Cameroon - Heaven on earth?

In my search for today's Outrage to blog about, I serendipitously came across two news stories about Cameroon. While my usual inclination is to dismiss Third World countries as little more than breeding grounds for future illegal immigrants or despotic Taliban-like regimes, these items in particular got me to thinking: Could this West African nation be a better place for God's chosen people* to set up shop and await the Rapture than Israel? After all, God's been a pretty crappy landlord to let the Palestinians move in after He promised it to the Jews, and the place hasn't seen new carpet or paint in millenia. And let's be realistic: somebody needs to claim one of these developing African nations in the name of Conservatism before Hollywood nabs them all. So let's look at the case for Cameroon.

† Public safety. It seems my Prayers have been answered and the people of Cameroon no longer need to live in mortal terror of being gored by rhinoceroses:

The West African black rhinoceros has likely gone extinct, the World Conservation Union (IUCN) announced last week.

"The West African black rhino is now feared extinct," the Switzerland-based environmental group said, and Africa's northern white rhino could soon follow.

Extensive surveys in northern Cameroon (map of Cameroon), the animals' last known refuge, found no trace of the rhino subspecies.

Naturally, liberal media is spinning this as a setback for their pet cause, environmentalism, rather than heralding this as the welcome development it truly is. Excuse me, MSM, but your bias is showing:

The survey failed to find any sign of the West African black rhino.

"They looked for spoor [tracks or droppings], they looked for the rhino's characteristic way of feeding, which has an effect like a pruning shear," Emslie, a rhino expert based in KwaZulu-Natal Province, South Africa, told the news service.

"But they didn't find anything to indicate a continued presence in the area.

"They did, however, come across lots of evidence of poaching, and that's the disconcerting thing."

Poachers have hunted the animals for decades for their ivory horns to supply markets in Yemen and Asia ...

IUCN says poachers likely gave the final push that sent the subspecies into oblivion.

Oh, brother! In the looking-glass world of The Left, the madrassas where illegal immigrants learn the ancient Aztec art of human sacrifice are "charter schools", global warming is caused by human consumption of fossil fuels, and those who bypass the cumbersome regulatory process for getting some low-level bureaucrat to rubberstamp your hunting permit are "poachers" - whatever, Heather. No wonder people mistrust traditional media.

† World's largest Modesty Zone. America's proponents of Modesty could certainly learn a thing or two from the women of Cameroon:

Worried that her daughters' budding breasts would expose them to the risk of sexual harassment and even rape, their mother Philomene Moungang started 'ironing' the girls' bosoms with a heated stone. ...

"Breast ironing" -- the use of hard or heated objects or other substances to try to stunt breast growth in girls -- is a traditional practice in West Africa, experts say.

A new survey has revealed it is shockingly widespread in Cameroon, where one in four teen-agers are subjected to the traumatic process by relatives, often hoping to lessen their sexual attractiveness.

You would think that in a world where young girls emulate harlots like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, the fact that they want to keep their dirty pillows as inconspicuous as possible would be regarded as a positive development. Instead, it's another opportunity for MSM to bash Christianity:

The practice is most common in the Christian and animist South of the country, rather than in the Muslim North and Far North provinces, where only 10 percent of women are affected.

The survey found that in 58 percent of cases breast ironing was carried out by mothers worried that the onset of puberty could provoke sexual harassment, inhibit their daughters' studies or even stunt their growth.

Many mothers were alarmed because an improvement in nutrition and living conditions had caused young girls' breasts to develop earlier than ever.

That's just great. Rather than assigning blame for turning these girls into precocious little skanks to the UN's childhood nutrition programs, it's the Christians (and the animists, whoever the hell they are, and I'm not too sure I like being lumped in with them) who are responsible. Thanks, MSM, for once again showing your true colors. Praise Him!


*After us Christians, naturally.