Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Why I can't get enough Dick

Christians, I must make a tearful confession: MSM's relentless negativity about Iraq has worn away some of my certainty about our imminent victory against Islezbofascism in the Middle East. I'm not alone in this regard, as even Our President has been duped into thinking mistakes were made in his Glorious campaign to bring Iraq's debased petroleum reserves to Christ. Fortunately for Freedom, CNN -- in between the usual segments in which their anchors joyously announce, "Another 3 Americans killed in Iraq. Allahu Akbar!" -- gave Dick Cheney the opportunity to set the record straight in an interview I found more refreshing than a spritz of my feminine deodorant spray:
Vice President Dick Cheney on Wednesday dismissed as "hogwash" the suggestion that blunders may have hurt the administration's credibility on Iraq.

In an interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, conducted a day after Bush delivered his State of the Union address, Cheney was asked to respond to some Republicans in Congress who "are now seriously questioning your credibility, because of the blunders and the failures."

To that, Cheney answered, "Wolf, Wolf, I simply don't accept the premise of your question. I just think it's hogwash." ...

"It won't stop us," he said. "And it would be, I think, detrimental from the standpoint of the troops."

If U.S. forces were to pull out of Iraq, "we would simply validate the terrorists' strategy that says the Americans will not stay to complete the task ... that we don't have the stomach for the fight. That's the biggest threat."
Right on! I've had eerily similar conversations with those liberals at Bank of "America." My experience indicates that Standing Tall is the only way to deal with the Enemies of Freedom:
Them: Mrs. Eczema, our records indicate that your checking account is once again overdrawn, this time in the amount of $128.74. Do you anticipate correcting this deficiency soon?

Me: I don't accept the premise of your question.

Them: On the 14th of this month, a check in the amount of $436.12 made payable to Mary Kay Cosmetics was posted to your account, leaving you with a negative balance of $128.74. According to the terms and conditions of your service agreement, you risk having your account suspended unless you maintain a sufficient balance.

Me: You're sending a very encouraging message to the terrorists in Iraq. I hope you realize that this conversation is being recorded, and most assuredly not for quality control purposes. Go back to North Korea, you treasonous bitch.

Them: Let me patch in my supervisor.
Our man Dick also reminds us of the dire repercussions of keeping Saddam in power:
Had Hussein been allowed to remain at the helm of Iraq, "he would, at this point, be engaged in a nuclear arms race with [Iranian President Mahmoud] Ahmadinejad, his blood enemy next door in Iran."
Let me put this in terms even the foulest smelling flower child can understand: A nuclear Iraq would be an environmental nightmare of unimaginable proportions, as literally thousands of rose bushes would be uprooted overnight, not only resulting in the proliferation of WMD, but also precluding the possibility of any sort of New Years Day floats, and ensuring that any showering of rice and rose petals that greet our troops would be missing their most essential component. Liberals, you've done enough to hinder progress in Iraq. Isn't it time to let Freedom ring? Praise Him!

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