More like this please

As a Christian, I find that the counsel I most usually give to those seeking it is for temperance, restraint, discipline, and self-denial -- except, of course, when it come to writing about me. No sooner do I dangle the tantalizing possibility of a Blog About Sister Nancy Beth Day at some time in the distant future (patience, children) than loyal Nancy-Con Proud Progressive delights our senses with this stunning paean to myself:

After all it is "she" who does the yeoman's work battling the Lavender Menace and leftie moonbats, despite obstacles that conspire against her. Living in West Hollywood,the opportunities to protest radical Homosexuals are endless and exhausting. Many are called, but few are chosen. Lucky for America, Sister Nancy Beth finds creative ways to protest and alert us to the ongoing threat to our Nation. At the gym,local gay bars,the green grocers and above all at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace,where you can just imagine the persecution she endures on a daily basis.

Excellent use of scare quotes around "she." I have taught you well.

Obviously Proud Progressive has set the bar pretty high for the rest of you when Blog About Sister Nancy Beth Day does finally come, so to ensure that the rest of you don't disappoint me, I'll give you a hint about what I'd like: a phalanx of ribbon dancers, a children's choir, commemorative poetry by someone of the caliber of Maya Angelou (only preferably not female, or black -- do you think Lee Greenwood is available?), a series of collectible plates from Franklin Mint, red white and blue bouquets (make sure there's none of that cheap baby's breath shit), a modest pyrotechnics display, and bagpipes playing "Amazing Grace" (retitled "Amazing Nancy Beth" for the occasion). And if someone could arrange to have Hugh Hewitt do a striptease (with tassels) to "Let the Eagle Soar," that would be pretty hot. Praise Him!