Welcome to the jungle

The next time some liberal starts mewling about those precious rainforests and the vital biodiversity contained therein, be sure to point out what they really are: havens for juvenile delinquency! [My emphasis]

A Cambodian woman who went missing in the jungle for 18 years before being found last week is struggling to adapt to life as a human and wants to return to the forest, police said on Friday. ...

The girl, called Ro Cham H'pnhieng, went missing as an eight-year-old along with her cousin when they were sent to tend cows near the border with Vietnam.

Villagers believed they had been eaten by wild animals until a girl was caught last week by a logging team as she was trying to steal some food they had left under a tree.

As if it hadn't been made abundantly clear by other acts of eco-terrorism, The Left has given us yet another stark example of how environmentalism and criminality walk hand in hand.

Not surprisingly, this woman's radical leftist beliefs have also led her to reject the Traditional Family:

After 18 years in the wilderness, police said she was able to say only three words: father, mother and stomach ache.

Allow me to translate: "The entire structure upon which Western Civilization is based makes me sick, and all that time in the forest has made me totally lezzie. Impeach Bush!" Thank you, MSM, for once again soft-pedaling the inflammatory rhetoric of violent extremists.

Perhaps the most Outrageous aspect of this whole ordeal is their curious method of integrating her back into society:

Villagers from the Phnong ethnic hilltribe minority believe the girl is still possessed by evil spirits of the forest. They have brought in Buddhist monks to bless her and set up a round-the-clock watch on the family hut.

For Heaven's sake, people, this woman has been living in the jungle without any styling products for 18 years. Don't you think she could benefit from a makeover, or at least some conditioner? I don't suppose Maybelline's market penetration extends into the hinterlands of Cambodia, but at the very least, they could help her out with some of those gray-market cosmetics I see at the 99 Cent Store. I thought Kissinger had bombed some sense into these people, but evidently not. Anyway, this whole incident amply demonstrates the threat rainforests pose to Freedom, and why they should be sprayed with exfoliants and developed into golf courses and luxury resorts. Praise Him!