Kill a caribou... for JESUS!

One thing I have come to accept in my Crusade to advance Freedom through a Scripture-based approach to cosmetology is that my struggle will take many strange and unexpected turns. The Left employs a multitude of nefarious agents and underhanded tactics in its global jihad against Beauty, and I never know what I'll see squirming beneath the rocks I've lifted.

Today's startling discovery comes via my Prayer Warriors at Human Events, where we learn that the anti-Glamour forces are conspiring with environmentalists to rob us Christian women of the makeup we so desperately need to get right with God. For you see, dear readers, petroleum is an essential component of most cosmetics, but to the moonbats, petroleum is merely a globe-choking toxin whose profits prop up corrupt dictatorships here & in the Middle East. What. Ever. Anyway, Rabbi Aryeh Spero lays it all on the line:

What political debate more than any other today tests one's belief in God and the Bible? Reciting "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance? No. The display of nativity scenes during Christmas season? Still, no. It is our drilling for oil in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska. For this issue boils down to whether we place real human needs over the lifestyle patterns of animals, in this case, the caribou. It revolves around the fundamental biblical assertion of where God placed human in His cosmic design.

Praise Him! I can only remark on how sad it is that Our President must fight the forces of Islamofascism not only in the Middle East, but also in His own country... and even among purported members of His own Party of Life. Disgraceful!

Sadly, not all of God's messengers recognize that the fate of Christendom hinges on expelling Satan's filthy packmules out of ANWR and drilling there for oil. A rather troubling development has been that great Jezebel, radical environmentalism, has seduced some of our clergymen into her Christless religion of Gaia, and they have begun doing her dirty work. Says Rabbi Spero:

That there are scores of ministers, rabbis and priests, as well as church and synagogue organizations, behind fanatic environmentalism is, also, nothing new. History is replete with "false prophets" and "religious" organizations who were co-opted by forms of paganism, who defied the explicit Word of God for a new, higher calling. And, naturally, they wrapped their "theology" in holiness.

The drilling in Alaska issue attests to how important the Judeo-Christian ethic is to America. The authentic version, that is. For absent a mindset rooted in it, deranged outlooks prevail. Absent it, vacuums are filled with dangerous nonsense that prioritizes a spotted owl over humankind and chooses a herd of caribou over American life and survival.

This moral rot within the clergy is but the tip of the iceberg. Already, the forces of Evil are gnawing away at the Christian foundations of Beauty. This month, Elle* has a feature on 35 organic beauty products women should buy, a move that will turn countless young Christians into toga-wearing druids who worship oak trees, casually engage in anal sex, and vote a straight Democratic ticket. America has seen too much of Her greatness slip, so it is of paramount importance that we use whatever resources we as a Christian Nation have to secure sufficient oil reserves -- both here and abroad -- for Jesus' sake. Praise Him!

*The conspiracy widens: It turns out "Elle" is a French word! Christians, if nothing shows you how tightly woven this demonic scheme is, it's this.