Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

THEY'VE COME FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!1!

I hope you don't feel neglected today, Christians, but last night I protested a homosexual recruitment film that will surely ensnare millions of unsuspecting souls into that perverted lifestyle. Believe me when I say that it is nothing less than Hollywood's 9/11 attack upon the twin towers of Our Nation's Virtue. I have been in a state of Christian shock ever since I left the Q&A session last night, and have only recently become able to summon the words to describe this Abomination I saw.

Queer Duck: The Movie was playing as part of something called "Outfest," where the nancies film their bad performance art installations (usually consisting of shoving yams up their bodily cavities and smearing God only knows what on American flags) and then present these as documentaries. Or at least that's what I wish I had seen. All I can say is that Outfilth has truly outdone themselves with this vile skin reel.

Queer Duck joins Spongebob Squarepants and Peppermint Patti in the pantheon of characters created with the sole purpose of turning your Christian child into a raving nancy. Along with his pack of bitchy friends (Openly Gator, Bi Polar Bear, & Oscar Wildcat, with cameo appearances by the likes of Genital Warthog, Truman Coyote, etc.), he encounters a long-faded female star, marries her, attempts to resume a life with Christ* through homosexual conversion therapy, but fails because his inherent tendency for receptive anal intercourse is too strong to overcome. The Christian preacher who attempted this conversion goes Unhinged, they end up in a blimp over a gay theme park, and telling too much more would expose me to accusations of plot spoilers. There are plenty of vicious jabs at celebrities like Mariah Carey and Rosie O'Donnell (not to mention the obligatory seditious "jokes" about Our President and Dick Cheney that should be illegal during a time of war), so the queens were lapping up this toxic swill like nectar. I should also note that we have on film for the first time the public admission that exposure to musical theater and Barbra Streisand can result in same-sex attraction.

At the beginning of the screening, Director Mike Reiss admitted that it was made by six Jews (I hope you've got your hearing aid turned on, William Donohue), which certainly explains why it exhibits more anti-Christian sentiment than anything since The Passion of the Christ. The Preacher is depicted as fanatical in his quest to bring Queer Duck to The Lord, and at a certain point, a crucifix comes to life to abet the getaway of the homos,** implying that Christ Himself is giving His Blessing to these fudgepackers. Jesus may have said some wacky shit back during His first go-around, but I'm pretty sure there's absolutely nothing in there about the acceptance of homos.

Queer Duck presents a threat of the gravest magnitude to Our Nation. I'm so determined to make my church ladies be aware of the danger it presents that I've already ordered a copy from Amazon so they can protest it when they come over to visit. I would also encourage all of you to protest it as opportunity allows. If you wish to inoculate yourself against its homosexualizing effects, please go here. Praise Him!

Update: I forgot to mention that Jesus & I will be taking a long weekend as we travel to PromisedLandWest (aka Orange County) for a Traditional Marriage. See you Monday!

* Although he wouldn't know it because he's Jewish.
** Like I said, Jewish.

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