Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, September 28, 2006


Thanks to Democrats, illegal aliens can come to America and find lucrative work -- as terrorists!
With her hijab and dark complexion, Catherine Garcia doesn't look like an Orlando native or a Disney tourist. When people ask where she's from, often they are surprised that it's not the Middle East but Colombia.

That's because Garcia, a bookstore clerk who immigrated to the U.S. seven years ago, is Hispanic and Muslim. On this balmy afternoon at the start of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month, she is at her mosque dressed in long sleeves and a long skirt in keeping with the Islamic belief in modesty. "When I was in my country, I never fit in the society. Here in Islam I feel like I fit with everything they believe," she says.

Garcia is one of a growing number of Hispanics across the U.S. who have found common ground in a faith and culture bearing surprising similarities to their own heritage. From professionals to students to homemakers, they are drawn to the Muslim faith through marriage, curiosity and a shared interest in issues such as immigration.
Hah! I've always said as much, about the many fibers that weave the web of Islezbofascism, but now I have proof, and from no less a respected MSM outfit than the "Christian" Science Monitor. Ann, Michelle -- this may be the closest the two of you ever get to double-penetration, so I want you to remember every second of this excruciating ordeal in all its animalistic carnality. Praise Him!

Pity Party of Death

Because he understands that Freedom is just another word for waterboarding terrorists and other key Democratic constituencies, Our President isn't afraid to tell it like it is to the Party of Death:
President Bush suggested Thursday that Democrats don't have the stomach to fight the war on terror, battling back in the election-season clamor over administration intelligence showing terrorism spreading.

"Five years after 9/11, the worst attack on the American homeland in our history, Democrats offer nothing but criticism and obstruction and endless second-guessing," Bush said at a Republican fundraiser.
Oh no she didn't!
"The party of FDR and the party of Harry Truman has become the party of cut and run," Bush told a convention-center audience of over 2,000 people. The event put $2.5 million in the campaign accounts of Alabama Gov. Bob Riley and the state GOP.
Oh yes she did!

The Democratic Pity Party convened shortly thereafter:
"On his watch, five years after 9/11, he not only has failed to capture Osama bin Laden, but as the (National Intelligence Estimate) indicates, his failed policies have made America less safe and spawned terrorism, not decreased it," said Karen Finney, spokeswoman for the Democratic National Committee. "Democrats will be tough and smart, and will actually fight the terrorists, not leave them to plan future attacks."
Look, Karen, you made more sense back in the day when you stuck yams up your ass, and this broken-record approach does little more than betray your undying allegiance to Saddam and Osama in your naked attempts to change the subject. Maybe if you killed terrorists rather than trying to get their vote you'd understand this. Praise Him!

UPDATE: Nevermind.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Christless in Seattle

Hello, Christians. I am pleased to announce I narrowly survived three days of Witnessing in the Godless climes of Seattle, the birthplace of contemporary Islezbofascism. If anyone were in need of my Ministry of Faith-Based Cosmetology, it's these wretched Janet Reno clones. Instead of the Praise and Gratitude you would expect my altruism to be met with, however, I was confronted with an orgy of Christian-bashing and America-hatred, the likes of which you simply can not imagine.

Jesus is thinking about where he should establish His practice once He finishes medical school, and LA hasn't exactly embraced my message of Salvation through outer Beauty with the enthusiasm I expected, so we're thinking: Why not take this act on the road? Seattle sounded the same note of possibity with both of us, so we arranged for a missionary expedition to investigate it further. And while I had my misgiving about travelling without 15 pounds of makeup and haircare products, if Our President has decided that my liquid foundation is a threat to the Democracy taking root in the Middle East, then this proud daughter of Freedom would gladly do without.

We touched down Saturday morning and picked up PraisemobileNorth, a Toyota Matrix with the allignment so out of whack I felt like I was reeling in a marlin whenever I had the misfortune of driving it. Since I had already had words with Faisul, the rental car clerk who clearly seethed with hatred for Western Civilization, I realized any further complaints would only have gotten me decapitated on Al Jazeera's morning news broadcast. Luckily we were able to find our hotel quickly (despite my forgetting its name and address), and soon we were protesting its many posh amenities, such as single-ply toilet paper and Showtime 3, an alternate cable television programming universe that is utterly devoid of the concept of celebrity in any form.

It was from the inventively named Seatac area that we made our way north to protest some local attractions. I must say that not even 35 years of life in Los Angeles prepared me for the level of social collapse that happens on a stretch of Interstate 5 between the airport and Seattle's downtown area. Fortunately for me, Jesus gamely steered PraisemobileNorth through these treacherous waters to the Seattle Aquarium, where we encountered the usual anti-American propaganda masquerading as "science." For example, Green Anemones:

Get it? "Green" anemones, in a city that's so "green" it even recycles chewing gum. Clever, isn't it? We also got a blatant reminder of how much liberals literally look up to economy-deadening fish. Here's a tank of their aquatic salmon deities, housed in a tank above our heads:

We worship you, our scaley overlords. We will gladly do without hydroelectric power so you can fornicate in the river.

Since our senses hadn't been fully numbed by that appalling experience, we headed over to a monument installed by Washington Democrats to appease one of their largest and most vocal constituencies, intravenuous drug users. I am speaking, of course, about the Space Needle:

Here's the view of that deathtrap better known as Mount Rainier as seen from the acid-flecked heights of the Space Needle. Jesus tells me that the two white arches on the middle right of the picture is the retractable roof of their stadium, Qwest Field, one of the few venues where heterosexuals can freely congregate:

We also decided to protest a Vietnamese restaurant called Monsoon, whose lychee ice cream is undoubtedly one of The Left's most effective weapons in their recruitment arsenal. Despite my exhaustion, I still felt compelled to conduct some Steve LaBarbera-type research and investigate the state of Nancyhood in Seattle. Sadly, it has been allowed to flourish, as I witnessed shameless displays of the Homosexual Lifestyle at something called Thumper's, as well as that circle of Hell called Cuff. I don't want to talk about it further, and no, there are no pictures.

Sunday we headed off to see old family friends of Jesus' who had relocated to a rural area outside of Bremerton, and then we set out for the Olympic National Forest. Christians, I offer the following photographs not as testament to my skills as a nature photographer, which, as the shakey camera work indicates, I *clearly* do not possess, but rather for their evidentiary value in showing you the unchecked menace that The Left and their chipmunk minions pose to Our Nation. Be afraid, be very afraid:

Lower Big Quilcene Trail, the scene of the crime. Along this hike I saw many Outrages that convinced me that our national forests are teeming with threats to Freedom and would be put to better use by being razed and then developed into luxury condos. Why on earth would The Left want to subject their fellow Americans to the likes of rotting wood

or venomous spiders (once again, apologies for the blurriness)

or deadly falling boulders

or hallucinogenic mushrooms

or poisonous insects

or the notoriously elusive plague-carrying Demon Chipmunk, whose eyes are aglow with the fires of Hell?

Why, because they hate America, and national parks and forests are nothing more than incubators for the moral virus that will ultimately fell Our Mighty Nation.

After coming face to face with so much Evil, we needed time to recuperate, so we took the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle. Here's a picture of the boat's wake -- I was Outraged we weren't dragging a drift net behind us.

Our departing flight had us on a fairly short leash, so we didn't stray too far from the aiport on Monday. Once again we ended up downtown, where we took the underground tour (which convenienty ignored contemporary liberal treacheries such as those perpetrated by Bill Clinton's Unhinged penis) and walked to the Pike Place Market, stopping along the way to protest the Lark in the Morning shop to see what they had in tambourines for next Sunday's service, but instead found a large selection of Middle Eastern instruments such as ouds, sazes, & cumbuses... hmm...

Once I was at the market, I had a mechanical Elvis Presley tells me my fortune for 75 cents:

You are entering a season of romance. Look to the time of the full moon to bring you a soul mate who showers you with roses and true love. Beware of a Scorpio in blue jeans who isn't being completely honest with you, and pay more attention to a Cancer in your life. A bank error in your favor brightens your outlook. Your lucky color is purple.
Nice try, Elvis, but astrology is right up there with chicken entrails as an effective means of divination. Everyone knows it's all in The Bible. No wonder your side is losing the Culture War.

The trip home was uneventful, aside from having to contort myself because of the rotund man spilling over from the seat beside me. I first noticed this shocking disregard for others in the mid-1990's, and it has really spread to become the embodiment of contemporary liberalism: You are to obligated to accomodate my unhealthy decisions because my Godless religion decrees it so. Have you ever heard anything so preposterous?

The purpose of our Mission was to determine whether Jesus & I would want to relocate to Seattle in a few years. In all likelihood, that answer is no. The places we protested didn't lead me to feel that Seattle is that drastically different a city from Los Angeles -- imagine it on a smaller scale, with some of its major flaws airbrushed out. Olympia, however, came highly recommended, and we'll probably be giving the fair citizens of that stronghold of Satanism the once-over some time next year. So consider yourselves warned, moonbats. Praise Him!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Nancy Beth takes a holiday

Today's been a quiet day, Outrage-wise, and even the most steadfast of my Prayer Warriors failed to ignite my blogging wrath. Which is just as well, since Jesus & I are heading off to an undisclosed location in the Pacific Northwest this weekend to protest up a storm, and the bulk of my thoughts has gone towards planning the trip & making lists of what I need to take and what post-its I need to leave for the cat sitter. We'll be back late Monday night, so hopefully on Tuesday I'll have a travelogue of sorts documenting all the persecution I was subjected to on account of my Christian Faith. Praise Him!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

The forgotten war

Among The Left's favorite hobbyhorses is the purported "civil war" supposedly happening in the hinterlands of Iraq. Even though the same types of car bombings and mass executions in Blue-State inner cities rarely elicit an equally lugubrious response, we are supposed to believe that the moonbats' tender hearts are overflowing with concern for the "innocent" civilians of Iraq. Well, ladies, dry your eyes, because it turns out they don't have it even half as bad as we Christians right here in the United States do. My Prayer Warriors at Agape Press explain:
We're in a spiritual war. This war is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual powers of Satan and his demons (Eph. 6:12).

For most Christians it's a little hard to get worked up about this war [Really? -- SNBE], since we don't have the threat of real bullets zinging past our heads every day. But wait, there are real bullets being aimed at us! Did you ever stop to think that the immorality and false ideas of much of today's entertainment media are the ammunition in this war?
Sadly, liberals are so deranged in their hatred of Freedom that they'd rather pursue red herring policy "solutions" like gun control, rather than banning rap music and The Da Vinci Code, both of which brutally slay Christianity with hollow-pointed savagery. No wonder the American electorate doesn't take Democrats seriously -- they don't know who the real enemy is.

Fortunately for us Christians, there happens to be an easy solution to safeguarding ourselves against this warfare -- by boycotting popular media:
Satan can never again own us, because we have been redeemed by Jesus Christ and we are forever in Him (1 Pet. 1:18,19). But if he can get us to listen to the empty ideas of this world instead of what Christ has said (Col. 2:8), he can influence us. If we allow him to influence us long enough, he can even control us.

This is why I am so concerned about what I allow to entertain me. I don't want to be just another target for the enemy in this spiritual war. Too much of today's entertainment media is designed to distract us from our true goal. I don't know about you, but I don't want to be strolling on the sidelines. I want to walk the walk and run the race for Jesus Christ.
Glory! The snipers in Al Qaeda's Hollywood division don't have a Prayer against the likes of Kirk Cameron and Olivia!

It goes without saying that if the Freedom-lovers in Iraq followed our lead, their troubles would end within six months and America' forces could be redeployed back home, where they're truly needed. So with that in mind, shouldn't we be subsidizing Fox's faith-based production company, in interests of securing the peace both here and Iraq? It's not like we've been especially particular about where we've thrown our money before. Praise Him!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Popper Valley PTA

Even though they bemoan the supposed inhumane treatment of enemy combatants, The Left is guilty of both physical violence and psychological torture in their quest to annihilate Christian Values in America. Sadly, it was only a matter of time before they embraced even more extreme terrorist tactics to advance their radical Islezbofascist agenda:
Gay-activist group Family Pride has produced a pamphlet to guide homosexual parents in introducing themselves to their children's schools.

"Building Family Equality in the Classroom" suggests parents attend the first PTA meeting together and introduce themselves as a couple.

Barbara McPherson, legislative affairs coordinator for the California Family Council, told Family News in Focus such activism doesn't belong in school.

"It's a crossing of the line almost between information that helps people understand tolerance within their community versus an indoctrination," she said, "trying to get other people's children to think that same-sex partners are normal."
Oh, the humanity. It's one thing to engage in the sinful Homosexual Lifestyle in the privacy of one's home, since I can easily tolerate it if I don't actually ever have to encounter it. Flaunting it in public, however, is like releasing an especially virulent toxin into the school's HVAC system: How long before these newly recruited same-sex jihadis have hijacked the school bake sale with their lurid, anti-American concoctions like biscottis and éclairs? What will you do when your child asks, "Mom, why don't you ever make brioche? And why doesn't dad ever wear your clothing?" And you thought chicken pox was bad.

When homosexual couples infiltrate the PTA, the first order of school business is invariably sodomy. Remember: The best way to promote tolerance in our schools is by keeping homosexuality deeply in the closet. Praise Him!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Another MSM whitewash

Liberals are once again defiling the sacred arts of cosmetology to further their radical Islezbofascist agenda, but you wouldn't know it to read the New York Time's take on the whole matter. Whereas Christians easily recognize ethnic hair-braiding as a brazen display of The Left's contempt for all things American and a threat to National Security, MSM obtusely sees it as little more than some quaint "civil rights" issue:
But above the quiet artistry at Nene's Hair Braiding in West Philadelphia, rising over the sounds of a soap opera blaring in the background, simmers a burgeoning debate over a new state law that will require hair braiders to get special licenses.

''She got licensed to braid my hair when I paid her,'' Tasha Budd, 27, called out as Assatou Balde began the hours-long process of putting the tiny braids in her hair. ''Why do you need a license in 2006 when they've been braiding all these years? They just want your money.''

Supporters say the special licenses will keep braiders from getting unfair fines of up to $1,000 for not being licensed cosmetologists. But there is tension in the braiding community nationwide as some say the government is targeting an African art and may put immigrant braiders out of business.
Have these people learned nothing in the five years since 9/11? Rather than strengthen Our Nation's borders, liberal media would much rather waste their ink coddling illegal immigrants:
Some also worry about the plight of immigrant braiders who came to America with very little to their name and often don't speak the English, a skill they would likely need to get through certification classes.

''They came here with that craft,'' said Bertina Pelzer as she worked on a client's hair at Duafe Holistic Hair Care in North Philadelphia. ''That is their only means of getting any sort of income.''
Maybe in the moonbats' communistic wonderland all hairdos are created equal, but for those of us who inhabit the real world, this article is a sobering wake-up call: Illegal immigrants, in an attempt to reclaim their mythical homeland, are flocking to the beauty salons of Philadelphia and trying to impose their anti-American hairstyles on the rest of us. What's more galling is that according to the elitist gatekeepers of traditional media, that's just fine. The next time you sit down in your stylist's chair for a cut & color, who's to say you won't come out looking like Erykah Badu? Remember: The only way to fight this onslaught and prevent further appeasement to the forces of hairdo treachery is to maintain Republican majorities in both chambers of congress, so be sure to vote Republican whether you want to or not. Praise Him!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Aqua revolution

Talk about prescience! Long before the Global War on Terror was but a twinkle in Dick Cheney's eye, Our President opined, "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." The Left, with its usual cynicism, guffawed at the boldness of President Bush's Gandhi-like vision and stuck to their policy of appeasement to these finned jihadis. But just as our military successes in Iraq inspired Democracy throughout the Middle East,* it appears the fish, too, has learned the lessons of Saddam's vanquishment, and has ceased its hostilities towards America and enlisted in the cause of Freedom:
A type of fish so common that practically every American kid who ever dropped a fishing line and a bobber into a pond has probably caught one is being enlisted in the fight against terrorism.

San Francisco, New York, Washington and other big cities are using bluegills — also known as sunfish or bream — as a sort of canary in a coal mine to safeguard their drinking water.

Small numbers of the fish are kept in tanks constantly replenished with water from the municipal supply, and sensors in each tank work around the clock to register changes in the breathing, heartbeat and swimming patterns of the bluegills that occur in the presence of toxins.
Christians, this is quite possibly the richest dividends we've been able to reap from our Crusade in Iraq yet. While an alarming number of our fellow "Americans" are buying into Chairman Hillary's doctrine of Bush-hating and Defeatism, it is incumbent upon the rest of us to fight MSM's relentlessly negative distortions of the war effort and embrace the new aquatic members of the Coalition of the Willing. So welcome aboard, fish. I hope you enjoy President Bush's Freedom nearly as much as the rest of us do. Praise Him!

*Well, portions of it, anyway.

Friday, September 15, 2006

The Outrage cup runneth over

One of the greatest challenges facing us conservative bloggers is determining who hates America the most. There are some days, however, when I'm confronted with so many options that you're just going to have to make that call yourself. Good luck!

Nevada embraces Occult: Were the witch-hunting endeavors of our forefathers and foremothers in Salem all in vain? Apparently so, because the Nevada Office of Veterans Services has just grabbed its ankles for Satan and shouted, "Mount me!"
The widow of a Nevada soldier killed in Afghanistan a year ago won state approval Wednesday to place a Wiccan religious symbol on his memorial plaque, something the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs had refused.

"I'm just in shock," Roberta Stewart said from her home in Fernley, about 30 miles east of Reno. "I'm honored and ecstatic. I've been waiting a year for this."

Sgt. Patrick D. Stewart, 34, was killed in Afghanistan on Sept. 25 when the Nevada Army National Guard helicopter he was in was shot down. He was a follower of the Wiccan religion, which the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs does not recognize and so prohibits on veterans' headstones in national cemeteries.
If we can't defeat Islezbofascism at home, how can we ever hope to conquer it abroad? I seiously doubt this is the sort of Freedom Sgt. Stewart gave his life for. This is truly a dark day for Our Nation.

Terrorists attack food supply; MSM plays dumb - Liberal media doesn't seem to have a clue about this, but under the tutelage of Prayer Warrior Michelle Malkin, I've developed the ability to smell the musky scent of jihad underneath an Arab's robe from a hundred miles away:
Even if you wash the spinach, you still could be at risk. Sober warnings for salad lovers came from federal health officials Friday as they struggled to pinpoint a multistate E. coli outbreak that killed one person and sickened nearly 100 more.

Bagged spinach — the triple-washed, cello-packed kind sold by the hundreds of millions of pounds each year — is the suspected source of the bacterial outbreak, Food and Drug Administration officials said. ...

Initial suspicions focused on California's Monterey County. Farmers there grow more than half the nation's 500 million-pound spinach crop, according to the Agriculture Department.
They seem to have omitted the part where it's harvested by illegal immigrants... who are members of Al Qaeda! Experts have been predicting an attack of this sort for years, yet the answer is painfully simple: prohibit the carrying aboard of leafy greens on all commercial aircraft.

Islam goes totally Unhinged: Who could ever have guessed that Muslims would be so touchy? When His Grace quotes a medieval text, "Little Papal Footballs," that states Islam is evil and inhuman -- all in the interests of furthering ecumenical dialogue, mind you -- you'd think the head of one of the world's major religions had just insulted another major religion. Anyone can see that he's just stating the obvious, like Jews are crooked and Baptists are retarded. Get over it already, people.

Quite frankly, Christians, that's all the Outrage I can handle for one day. Hopefully this weeked will be quieter, and I can protest my chiropractor and the Beverly Center in peace. Praise Him!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Catching up... with Nancy Beth

Sorry to be neglecting you, Christians, but I've been preoccupied with this chess game of getting "Jillian," the ingenue who dented the Praisemobile last week, to agree to pay for the repairs. She balked at the $815 pricetag from the body shop my mechanic referred me to, so I took it in to one she had done business with before. I'm not sure she's going to find their estimate of $785 to have a sweeter sounding ring to her ears, but if it's that much of a financial hardship for her, perhaps she can pose for more of these topless pictures of herself that come up when you google her name.

Don't think I haven't been keeping my eye on the transgressions of The Left these past few days, however. Here's a sampling of stories that should stoke your sense of Christian Outrage to a fever pitch:

Collect a pension, support a terrorist: No wonder labor unions are so hep on preserving retirement benefits for their members. According to my Prayer Warriors at Newsmax, pensions are yet another means of putting a few riyals into Osama's kitty:
U.S. public pension funds can deal a serious blow to terror by divesting the $188 billion they have invested in companies that do business with terrorist-sponsoring regimes. ...

Two years ago, the Center for Security Policy published an analysis showing that about 100 U.S. public pension funds had invested roughly $188 billion in firms doing business with terrorist-sponsoring countries such as Iran, Syria, Sudan and North Korea.

The report disclosed that on average, America's top 100 pension systems invest between 15 and 23 percent of their portfolio in companies that do business in terrorist-sponsoring states, and 39 of the 100 were found to be invested in more than 100 companies with corporate ties to those states.
It also goes a long way towards explaining Democratic obstructionism against the privatization of Social Security. Indeed, if Bush-connected investment firms aren't managing Our Nation's retirement funds, the terrorists have won.

"IT girls" promote the Radical Homosexual Agenda: Does the technical staff at Amazon.com get a commission for each previously heterosexual soul they conscript into the Culture War? How else to explain this blatant homosexual recruitment drive?
Less than a week after Amazon.com was found recommending "Brokeback Mountain" to a customer who had referenced "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "Lady and the Tramp," another Amazon fan has caught the Internet behemoth promoting "Gay & Lesbian" programming for downloads.

The customer, Fred Luffman, told WND he's been a longtime Amazon customer and he saw an announcement about the company's new Unbox feature, which allows customers to download entertainment programming.

However, he said he was surprised when he saw the short list of promoted genres including "Gay & Lesbian." Even more surprised, too, when he clicked and opened up the long list to find other genres with much larger selections, and therefore sales potential, left unpromoted. ...

"I don't know if there's an agenda at the corporate level but I don't doubt there is an agenda among some lower level personnel tasked with web page content," Luffman said. "These kinds of offerings are especially troubling to me as a parent since downloads of this kind can easily bypass most if not all web filtering software."
How tragic that another generation of America's youth will be lost to Amazon.com's suggestive selling practices... just in time for deluxe reissues of Mommie Dearest and Valley of the Dolls. They don't stand a chance.

This is actually pretty mild in comparison with what's happening over at Google, where homosexuality is given star treatment while heterosexuality is treated like a red-headed stepchild:
Another WND reader noted such an agenda probably has wider influence on the Internet.

"I was assisting my 11-year-old son with a report he needed to do on Lord Bacon," said the father, who asked not to be identified. "I Googled Lord Bacon and received a list of several sites (including Wikipedia)."

He noted two links with Bacon's article discussed his alleged homosexuality, "neither of which I considered appropriate for my 11-year-old son."

And, he said, when he was searching for the Middle Georgia Radio Association (MGRA), he instead was referred to the "Missouri Gay Rodeo Association."
This is, in a word, Outrageous. That a child who is researching English historical figures should encounter the dreaded h-word is a crime against Virtue for which there can be no restitution. I shudder for the child whose term paper is on King James I. In light of these discoveries, it's no accident America's children are being lured into Islezbofascism through internet pornography -- the whole operation is being run by the homosexuals.

MSM whitewashes Sin - Here's a big surprise: liberal media would rather mollycoddle enemies of Christianity than risk "offending" them. In their version of reality, blindness is a possible risk from "obesity" (not gluttony, mind you), rather than the Divine punishment meted out for indecently pleasuring one's genitals:
Britain's increasing number of obese adults and children face twice the risk of losing their sight from a range of degenerative eye conditions, a report from the Royal National Institute of the Blind said on Wednesday.

Last month the Department of Health warned that nearly a third of men in England would be obese by 2010 if no measures were taken to tackle the problem.
Congratulations to Britain's plump masturbators, who have joined the ranks of radical Muslims as those who MSM dare not offend. In a word: Outrageous!

That may be all for now, loyal readers, but you can be rest assured that I may not be blogging about The Left's predations against Traditional Values, they certainly haven't gone unnoticed. Praise Him!

Monday, September 11, 2006

The windmills of Osama's mind

As much as I would have liked to have honored the fifth anniversary of the Day that Changed Everything with the Solemnity it deserves, I am afraid I must raise my voice in alarm. One of the easily foreseeable consequences of The Left's relentless pessimism towards Iraq has been the infiltration of their peackekeeping forces by Shiite militia members. This has resulted in the untidy breaking of many eggs in the quest for President Bush's delicious Freedom Fritata, a disgraceful state of affairs that makes me wonder how Hillary, Nancy, et al., can stand to look at themselves in the mirror. And as if that weren't bad enough, even America's armed forces aren't immune to this jihadi contagion:
Memo to Pentagon brass from the top United States commander in western Iraq: Renewable energy — solar and wind-power generators — urgently needed to help win the fight. Send soon.

Calling for more energy in the middle of oil-rich Iraq might sound odd to some. But not to Marine Corps Maj. Gen. Richard Zilmer, whose deputies on July 25 sent the Pentagon a "Priority 1" request for "a self-sustainable energy solution" including "solar panels and wind turbines."

The memo may be the first time a frontline commander has called for renewable-energy backup in battle. Indeed, it underscores the urgency: Without renewable power, U.S. forces "will remain unnecessarily exposed" and will "continue to accrue preventable ... serious and grave casualties," the memo says.
"General" Zilmer may as well have spat in the face of Barbara Bush, Sr. Cheap and plentiful gas is our American birthright, and I am utterly dismayed to see that Al Qaeda has been able to seed even the upper echelons of the American military with their nefarious agents. If there's ever been any time to question whether Freedom will prevail in Iraq, this is truly that moment.

As my Prayer Warriors can tell you, "renewable energy" is little more than a buzzword used by kooky environmentalists and their many allies (radical homosexual activists, militant jihadis, Communist appeaseniks, and the acolytes of Noam Chomsky) for brainwashing our children into hating Capitalism and tilling American soil for its ultimate conquest by the forces of radical Islam. If renewable energy is allowed to take hold in Iraq, clearly the terrorists have won. Praise Him!

Friday, September 08, 2006

California scheming

For a group of people who profess to love Freedom so much, The Left certainly treats it with utter contempt. Their latest attacks on Liberty come to our attention via Prayer Warriors Human Events Online, where state Assemblyman Ray Haynes (R-Nowhere) highlights three of their recent ploys to enslave us citizens of California under the Islezbofascist caliphate:
First, SB 840 by State Senator Sheila Kuehl, a socialist from West Hollywood. SB 840 would create a “single-payer” medical system (that single payer being the government) so that “everyone” would have “medical care.” Of course everyone means everyone, whether they are in this country legally or illegally, and whether they can afford to pay for it themselves or not, or whether their boss is already paying for it. Essentially, you or your boss would pay a tax to the state, and in return, you would get medical care.

The key problem is what kind of medical care you would get. It would be rendered by government bureaucrats who have lifetime jobs from which it is impossible to fire if they accidentally killed you while rendering the care. And if the government ran out of money, they could just tell you the care is not available. Or, you would pay taxes for bureaucrats who earn six or seven figure salaries, never see a patient, and who just sit around all day and try to figure out how not to give you medical care.
Socialism, West Hollywood, illegal immigrants... you don't need to be Michelle Malkin to see that this is yet another step towards the Reconquista, where hard-working white Christians toil in the salt mines for the benefit of our Latino communist homosexual overlords who are pulling in million dollar incomes. I say to hell with universal health insurance. Give me death or give me... um, death.
Next, State Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez “attempted” to stop global warming by presenting AB 32. If California doesn’t stop greenhouse gas (GHG) emissions (like carbon dioxide, which is what we breathe out when we talk), the whole world will collapse into a molten pool of hot lava (or so Nunez contends). So let’s create a large government bureaucracy, which will write a whole bunch of reports and regulations (which, by the way, kill trees, trees which would absorb carbon dioxide), and the world will be safe again.
Global warming, along with female orgasms and "natural" beauty, are the biggest lies liberals have been able to market to the gullible American public, when their sole objectives are to get us to use public transportation, convert to Islam, and experiment with homosexuality. I thank Our Heavenly Father for giving us someone with the courage to stand up to that sinister cabal made up of those terrorist front organizations like the UN, the National Academy of Sciences, and the American Meteorological Society. If only Governor Schwarzenegger had such moral clarity, but evidently the Kennedy woman has addled his mind with her mealy-mouthed liberal platitudes.

The Left hates temperance of any sort, so the following comes as no surprise:
Next, Assemblymember Sally Lieber presented AB 1835 to increase in the minimum wage. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, a large chunk of the hourly workers who get minimum wage are teenagers. So your son, the one who takes his car out Friday night, and doesn’t tell you where he is going, just got more beer money.
I agree with Assemblyman Haynes: If parents want their teenagers to drink, they should follow the lead of the First Family and allow them to obtain false ids, rather than tinkering with the minimum wage. Punishing small businesses to advance teen alcoholism shows how truly out of touch The Left is.

As you can see, Freedom is hardly free. It requires our willingness and strength of character to let millions of people exercise their right not to have health insurance while living below the poverty level, and to let energy companies generate millions of tons of greenhouse gases. Anything less is a stale retread of the Stalinism that was discredited by the Gipper decades ago. Praise Him!

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Squeal, Magnolias

Somebody ought to notify the ladies of The Cotillion about Treason of this magnitude. As much as I thought I could depend on my sistren in the Sunbelt to uphold Our Nation's Values (neatly encapsulated by the Three C's: Christ, Cosmetics, and Country Music), it seems these weak-minded Dixie belles are slowly buying in to the Three D's of Defeatism, Debauchery, and the Democratic Party (h/t: AmericaBlog):
MACON, Ga. - President Bush's once-solid relationship with Southern women is on the rocks. "I think history will show him to be the worst president since Ulysses S. Grant," said Barbara Knight, a self-described Republican since birth and the mother of three. "He's been an embarrassment." In the heart of Dixie, comparisons to Grant, a symbol of the Union, is the worst sort of insult, especially from a Macon woman who voted for Bush in 2000 but turned away in 2004. ...

"In 2004, you saw an utter collapse of the gender gap in the South," said Karen Kaufmann, a professor of government at the University of Maryland who has studied women's voting patterns. White Southern women liked Bush because "he spoke their religion and he spoke their values."
And don't forget how commanding the mighty Presidential Basket looked in a flight suit. Its ability to resist the enticing lips of plump Jewesses and tirelessly serve the cause of Freedom earned him the adoration of every Christian woman I know. It should be the stuff of legend, or at the very least, a flattering ABC miniseries.

Don't lose sight of the fact that this "news" is coming to us via MSM, thus the causes of disenchantment with Our President stem from the typically Unhinged "root causes":
Now, anger over the Iraq war and frustration with the country's direction have taken a toll on the president's popularity and stirred dissatisfaction with the Republican-held Congress. ...

Sandy Rubin, a high school teacher in Macon, voted for Bush and said she's also likely to vote for [Democratic Rep. Jim] Marshall. Rubin said the GOP's focus on issues that appeal to social conservatives, such as gay marriage and abortion, have turned her off.

"I care about job security and education. The things I hear the Republicans emphasizing in their campaigns are not things that affect me or my family," said the 39-year-old mother of two.

The movement of some Southern women away from the Republican Party tracks with national poll results showing that women have become more disillusioned with the war and were more likely than men to list the conflict as the important issue facing the country.
Why do Southern women hate America? Much like we had to take the fight to the terrorists in Iraq to keep America safe, we need to ban homosexualist marriage and flag burning here to prevent these Evils from taking root in non-American soil, where unchecked by the hand of Providence, they would grow into menaces worse than a thousand 9/11's. Of course, you'll never hear this from liberal media, but the Daughters of the Confederacy are advised to keep this in mind before they turn their sons into interior decorators who bow towards Mecca five times a day. Praise Him!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Sister Nancy Beth's true confessions

Sorry to have left you in a lurch, Christians, but the abdication of my blogging duties has been the stuff of the bitterest of tears. For you see, I have so gravely sinned against my mission of Christian Cosmetology that I have spent the past week hiding in sheer mortification of my many crimes against you. Father Joe assures me the first step of atonement is confessing it to you, so here goes: In a whirlwind embrace with that serpent Homosexuality, I bought a rather pricey Pottery Barn sofa and it just got delivered last Thursday.

Let it comfort you Christians to know that God's vengeance is mighty and swift. Within 45 minutes of its delivery, I threw my back out while dragging a heavy potted plant back to its location on mine & Jesus' walkway, truly a life-altering experience if ever there was one.

My prior run-in with severe lower back pain was when I was 21. I remember it being painful, but not enough to completely keep me down. I still managed to get through my shift at my part-time job, and I bounced back after a couple of days. Maybe it's been too many years since I experienced those intense muscle spasms, because whenever I'd hear someone say, "I threw my back out," I assumed it was along the lines of what I got over 15 or so years ago, rather than the horrible induction ritual into old age that it truly is. Let me now say that this egregious misconception has been corrected, and I offer my sincerest apologies to those of you whom I previously dismissed as a bunch of pussies.

Fortunately Jesus was able to get me in to my chiropractor that afternoon, who gave my spine a good cracking. I can only hope what happened next is a bad dream, but I seem to recall that my chiropractor then had one of those sexual predator/illegal immigrants you read about on Newsmax stroke a banned-in-Alabama-type apparatus on my lower right back & buttock while he plotted the Reconquista of Sister Nancy Beth's southwestern ladyparts. Oh, señor, that way lies only madness!

If that weren't basis enough for a lawsuit, I had to go to work the next day because Friday is the only day of the week when there's no one who can do relief reception at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace and the universe as we know it will collapse upon itself into an all-devouring black hole if it ever happens again, which it hasn't since 2001, but only because my back-up failed to show up. Bitch. Thank God for the long weekend, because you can be sure I spent Labor Day the way the Founding Fathers intended: grousing about all the anti-Christian persecution I must Suffer at my job.

Also in the midst of all this chaos comes an unexpected visit by my aunt from Minnesota, whom I met at LAX at 1:00 a.m. this morning. On our way home, some ditzy starlet crumpled the fender of the Praisemobile when she swerved into my lane to escape some particularly fearsome bit of animation from her hallucinations. Evidently she didn't even notice our brief moment of contact (the Praisemobile is nimble), so I had to shout her down to pull over. The damage looks slight, and she has offered to pay for the body work (we'll see how that goes...), but I am less than thrilled that I have to spend my time tracking down a reputable body shop and deal with the hassle of getting it fixed because she couldn't take the entire half-second it took to turn her head to make sure I wasn't in her blind spot.

The reason for my aunt's visit isn't entirely happy. I have a sister who may be in her very final days of cancer, thus my aunt's haphazard itinerary. Being unable to to move my body into certain positions, and feeling that even necessary motions for walking slow were agonizing gave me some insight into her illness, whose pain has radiated out of her abdomen and managed to slow her normal adult's gait to a standstill. She is now bedridden, and can barely stand up to use the bathroom. The past 18 months have been like watching someone being slowly crushed to death under an enormous rock, and the lone consolation for everyone is that it may be over soon. Then again, maybe it won't.

I'm sorry to be such an enormous downer, so I'll try to bring some Good News. Despite the obvious temptation to once again taste the Forbidden Fruit of the Homosexual Lifestyle taking up 37 square feet of of floorspace in my living room, it has only strengthened mine & Jesus' Traditional Marriage. My aunt slept on it last night and swore it was supremely comfortable, without any coaching on my part. Being able to comfortably accomodate an out of town relative struck me as plausible a sign of maturity as my aching back. So, despite the obvious moral lapse it was for all of us (let's face it, readers, you hardly gave me the moral support I needed to resist the siren's song of uppity home furnishings), I think we can say it ultimately may have been for the good. Let's just chalk this as another one for to "You gotta sin to get Saved."

Anyway, the pain has gradually subsided, and I have fulfilled my obligations to my aunt. For past week, I have spent as much time as I could afford lying on my left side, bent at the knees. This has hardly been conducive to great blogging, you might have noticed, so bored office workers of America, please know that I regret not being able to "put out" for you the last few days. Now that my my life has resumed its normally frenetic pace, I will try to be a more vigilant Witness for Christian Cosmetology and reward your visits with fresh Offerings. Praise Him!

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Interstellar dhimmitude

I hate to report this, Christians, but it looks as though political correctness run amok yet again keeps MSM from stating the obvious -- that the jihadis have picked their next target of Terror:
All her life, Anousheh Ansari has specialized in bold forays into the unknown.

As a teenager in 1984, she came to the USA from Iran without knowing English. In her 20s, she and her husband ran up their credit cards to start a software firm that they later sold for $500 million.

Now the 39-year-old tech entrepreneur is on the brink of her biggest adventure.

This month, she will rocket into outer space as the first woman to pay for a trip in orbit. Her 11-day journey will include flights on a Russian spaceship and accommodations aboard the International Space Station, a laboratory circling 220 miles above the Earth.
Good Lord! I haven't seen this much coddling of a terrorist since Mike Wallace interviewed Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Let's see if we can help liberal media out with the math on this one: she's a native of one of the regional headquarters of the Religion of Peace, she has an obviously un-Christian sounding name, and there's been an upsurge of Islamic women wiling to serve as suicide bombers. You don't have to be Annie Jacobsen to see that this is in all likelihood another terrorist dry run being undertaken to subjugate the West to Islamic domination. As I heard somewhere, the absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence. Evidently The Left has chosen to ignore the lessons of 9/11. Don't say I didn't warn you when these people fly a space shuttle into the Empire State Building, or behead their fellow space passengers during a live segment of Good Morning, America. Praise Him!