Travels with Nancy Beth: In search of America!
Hey, men: Don't be surprised if very soon your toiletry kit contains not only shaving cream, deodorant and toothpaste, but concealer, oil-absorbing face powder and brow gel.What makes this story even more infuriating is its blasé disregard for one of the central tenets of Christianity. God gave the fallen daughters of Eve makeup so that we could atone for her and Adam's expulsion from the Garden. So long as the women of America spend two or more hours a day getting tarted up, read The Bible regularly, and Faithfully vote Republican, Our Father offers us the possibility that we can be restored to an immaculate state of Grace. Men applying makeup turns the notion of Biblical morality on its head. It's like having some scallop teach men how to speak Hebrew -- disgraceful.
That's because guys are relying on an increasing number of made-for-men products like these to put their best face forward.
"I think men are much more receptive to the whole grooming concept from start to finish. Makeup is sort of the final frontier," says Wendy Lewis, a beauty consultant and author of "The Beauty Battle: An Insider's Guide to Wrinkle Rescue and Cosmetic Perfection from Head to Toe." "They’re certainly concerned about camouflaging imperfections. The idea of a little light dusting of powder is no longer an extreme measure."
There are also , of course, the greater implications for National Security. Male cosmetics are yet another means of feminizing Our Nation's menfolk into the docile lapdogs of The Left. It's what's keeping our previously virile men from expressing their manhood by charging psychopaths brandishing semiautomatic firearms. What's next, the widespread use of male pantyshields to coincide with our withdrawal from Iraq? Not if I have any say in the matter!
As for Ojai, it's an "artists' community" in Ventura County, which should set off plenty of alarm bells for you Freedom-lovers out there. I would have had photographic evidence documenting the many Outrages I came across, but the rechargeable batteries those environmentalists are so keen on managed to go dry despite 15 hours in the charger -- if this is a hint of the promise "renewable" energy holds for Our Nation, then God help us all, it's the end of photoblogging as we know it.
Anyway, Ojai sells itself as the inspiration for Shangri-La, one of the many failed Marxist utopian states that liberals have tried to create in the hopes of destroying Christianity and furthering World Communism. Despite this hostility to capitalism, it has a large number of art galleries, which seem to provide these hippies with their bread & butter. Jesus & I didn't see any milk chocolate replicas of His genitalia, but we only protested a couple of galleries before realizing that the transfigurative power of Art was nowhere to be found here: There were absolutely no works that insulted Islam in a 100 mile radius.
The biggest Outrage of my trip was discovering that this tranquil little burg is really the staging ground of -- are you ready for this? -- the Reconquista! We dined at Antonio's, a Mexican restaurant established, according to its menu, in 1967. Evidently in the intervening 40 years, their wait staff hasn't bothered to learn English, as the paper placemats had translations of how to order tacos and request a glass of water. I expressed my displeasure to our waitress and told her there was one phrase they seem to have omitted: "I will not submit." I probably should have waited until after she had serverd our food to tell her this, because I left with swollen tastebuds, a classic sign that my margarita had been laced with polonium-210. But, like most conservative bloggers, I stare down death on a daily basis, and it will take a lot more than that to put me under. Praise Him!
Labels: Christian Cosmetology