Into the woods

Watch your step.

Pay no mind their drunk driving, gang warfare, or seditious vodka adverstising campaigns. Once assimilated, illegal immigrants will become productive, law-abiding members of society who just happen to vote Democratic, or so their liberal apologists claim. However, recent evidence has come to light showing that illegal immigrants, instead of being the model citizens The Left depicts them as, have been desecrating Our Nation for over 14,000 years:

DNA from fossilized human feces found in an Oregon cave is 14,300 years old, at least 1,200 years older than previous evidence for humans in North America, researchers said Thursday. ...

Archaeologists theorize that humans from Siberia and eastern Asia migrated to North America across the Bering land bridge when a global warming episode melted the glaciers that had blocked their progress and stranded them for thousands of years in the area known as Beringia. ...

The feces fossils, technically called coprolites, were discovered by Jenkins in the summers of 2002 and 2003 in the Paisley Caves in the Summer Lake basin, about 220 miles southeast of Eugene. The eight caves are wave-cut shelters on the shoreline of Lake Chewaucan, whose levels rose and fell with changes in precipitation in the region.

This is appalling . You can now add pinching a loaf alfresco to the long list of gifts multiculturalism has given Our Nation. I for one am alarmed that public schools will add coursework in outdoor shitting to appease open-borders advocates, and that environmentalists will tell them that they could only use one square of toilet paper afterwards.

Strangely, there's been no dialogue about this problem on a national scale. Could it be that Juan McCain has already been bought and sold by the pro-outside crapping Amnestia crowd, much like his Democratic challengers? It's time this election put aside distractions like Iraq, race, and the economy, and return to discussing The Issues: Where do the presidential candidates stand on the matter of open air defecation? I don't think of myself as a single-issue voter, but there's too much at stake for this problem to go unaddressed. Praise Him!