Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Friday, May 26, 2006

The war at home

Jesus and I went to our local Home Depot last night anticipating a leisurely evening of feeding the engines of Commerce that drive Our Christian Nation, but instead, we came face to face with the treasonous Left. While the actual shopping experience was unpleasant enough (the usual 20 minutes of fruitless searching, followed by 10 minutes of tracking down an employee to assist me), it wasn't until we tried checking out that we came face to face with the Enemy Within, or "Tricia," as her name tag read.

"I would like the military discount, please," I informed her.

"OK. I need to see your military id," she curtly replied. There was the faintest trace of an accent in her voice; perhaps Tricia is one of those light-skinned Muslims from Bosnia that I had been warned about.

"I'm not actually in the military," I replied, "but I do run a warblog. If you have internet access, go to h-t-t-p colon slash..."

"I need to see an id. Store policy," Tricia rudely interrupted.

"Look, Tricia, I don't know if you were in this country for 9/11, but if you had been, you would realize that it Changed Everything. We were all drafted that day, and given marching orders by none other than the Commander in Chief Himself to take vacations and buy new cars. I spend literally dozens of hours each week sitting in front of my computer, working on my blog. I've even been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder on account of my efforts. You certainly can't put a price tag on Service to Our Nation like this, but 10% off is a mighty good start." Your move, Tricia.

"They say you need an id. Do you want cash back?" Oh Tricia, such craftiness! However did Osama send you to America when you'd be so much more valuable at his side in the hinterlands of Pakistan?

"I don't think you understand me. Sure, our boys in the Middle East are doing a bang-up job. But they're only guarding mud huts out in the middle of nowhere. I'm fighting Islamofascism in America's schools and movie theaters, and securing the borders from wherever it is people like you come from."

"Oregon," she said. "You're going to have to take it up with the manager."

"Fine, I will. See you in Gitmo, 'Tricia.'" By this time, the dusky-skinned security guard who checks the receipts at the exit was confering with one of Tricia's fellow jihadis, and I certainly didn't feel like being the next star of Islam's Funniest Home Beheadings. So there you have it, Christians -- Home Depot, a viper's nest of sedition and treason, and your one stop shop for America-hating. Consider yourself warned. If I had Tricia's home phone number and address, I'd post it. Praise Him!


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