Eggplants of Evil

Liberals have been using the vegetable kingdom to lead us Christians out of our churches and into the waiting arms of the Occult for centuries now, even going so far as to tempt us with finding "Heaven in a wild flower." I hate to rain on your patchouli-scented parade, hippies, but the only place where you're going to find the way to Heaven is in The Bible. Given the adversarial relationship between the natural world and Our Faith, I view the following story not with the sense of vindication you might expect, but rather with utter trepidation:

Felicia Teske of Boothwyn says she was preparing fried eggplant for dinner Sunday evening and noticed that the seeds in one slice seemed to spell out the word "GOD".

Felicia says she bought the eggplant at a roadside produce stand a while back, and also says the discovery has really given her food for thought. Felicia told Action News that she recently had family members pass away and it is comforting that "GOD" appeared.

A little known fact that the MSM outfit reporting this story won't tell you is that eggplants are well-regarded accessories to the homosexual lifestyle. What meeting of radical homosexual activists would be complete without smoked Japanese eggplant & goat cheese canapés? Think about it: Have you ever seen a straight person buy an eggplant? I think not. This is clearly Satan's trickery, and countless millions of earnest Christians who read this story will be deceived into eating eggplant under the mistaken impression that it will bring them closer to our Savior, rather than being the path to Moral ruination that it truly is. Had The Lord really wanted to appear to His followers, He would have shown up in some hearty American fare like a side of beef or a 22-piece bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken, not some wussified vegetarian dish. Praise Him!