Everyone gets a holiday... except JESUS!

While it's sheer agony for The Left to acknowledge the Christian holidays that have been on the calendar for millenia, they exult in creating secular new ones. For example, here at the Beauty Palace, we're at the tail end of something called "Staff Appreciation Week," which has been yet another opportunity for liberals to deny America's Judeo-Christian heritage.

Naturally, I'm Outraged, since Conchita nixed my proposal that we pay Our Heavenly Father a modicum of lip service by calling it Staff of Life Appreciation Week; allegedly, that sounded "too holy" (whatever the hell that means). "However," I rebutted, "without God, how would we ever have these Taiwanese transistor radios you've given us as gifts?" But my entreaties fell on deaf ears; you simply can't reason with these people.

This incident comes a little too close after her censoring the email signature I used during Holy Week ("It's your fault Jesus was murdered. Enjoy your ham."), which provoked a couple of phone calls from some of our more "progressive" vendors. Anyway, I'm sure you'll all forgive me if I develop an acute case of lactose intolerance and sit out today's ice cream social, the climax* of this week's festivities. I plan on sulking at the reception desk in a way that would make Michelle proud while I loudly rustle the pages of my latest issue of The Weekly Standard.

* You have no idea how it pains me to use this word, since my last foray on this subject was misconstrued as an invitation by every moonbat with a blog to speculate about what makes Sister Nancy Beth's ladyparts tingle (answer: JESUS! Praise Him!).