Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Nancy, get your gun

In the past, I've routinely dismissed criticism of the Department of Homeland Security's performance as the usual rantings of unhinged liberals and like-minded perverts who love Hillary and hate America. Then some of my Prayer Warriors got in on the act, which threw me for a while, and -- dare I say it? -- made even me question their patriotism. That sense of unease cleared up, though, when I deduced that it was because Ted Kennedy had wrested control of the department out of the hands of the Freedom-lovers, and had instructed border patrol officers to dress up like Good Humor men and give out Klondike Bars and road maps to the illegals they happened upon crossing the Sonoran Desert. However, when I learn that The Left has unleashed marauding gangs of lesbians to terrorize the streets of Our Nation without a concomitant rise in the threat level to red, I, too, must voice a note of distrust with this agency. Maybe DHS is playing politics with National Security -- for the benefit of the moonbats!!!

Needless to say, we're on tactical alert here at Sister Nancy Beth World Ministries International Headquarters, a 9-11(c)(e)* corporation, particularly since the the dossier of credible evidence about these jihadists in flannel continues to grow. This could very well be the spectacular terrorist attack on American soil that Al Qaeda has been plotting since 9/11, but something about the involvement of lesbians tells me that this will be a thousand times worse: An armada of pimped-out Subarus blasting Cris Williamson will roam our streets; afro-pics will dangle menacingly from their mullets; they'll terrorize man, woman, and child alike with their threats to have Rosie replace Bob Barker on The Price is Right -- or OMG! Katie Couric on the CBS Evening News! -- and they'll kick our collective asses in tennis, soccer, and softball. Oh, the humanity. Michael Chertoff and his spineless underlings may want us to keep our pretty little heads buried in the sand, but I've got the duct tape and plastic sheeting ready for the first blare of the civil defense sirens.

Unsurprisingly, these hirsute daughters of Bilitis have managed to mount a Fifth Column to assist them with their latest onslaught. I extend my deepest thanks to Prayer Warriors World Net Daily for tipping us off to these atrocities, effectively proving that these vicious lesbo gangs and the radical homosexual activists and uncivil liberal bloggers who have come to their aid are tapping the same deadly well of Islezbofascism:
Two news stories about hundreds of lesbian gangs attacking and raping young girls in schools and other public locations have prompted a backlash against the reporters by members of the homosexual community.

The broadcasts by Memphis television station WPTY and Fox News host Bill O'Reilly quoted law enforcement authorities, victims, and even some gang members to document the growing number of attacks on young girls by lesbian gang members. ...
But the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, which had tried to suppress the Memphis report before it aired, issued a statement charging the reporting was "without … one solid statistic or credible source."

Rashad Robinson, GLAAD's senior director of media programs, called the reporting "inaccurate tabloid journalism" and said it "perpetuates dangerous stereotypes about lesbians and feeds a climate of homophobia, anti-gay discrimination and violence."

Participants in several blogs simply ridiculed the reports. A writer who was identified as "Idaho Librul" told the "From the Left" website: "Thank goodness for Bill O'Reilly! I saw a group of rampaging lesbians just the other day going up and down my street. Oh wait a minute, come to think of it, they were Girl Scouts selling cookies. But I was terrified!"

On the After Ellen blog, another wrote, "Yes, it's true, we're just one cell short of being a full-fledged terrorist network. Don't bother asking us where bin Laden is – we'll never tell."
Absolutely chilling -- evil doesn't get distilled into a purer form than that.

Christians, Michelle Malkin has deputized all of us to be Jane Does, citizen warriors, and I do not take this responsibility lightly. I have already reported two women to the FBI for having suspiciously short hair and uncoordinated outfits, and I encourage all of you to be similarly vigilant. Praise Him!

*changed everything!

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