Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Weekly recap

Hello again, Christians! I've been trying to get the old fires of Outrage blazing again, but my fat liberal bitch boss Conchita has had other plans for me. The Beauty Palace is in the midst of some remodeling, and the guiding design principle Conchita and her contractor seem to have set out with was "What will be most disruptive to Nancy Beth's blogging comeback?" Well, they've succeeded beyond their wildest imaginings, as I've been so busy with packing up boxes of hair gel and setting lotion for those lazy stylists that most of my Prayer Warriors' offerings have gone unread. If only the rest of the world were so occupied! Before liberal spin ossifies into historical fact, I feel I owe it to Freedom-lovers the world over to weigh in on the following events of this week:

MSM undermines the Global War on Terror - again. Is there no news outlet that won't resort to treason to sabotage Our President's quest to liberate the Arab world from the tyranny of their nationalized oil industries? We can now add Matt Lauer, the affable Adolph Hitler of morning news, to the list of traitors that includes USA Today, the New York Times, Teen People, Reuters, CBS, Highlights for Children, and AP. Herr Lauer declared earlier this week that NBC would refer to the untidiness in Iraq as a "civil war" -- as if it were such a bad thing. It took the United States 85 years to get around to having its first civil war, yet under the bold leadership of Our President, Iraq has managed to have theirs in only three. The Iraqis clearly have their purple fingers on the fast-forward button of Freedom, yet as an appalling example of how completely liberal media manipulates public opinion, this is somehow seen as an unfavorable turn of events. Disgraceful!

Cuisine of death. Forgotten in the stampede to report the horrifying details of the mother who put her baby in a microwave is the identity of the true perpetrators of this crime: Feminists. If Hillary and her lesbian sisterhood hadn't forced every heterosexual woman in America out of their kitchens and into dead-end jobs like mine, the need for microwaves and convenience foods wouldn't exist, and this child could have faced a far more pleasant death in a crockpot or convection oven. But don't expect MSM to tell you that. What's more, The Left's culinary assault on America's Traditional Families won't stop with killing infants. They also want to turn Our Nation's adolescent boys into a roving gang of exhibitionists, as the recent story about the naked fast food patron clearly shows:
A teen accused of ordering from at least three fast food drive-thrus nude faces an indecent exposure charge. David Gatton, 18, of Columbia City, was found in the parking lot of a McDonald's by a sheriff's deputy after police received a call that the teen had been nude when he ordered from his car at the Arby's drive-thru, police said.
If America hadn't acceded to the feminists' demands for workplace equality, this young man could have pleasured himself in the family bathroom in between the three square meals his mother prepared for him. Instead, we foolishly tried negotiating with the terrorists, and set loose an epidemic of hungry teenage masturbators on America's streets as a result.

GWB - Still the One. Despite the conventional wisdom that America's Christians are disenchanted with the commanding vision Our President, Agape Press is still carrying the torch for our finest statesman:
...A noted theologian says overall, the presidency of George W. Bush has stayed true to biblical principles. Wayne Grudem made a presentation during the recent meeting of the Evangelical Theological Society in Washington, DC. Grudem rated the Bush presidency on ten issues -- such as protection of life, human dignity, the war on terror, and others. He says President Bush has consistently upheld biblical views on a several issues: "I thought he had done well with regard to his stances on marriage and the family -- his support for marriage between a man and a woman -- the aggressive prosecution of pornography under his administration and the Attorney General's Office, [and] removing the marriage penalty in the tax code." Grudem also shared that he felt Bush should received "really high marks" in his use of the power of the government to defend the nation against terrorism. "I did think that the attacks against nations that harbor terrorists in other countries fit the criteria for 'just war,' according to biblical principles," he said. Grudem, a research professor of Bible and theology at Phoenix Seminary in Arizona, criticized the president regarding government spending and the McCain-Feingold bill that limited campaign contributions.
Glory! I thought I'd have to wait several generations before theologians would come to revere President Bush's nearly Augustinian approach to privatizing Social Security and giving federal land grants to corporations, but that day is here. Care to reassess your Worst President Ever award, Rolling Stone? Praise Him!


  • At December 03, 2006 6:52 AM, Blogger Lulu Maude said…

    A comprehensive recap of the issues of the day. I don't know how you do it.

    Must be off to the full gospel tabernacle.

    Praise Him!

  • At December 05, 2006 1:02 PM, Blogger liquiddaddy said…

    Oh Nancy!

    That boy will learn once hot chalupa topping slides on to his lap.

    Also, once Satan lets you know your baby is possessed by demons, the best thing to do is a bee-line from the cradle to the oven. Appliance makers might as well put a "baby bake" setting on the range top for all units sold south of the Mason-Dixon and Colorado.

    Finally, you know Conchita has an unusual amount of excess body hair and is green with envy over your beauty and charm.

    Crawling up the Temple Mount,


  • At December 05, 2006 9:26 PM, Blogger Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Thank you for your feedback, Christians. I am as humbled by your continued interest in this little blog almost as much as I am by The Lord's willingness to let me be His Servant. Praise Him!


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