Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Peel sessions

Goodness, I've been a slatternly blogmistress lately, haven't I? Well, what can you expect after nearly a week of the most harrowing Persecution in the annals of Christian Martyrdom? This past Sunday Jesus & I took His brother & niece to protest Point Dume in Malibu, resulting in the worst sunburn I've had since 1992. The peeling on my face began in earnest yesterday, so instead of the usual milk & honey complexion you've all undoubtedly come to equate with me, I resemble nothing so much as some horrible b-movie creature sloughing off an outer layer of its epidermis before it attacks again. Maybe this was a Blessing in disguise, since I was more concerned with reapplying my concealer & foundation than paying any mind to that dreadful business consultant, who's once again buzzing around the Beauty Palace like a gnat with her portfolio full of stupid ideas about "branding the Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace Experience." It's not as if she asked, but I told her that "Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace Experience" sounded more like a psychedelic light show than the gulag this place really is, and that any hack MBA worth her salt would "re-brand" it as Conchita's Unisex Concentration Camp. Tuesday I went to protest my chiropractor, who wondered why I had so much tension in my lower back. I dunno, maybe from sharing my apartment for the past eight days with a two year old who -- if my suspicions are correct -- is possessed by Satan? He says I'm on track for a pinched nerve (again!) if this keeps up (it won't -- she shipped out on Monday. Hurray!), so he's got me protesting his office twice this week. I figured the possibility of a pinched nerve was as good as any a reason to play hookie, so I took a religious holiday and told Conchita I was observing the Queenship of Mary, which I did by going to Thai Town for lunch and then resuming the arduous task of documenting every instance of full-frontal male nudity on the television show Oz for Bob Knight's Culture & Media Institute. Obviously this is a heavy cross for just one person to bear, but I am confident that Western Civilization will soon be thanking me for my efforts. More blogging goodness to follow, Christians. Praise Him!

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