Edicts of Nancy

The blogosphere's most persecuted Christian!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Prayer circle jamboree

Sister Nancy Beth is trying to get back in the blogging groove after spending five stultifying days awash in this non-denominational peace & love clap-trap synonymous with what liberals have taken to calling "holiday spirit." All this addle-pated cooing has left me jonesing for a bit of righteous indignation. Fortunately there are plenty of places to go for that, so today I headed straight to that outlet mall of right-wing outrage better known as Townhall.

Star Parker has an insightful Thanksgiving piece on how the Pilgrims, if they ran General Motors, would lay off 30,000 workers and not pay their pensions as an affirmation of their belief in Liberty.

Phyllis Schlafly warns us of the unholy alliance forming between jack-booted thug Bill Gates and the UN, whose aim is one-world government, one classroom at a time. Those aren't foursquare courts, those are landing pads for the black helicopters. Be on guard!

The ever-provocative Jennifer Roback Morse is this week's headliner with her piece explaining why the Left hates sex. Worry not, gentle reader, for Jennifer isn't advocating free love and running bare-bosomed through the streets; intercourse still remains the nasty business it is that good Christians should avoid altogether, naturally. Among the many reasons the Left hates the Almighty is for making us man and woman. Consider what Jennifer writes:
the Left hates sex. Not sexual activity, mind you. No, the Left is hyper-active sexually. I mean something much deeper: the Left is war with the fact that we are sexual beings.

Let me explain. The Left can not accept that we are born as either male or female. You might expect me to say that the Left hates gender. But to say that is to accept their terms for the debate. Gender is for nouns. We come in two sexes: male and female.

The Left hates sex because men and women are so different that they can never be made equal in the way that the Left demands. Radical egalitarians regard sex as a cosmic injustice.
All I can say is Amen, Sister Jennifer, Amen. I sensed the end was coming with the advent of gender-nonspecific styling products and fragrances, and Western Civilization has been hurtling towards collapse ever since. Hopefully America will heed Jennifer's advice before children in public schools have to undergo surgical gender reassignment at the whims of the National Education Association.

I'd also like to point out something of interest at the bottom of this piece:

Jennifer Roback Morse, Ph.D., is the founder and chief visionary of Your Coach for the Culture Wars, a business devoted to supporting organizations that want to preserve their core values and achieve prosperity by taking a stand in the Culture Wars.
I would love nothing more than to punch the clock here at the Beauty Palace one last time and tell Conchita to stuff it with my new title as chief visionary. Is there a way that I, too, can cash in on the Culture Wars? The message Jennifer's consulting business is pitching is that discrimination against your company's employees is the sure-fire way to ensure prosperity. Good -- that still leaves the door open for Sister Nancy Beth Eczema, corporate dress code and skin care consultant, who will lead companies of all stripes to unheard of riches through an innovative policy of business-appropriate cosmetics and tasteful accessories.

I found Jennifer's website to be an inspiring model for me, the profit-minded Prayer Warrior with lots of ambition but who happens to be experiencing a temporary dearth of ideas. The message of help that appears when you run your cursor over the Gays and Lesbians button on the front page, "Optimizing the situation," was an especially nice touch (got lemons, etc), which is made all the nicer once you see that the articles on the Gays & Lesbians page have nothing to do with nancyhood -- not that a little moralizing about the tragedy of single parenthood and cohabitation prior to marriage ever did them any harm. Hell, it's practically all their fault.

If the consulting scheme doesn't pan out, there's always Patrick Hynes' method -- achieve prosperity, find enduring love, and banish split ends forever through regular church attendance:
So let us sum up. Americans who attend church with greater frequency than their neighbors tend to be richer, healthier, and happier, less prone to commit acts of crime, and more likely to get and stay married; possible explanations include educational background and the influence of religion in withstanding worldly pressures.
Possible explanations? Oh, Patrick, that's rich. We know how God rewards the righteous and punishes the wicked. But it's objectivity like this that demonstrates why Townhall is such a valuable news source, and why I am such a devoted reader.

4 Comments:

  • At November 28, 2005 5:33 PM, Anonymous Jake - but not that one said…

    Sister Nancy (may I call you Sister?), I am definitely left leaning, and I think I definitely appreciate the differences betweent the sexes, but I remain confused as to what kind of equality it is that I and my fellow travelers demand? And then maybe you can tell me why this equality is not achievable. Can you perhaps clear that all up for me?

    Thanks,

    Jake

     
  • At November 29, 2005 3:53 AM, Blogger Princess Sparkle Pony said…

    Sister Nancy, I was just perusing Agape Press (like I do) and noticed that they have more articles about hairdressers than ever! They sure are watching out for us all!

     
  • At November 30, 2005 8:05 AM, Anonymous Lynnie said…

    I'm confused, and perhaps missed English class that day at Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows, spent too much time applying make-up in the girl's room, but aren't "male" and "female" nouns??

     
  • At November 30, 2005 10:47 AM, Anonymous Sister Nancy Beth Eczema said…

    Jake: The Left has been clamoring for equal pay, among other things, for years, despite the fact that It Takes a Penis to Make a Profit. Please cease and desist all further transgressions against the Natural Order. Thank you.

    Princess: The menace posed by hairdressers and affilated tradesmen (e.g. florists & girls' p.e. coaches) is the gravest threat facing our country. Please consider supporting their work by giving this lovely TraxPax literature dispenser as a gift to Our Fellow Christians, as it also makes a handy dispenser for sanitary napkins.

    Lynnie: Grammar, as any RenewAmerica columnist can tell you, is a tool liberal elites use quash dissent. Resume applying makeup and fighting the Good Fight!

     

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