Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Sister Nancy Beth's fragrant sachet of Salvation

There's a lot of comment-worthy stuff out on the internets today, so for your edification, I have lovingly assembled this aromatic potpourri from bits of Christian-themed news stories:

MSM misses the point -- again. Usually the news that wayward hikers would never again risk freezing to death would be greeted with the jubilation it warrants... except for when it allows for the typical "global warming" bleating from The Left:
Mountain glaciers in equatorial Africa are on their way to disappearing within two decades, a team of British researchers reports.

Located in the Rwenzori Mountains on the border between Uganda and the Democratic Republic of Congo, the glaciers will be gone within 20 years if current warming continues, the researchers report in this week's online edition of Geophysical Research Letters.

The researchers blamed an increase in air temperatures in recent decades for contributing to the decline of the ice fields.

"Recession of these tropical glaciers sends an unambiguous message of a changing climate in this region of the tropics," said lead researcher Richard Taylor of the University College of London, Department of Geography.
Yawn -- more moonbat hysterics. Smarter monkeys, please.

America lessens its reliance of foreign perfumeries. For too long, America's glamour trades have been held hostage to the whims of Old Europe, whose best interests frequently run in direct opposition to our own. Fortunately for us, you can now tell Jules et Jacques to take a hike with every tantalizing spritz of this new Freedom Fragrance:
It's one of the most unique smells around. And now you can wear it.

Hasbro is continuing its celebration of Play-Doh's 50th anniversary by releasing "Eau de Play-Doh," a perfume designed to smell just like the kids' modeling clay.
While I myself would have chosen a different aroma (Crawford brush, for instance) to kick off our new Boston Tea Party, I eagerly look forward to the full suite of Play-Doh beauty products, such as body lotion, dusting powder, and the free tote bag with any $35 or more purchase.

Republicans get serious about governing. Our Nation's leaders have spent the past few month's chasing their tails in response to every baseless accusation the Democrats can fabricate about Iraq, warrantless surveillance, corrupt lobbying, & inflated gas prices, but they're finally ready to do We the People's important business:
Next month, Congress is expected to address social conservatives' concerns with a vote on a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. An anti-flag-burning amendment also is on the calendar, along with bills that would ban or limit stem-cell research. Other issues important to social conservatives include banning Internet gambling and prohibiting the transfer of a minor across state lines to obtain an abortion unless her parents approve the trip.
A little talk about allowing prayer in school and declaring Ronald Reagan's birthday a national holiday wouldn't hurt either, fellas.

Karl 2.0. Loyal Nancy-Con Lulu Maude is a true patriot whose love for Our Nation's Children would put this adorable dolly in every family's* home. "My name's Talking Tina, and I'm going to disclose your NCO status."

And on a more personal note, that Mother's Day bloodbath I was predicting yesterday never happened, thank God. Instead of being disemboweled on Satan's bloody altar to the sounds of Heavy Metal music, my family had the usual conversations about movies we had recently protested, television shows we were monitoring for anti-Christian bias, persecution we were suffering at our respective jobsites, Jesus' grad school plans, my alluring patella strap (I kittenishly wore shorts, and they merely added to my dishiness), and the litter of kittens my brother's 9-month old cat just had -- personally, I blame Britney Spears. And if any of you reading this were in Glendora and heard someone making farting noises into a karaoke machine, that was my nephew. Praise Him!

*as Traditionally defined, of course.


  • At May 16, 2006 9:20 AM, Blogger Lulu Maude said…

    Beware, Sister Nancy... it's only a hop, skip, and jump to Play Doh After-Shave to be donned by B level FBI agents on their way to trysts in our nation's playgrounds...

  • At May 17, 2006 10:56 AM, Blogger liquiddaddy said…

    My Beloved Sister in Christ,

    I need not remind you that there is an unbreakable connection between sensorium and sin. The smell of perfumes is a straight path to self-abuse, harlotry and ruin. Something as simple and staid as that soft and lovely Michelle Malkin toilet paper caddy looks as if it is scented and full of sweet-smelling Charmine. Forcing even the strongest followers of God to begin furiously pounding their filthy man parts in no time. With convenient wipes already available.

    In order to avoid this problem, I place garlic cloves up my nostrils at all times. You might try this.

    Also, I have had untold hours of fun with Bible.com, and appreciate the link. I discovered one passage especially moving:

    Jeremiah 11:15 (Whole Chapter)
    "What is my beloved doing in my temple as she works out her evil schemes with many? Can consecrated meat avert your punishment ? When you engage in your wickedness, then you rejoice. [ Or Could consecrated meat avert your punishment? / Then you would rejoice ] "

    Give it to Jesus,


  • At May 17, 2006 4:01 PM, Blogger Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Lulu Maude: How right you are. Satan's minion would have absolutely no remorse abusing God's most Blessed creation in their perverted sexual dealings.

    Liquiddaddy: Thanks for the reminder. Satan cackles with glee every time a square of scented toilet paper breeches the tradesman's entrance.

    I will work on consecrating Jesus' meat. Thanks for the tip.


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