summers of 2002 and 2003 in the Paisley Caves in the Summer Lake basin, about 220 miles southeast of Eugene. The eight caves are wave-cut shelters on the shoreline of Lake Chewaucan, whose levels rose and fell with changes in precipitation in the region.

This is appalling . You can now add pinching a loaf alfresco to the long list of gifts multiculturalism has given Our Nation. I for one am alarmed that public schools will add coursework in outdoor shitting to appease open-borders advocates, and that environmentalists will tell them that they could only use one square of toilet paper afterwards.

Strangely, there's been no dialogue about this problem on a national scale. Could it be that Juan McCain has already been bought and sold by the pro-outside crapping Amnestia crowd, much like his Democratic challengers? It's time this election put aside distractions like Iraq, race, and the economy, and return to discussing The Issues: Where do the presidential candidates stand on the matter of open air defecation? I don't think of myself as a single-issue voter, but there's too much at stake for this problem to go unaddressed. Praise Him!

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Thursday, April 03, 2008

And would it kill you to iron once in a while?

In their haste to destroy capitalism and move Our Nation to their green, carbon-neutral gynocracy, liberals have produced vast amounts of junk science linking global warming to fossil fuel consumption, even though reputable scientists have found the relationship between the two to be tenuous at best. All of this is an elaborate subterfuge to leave us poor and hungry and keep us from identifying the true cause of global warming: Feminism. If Hillary & her band of angry bra-burners hadn't goaded the women of America into divorcing their husbands, killing their children, and joining the workforce, these former housewives would have stayed at home, kept house, and kept at bay a significant factor in global warming, dust:
Scientists know that dust affects climate. Tiny particles create veils that reflect sunlight and cool the atmosphere. Dark particles absorb sunshine and warm things up. But as scientists look deeper into the dust-climate connection, they find that they have underestimated its importance.

Research published April 3 in Nature reveals the tight linkage between atmospheric dust flows and Antarctic temperatures during ice ages over the past 800,000 years. A research review published March 23 in Nature Geoscience online shows that black carbon particles in the atmosphere have a more powerful global-warming effect than any of the greenhouse gases except carbon dioxide. And these particles are 60 percent as effective as CO2 itself. That's far more powerful than the estimate in last year's report of the UN-sponsored Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC).
I find it unconscionable that none of the treaties moonbats are so hep about us signing to solve the global warming "crisis" include any provisions that require women to return to their traditional Christian roles as homemakers. There are no shortage of policy tools our government could use -- tax cuts, eliminating overly restrictive regulations, corporate bailouts, tax cuts -- that could achieve this end. That the national conversation has been allowed to progress this far without any serious discussion of the matter shows just how uncommitted The Left is to solving the problem of global climate change. Let's hope a true conservative (or someone as close as we're going to get this election cycle) assumes control of the White House so we can deal with this problem once and for all. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Missionary work

I'm over at the hostile liberal climes of American Street today, singing the praises of the Jonah Goldberg braintrust. Praise Him!

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