Gee, your hair looks satanic

Personal grooming products have been subjected to increasing levels of abuse ever since the Leftist takeover of America's schools of beauty instruction in the 1960's. There isn't any manner of shaving, waxing, or plucking that isn't off limits in classroom discussion, and my admonishments to my classmates that styling products be used in a way wholly consistent with Traditional Family Values left me no shortage of grief from students, teachers, and administrators alike. During one particularly traumatizing lecture in my Intro to Hair Care module, there was actual instruction on the proper laundering of Satan's beard down yonder. When I asked to be excused on religious grounds, D'Arleen said I would probably be asked such a question several times over the course of my career. I informed her that I had no intention of working in a whorehouse, although her lectures were quite clearly "grooming" me for such a position. I didn't think it was possible for shampoo to be subjected to more degradation than laundering those Sinful short & curlies (hope you enjoy your rash, Jezebel), but then I read the following:

A man landed in hot water after police say he hid a tiny camera in a shampoo bottle to watch two of his female roommates as they took showers.

A male roommate, curious why the shampoo wasn't moved for some time, found wires protruding from the back of the bottle, then called police, authorities said.

The camera recorded through a pinhole, and the images were sent to Steven Thibodeau's television, police said. Thibodeau, 25, had placed the camera to record the women showering and made video of one of them changing clothes, according to police. ...

Police said Thibodeau made a compilation video of one of the women, but they have no evidence he transferred the files to the Internet. It wasn't yet known how long the shampoo had been wired.

The dreaded Seventh Seal has finally been broken: The long-feared nexus of shampoo and internet pornography has been made, and it promises an era of unprecedented Tribulation rivaled only by the Clinton administration. Ladies, it's best to give yourselves an extra squirt of Aqua-Net, because you want to look your best for the troubles ahead. Praise Him!