Edicts of Nancy

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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Abstinence-only cosmetology

Abstinence-only education has not only been remarkably effective in keeping the young ladies of Our Nation from turning into pole-dancing harlots, but its message of temperance and self-denial is nearly identical to the tenets of Christian Cosmetology. As Prayer Warriors Newsmax note, passing that cherished tube of Pink Frost around like a doobie at a YearlyKos conference and just might leave you with a disfiguring social disease:
Also, sharing lipsticks is another way that makeup can cause health problems. Sharing lipsticks, lip glosses or lip balms with someone who may have a strain of the herpes virus could leave you with cold sores of your own. Remember, people can harbor this particular virus on their lips without having an active cold sore so it will not always be visible.
For too long, proponents of "safe" makeup have let their disinformation campaigns and mantra of "If it feels good, do it" lead our daughters astray, and at a terrible price: The promiscuous application of makeup can lead to any number of heartrending outcomes, be it pink eye, unexpected pregnancy, or even AIDS. Until our public schools are free to implement a silver ring thing-type cosmetology program without fear of spurious lawsuits from The Left, you should advise your daughter to keep her makeup bag and legs firmly closed. Praise Him!

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