Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It takes a feminazi to raze a village

In the cut-throat world of Middle Eastern politics, only brute force is recognized in place of diplomacy. So I find a certain level of assurance that the most remorseless killer of men, women, and small household pets Our Nation has ever seen will be representing our interests at the proverbial table:
About to encounter a world of problems, including two ongoing wars, the first matter Secretary of State-designate Hillary Clinton will likely have to address is the hottest -- the escalated fighting between Israel and Hamas militants in Gaza.

While Hillary Clinton brings to the table of any future Mideast peace negotiations a respected name and the goodwill surrounding her boss Barack Obama, she also brings a legacy of contradictory statements about the Arab-Israeli conflict.
While I've been unable to find Clinton's actual quotes, I suspect the contradictory statements at issue revolve around whether she promises to enslave her victims' children seven generations before or after she chops off their heads and shits down their necks, an important distinction when negotiating a two-state solution. Anyway, I hope Chairman Hillary will continue with our policy of Israel, Right or Wrong. My neighborhood has a glut of unperfected Christians from the former Evil Empire, and nothing would make me happier than to see their flabby old Russian asses dodging mortar fire in the West Bank. Praise Him!

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Tea room tirade

One of the most pernicious lies MSM has been spreading since Barack Hussein Obama eked out an electoral victory through the usual liberal chicanery is that America is no longer a center-right nation. The very idea is preposterous, as only a nation truly secure in its center-rightness would elect a negroid Muslim Marxist to be president, and give congressional majorities to a bunch of baby-killing homosexuals. If you needed further proof of Our Nation's committment to Traditional Values, consider the following:
Officials in Minnesota say that interest in the airport men's room where Senator Larry Craig (R-MN) was arrested for sexual solicitation in June 2007 has finally waned. ...

The restroom briefly became a tourist attraction after news came out that Craig had been arrested and pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct. One fan of the story even attempted to buy the stall for $5000, but according to Hogan, the airport does not "sell fixtures for novelty purposes."
Nothing could possibly prove the center-left fallacy more. If Americans were truly as enthusiastic about the liberals' agenda of raising taxes, negotiating with terrorists, and fornicating in public restrooms, will.i.am would have released a paean to sex in toilet stalls on Youtube, poor Elisabeth Hasselbeck would have been reduced to tears over the new urinal cake-scented potpourri Joy Behar put in her dressing room, and our fellow citizens would still be lining up to take a gander where having a wide stance is a crime. That none of these things have come to pass shows that Americans remain firmly committed to Our President's agenda of tax cuts, deregulation, and shoving glowsticks up enemy combatants' buttholes. Praise Him!

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Thursday, December 25, 2008

Child molestation: not just for Catholics anymore

The same ecumenical Spirit that united Catholics, Protestants, and deviant sex cultists against the radical "gay" agenda in California is alive and well this Christmas season. I learn from my Prayer Warriors Free Republic that our Baptist brethren can look forward to a renewal of their Faith through that formerly exclusive province of Roman Catholicism, cleric-on-boy molestation:
A Baptist preacher told the Pontotoc County undersheriff he did not know why he had been molesting two young boys for several months, but it might have something to do with his numerous blood pressure medications.

Kenneth Wayne Huneycutt, 60, pastor of New Hope Baptist Church in Ada, was charged this week with four counts of lewd molestation involving a 10-year-old and a 6-year-old boy, according to court documents.
It speaks volumes about how much the Baptist Faith has matured from its origins as white trash snakehandlers if these pint-sized incubi are trying to seduce their clergy, as that's the sort of Christophobia typically reserved for major religious players. Sister Nancy Beth prays that her Protestant friends' path through this experience will be illuminated the Light of Christ, and that they will rediscover the bedrock Christian Values of scapegoating homosexuals, shuffling problem clergy from parish to parish, and paying people off. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Cream of God-knows-what

Get the skinny on how canned soup can turn you & your family gay, over at American Street. Praise Him!

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Monday, December 22, 2008

Merry War on Christmas

Because saying "Happy Holidays" makes Baby Jesus cry.

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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Change Sister Nancy Beth can believe in

One of the most infuriating lies to gain traction in the Liberal Media is that our present economic "troubles" are the fault of Our President's being the Greatest President Ever(!!!), and that if only He had somehow figured out a better way of presidenting -- as if that's even humanly possible -- all those dusky-tinted people wouldn't have defaulted on their home loans and Nancy Pelosi wouldn't have made Hank Paulson buy her $700 billion worth of expensive assets for the chance of getting some of that sweet, sweet pussy of hers.

Sadly, the elephant in the living room no one wants to address is the primary role radical homosexual activists have played in the economic downturn. Ever since the passage of Proposition 8, militant homosexuals have had at least three people shitcanned for affirming Our Heavenly King's commandment that homos not file joint tax returns, an Outrage of the highest order, even if these people are Mormons. But take heart, my fellow Christians, because the Moral order of the universe has been righted and people are now being fired for supporting gay marriage instead of opposing it. Hallelujah!
Richard Cizik resigned Wednesday night as vice president for governmental affairs of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) during a week of growing uproar over his comments that he is shifting his views on same-sex unions.

"Although he has subsequently expressed regret, apologized, and affirmed our values, there is a loss of trust in his credibility as a spokesperson among leaders and constituencies," Leith Anderson, president of the NAE wrote to board members today.
And it won't just be Mr. Cizik in the unemployment lines. Thanks to the principled leadership of the Senate Republicans, all those gay autoworkers will be free to spend their days watching HGTV rather than sapping America's economic vitality with their overpriced "domestic" "partner" benefits. Victories like this, along with recent Republican victories, tell me only one thing: that America's pendulum is swinging back to the right, and that happy days are here again. Praise Him!

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Thursday, December 04, 2008

The Gayest Science?

In an all too revealing show of its hand, The Left famously christened philosophy the "gay science." Indeed, throughout history, philosophy has been synonymous with homosexuality, as many of its earliest practitioners were little more than the interior decorators of their day, and philosophizing to them was the equivalent of cruising on Manhunt for someone to paint their toenails with. Fast-forward to the present, though, when chemistry, biology, archaeology, and most forms of mathematics are more worthy of that dubious honor of being the "gay science." Maybe in a quest to regain the ground it's lost to practically every other scholarly field, or perhaps just wanting to get back to its perverted roots, philosophy is now making a full-court press to turn your child into a lisping florist. Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily explain:
The mother of a Wisconsin teenager was stunned when her high school senior brought home a questionnaire assigned by his English teacher that asked, among several provocative questions, "Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?" ...

Hanson's son, Alex, originally thought he was required to complete the questionnaire for the next day's class. He was struggling, however, to answer the following questions:

  • What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
  • When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
  • Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of? ...
  • Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet? ...
Principal Dave McSherry, however, told WND that the discussion was part of a comprehensive curriculum in critical thinking skills, preparing the students to make decisions on their own in college and beyond.

"Our English department does excellent work in writing language arts, getting kids to be able to discuss and debate issues, and engage in critical thinking," McSherry said. "The critical thinking part is the biggest part we're trying to get these kids to learn. As they move on to college, we want them to be able to think for themselves, be able to weigh issues and hopefully make smart decisions down the road."
One thing is abundantly clear: "Critical thinking" is just PC code for homosexual recruitment of the most virulently anti-Christian sort. Children can't be expected to defend their heterosexuality from inquisitions like this. It's like Satan's attempts to trick Our Savior into renouncing His Divinity in the desert. And don't think they get any Moral guidance at school -- it's amazing they're even using the right bathrooms at this point.

I shudder to think how many children America will sacrifice to the depraved philosophical gay lifestyle. As it is, nearly every college requires at least one philosophy course as part of its general education requirements, which is probably one of the greatest unreported factors in the epidemic of homosexuality we're experiencing. As I see it, the only hope Our Nation has of turning away from the abyss of immorality is keeping kids out of "higher education," which Our Father, in all His Benevolence, is already doing. Praise Him!

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Tuesday, December 02, 2008

The outer ring of the seventh circle of Hell

Why didn't Barack Hussein Obama just give that angry bitch he's married to a pull-tab from a soda can instead of a $30,000 ring? Because they hate America, that's why. Read all about it over at American Street. Praise Him!

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