Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Only 52 persecuting days until Christmas

Sorry for my absence, but I'm sad to report that Christian persecution remains the official human resources policy here at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace. Conchita's first day back from vacation was Tuesday, when I informed her of how some of my coworkers had been running an America-hating/Nancy Beth-torturing campaign in her absence. I sensibly motioned that the best means of dealing with insubordination on this scale would be for her to fire all the gay stylists presently on staff and replace them with some of my friends from church, but her response was the typically hateful rhetoric of The Left: "I thought we had reached a point where I could take a vacation without you going at it with everyone here. I've been telling you for the last six weeks that we were going to run that promotion. It just so happened that the only time Maria [her dull-witted traveling companion and frequent thorn in my side] could get off was last week."

Ah, the old liberal canard about being warned in advance! I now join the august company of Our President and Condoleeza Rice as Victims of that particular moonbat line of attack. "But Conchita, I don't think anyone could have predicted that these people would use your vacation as an excuse to turn the Beauty Palace into a concentration camp. I've barely been able to keep up with my Prayer Warriors, and I haven't been able to balance my checkbook in -"

She was unfazed: "Maybe if you spent less time on the internet and more time doing your job, it wouldn't have come as such a surprise. We're running the half-off special through the holidays -- end of discussion."

"The holidays?!" It was getting worse by the minute. Not only am I barely able to blog at work, but now I've just had a new front in the Global War on Christmas open up right at my job. What could Freedom have ever done to Conchita to make her hate it so?

Succor from all this relentless oppression comes, quite naturally, from Prayer Warriors WorldNetDaily. Evidently I'm not the only person whose workplace is being overrun by radical homosexual activists. Readers, meet Janet Baird, Christian Martyr:
Sam Walton's original stores wouldn't even sell recorded music if it contained profanity and Janet Baird was happy working hard to make the company money, setting up and managing wedding fairs and other promotions, and won awards for her efforts.

She and her husband even married at one of the store's events.

But no more. The Ohio woman, after hearing the shocking confirmation directly from the mega-corporation's international headquarters that the company is, in fact, contributing to the financial and moral agenda of the nation's "gay" chamber of commerce, she quit. And she's not a bit worried.

"I got God backing me. That's where I stand on it," she told WND in an interview.

Baird had worked for the corporation, in various branches including Sam's Club and Wal-Mart, since 1992. It was a recent tip she received from her brother that was the beginning of the end, because he told her "my company had joined the National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce."
As my experience here attests, once you start catering the nancies, sooner or later you've got to hire one. We've now got three, possibly even a fourth if my suspicions are correct, and the incessant homosexual banter (Baby Jane quips, Cher trivia, ceviche recipes) has created an unbearably hostile work environment. Anyone who identifies as a Christian American might as well have a big bull's eye painted on her. What hell this poor woman must have gone through -- I can only hope she gets a column at RenewAmerica for all her troubles.

I suppose I identify so much with Janet because her work ethic is eerily similar to my own:
"This was not a job to me, it was a ministry given to me by God Himself to help His people in need and get paid for it at the same time," Baird said.
Amen, sister! Just as Mrs. Baird honors the Creator by selling cheaply manufactured Chinese goods to America's underclass, I praise His Glory by blogging about current events from the viewpoint of Christian Cosmetology. What The Left fails to understand is that all the sodomy in the world can't shake our sense of Righteousness in our missions; in fact, it increases it. So keep it up, homos, and know that vengeance is mine, saieith God & Nancy Beth. Soon, when Our Lord has His way, America's heterosexual households will be overflowing with Wal-Mart merchandise, and every female in Our Nation will be immacuately coiffed and made up. Praise Him!

3 Comments:

  • At November 04, 2006 12:27 AM, Blogger Mom of Three said…

    The terrible irony being, of course, that Wal Mart doesn't like to keep employees for too long because it skews their payroll. So actually, she was doing them a favor.

     
  • At November 05, 2006 7:38 PM, Blogger liquiddaddy said…

    Welcome back,

    I've had to be brave. The gays have never had me so angry.

    Imagine Brother Ted merely asked the hotel consierge (how do you expect to remember where?) to recommend a nice massage to help with all the stress from holding the world on his shoulders. A nice massage, followed by an offer for "meth," which I assume is some kind of drug. Of course the polite thing to do is purchase the offer, like any well-raised person would do - he just threw it away! I always buy the shampoo offered me when I get styled. Next thing you know, he is a homosexual with a drug problem.

    When Christian men settle into a barber's chair at Chonchita's in the hands of homosexuals, little do they know that they could next find themselves on their knees not praying, but sucking men for crack!

    Don't get me started on Boyscouts!

    Thank God none of our leaders are gay. The results would be catastrophic.

    WWJD?

    LD

     
  • At November 05, 2006 8:09 PM, Blogger Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Mom of Three: Good point. After 14 years there, she was probably making close to $7 an hour -- I hope the Walton family wasn't too put out by paying her that king's ransom.

    LD: I've had many dark nights of the soul ever since this story broke. The very thought of Brother Ted and his man-whore going on crystal-fueled shopping binges at Pottery Barn fills me with both Outrage and pity. With any luck, he'll be sent off to one of those wonderful ex-gay ministries I keep reading about at Agape Press and he'll be back to servicing the Mrs. in time for Christmas. Praise Him!

     

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