New skin for the old ceremony

If there's anything The Left loves most, it's siccing their Liberal Media attack dogs on those of us who don't hew to their PC line. This was all too evident this past "election" when Joe the Plumber was mau-maued by noted Katie Couric impersonator Shepard Smith for asserting his God-given right to talk out his ass. Well, Joe the Plumber should meet Lois the Drunken Harlot, because she's being similarly pilloried by the MSM for having the audacity to be heterosexual in Barack Hussein Obama's America:

A Carroll woman who was caught having sex in the men's room at an Iowa Hawkeye football game in Minneapolis last weekend says she’d had so much wine before kickoff that she doesn’t remember walking into the restroom, the man she had sex with in a stall, or when the police opened the door.

What Lois Feldman, 38, will remember is the humiliation afterward.

“It’s ruined my life,” she said through tears today. “Not just the incident but the press.”

Sister Nancy Beth shares Lois' tears, because clearly she's the latest victim of a liberal conspiracy that was conceived when Bill & Hillary Clinton took their first acid trip together. Not only does Mrs. Feldman's heterosexual vigor make her such a coveted trophy for The Left, but she was led into this perfect storm of binge drinking, carefree fornication, and sporting events by those most vengeful of harpies, feminists:

Feldman, who describes herself as a light drinker, drank wine at the home of family friends before the football game.

She said she doesn’t remember how much she drank, but the party’s hosts refilled her glass each time it was low “so I’m sure I drank a lot.”

Feldman said her husband later told her he’d tried to talk her out of the game because she was intoxicated.

“He said I didn’t realize it was that bad,” she said.

Feldman said her husband accompanied her to the game, but their friends stayed home.

Feminism offers two paths to "womynhood" for their recruits: the bitter, accusatory lesbianism practiced by the likes Rosie O'Donnell and Kathleen Parker, or total skankdom; Mrs. Feldman seems to have fallen prey to both.

First, if Hillary and her angry band of Amazons hadn't agitated for Title IX and girls' compulsory participation in sports, our hapless victim would have been content to stay home and clean like any good Christian homemaker. Second, America's liberal universities have made a night of black-out drinking and casual sex a requirement for graduation, even going so far as to require proof in the form of an abortion or an STD -- Ever wonder what those women's health clinics on campus were for? Now you know.

As long as the fake Americans are calling the shots for Our Nation, we will continue to see more human sacrifice of this sort to the false gods of multiculturalism. Hope for the restoration of Traditional Christian Values will come when conservatives again hold the reins of power. Only then will straight people regain the Freedom to screw in public restrooms with impunity. Praise Him!

The Secret of My Secession

I've escaped the malaise of being Persecuted by The Left long enough to post something over at American Street (it's been way too long), wherein I show off my foreign policy chops (2012 isn't that far away, is it?) by turning America into a bunch of foreign countries. Praise Him!

The Gingrich who stole Freedom

The only things Candace Gingrich hates more than America are the soft, flowing locks of Christian Womanhood.

Ever since the passage of Proposition 8, Our Nation has been wracked by the violent terrorism of radical homosexual activists. Their shock tactics of mostly peaceful demonstrations, boycotts, and intense blogging come straight of out Nazi Germany, and now, they have found their Final Solution -- taking family members to task for their hydrophobia:

Then again, we've seen these tactics before. We know how much the right likes to play political and cultural hardball, and then turn around and accuse us of lashing out first. You give a pass to a religious group -- one that looks down upon minorities and women -- when they use their money and membership roles to roll back the rights of others, and then you label us "fascists" when we fight back. You belittle the relationships of gay and lesbian couples, and yet somehow neglect to explain who anointed you the protector of "traditional" marriage. And, of course, you've also mastered taking the foolish actions of a few people and then indicting an entire population based on those mistakes. I fail to see how any of these patterns coincide with the values of "historic Christianity" you claim to champion.

Chilling, isn't it? It's how I imagine Mein Kampf would have read had Adolph Hitler spent a year doing macrame crafts on a lesbian commune instead of going to prison. Are we as a nation going to let them get away with this? We've already taken away their "right" to marry, it's time to take away their "freedom" of speech. Our Founding Fathers would have us do no less. Praise Him!

Welcome to Amerika

Greetings from Barack Hussein Obama's newly totalitarian state. Nowhere has the dictatorship of the proletariat been more enthusiastically embraced than here at Conchita's Unisex Beauty Palace, where we are celebrating Dear Leader's ascendance to the throne with an exercise in liberal fascism called "Annual Fire Drill." Personally, I think it's a bit premature to begin declaring national holidays in The One's honor, but Conchita reverted to The Left's historical revisionism and said that we've had it every year since I've been here, which strikes me as implausible.

"That's because you called in sick last year, were late the two years before that, and had some Kenyan witchdoctor write you a medical note saying you were possessed the one before that. Want to see it? It's in your personnel file." I've never seen Conchita so blunt before -- it's as if the Democrats' nominal victory had emboldened her to new lows of incivility. That's hardly the spirit of conciliation Barack Hussein was talking about -- or is it? Thank you, Conchita, for showing that "post-partisanship" is nothing more than empty election-year rhetoric.

Conchita is forcing me to serve as "stairwell monitor," an act of Stalinism every bit as oppressive as Obama's plans for world communism, mostly because I have to wear a vest that's safety orange. I have explained to Conchita that I am a spring, and that blaring summer tones overpower my soft and dewy skintone, regardless of how carefully I apply my makeup, but she's not hearing it. It's just as Sarah Palin prophesied: "And government kind of moving into the role as the other half of our family, making decisions for us. Now, they do this in other countries where the people are not free."

So, this is the "change" we've been waiting for. If the past nine days have been any indication of the injustice Conservatives in America will be forced to suffer under an Obama regime, it's going to be a long four years (unless some fat chick sucks Barack Hussein's chocolate dingus and he gets impeached -- here's hoping). I had been praying that the election would trigger the Rapture and I could wrap this whole blogging enterprise up, but truly my people need me, and, though weary and suffering Persecution myself, I will offer what succour I can to the Christians of America. Praise Him!