Prayers for Nancy Beth, Week 4
Geetings, faithflock! My sojourn through the heart of Darkness better known as Introductory College Chemistry is now halfways over. I certainly miss my semi-irregular blogging beat, writer's block and all, and look forward to the time when I can resume taking liberals to task as the traitors they are. Knowing that someone somewhere said something on the internet and I don't have the time to get upset about it is torture far worse than any of those frathouse pranks our troops may have played on the detainees at Gitmo. I also can't help but feel that my little sabbatical must be a collosal disappointment to my blogging heroine, Michelle Malkin. But, as you can imagine, I've got enemies closer to home to fight for now, namely in the form of my lab partner, Bernadine, another one of those angry, man-hating feminists that higher ed's treasonous assembly line excels at cranking out.
Judging by her Asiatic features and blatant disdain for American Values, I would hazard that Bernadine is from either Red China, North Korea, or San Francisco. Hoping for the best, I earnestly asked her, "So, did you come here to escape the Godless persecution of Communism?"
"Not really. I think I want to be an actress," she responsed. It was even worse than I imagined: she was here to spread Communism.
On Monday Lucifer's Harlot handed back the tests we took the week before last, and before lab started on Tuesday, Bernadette asked what I got for problem 3(c). "Noah's ark," I told her.
"But she was asking for moles of copper(II) sulfate," she replied, confused.
I then explained to her that it was important not to do too well in the hard sciences, art, athletics, or the humanities, lest our male classmates disrespect us. "Believe you me, once you start beating the boys at math, you're just asking for wall-to-wall coverage on CNN until some Caltrans worker finds your body on the side of the freeway. Thats why it's always best to shoot for a C. C as in Chastity, I say."
"That's retarded. Girls don't get raped for doing well in school," she vainly protested, oblivious to what it was I had in fact said. With comprehension skills this low, it was clear that at least one child had indeed been left behind, despite the valiant efforts of President Bush.
I tried to break it down into terms that even she would understand. "I didn't say it happened from doing well in school. I said it happened from doing better than boys. There's a world of difference. It confounds their naturally competitive instincts, the poor things, and pretty much all bets are off in terms of how they'll behave -- haven't you ever read Kathleen Parker? Besides, don't get mad at me, get mad at your fellow feminists. They're the ones always urging you to go out and try to drink the boys under the table. Say, isn't that skirt a little short?"
I doubt my counsel pierced that thick skull of hers, as she spent the rest of the night texting her presumably slutty friends with messages like "im horny r u?" or "lets go get abortions 2morro" or whatever it is college-age girls say to one another these days -- I haven't gotten around to that Tom Wolfe book yet, sorry.
Anyway, I'm off to spend the rest of the night trying to memorize the formulas for 90 ions and ionic compounds (don't ask). I had a heated email exchange with Lucifer's Harlot objecting to the fact that while she was requiring us to memorize all of those, she hadn't so much as breathed a word about the Ten Commandments, and that if America wants to regain its competitive edge, we need to waste less time on liberal flimflammery like covalent bonds (sounds suspiciously close to "civil unions," don't you think?) and try to instill a sense of Morality in the minds of my sex-crazed classmates. Evidently helping society go to hell in a handbasket is an important part of being granted tenure, so it just broke down from there, and while I'm not especially proud of signing off my last message with "Fuck you bitch this will be on your review," she still has 4 weeks to come to her senses and avoid that outcome. So let's hope the Holy Spirit prevails. Praise Him!
Judging by her Asiatic features and blatant disdain for American Values, I would hazard that Bernadine is from either Red China, North Korea, or San Francisco. Hoping for the best, I earnestly asked her, "So, did you come here to escape the Godless persecution of Communism?"
"Not really. I think I want to be an actress," she responsed. It was even worse than I imagined: she was here to spread Communism.
On Monday Lucifer's Harlot handed back the tests we took the week before last, and before lab started on Tuesday, Bernadette asked what I got for problem 3(c). "Noah's ark," I told her.
"But she was asking for moles of copper(II) sulfate," she replied, confused.
I then explained to her that it was important not to do too well in the hard sciences, art, athletics, or the humanities, lest our male classmates disrespect us. "Believe you me, once you start beating the boys at math, you're just asking for wall-to-wall coverage on CNN until some Caltrans worker finds your body on the side of the freeway. Thats why it's always best to shoot for a C. C as in Chastity, I say."
"That's retarded. Girls don't get raped for doing well in school," she vainly protested, oblivious to what it was I had in fact said. With comprehension skills this low, it was clear that at least one child had indeed been left behind, despite the valiant efforts of President Bush.
I tried to break it down into terms that even she would understand. "I didn't say it happened from doing well in school. I said it happened from doing better than boys. There's a world of difference. It confounds their naturally competitive instincts, the poor things, and pretty much all bets are off in terms of how they'll behave -- haven't you ever read Kathleen Parker? Besides, don't get mad at me, get mad at your fellow feminists. They're the ones always urging you to go out and try to drink the boys under the table. Say, isn't that skirt a little short?"
I doubt my counsel pierced that thick skull of hers, as she spent the rest of the night texting her presumably slutty friends with messages like "im horny r u?" or "lets go get abortions 2morro" or whatever it is college-age girls say to one another these days -- I haven't gotten around to that Tom Wolfe book yet, sorry.
Anyway, I'm off to spend the rest of the night trying to memorize the formulas for 90 ions and ionic compounds (don't ask). I had a heated email exchange with Lucifer's Harlot objecting to the fact that while she was requiring us to memorize all of those, she hadn't so much as breathed a word about the Ten Commandments, and that if America wants to regain its competitive edge, we need to waste less time on liberal flimflammery like covalent bonds (sounds suspiciously close to "civil unions," don't you think?) and try to instill a sense of Morality in the minds of my sex-crazed classmates. Evidently helping society go to hell in a handbasket is an important part of being granted tenure, so it just broke down from there, and while I'm not especially proud of signing off my last message with "Fuck you bitch this will be on your review," she still has 4 weeks to come to her senses and avoid that outcome. So let's hope the Holy Spirit prevails. Praise Him!
Labels: "Science", Christian persecution, higher education
3 Comments:
At July 14, 2008 5:33 PM, Gavin said…
I never could get my brain around moles. Maybe we could ask Richard Gere...
At July 27, 2008 7:35 PM, Joe the Plumber said…
abortion should be mandated by law for liberials, hippies and anyone else that isn't in alignment and belife with us!
Yours in Christ, J.D. Hintz
At July 27, 2008 7:37 PM, Joe the Plumber said…
John McCain has stated, in his usual straight talk style, that we must beef up our military in order to win our war with Iraq, and others in the near future (Iran?) The right way forward is to institute a draft that fair and equitable to everyone involved, and the plan is the fully vetted and trusted Rumsfeld Plan. Under the Rumsfeld plan, anyone not involved in a war-critical civilian position, or anyone otherwise considered by the federal draft board to be draft exempt due to other “considerations”, race and family, and between the ages of 14 and 27 will be draft eligible. John McCain has stated that the need for manpower is so great, that no other criteria will be considered in determining eligibility. Conscription and tour length in war zones will, of course, be for the duration. John McCain, ever fiscally responsible, also has a brilliant plan to make veteran care and benefits pay for themselves as an adjunct to the Rumsfeld plan. John McCain has promised that those conscripted will be offered the option to “bounty out” of military service. For the nominal sum of $10,000 thousand dollars every 18 months, a conscript will be able to postpone military service. For $25,000 a conscript will be permanently exempt from military service. John McCain has affirmed that the funds raised in this way will pay for all veterans’ benefits, plus fund the slimed down, modernized, version of the G.I. Bill of Rights currently under consideration by the responsible party and our President. There will be enough money left over to further reduce that tax burden of deserving Americans (we know that “Trickle Down” works and has always worked!) John McCain also has a plan to empty out our prisons and make valuable use of the human waste that we are paying millions a day to keep in custody. We’ll get into that plan next time! Until then VOTE MCCAIN! We will never surrender to the Iraqis! We will never surrender to the Iranians!
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